The present is not the Future

[Preety_India]

I was a different person before. I'm a different person today. Maybe I've become more loving with time. We are all equal whatevr religion, race, culture, social status we belong to. We don't decide how we are born. We don't control in what situations we are  born into. Therefore it doesn't make sense. I mean nothing makes sense at all. Everything is out of order and logic. In the past few days I've realized that family is complete bs. There's nothing like family. Family is shit. It's an illusion created in the mind that there are people who care about you but it's a false concept.. Nobody really cares. We're just individuals. We're entities trying to live through life. Life is bs too because there is no real meaning to it in a rat race world. 

This life is brutal. 

You're forced to make money and only money is considered important in this world. There is no value to friendships. There is no value for bonds or family. Only money has become God. It's sad that humanity has come to this. 

You will try to figure out your way through this life but there is no way because you are born to lose. This is not negativity but a fact. Acceptance is important. 

The system is designed to bring you down. Not to bring you up. Millions of people commit suicide every year because they can't cope with the struggle that this stupid evil world has created. This rat race which we are born into just to be wasted. There's no purpose. 

I've been having these disconnected thoughts since morning. 

I've been questioning myself "what really is life". Why is it so tough. Why is life so hard. Sometimes unbearable. 

This world is an impossible maze. And people lack empathy. 

There are major problems that have plagued humanity and they need to be resolved 

One is money. Money has become the new God in our times. It's impossible to live a decent life without money. Money makes people do wrong things. Therefore money is evil. 

Money needs to be taken out or at least the disparity needs to be reduced and people need to be given assistance and there should be a cap on how much money people can have and a minimum wage they will always get no matter what. Nobody should have to be deprived of a good life just because they don't have money. That's not fair at all. Money needs to be less important than life. Life needs to be valued. Too many lives lost everyday just because money is more important than life. 

Absence of God. I think this is another problem. The absence of God in people's lives will cause more chaos, disorder and destruction. In a Godless world, there is no morality and people act cheap. 

Lack of empathy and love :  there is no real love in this world and no empathy for each other. A non cohesive society is ultimately causes its own extinction. 

The social fabric should be of love and empathy. 

Family is a shit show.. We've been trained to believe since childhood that family is everything but it's not true especially if it's a bad family. When family members are selfish, life becomes hell. The family unit needs to be broken down and people need to live alone in hippie communities 

 

 

Imbalance. The population of the worldbis just too much almost out of control. Too many people and too few resources to feed the people. This will automatically cause chaos at a very fast rate. It will throw the system out of balance. People will get hostile to each other in a race to win a good life for themselves and it will become unsustainable at some point. Everyone will have to pay the price ultimately. More the population more is the suffering. The earth can't handle so much and so many. So lack of balance will become an overwhelming problem in the future. It will be a big drain and a burden on the resources. The only good thing is unfortunately companies will make tons of profit. 

Population is good for capitalism to keep making profits but not good for the life of the average man because everything gets more expensive and the demand for resources is huge and the supply of people is too much and so there is no value for their life. People become like puppets and circus animals only to be used and thrown out because there is always someone to replace them. 

Health. The global burden of disease is rising. Too many health problems because of too much stress. Our bodies are not equipped to handle so much stress. Our bodies wear out in time but challenges of life don't stop with time. Sometimes we tend to take more responsibilities than we can handle. This is a recipe for disaster. The global health is on the decline. Lifestyle disorders have gone out of control. Too many people with diseases. Depression is on the rise. Mental health problems have become a crisis. Therapy and counseling is very expensive. At this rate, we're headed towards a massive health crisis on a scale that must have never been seen before by the medical community. It will surely make the doctors rich very quick. But this has dangerous consequences. Loss of too many people. 

 

Fragile relationships 

Relationships are no longer based on commitment and care and love but power, money, status and politics. The person who is more powerful is in more demand. Relationships have lost the depth and strength. The have become fragile. People want each other only for help and they want to forget. 

