Why has my level of conciousness decreased?

[JediArron]

Hi guys.

I have recently finished reading Eckart Tolle's 'The Power of Now'. I have being mindful of my thoughts for the past week or so now. Initially, whilst I don’t think I was present, I was constantly catching thoughts throughout the day, at a rapid pace. However, within the last 5 days or so, it seems like I am catching my thoughts less and less, and it has almost come to a halt entirely. I feel that I am growing less and less mindful. I am not sure what is happening.

It also feels like I care less and less about catching my thoughts. Firstly, I remember to be conscious significantly less compared to before. I also feel like I care less and less about being conscious, and for the times that I do remember to be mindful of my thoughts, I am almost forcing myself to be mindful, whereas before I was more willing and able. I have always said ‘that’s a thought that came into my head, and here I am’ when I consciously catch a thought, but recently when I say that to myself, the tone sounds like I don’t care as much anymore or take it as seriously, and it feels like when I do think that, it is said in the back of my mind opposed to being at the forefront (where it was initially).

People also say that being conscious is a choice, but I don’t feel like it is a choice, because if you don’t remember to be conscious, then how can you choose to be conscious? It is a choice when I remember to be concious, and then I force myself to be concious.

I don’t know what is happening, and I feel like my ego is taking over, and initially, I started off very strong with being mindful of my thoughts, now I don’t know what is happening.

A lot of my thoughts strengthen my identity as ‘the victim who has suffered and can’t answer his problems’, which I considered may be happening, and I am trying not to do that, but I also feel like what I wrote above is happening how I described it. The strength of my identity as the ‘sufferer’ made me also think that I don’t want to be helped because my ego is attached too strongly to it.

I have also noticied this same pattern in video games. It might seem silly or unrelated, but when I wanted to increase my ranking in League of Legends, I focused really hard on it for a few days. I became extremely focused on the minimap and interpreting things from it. However, after a few days, it got to a point where no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember to be aware of the minimap anymore. This is similar to what is happening now and I think there's a connection.

If anyone could help me realise what is happening, and what to do, I would greatly appreciate it. Wake me up if I need it, I’m open to hearing what you say.

TL;DR: I am becoming less conscious of my thoughts than I used to be. I feel like I care less about being aware of my thoughts and feel like my ego is taking over. Why is this happening/What are your thoughts?

 

Edited May 26, 2018 by JediArron

[nick96]

@JediArron be mindful also of the sensations in your body, not just of your thoughts. This will increase the level of your consciousness more. 

[JediArron]

8 minutes ago, nick96 said:

@JediArron be mindful also of the sensations in your body, not just of your thoughts. This will increase the level of your consciousness more. 

Even when I was mindful of a lot of my thoughts, I could never really feel my breathing or the tingling sesnsations in my feet/hands for very long. I would always get distracted after about 3-5 seconds, no matter how hard I tried not to. Occasionally I could keep hold of it, if I put intense effort into being concious of them. It was like I was fighting tooth and nail to stay at that rate though.

But yeah, I find being concious of my mind easier, so lets forget about my emotions and breathing for now, if I am loosing track of something I could do more sucessfully, it is even harder to be mindful of my breathing/tingling of my body.

[Guest Quanty]

Let thoughts be, no need to be mindful of them. Switch focus entirely on breath and body. 

[who chit]

42 minutes ago, JediArron said:

It also feels like I care less and less about catching my thoughts.

Of course. It's exhausting and doesn't lead to anything but more thinking,which leads to
"I feel like my ego is taking over".
Thought (which is the ego) loves attention,it feeds off of it.

Observe and see that
You have a mind,you are not the mind.
You have thoughts,you are not a thought.
You have a body. You are not the body.

So now what?  Tolle says give your attention to the presence. The presence, is awareness.
Nick and Quanty say give attention to breath or body.

Nothing wrong with any of these. They are meditative practices/methods.
Are you willing to start meditating? If so,can you commit to it? A couple of times everyday,to just sit and give your attention to a preferred method?

With any of these methods,or whatever you choose,constant focus on the object of attention will not be possible and will make the practice another chore. There is a near effortless way to meditate. If you are interested in taking up a method.


