Value

[Peaches9]

Hello, I recently listened to one of Leo's videos. Can't remember the exact one as I've been listening to as many as I can. He discussed being with someone of equal value. I believed that this was the case when I married my husband. However, lately I've been feeling that he may think I am of less value than him and maybe looking for something better.

Over the past year and a half, I have been through some tough times at work. Mainly bullying. I took a lot of my frustration and anger out on him. A few other issues happened, his flirting. We are completely opposite. He's an extrovert and I'm an introvert and many women are attracted to that in him. What he's viewed as innocent, I've taken it personally.

I've always had the feeling that "people don't like me". Ever since I was a teenager. I fought my way through it but since the bullying happened, it's shot my confidence and self esteem down the toilet. I fear that he will leave me like some of my friends have done in the past. I feel like I am trying my hardest to fix myself and not let his actions hurt me but it's really hard to. I don't want to be jealous but sometimes I feel like it's justified by his actions. It makes me so angry and I am not one to hide this so he is well aware of it and the fighting cycle begins again.

We are in counseling. I feel like I cannot get upset about anything now as I am perceived to be the wrong one. How do I just not care anymore????

[Sahil Pandit]

@Peaches9 @zoey101

could you help her out with your personal experience?

[zoey101]

@Peaches9 hey, just want to say that based solely off of what I've read, it sounds like you need to stop blaming yourself.. you aren't making him flirt with other women, HE is making that choice. You aren't the only one that needs to make the relationship work.

If your therapist hasn't pointed this out, then either you aren't being completely open and honest with them, or you need to get a better therapist. 

I wish I knew some literature to recommend, but I honestly don't read too much lol 

Maybe try to have a private counceling session, just you and the Dr. So you can express your concerns and tell him how you are really feeling without you husband glaring down on you. 

As far as your job. When I start to hate my job and especially if it were to ever get as far as bullying in the workplace (which you should report to your supervisor or their supervisor) I would think it's time to maybe switch jobs... 

Love yourself girl! I promise you are more amazing then you currently think you are you just have to believe it. 

I know it's hard, believe me. If relationships were easy, there'd be no divorce. You need to love yourself before you will be able to love others. You can't give what you don't have

I'm here for you if you need to vent or anything I'm only 24 so I will not say I'm in any way an expert. But I'm a great listener

(Sorry for the long post!)

[Prabhaker]

6 hours ago, Peaches9 said:

I fear that he will leave me like some of my friends have done in the past.

There is only one possibility for sanity to exist in relationships so they don't turn into inferiority and superiority games, so they don't become sado-masochistic tortures. And that only possibility is in the presence of an unconditional love. Love is the greatest alchemy.

The moment love becomes a relationship, it becomes a bondage, because there are expectations and there are demands and there are frustrations, and an effort from both sides to dominate. It becomes a struggle for power. In relationship either you have to surrender or the other has to surrender.

If you love a person, how can you destroy his freedom? And if he finds that he would like to move into love with somebody else, it is perfectly okay. Even if you feel pain, that is your problem; it is not his problem. And if you feel pain, that is not because of love, that is because of jealousy.

If he wants to leave you, thank him for the beautiful moments that you shared with him.

[Spiral]

I personally (unseriously) flirt with everyone besides children family, guys, my boss and girls. It’s simply the way I communicate. But if my GF asked me to stop I would comply, her happiness is more important to me then my habit of flirting.

Although I would have to be asked to do so, because girls are tricky to understand for us guys. 

I do advice you follow the other peoples advice, but if that doesn’t work out getting into nihilism could be worthwhile. 

I mean if he is just as worthless as everything else at least you are equal.