[sarapr]

6 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I was a different person before. I'm a different person today. Maybe I've become more loving with time. We are all equal whatevr religion, race, culture, social status we belong to. We don't decide how we are born. We don't control in what situations we are  born into. Therefore it doesn't make sense. I mean nothing makes sense at all. Everything is out of order and logic. In the past few days I've realized that family is complete bs. There's nothing like family. Family is shit. It's an illusion created in the mind that there are people who care about you but it's a false concept.. Nobody really cares. We're just individuals. We're entities trying to live through life. Life is bs too because there is no real meaning to it in a rat race world. 

This life is brutal. 

You're forced to make money and only money is considered important in this world. There is no value to friendships. There is no value for bonds or family. Only money has become God. It's sad that humanity has come to this. 

You will try to figure out your way through this life but there is no way because you are born to lose. This is not negativity but a fact. Acceptance is important. 

The system is designed to bring you down. Not to bring you up. Millions of people commit suicide every year because they can't cope with the struggle that this stupid evil world has created. This rat race which we are born into just to be wasted. There's no purpose. 

I've been having these disconnected thoughts since morning. 

I've been questioning myself "what really is life". Why is it so tough. Why is life so hard. Sometimes unbearable. 

This world is an impossible maze. And people lack empathy. 

There are major problems that have plagued humanity and they need to be resolved 

One is money. Money has become the new God in our times. It's impossible to live a decent life without money. Money makes people do wrong things. Therefore money is evil. 

Money needs to be taken out or at least the disparity needs to be reduced and people need to be given assistance and there should be a cap on how much money people can have and a minimum wage they will always get no matter what. Nobody should have to be deprived of a good life just because they don't have money. That's not fair at all. Money needs to be less important than life. Life needs to be valued. Too many lives lost everyday just because money is more important than life. 

Absence of God. I think this is another problem. The absence of God in people's lives will cause more chaos, disorder and destruction. In a Godless world, there is no morality and people act cheap. 

Lack of empathy and love :  there is no real love in this world and no empathy for each other. A non cohesive society is ultimately causes its own extinction. 

The social fabric should be of love and empathy. 

Family is a shit show.. We've been trained to believe since childhood that family is everything but it's not true especially if it's a bad family. When family members are selfish, life becomes hell. The family unit needs to be broken down and people need to live alone in hippie communities 

 

 

Imbalance. The population of the worldbis just too much almost out of control. Too many people and too few resources to feed the people. This will automatically cause chaos at a very fast rate. It will throw the system out of balance. People will get hostile to each other in a race to win a good life for themselves and it will become unsustainable at some point. Everyone will have to pay the price ultimately. More the population more is the suffering. The earth can't handle so much and so many. So lack of balance will become an overwhelming problem in the future. It will be a big drain and a burden on the resources. The only good thing is unfortunately companies will make tons of profit. 

Population is good for capitalism to keep making profits but not good for the life of the average man because everything gets more expensive and the demand for resources is huge and the supply of people is too much and so there is no value for their life. People become like puppets and circus animals only to be used and thrown out because there is always someone to replace them. 

Health. The global burden of disease is rising. Too many health problems because of too much stress. Our bodies are not equipped to handle so much stress. Our bodies wear out in time but challenges of life don't stop with time. Sometimes we tend to take more responsibilities than we can handle. This is a recipe for disaster. The global health is on the decline. Lifestyle disorders have gone out of control. Too many people with diseases. Depression is on the rise. Mental health problems have become a crisis. Therapy and counseling is very expensive. At this rate, we're headed towards a massive health crisis on a scale that must have never been seen before by the medical community. It will surely make the doctors rich very quick. But this has dangerous consequences. Loss of too many people. 

 

Fragile relationships 

Relationships are no longer based on commitment and care and love but power, money, status and politics. The person who is more powerful is in more demand. Relationships have lost the depth and strength. The have become fragile. People want each other only for help and they want to forget. 