 

[Dovahkiin]

Don't think that consciousness or mindfulness increase in a linear fashion. Far from it.

This is way too small a sample size on which to self-flagellate.

These things ebb and flow a bunch on the journey  

[JediArron]

7 hours ago, who chit said:

Of course. It's exhausting and doesn't lead to anything but more thinking,which leads to
"I feel like my ego is taking over".
Thought (which is the ego) loves attention,it feeds off of it.

Observe and see that
You have a mind,you are not the mind.
You have thoughts,you are not a thought.
You have a body. You are not the body.

So now what?  Tolle says give your attention to the presence. The presence, is awareness.
Nick and Quanty say give attention to breath or body.

Nothing wrong with any of these. They are meditative practices/methods.
Are you willing to start meditating? If so,can you commit to it? A couple of times everyday,to just sit and give your attention to a preferred method?

With any of these methods,or whatever you choose,constant focus on the object of attention will not be possible and will make the practice another chore. There is a near effortless way to meditate. If you are interested in taking up a method.

 

Sure I can try a different way. I currently meditate 20 minuites a day in the morning.

 

Edited May 26, 2018 by JediArron

[JediArron]

8 hours ago, who chit said:

Of course. It's exhausting and doesn't lead to anything but more thinking,which leads to
"I feel like my ego is taking over".
Thought (which is the ego) loves attention,it feeds off of it.

Observe and see that
You have a mind,you are not the mind.
You have thoughts,you are not a thought.
You have a body. You are not the body.

So now what?  Tolle says give your attention to the presence. The presence, is awareness.
Nick and Quanty say give attention to breath or body.

Nothing wrong with any of these. They are meditative practices/methods.
Are you willing to start meditating? If so,can you commit to it? A couple of times everyday,to just sit and give your attention to a preferred method?

With any of these methods,or whatever you choose,constant focus on the object of attention will not be possible and will make the practice another chore. There is a near effortless way to meditate. If you are interested in taking up a method.

By being conscious of your thoughts you disempower the ego and the thought stops.

Eckart Tolle teaches people to do this, and many people have become enlightened by following his teachings.
 

 

[pluto]

Level of consciousness cannot necessarily decrees but the awareness of it can appear too. Focus on what gets you at your highest and keep doing that and just being with that, eventually you will understand the simplicity of the way in a more divine fashion(if you will).

Edited May 28, 2018 by pluto

[Arkandeus]

enlightenment is like a dance, it is never constricted

that may be its most prime quality, its infinity

consciousness can never decrease,

what is known, will always be known

nothing of value can ever be lost

it can only increase

Edited May 26, 2018 by Arkandeus

[who chit]

32 minutes ago, JediArron said:

By being conscious of your thoughts you disempower the ego and the thought stops.

Eckart Tolle teaches people to do this, and many people have become enlightened by following his teachings.
 

 Is it working for you? If so, keep it. He has the "be aware of presence" method also. The thing with methods,is that the method isn't what gets you enlightened. It is a means/tool, to set more favorable conditions to allow it to happen. People with zero interest in anything "spiritual" have it happen. As far as the spiritual path is concerned,intent is more important than the chosen way to go about it. Tolle didn't have any interest in spirituality. He was just suffering to the point he couldn't take it anymore,and in the midst of that suffering,had a single moment of clarity that resulted in the elimination of ego. It was only after that, he started looking into the spiritual traditions to understand what had happened.

Anyway,if watching your thoughts is "working" so to speak,then stay with it. The idea is to let you there are other ways,many in fact,that may be more preferable,if  what you're doing isn't favorable. You seemed to be struggling/stressing pretty hard.

[stevegan928]

Leo made this video about homophobic stations or something I remember. 

 

 

[JediArron]

47 minutes ago, who chit said:

 Is it working for you? If so, keep it. He has the "be aware of presence" method also. The thing with methods,is that the method isn't what gets you enlightened. It is a means/tool, to set more favorable conditions to allow it to happen. People with zero interest in anything "spiritual" have it happen. As far as the spiritual path is concerned,intent is more important than the chosen way to go about it. Tolle didn't have any interest in spirituality. He was just suffering to the point he couldn't take it anymore,and in the midst of that suffering,had a single moment of clarity that resulted in the elimination of ego. It was only after that, he started looking into the spiritual traditions to understand what had happened.

