Fear of fear

[Charlotte]

I have to be vulnerable here. 

last year I took some cannabis oil for chronic pain reason's (hadn't done any types of drug's in years). I was assured that the cannabis oil contained 0% THC. I highlighted very clearly to the seller I wanted no 'high' feelings whatsoever. Anyway, long story short, I took some and I got high as a motherfucker. Like INSANELY high, my tolerance was non existent because I didn't do drug's so it hit me SO HARD. My partner at the time wasn't helping the situation at all. I spiraled into panic, not knowing what was going on and not expecting any effects. This led to an immense 4 hour panic attack. 

The panic attack I feel scarred me. 

 

Anyway, so, to date. As your probably aware I've decided to go down the Psychedelic route and I've been growing my own mushrooms with success (Yaaaay ??) 

Yesterday, I was prepping the dried batch, powdering it and some must of fell into my cereal (??) (bowl was close to where I was crumbling) I took a mouthful of my oats and noticed an intense potent taste. I shrugged it off and continued with my day. 20 minutes later this INTENSE heat and nausea came over me out of nowhere, the earth moved from beneath me. I thought "Fuck! I did consume some". I wasn't planning on starting my microdosing yet because my dogs are sick and I want the right set and setting. I started to panic a little, thoughts surfaced of "what if I have a full blown trip? The dogs need me! It's not the right time for this! How much did I consume?" So I witnessed my thoughts and panic and noticed where it wanted to take me... I surrendered, MY GOD it was hard but I just breathed into it and fully surrendered, it passed, another one arrived and I surrendered again and it left for good. 

This experience has made me aware that I am frightened to consume drugs (2 occasions) in fear of a panic attack, I understand both occasions where accidental but I'm still fearful. I've also learnt that I can control them. 

How do I get to the route of this fear? 

I really want to get through this, I feel it's incredibly necessary for growth. 

 

♥️??

[Solace]

Surrender fear to God. Surrender anything that arises to God. Focus on your heart while taking them, this will ground you Wish I could be more concise, but you've really just got to face it Charlotte. Sorry for your panic attacks. I think you're ready to here this, but you're panic attacks are just a deep form of healing. This is where the rubber meets the road as Leo would say.

I believe in you. Happy tripping.

Edited May 25, 2018 by Solace

[Charlotte]

@Solace  Thank you Solace ♥️

Yeah I also believe facing it is the only way. Yes, definitely a form of healing, I went on to have thee best day yesterday. I was very aware of the thoughts and images that was trying to 'pull' me in to the panic, which in contrast to the first panic attack is a massive positive. I was able to distance myself from the thoughts, observe and completely surrender which in turn eliminated the panic. 

Thank you again Solace ??

[Solace]

I'm glad I could help as always. I may have a few trips myself soon 

[Charlotte]

@Solace Good for you! You will know when your ready ?.

I'm actually going to properly, intentionally microdose today. I plan on starting a journal/dairy on here. 

Leo's video on how to use psychedelics for personal development is the bomb! Take notes, I took many! ?

[Solace]

Cool, I was looking for a video on that. I'll document it too if/when I do it. 

Edited May 25, 2018 by Solace

[BjarkeT]

Fully feel the emotion(every emotions) 100% with zero resistance while being in the present moment and relaxed body 24/7. Its the best tool I have found so far to deal with emotions. Maybe just push your self to feel the negative emotions go through the discomfort. Prepare your mind to do it and take 100% responsibility. 

Edited May 25, 2018 by BjarkeT

[Charlotte]

Thanks @BjarkeT I do in fact think I need to work on my thoughts more so, still association going on, meaning being given. I had another panic attack AGAIN today ?

[Ether]

You drug addicts lmao

[Guest Quanty]

Not wise to experiment with drugs unless you have awakened. 

[Faceless]

TO ANYONE LIVING IN FEAR

 

To seek freedom from fear implies an action that is taken in reaction to the very problem, FEAR. 

To utilize a means that is the result of reaction is in itself a movement of fear. 

Any movement of fear can never end the movement of fear, but will only perpetuate that very movement. 

Its only in the absence of reaction “free of a motive/means” that this very movement of fear will cease to manifest. 

To act in accordance to reaction implies an evasion of fear itself. Any movement of reaction, and to attain an answer to escape the problem of fear is the very reason fear takes place. To seek an escape through the means of thought “plan of action” is to avoid the very problem altogether. 

There must be an understanding of the origin of FEAR and it’s relationship to security/insecurity. 

To see and understand how these movements interdepend and feed off one another. To understand the problem of fear is in itself the means in ending it. 

 

 

[LiakosN]

What kind of chronic pain do you experience ??? @Charlotte

[Charlotte]

@Faceless  absolutely amazing read faceless! Wow!!! I must resist any reaction to the fear. My mind will trick me to react to evade but this will perpetuate the fear, as it is all still one movement of fear. 

This is completely liberating and I will go on to learn the origin of fear and deeply understand it. 

?♥️ Thank you

[Charlotte]

@LiakosN lower back pain/sciatic nerve pain

 

♥️

[Charlotte]

Printed and pinned above my bed. 

Thank you faceless ♥️? I have a feeling that understanding and experiencing frequent fear will 'set me free'. 

[Faceless]

3 hours ago, Charlotte said:

@Faceless  absolutely amazing read faceless! Wow!!! I must resist any reaction to the fear. My mind will trick me to react to evade but this will perpetuate the fear, as it is all still one movement of fear. 

This is completely liberating and I will go on to learn the origin of fear and deeply understand it. 

?♥️ Thank you

Great

Im glad you liked it. 

I was wondering if anyone would take an interest to it. 

[Faceless]

 

Excellent!!! 

Yes you are your best teacher??????

Thanks for taking an interest friend

[dharm4]

I agree, the best way to end fear is not to resist, analyse or overcome it. It creates a duality between the observer of fear and the fear itself. This conflict keeps fear alive.

But if you want to catch fear at the root you need to be aware of any thought that involves time. „Yesterday I had this bad experience and I don’t want it to happen again“ Is usually the idea. This does not have to be a verbal thought, it could also be a picture.

Just be aware when it arises and observe it. it’s the same as before don’t try to resist it or overcome/analyse it. It goes away by itself when the duality between you and it comes to an end.

Edited May 26, 2018 by dharm4

[Solace]

And don’t just observe it. There is no separation between you and fear, so become it so fully by breathing into it and feeling it that it overwhelms your reality. This means it can heal out of your cells at a faster rate  

[Charlotte]

Thanks guy's. 

Awesome advice.  Yesterday I did do as faceless suggested, I voluntarily brought on panic attacks and applied the advice given. By fully surrendering I have been able to overcome them. 

Next step for me is watching the mind throughout everyday life, during all situations/experiences and emotions. 

??