You don't really have to concern yourself with world problems. 

Focus on yourself. That's the only true way of helping others , ironically.

If you focus solely on how to make Your life better , you'll see that there are tons of ways that you can solve money problems, relationship problems , anything which might be bothering you now.

Take it one step at a time. Thinking about the world that way is so depressing even if you don't believe you're actually attached to those thoughts, it still can be affecting you in ways you don't really want to.

 

 

 

PS: putting imbalance and health together as problems is actually funny cause health issues and the death of people solves the imbalance problem so they counteract each other and nothing to worry about. But generally if people are unhealthy it's their fault and they can always turn the table around , it's not a matter of not having options and being forced to be unhealthy due to lack of resources; the earth's resources are way more than you could imagine. People are discovering more new resources everyday. Besides, have you noticed how small the space humans inhabitat is? Just take a look at the map, it's such a tiny little space . you've been fed with the wrong information . there's no such a thing as lack of resources and imbalance . don't assume whatever people around you are saying to be true. For the most part they're not. Even if you search it in the Internet you'd still get misinformation . trust me, I've came across a lot of misinformation in the internet . 

Edited June 5, 2018 by sarapr

[Preety_India]

12 minutes ago, sarapr said:

You don't really have to concern yourself with world problems. 

Focus on yourself. That's the only true way of helping others , ironically.

If you focus solely on how to make Your life better , you'll see that there are tons of ways that you can solve money problems, relationship problems , anything which might be bothering you now.

Take it one step at a time. Thinking about the world that way is so depressing even if you don't believe you're actually attached to those thoughts, it still can be affecting you in ways you don't really want to.

????Great advice. Thanks. ?

[sarapr]

3 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

????Great advice. Thanks. ?

[Preety_India]

My love for God and spirituality is only growing everyday. 

The worst the circumstances get the stronger is my belief in God and spirituality 

It gives me tremendous peace to know that God is with us throughout no matter what. 

Edited June 5, 2018 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

My mom is extremely selfish. I saw it today for the first time in my life. She has never hugged me in years even once. Such lovelessness. It's almost bizarre. A few days back she came over to hit me and I had to fight her back to save my life. It's impossible. 

My arms were swollen and injured because of her constant beating. I told her that I will go to the police and that's when she stopped. 

Such a piece of garbage she is. Till now I believed that she has a mental illness but that's not true. She is selfish like crazy. 

She is only worried about herself. Not worried about me at all. She wants to beat me into submission and control me. It's unbelievable. She has no remorse, no empathy or emotion at all. I will be taking her to the doctor next week for her health problems. 

I was sick two years ago and at that time she never helped me. She just wasn't there for me at all but she expects me to do everything for her which is very strange. 

All she cares about is her needs. 

Today was a revelation day. She thought that I got a guy and that I will be going out with him. I didn't say anything. I just wasn't ready to talk to her. And she immediately asked me if the guy was the reason I was not going to talk to her. My God. Who says that. Who thinks that way. So I shouldn't have  a man in my life just because she doesn't want it. So selfish. 

Up until now I never thought this way about her. I always thought she had a mental illness. But this is not that. This is pure selfishness. 

She used to beat me before and when I was a kid, she threw me out of the house once. She used to harass and bully me a lot for many years up until my teen years. 

Now I know why. Because she is extremely narrow minded and closed minded, wicked, cunning and unempathetic. She just cannot think with a big heart. She raised me in a way that I always had low self esteem and no sense of self worth. I allowed myself to be treated anyhow almost like a doormat in a relationship. 

It has taken a long time for me to realize that all of low self esteem I have has come from her beating, abuse, mental and emotional abuse and manipulation and constant humiliation and degradation. She has caused so much pain and harm cause of her selfishness. 

She has such a cheap mentality that she automatically thinks that any disabled child is fit to die and doesn't deserve to live. What a piece of shit she is. 

Her selfishness and abuse also made my father suicidal many times. 