Anyway,if watching your thoughts is "working" so to speak,then stay with it. The idea is to let you there are other ways,many in fact,that may be more preferable,if  what you're doing isn't favorable. You seemed to be struggling/stressing pretty hard.

I think it was working, but then it died off.

I feel like I can't be aware of my breathing or my bodily sensations, because I forget after 3-5 seconds lol, and it takes me a while to realise that I'm not focusing on them again.

And with my thoughts, I am at a point where I am almost totally identified with my thoughts again, I only have some (small) awareness of that, and a change in my behaviour because of this, and that is the only thing I am conscious of now.

Yeah I am stressing quite a bit. *I updated my main post btw.

[JediArron]

P.S. I did meditation earlier and it literally felt intolerable. I gave up after less than 10 mins, when I usually go for 20. It felt unbearable.

[Arkandeus]

35 minutes ago, JediArron said:

P.S. I did meditation earlier and it literally felt intolerable. I gave up after less than 10 mins, when I usually go for 20. It felt unbearable.

numbers tell no tale

time sinks into an ocean

what is 10 minutes now mightve been 40 minutes then

[JediArron]

2 hours ago, stevegan928 said:

Leo made this video about homophobic stations or something I remember. 

 

 

This is a good video.

I can relate a lot to it, I'm not entirely sure it relates to my specific problem in this thread, because here I'm conciously trying and forgetting, and it feels like I don't have the ability to choose, but for other things, it definitely makes sense.

[JediArron]

Is it possible that I don't want or care enough to become mindful?

Eckart Tolle mentioned that you need to have suffered enough to be able to maintain the ability to focus on your thoughts, otherwise, if you don't care enough, then you cannot be present. And maybe the first few days I was doing it, it was the initial motivation, which faded. This is what I'm thinking.

[Faceless]

11 minutes ago, JediArron said:

Is it possible that I don't want or care enough to become mindful?

Eckart Tolle mentioned that you need to have suffered enough to be able to maintain the ability to focus on your thoughts, otherwise, if you don't care enough, then you cannot be present. And maybe the first few days I was doing it, it was the initial motivation, which faded. This is what I'm thinking.

Maybe. But the problem with Eckhart Tolle’s teachings are they don’t get into be self/thought in depth. From what I have seen of his sharings, they don’t seem to get into the inner workings of thought. How things of the mind/thought/self, interrelate and interdepend. 

To me Eckhart Tolle is more of a beginning point to motivate people to go deeper into the nature of thought. 

But yeah unless people are really interested they won’t explore more In depth. I think he sees that. That’s why he doesn’t get to deep perhaps. He seems to aim his sharing at the majority. 

Go beyond Eckhart teachings. There is much more to it than what he shares. 

Once we get some depth we see we need no teacher at all. 

Edited May 26, 2018 by Faceless

[Faceless]

If one is “backsliding” they are simply moving one problem to another place in consciousness. This happens by not seeing and understanding the whole of  thought/self. 

Any moment of positive action implies contradiction. This will lead to perpetual ups and downs in consciousness. 

Edited May 26, 2018 by Faceless

[JediArron]

42 minutes ago, Faceless said:

But yeah unless people are really interested they won’t explore more In depth. I think he sees that. That’s why he doesn’t get to deep perhaps. He seems to aim his sharing at the majority. 

Take a look between: 8:30 - 12:30

When you wrote the above sentence, I think you are referring to the general interest in the mind, the nature of thought, and enlightenment.

However, what I am referring to is what he mentions in the video. I am interested in enlightenment, but I don't know if I have had enough suffering (I feel like I have not had a happy life so far, though, I'm 23) to allow my mind to be aware of my thoughts (which is one of the many meditative exercises I can do), and therefore, for the first few days I'm quite intense and aware, however, eventually, it feels as if I am just not interested anymore, and I get sucked into a lot of thoughts, and I catch less and less thoughts, day by day, and I identify with them more and more, and now I am at a point where I am close to being completely unaware at all. On some level I care though, because I am making this post and looking into enlightenment.