Being socially awkward. How to get over it?

[The Don]

Hello.

I have a problem.

I'm socially awkward. I overthink everything. I can't be myself with others...

How can I correct that?

Thank you.

[zoey101]

I usually started by getting the other person to talk about themselves. People love to do that. Through them doing that, I discover things that I can relate to or experiences we have shared. That opens the door for continued conversation. 

Hope that helps!

[LastThursday]

2 minutes ago, The Don said:

I can't be myself with others...

That's an interesting turn of phrase. What do you mean by that exactly?

[The Don]

2 minutes ago, zoey101 said:

I usually started by getting the other person to talk about themselves. People love to do that. Through them doing that, I discover things that I can relate to or experiences we have shared. That opens the door for continued conversation. 

Hope that helps!

Thank you! Good tip.

[The Don]

3 minutes ago, LastThursday said:

That's an interesting turn of phrase. What do you mean by that exactly?

If I start talking about science or Enlightenment with other people they think I'm weird.

[zoey101]

@The Don no problem 

I think we are all a little awkward when it comes to being our true selves around others. We care a little too much what the other person will think. But the truth is, they are probably only thinking the same things as you. 'I hope they like me' or 'what if I'm not cool enough' stuff like that.

We are scared to be different or out of the "status quo". But the truth is, we are all the same

[zoey101]

2 minutes ago, The Don said:

If I start talking about science or Enlightenment with other people they think I'm weird.

People fear what they don't understand!

[LastThursday]

4 minutes ago, The Don said:

If I start talking about science or Enlightenment with other people they think I'm weird.

Which people specifically (be honest)? Is being weird a problem for you? And do you think you'll ever find people to talk about science or Enlightenment with who won't think you're weird?

[The Don]

5 minutes ago, LastThursday said:

Which people specifically (be honest)? Is being weird a problem for you? And do you think you'll ever find people to talk about science or Enlightenment with who won't think you're weird?

I don't know what to think anymore. It's so difficult for me to unwire the awkwardness from my brain.

In my country, Romania, yes. It's hard to find people to talk about Enlightenment or science. But I'll do my best.

I hope I'll be OK in the future because I'm working hard on this problem. I contemplate. I meditate every day. I try to understand that it's not important what other people think of me. Even if they think I'm weird or something.

When I start to contemplate I'm finding answers which leads me to ramifications. I start to be aware of the fact that I care too much about what others think of me and then I realize that I can't control the thoughts of others. And also I realize that the thoughts of others can't hurt me. So I'm starting to understand that nobody knows me better than myself.

I can't be happy with this kind of thinking so... I guess in time my `problem` will dissipate.

Thank you for listening to me guys.

[LastThursday]

I hasten to add. I love science and I love Enlightenment and I'm probably weird, but hey, I really don't care.

People often blame themselves for not living up to a certain ideal.  But who is setting that ideal? We get pressured from our friends and family to be a certain way, when your 'real self' doesn't match that.

In time you will understand you can't read other people's minds and you should just give up doing that, because it wastes a lot of mental energy you can use for other things. Also you may eventually realise that you're telling yourself a story about being 'socially awkward', when in fact you are probably not at all. Your whole mind and body may be screaming 'socially awkward', but your mind and body (a.k.a ego) can lie to you.

It sounds like you're on the right track and you will get to where you want to be. Keep learning about yourself. Keep up the good work.

 

[d0ornokey]

generally a lot of personal development topics are not accepted by the common person. 

 

id try to probe the level of consciousness with simple, easy ideas/questions and if they resonate, move forward 

[aurum]

6 hours ago, The Don said:

I hope I'll be OK in the future because I'm working hard on this problem. I contemplate. I meditate every day. I try to understand that it's not important what other people think of me. Even if they think I'm weird or something.

You're missing the easy solution. If you want to get over being socially awkward, why not go socialize?

Meditation and contemplation is your comfort zone. Those are activities you can do alone, i.e not having to be social.