Selfishness creates hell. 

My faith in God will keep me strong and help me get out of this hell. 

I'm worth everything. I deserve to live just like any other person. 

Yesterday she told me that I should die or kill myself. 

I was suicidal for a while after that. But why should I die? I don't deserve to die. I am also a human being. I have every right to live. 

I have decided to stop talking to her. But she sometimes gets violent and that's something I need to think about. 

I always take whatever she says to heart. It's like because she is a mom, everything she says has to be right automatically. She has such an immense confidence when she speaks. She makes everything appear true or believable.

Her thinking about life comes from extreme selfishness, and closed mindedness. And probably some paranoia. 

She taunts me so that she can feel better about herself. 

She calls me worthless. But I'm not. 

It's amusing to see how people can demean others to make themselves feel better 

Yesterday she kept taking cheap shots at me

At one point it was unbearable and I told her to slow down with her abusive rants 

 She thinks she rules the world. Some people automatically assume they're higher than others. So cringey and honestly amusing. 

I'm gonna laugh every time she says something to put me down on purpose. 

God should probably bless her with some compassion and empathy. She doesn't need it now I guess. But when she will need the compassion of others, maybe she will realize how much she hurt others with her abuse. 

Self-entitled bitch who thinks she has the right to decide who should live in this world and who should not. 

I have given up on her. 

It's too much. 

I took a lot of her crap. 

I used to believe all her bull. No more. 

It doesn't become true just because she says it.. She can very well go to hell and I won't give a f'ck. 

She has been humiliating me non stop for the past few days and I have stayed quiet. But sometimes my blood boils when it gets a little too much. 

All her paranoid thinking comes from extreme narrow mindedness, selfishness and lack of empathy. 

So cunning and insensitive, unempathetic almost psychopathic. No concern at all for someone else's life. She will bully till the person is dead. 

She wants me to suffer in life so that she can feel better and that her prophecy will come true. So insensitive. How is my suffering going to make her life better. I can't imagine the lack of concern or humanity. I would never want someone to suffer, much less my own child. 

 

[Preety_India]

For now I will just forgive her. I'm too tired to deal with her crap. 

It's all dysfunctional. 

I'll let it go. 

But my faith is getting tested each day and it's getting stronger. And that's good news. My faith is unwavering and nothing can make me lose it. Even if I were dying, I won't lose trust in God. God is the only one who won't betray me. This much I know. 

God has been with me through my darkest times when there was no hope at all and I was battling and at my lowest point in life. 

God will be with me again this time, at least I hope. 

 

[Preety_India]

I won't be communicating with him anymore from today. People are shit. Enough BS already. Need to block the crap out of my life. I have tolerated a little more than I should. 

Some people just need to get out of my life before it gets too late 

Those are pigs and I am gonna stay far away from them. The entire bunch including my ex. Even my sister. 

I don't trust anyone anymore. Saw how they turned against me one by one. 

I am better off without crappy people occupying my life trying to put me down. 

I should have known earlier and I should have known better 

But it's never too late. 

Now is a new beginning away from all the bs and the bs people who have existed till now. 

M are all worthless. Nothing to gain from. Good for nothing. Just an unnecessary drag and drain on my system with selfish people trying to suck me like vultures or scavengers. 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Lol I'm feeling sleepy and tired. But it's been good. I feel free. Free from the bs... Lol.. I feel like I have just recovered from a sickness. 

It finally feels new 

Life can be so good without all the bad shit. 

Only if............ 

My desires are like that of small kids. 

I want to create my own little world of small things that are inspiring and wonderful. 

My own little imagination... Life can be peaceful... Hmm. 

[Preety_India]

. I want to find a spiritual partner for me. 

[Preety_India]

There are millions of good and innocent people in this world who have a strong faith and who are trying to figure their way through this complicated world. They are winners even if they fail at life. I need to lessen my focus on the problems and keep it more on the solutions people seek. I am one amongst those people. 

