am i deceiving myself?

[Viking]

please point out to me if you think im deceiving myself, because it seems too simple.

i am simply what is. the ego is what is if awareness is on the ego. so sometimes i am the ego. using the term "i" to describe what i am is kinda not appropriate, because i used to use "i" as a label thats pointing to the ego, not to what i really am.

when i pursued enlightenment i was expecting some experience. there doesnt have to be some special experience or something like that when one realizes, because awareness was always awareness. if the realization of awareness appears inside awareness nothing more has to necessarily happen inside awareness. its already the case that i am awareness, nothing has to happen.(by inside awareness i mean as awareness)

my identity doesnt exist, it only exists when the feeling "identity" is in awareness, because awareness is existence, theres nothing more besides awareness, because if there was something it would be still awareness.

i still identify with the ego when im unconscious, when on autopilot, but when i am conscious i get it that i just am.

is what i described now what people call enlightenment? its very simple, theres no mystical experience or something, i feel absolutely normal, i just know "what i am".

is there somewhere to go from here?

what i guess i should do now is purify the habits, become aware of holes where there is identification with the ego, if the ego resists i can realize i am the resistence, which would purify the mind. love kind of naturally arises for some negative experiences in the body if there is the realization that it is awareness.

as i pointed earlier i sometimes forget i am awareness so i gotta get used to get back to that realization whenever i need to. (the realization cant be always present in awareness because its dynamic and limited, its like the screen of a tv can show only a limited image)

i notice there is still duality, but at the same time its all the same thing. there are different objects but its all awareness.

i think i am free of suffering if im aware at the moment.

i will see how ill be in a few days, maybe i am deceiving myself, it cant be that simple, can it? i would appreciate also your input to point out where my faults are.

[NoSelfSelf]

Yes its simple you are right nothing happens and when you say im not concious of it all the time that means you are still attached to the thoughts but not as before..

[Telepresent]

@Viking I guess the question is, are you thinking these things, directly knowing them a little bit but mostly thinking them, or directly experiencing them a lot and thinking them a little? 

I'm in 'directly knowing a little bit (I.e. for about 0.1 seconds at a time) and then mostly thinking'.

You've identified what I think is a key point, in defining what you mean by 'I' on your post.  I'm frankly amazed that every time I've suggested people might want to investigate which "I" they are talking about (as the term seems to be interchangeably used - sometimes in the space of a sentence - to refer to both character and perceiver), I just get buzzwords thrown back at me. Almost as if people don't want to question their I.  Hmm...

[Viking]

44 minutes ago, Telepresent said:

@Viking I guess the question is, are you thinking these things, directly knowing them a little bit but mostly thinking them, or directly experiencing them a lot and thinking them a little? 

I'm in 'directly knowing a little bit (I.e. for about 0.1 seconds at a time) and then mostly thinking'.

You've identified what I think is a key point, in defining what you mean by 'I' on your post.  I'm frankly amazed that every time I've suggested people might want to investigate which "I" they are talking about (as the term seems to be interchangeably used - sometimes in the space of a sentence - to refer to both character and perceiver), I just get buzzwords thrown back at me. Almost as if people don't want to question their I.  Hmm...

i guess the case with me is that i know what i am and can experience it, by not applying meaning, but i have ego beliefs that im not aware of. i feel like i have to start questioning everything in my life and compare it with this truth.

[eputkonen]

17 hours ago, Viking said:

i think i am free of suffering if im aware at the moment

Either you are free of suffering or you are not...you are deceiving yourself if suffering does not arise only if you can continue to do something.

[Ananta]

17 hours ago, Viking said:

i am simply what is.

Yes, you are simply awareness and awareness is what is.

17 hours ago, Viking said:

the ego is what is if awareness is on the ego. so sometimes i am the ego.

You are not the ego. You've identified with phenomena and thoughts of past and future, this made it appear as if you were an ego. The ego can not survive without past and future thinking. In the present moment it disappears, showing its unreality. It's an illusion.

Imo, its the intellect, an aspect of mind, that discriminates, deliberates and makes final decisions when needed.. but this still is just happening, an appearance  

18 hours ago, Viking said:

its already the case that i am awareness, nothing has to happen

Yep! You see the dream for what it is and recognize you are awareness,  aware of it all.

18 hours ago, Viking said:

I still identify with the ego when im unconscious, when on autopilot, but when i am conscious i get it that i just am.

Here is an important question... is the knowledge that you "are" awareness/being/presence hard and fast? (The info would be readily available, at all times, if needed). 

18 hours ago, Viking said:

it cant be that simple, can it?

It's simple, as in not complicated, however easier said then done. Actually, you can't "do" it, it just happens and your job is to let go and keep letting go (of identifications, attachments, etc.), but also to allow phenomena like emotions/feelings to move through you without resisting or grabbing hold of them.

 

 

[tsuki]

On 24.05.2018 at 9:59 AM, Viking said:

is there somewhere to go from here?

Difficult to say as people call ego all sorts of different things. If you call ego the body-mind living human being 'name surname' real person, then yes.
You can further refine this concept and start noticing its effect in everyday situations.

From my point of view, ego is always present even if I'm aware that I'm not the 'name surname' person.
This way I'm not concerned as much as being in any state in particular and awareness simply flows and perspective always shifts unconstrained.

As for mystical states - I'm experiencing them quite frequently, but I'm not seeing them as the objective of seeking.
They are more of an experience of great awe and wonder about the world. Working on noticing obviousness seems to help a lot in moving towards this.

So - are you deceiving yourself? Yes. Result of self-deception is reality.
In your current reality you're questioning whether you're enlightened or not.
You had a thought-image that you thought that you are enlightened, but this thought-image has questionable certainty.
You can only answer this question through the same mechanism that creates the deception you are trying to dispel.
Even if I answer your question, you will not question my answer if you want to have any sort of certainty.

Any concrete truth you cling to is born out of self-deception.
You cannot cling to the truth of being enlightened if you are truly enlightened.
 

Edited May 25, 2018 by tsuki