[DMM710]

7 hours ago, LastThursday said:

Which people specifically (be honest)? Is being weird a problem for you? And do you think you'll ever find people to talk about science or Enlightenment with who won't think you're weird?

Lately I’ve been using meetup.com to find meditation or other spiritual groups. A lot of the people there have “spiritual enlightenment” listed as an interest. My first meeting is on Sunday, but I’m thinking this might be a good way to meet like minded people. 

[Leo Gura]

@The Don Push yourself to socialize more. It's a skill that must be developed with practice.

It's hard to solve this problem by sitting at home on your couch.

Psychedelics can also be helpful. They will reveal to you how to be authentic. Then you can carry those lessons over into social life. I found mushrooms to be good for this issue. They make you more playful, uninhibited, and goofy.

[Rilles]

Stop believing your thought-story!

 

[Vingger]

Accept yourself

[Salvijus]

2 hours ago, Vingger said:

Accept yourself

1 hour ago, Bane said:

Yeah, here is another "great" advice which will help:

You are already enlightened, you just don't know it yet.

Lol :D:D:D

Another good advice - just relax and be confident!

 

 

Edited June 1, 2018 by Salvijus

[MisterMan]

Notice the problem was created by who? It was created by you, the source of all things. In which conciousness has been viewed as a fragmented reality with the bounderies of those divisions entirely dependant on one another for their unique and multi levelled dependant contrasting natures. 

You are it! What you think you will have when you get that nice chick, the idea already exists and you have created, manufactured from mid-air a condition in which you will only then allow yourself to feel that value that you have also decided you are missing but even that is coming from you. You made the whole thing up.  and then ...

[pluto]

Daily Meditation will help dissolve all illusions. Awkwardness usually arises from not being comfortable in your own skin, merely an illusion of the mind and another mental prison for yourself you have integrated and accepted. Effective Meditation solves 99.9% of the questions on this forum.

[Elisabeth]

13 hours ago, The Don said:

I hope I'll be OK in the future because I'm working hard on this problem. I contemplate. I meditate every day. I try to understand that it's not important what other people think of me. Even if they think I'm weird or something.

When I start to contemplate I'm finding answers which leads me to ramifications. I start to be aware of the fact that I care too much about what others think of me and then I realize that I can't control the thoughts of others. And also I realize that the thoughts of others can't hurt me. So I'm starting to understand that nobody knows me better than myself.

1

@The Don On one level it doesn't matter what other people think of you, on another - where you do want to be ABLE to be around people, get invited to events, and both have fun and be fun to be around - it does. You want to find at least some groups where you can strike a balance, and be both relaxed and authentic enough to feel well, and socially acceptable. 

So what I suggest is you study social interaction hands on. You go out, act in a way that's engaged with people, you observe and ask them questions,  you pick up clues, you stay mindful and you learn. 

• What is the behaviour that others regard as awkward? Do all people think so? 
• How do you feel in different situations? What are the conditions that make you feel well? How do you recreate them?
• If you don't feel well, what's the reason? What's it pointing to, where did you first experience the feeling? How can you cope better with the particular interaction? 
• What are the ways to make others laugh or feel well, what contributes to the interaction being pleasant to everyone, how can you help "glue" the group together? 
• Does structure help, do you feel better at organized events?  Or the opposite? Try organizing something yourself.
• Really talk to people. Learn their struggles.
• In what ways can you open up to certain people that you didn't think were possible?
• Why do people act the ways they act? Can you "see" through them or feel into them? Can you accept them with their flaws?
• What are the values other people have that don't match yours? Can you silently "agree to disagree" and still see the good in them?

... and anything else. Basically, you look for ways to make your interactions pleasant and positive while now avoiding your negative shit. I've been in this process for a while. It only seems improvement isn't coming your way because there are so many things to learn and skills to practice - but the practice needs not to be all unpleasant. Start from where you are and note the little realizations you have on the way.