That's the first positive step. 

[Preety_India]

Being judgemental, uncompassionate, critical, selfish,cheap, insensitive, unempathetic, withholding doesn't help. 

When someone makes a judgemental remark, try to understand where it originates from. Whether it originates from love and open heartedness or big heartedness or cheap mentality, greed, selfishness, and lack of understanding and empathy. 

Most things said by people arise from lack of empathy. 

Very rarely anything that is said arises from love. This is human nature. Learn to forget and forgive people's judgemental reactions. Although it's painful when someone intentionally tries to humiliate you. But it only reflects their insensitivity. 

Humiliation and shaming comes from a cheap mentality. 

An open heart and mind will never shame a person. 

A big heart is like a big ship that accommodates everything. It accommodates success and it accommodates failures. 

[Preety_India]

In God's world, there is space for everything and everyone, the rich, the poor, the good, the sinner, the successful, the incapable or timid, the strong, the weak, God embraces everyone. 

In God you should trust. God will help you. Your faith and trust in God will help him find a way for you out of your despair. Although he may not make miracles but he will find a way for you. 

Open your heart to God and let him work your way for you. 

 

[Preety_India]

Stages in spirituality 

• You will start hating the world or see everything as pointless or dysfunctional and delusional
• You will see all the illusions created around you. 
• You will be less selfish and your prayers will be for sincere reasons. 
• You might be depressed but even in hopelessness or despair you will either be peaceful or hopeful and positive. 
• You will experience a strange kind of peace. 
• You will have a more open and bigger heart and you will be be able to accept suffering more openly without conflict. 
• Love and empathy will appear to be the most important element of existence. Everything will have the perspective of love. 
• You might begin to dislike people and their behavior will appear as very selfish and immature and as a result you will dissociate and detach yourself from people and become a loner. You will begin to embrace solitude more than before. 
• All creatures will appear equal and equally important. 
• Life will seem like a transient flow of the human breath and you will no longer be afraid of death because death will appear like a beginning of a new journey into the afterlife. 
• Life might seem pointless 
• There can be nihilistic tendencies. 
• Death will not appear as something miserable or saddening but rather peaceful and as a cessation of suffering or a way to put oneself out of one's miseries.
• You will be less racist and more accepting of other cultures, races and differences. You will be less prejudiced or biased. You will be less judgemental. 
• It helps you to love yourself better. In a devoted kind of way.. Not in a Narcissistic way. If you're struggling with self destructive behavior, it helps to feel more connected to your body and mind and you begin to radiate love and that love reaches to your own body and mind as well, in a way your own love that emerges from you nourishes you. It really heals self pity and self destructive tendencies 
• You begin to respect yourself and your body much more. 
• It helps heal neurotic tendencies and mental illnesses. 
• You will be less miserable and sadistic 
• You will be empathetic to other's suffering. 
• You will want happiness abundance and prosperity. 
• You will try to minimize problems and chaos. 
• You will understand the spiritual side and the physical nature of things. 
• You will have a better sense of intuition and inner connection. 
• You will more connected to your inner spirit. 
• You will feel liberated. 
• You will have more compassion. 
• Your will be strong and you will bravely face difficulties and problems 
• You will be more forgiving and you will see mankind as stupid and foolish. 
• You will be wiser with your choices. 
• You will value principles over materialism, gains and benefits. 

Edited June 6, 2018 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

On 02/06/2018 at 10:31 AM, Preety_India said:

I have some stuff on my mind now... 

• The pyramid method 
• Clicker spin game 
• Positivity and limiting desires and un-affectedness 
• Nihilism 
• Balance 
• Letting go and Acceptance 
• Wisdom. Bad decisions and good decisions. 
• Knowing what to do at the moment 
• Having enough motivation and fighting depression 
• Having a proper schedule 
• Daily Psychological Profile 
• Daily Shadow work 

 

On 02/06/2018 at 6:05 PM, Preety_India said:

Daily Shadow work 

Questionnaire 

• What did I do today? 
• What are my goals? 
• How's the progress? 
• What did I learn  today? 
• Have I fallen back on my schedule?... Yes/No
• How is my emotional state today? 
• What are the mitigating factors? 
• Sabotage? 
• what bad decisions I made today? 
• What are the good choices /decisions I made today? 
• Did the schedule run as planned? 
• What were the hurdles? 
• Any tips or tricks I learned to manage my schedule better? 
• How many hours did I practice meditation today? 
• Did it help? 
• Did I use the pyramid method? 
• What does my psychological profile look like? 
• How did I deal with a tough situation? 
• What principles did I put into practice? 
•  

 

 

 

On 02/06/2018 at 7:08 PM, Preety_India said:

Daily Shadow work 

Questionnaire 

What did I do today? 

Studies 

What are my goals? 

Daily goals 

• Work on emotional state
• Exercise 
• Work on health issues
• Look for additional courses in 6 months by December 
• Work on body, beauty, health, emotions 
• Spirituality 
• Max productivity at work management 
• Learning new skills
• Following pyramid model
• Reach max potential 
• Work on total mental health 
• Cut off toxic people 
•  

Exercise 

Work on health issues 

 

How's the progress? 

What did I learn  today? 

Have I fallen back on my schedule?... Yes/No

How is my emotional state today? 

What are the mitigating factors? 

Sabotage? 

what bad decisions I made today? 

What are the good choices /decisions I made today? 

Did the schedule run as planned? 

What were the hurdles? 

Any tips or tricks I learned to manage my schedule better? 

How many hours did I practice meditation today? 

Did it help? 

Did I use the pyramid method? 

What does my psychological profile look like? 

How did I deal with a tough situation? 

What principles did I put into practice? 

 

 

On 03/06/2018 at 5:03 PM, Preety_India said:

There are a couple of things that I need to totally cut off from my life :

1. People especially toxic, dominating and demanding ones. 
2. Bad habits and distractions
3. Junk food 
4. Mental and emotional stress. 

 

[d0ornokey]

On 6/5/2018 at 4:08 AM, Preety_India said:

Money makes people do wrong things. Therefore money is evil. 

Careful this can become a limiting belief 

People do wrong things with money, not money does wrong thing with people 

Love the action you're taking! 

[Preety_India]

On 02/06/2018 at 10:31 AM, Preety_India said:

I have some stuff on my mind now... 

• The pyramid method 
• Clicker spin game 
• Positivity and limiting desires and un-affectedness 
• Nihilism 
• Balance 
• Letting go and Acceptance 
• Wisdom. Bad decisions and good decisions. 
• Knowing what to do at the moment 
• Having enough motivation and fighting depression 
• Having a proper schedule 
• Daily Psychological Profile 
• Daily Shadow work 

 

On 02/06/2018 at 6:05 PM, Preety_India said:

Daily Shadow work 

Questionnaire 

• What did I do today? 
• What are my goals? 
• How's the progress? 
• What did I learn  today? 
• Have I fallen back on my schedule?... Yes/No
• How is my emotional state today? 
• What are the mitigating factors? 
• Sabotage? 
• what bad decisions I made today? 
• What are the good choices /decisions I made today? 
• Did the schedule run as planned? 
• What were the hurdles? 
• Any tips or tricks I learned to manage my schedule better? 
• How many hours did I practice meditation today? 
• Did it help? 
• Did I use the pyramid method? 
• What does my psychological profile look like? 
• How did I deal with a tough situation? 
• What principles did I put into practice? 
•  

 

 

 

On 02/06/2018 at 7:08 PM, Preety_India said:

Daily Shadow work 

Questionnaire 

What did I do today? 

Studies 

What are my goals? 

Daily goals 

• Work on emotional state
• Exercise 
• Work on health issues
• Look for additional courses in 6 months by December 
• Work on body, beauty, health, emotions 
• Spirituality 
• Max productivity at work management 
• Learning new skills
• Following pyramid model
• Reach max potential 
• Work on total mental health 
• Cut off toxic people 
•  

Exercise 

Work on health issues 

 

How's the progress? 

What did I learn  today? 

Have I fallen back on my schedule?... Yes/No

How is my emotional state today? 

What are the mitigating factors? 

Sabotage? 

what bad decisions I made today? 

What are the good choices /decisions I made today? 

Did the schedule run as planned? 

What were the hurdles? 

Any tips or tricks I learned to manage my schedule better? 

How many hours did I practice meditation today? 

Did it help? 

Did I use the pyramid method? 

What does my psychological profile look like? 

How did I deal with a tough situation? 

What principles did I put into practice? 

 

 

On 03/06/2018 at 5:03 PM, Preety_India said:

There are a couple of things that I need to totally cut off from my life :

1. People especially toxic, dominating and demanding ones. 
2. Bad habits and distractions
3. Junk food 
4. Mental and emotional stress. 

 

[Preety_India]

OK hey. So I'm back tl

. Lol

This is July. 2018. Time to work on certain. Things and situations. 

I did left off... For a while. Missing in action. 

Good news.... 

That I have given up the video game addiction I had. Had to find something to engage in. Something peaceful and nice. Found something engaging finally. Now I can finally be in peace. 

*DAILY STRATEGIES *

WHILE I WAS AWAY I LEARNED A LOT,MAYBE THROUGH THE GAME. BUT I REALIZED THAT EVERYTHING IS NOT SO EASY. IT'S DAILY STRUGGLE. EVERY DECISION YOU MAKE DAILY IMPACTS YOU IN A WAY YOU DON'T KNOW. 

SO NOW IT'S DAY TO DAY. ONE DAY TO THE NEXT. 

one thing that is good is that I gave up toxic socialization at last. Now things can hopefully get better from here. 

This month is important. Last year this same time I had been struggling with the same problems. So much has changed since then but still the same problem and not much change healthwise or workwise. But I've grown up and become matured in some ways. Communication helped a lot in the growing up process. 

Leaving the past behind for now. I know I neglected myself for almost a year. Had too much going on. Shit to handle. 

My new motto is *daily strategies * and *work hard, get peace *. 

There is a rainbow at the end of the tunnel if you just weather this storm. 

Shit takes time so be patient. 

There's a mountain to climb. And December is the deadline month. The Final D day wil be 31st December 2018..heart racing. 

The biggest lesson learned. It takes a certain amount of strength, courage, pain, hardships and forbearance to get there through the storm. But once you take all the pain and get to the level where you can take on you will pass through and the struggle will end. 

Hang on till then. Don't think you are helpless. 

I have felt helpless for ever. 

Now I think it was something that was just holding me back. 

Once you cross that bridge, you won't be helpless anymore. 

You will get there somehow and the struggle will be over. The escape door will open. 

...... *door opens.* in my dreams as a kid, I was told a door will open finally to light. There I will meet God. I remember it very distinctly. The door opens and it's freedom or liberation at last. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

July, August, September, October, November, December. Time is running fast. No time to complain or look back. Time to get going and start work and finish it before D day. 

First thing and foremost. 

 

Cut off people. Cut out crap from life. 

Cut all the BS... Focus on the essential. 

 

[Preety_India]

I have decided to give up on him and not have a relationship with him no more. He said he can't be committed. Now thats a joke. I won't take anymore. It's only friendship for me. I won't be heartbroken again. 

I tried too many times. I have finally given up on this whole male relationship thing. It's BS. I DON'T NEED A MAN IN MY LIFE. CUT THE BULL. 

too much is too much. All drama and its seriously toxic.. I thought I will be the one to create drama. But hey, who knew that even men can act like women lol.. 

This day is a new chapter after cutting off with him. A new beginning. 

Maybe in future I will finally find a guy I can peacefully live with