I feel so stupid...

[zoey101]

I found another suspicious text in my husband's phone... So I guess he's still been using Meth behind my back... He said he would quit when I got into my car accident... He was so passionate about it... I fell for it... 

I don't know what to do... I'm still in a lot of pain.. I have been trying my best to just push through and try to still work on being intimate with my husband but he just kept turning me down... even this past Sunday on our 1 year anniversary... Kept saying he was too tired... 

I try not to make my pain an issue for him.. but he acts so weird when I mention having to go to my physical therapy... I don't know how to describe it... 

I feel so fucking pathetic... I have so much I'm trying to keep together... But I feel like I'm barely holding on... I don't know what else I can do... What am I doing wrong.. I just don't know anymore...

I'm sorry... I just needed to vent... I feel like the harder I work the deeper I sink... I can't help but feel like such a fucking failure... 

[John Iverson]

We are here for you Zoey  

[Key Elements]

@zoey101 dear, this sounds horrible. Like anything profound in this life, please think of what to do for your next steps, for you and your child. Make sure you plan ahead. Ask yourself, "if I do this, then this, this, and this, etc., will happen. If I do that, then that will happen." I think it may be time to focus more on you. Do you ever consider ...to just start packing your bags, without telling him?

I know it's hard, but please research, plan, and take actions wisely. 

[tsuki]

5 hours ago, zoey101 said:

I found another suspicious text in my husband's phone...

Please stop doing this to yourself.
You have to trust him. Trust is given, not earned.
Please stop going through his phone.

Never stay with someone because he said he will change.
You have to change yourself to stay with him.
Become whatever you need to be in order to stay.
Even if that means to become a monster. Strength is scary.
We sometimes prefer to take punishment so that we don't admit that we're strong.
It takes enormous strength to keep calling yourself weak every day. To endure your own name-calling and humiliation.

You are not stupid and weak. You're afraid.
Fear announces danger. You fear rightly.
Fear is a plea for strength.

Stay and become strong.
It is sometimes easier to stay than to leave.
You can be strong by leaving as well.

It's up to you. You are free.
You are free to stay and you are free to leave.

If you need to talk, we're here for you, friend.

[egoeimai]

Hey zoey, 

Have you thought about staying and loving him (and you) as he is?

Or your best choice right now is to leave?

When a loved one changes his direction in life, its a matter of deciding if your love for him is deep enough to stay with him(and his flaws/insecurities) or not as deep and things dont work out and you leave.

He is having a hard time so as you. May that wont be the case forever. Think about it. Let him live as he chose to for the amount of time he is ready to make a decision. Give it time while you do your thing. Give love to him maybe its all that he needs at the time. He lacks something it seems so he turns into drugs. Think about all but in the process dont be hard on your self. Your child needs your love, yourself needs your love, and your husband as well. Stay strong and just go with the flow of life. Whatever happens let that be.

 

[John Iverson]

If I'm in your shoes? I would not leave him yet, because I understand how difficult to change... give him a support system, like go to a rehab center.. or go to a psychiatric facility or psychologist give him the support because change cannot come easily in 1 day and even if he wants to change he cannot do it easily.. don't expect that changes is easy. in your part I suggest you read The RoadLess Traveled... read it.. and i assure you things that can help you to take an action in the moment..  i know that you love him.. you and your daughter deserve a complete family.. i am not a supporter of a divorce, before you take a step to leave make sure do anything that can help him... first.. like give him a support system... focus your plans into positve plans and actions.. don't leave yet.. i know he wants to change.. but his "THOUGHTS" and EMOTIONS is the devil and the one who does all these shit  i feel sorry ... give him the light to survive his inner demon rather than go and leave.. but okay it is up to you...

Edited May 23, 2018 by John Iverson

[zoey101]

I have been with him 10 years... He says he uses it responsibly but I'm almost certain he was on it the last time he hit me... I don't have understand what I'm doing wrong... I've tried to be loving and intimate... But I can only do so much before my back starts to kill me... I've been trying to to make it his problem... But I still can't pick up my daughter for too long and I can't clean to much without being in agonyofter... I feel like I am just making things worse by not being able to do too many things... 

I know that I need to care for him... But I just don't feel okay right now.... 

[Guest Quanty]

Awaken, learn Tantra and you will be surprised that any addiction disappears. 

[Ether]

On 23/05/2018 at 0:40 PM, zoey101 said:

I have been with him 10 years... He says he uses it responsibly but I'm almost certain he was on it the last time he hit me... I don't have understand what I'm doing wrong... I've tried to be loving and intimate... But I can only do so much before my back starts to kill me... I've been trying to to make it his problem... But I still can't pick up my daughter for too long and I can't clean to much without being in agonyofter... I feel like I am just making things worse by not being able to do too many things... 

I know that I need to care for him... But I just don't feel okay right now.... 

Lol, look, you cant control him no matter how much you try, its impossible, leave him or stay, its your choice, you cant control him, only influence him.

[Jamie Universe]

On ‎5‎/‎23‎/‎2018 at 4:40 AM, zoey101 said:

He says he uses it responsibly but I'm almost certain he was on it the last time he hit me...

 

On ‎5‎/‎23‎/‎2018 at 4:40 AM, zoey101 said:

But I just don't feel okay right now.... 

 

I would personally draw the line at physical abuse, I don't know about you. But it only sounds like your gathering pain from this, if its painful to be around him, then its a dysfunctional relationship. Its not working.

The fact is you can't predict the future, you can only guess and make decisions accordingly. And if I had to guess, I would say staying in this relationship will bring untold amounts of pain in your future. But if you truly think he is worth a painstakingly large amount of work on your behalf, emotional/time consuming labor, then you can always try. 

[egoeimai]

On 5/23/2018 at 2:40 PM, zoey101 said:

I have been with him 10 years... He says he uses it responsibly but I'm almost certain he was on it the last time he hit me... I don't have understand what I'm doing wrong... I've tried to be loving and intimate... But I can only do so much before my back starts to kill me... I've been trying to to make it his problem... But I still can't pick up my daughter for too long and I can't clean to much without being in agonyofter... I feel like I am just making things worse by not being able to do too many things... 

I know that I need to care for him... But I just don't feel okay right now.... 

I didnt know he hit you.

Game over.

[Solace]

One thing for certain is that you defiantly need space, and whether that is a short term vacation from your husband or permanent one is up to you. 

I'd walk away as soon as there is any physical abuse personally, that is the universe telling you that your time together is over  

I recommend this video to anyone in a relationship, it goes into this in a much greater depth while having a few laughs too: 

Watch 32:00 especially for 5 minutes, we get out of mental and/or physical abuse the minute is shows up. This will change your life!!

Edited May 25, 2018 by Solace

[Key Elements]

On 23/05/2018 at 4:40 AM, zoey101 said:

He says he uses it responsibly but I'm almost certain he was on it the last time he hit me...

The word responsible doesn't go with being a father + taking meth.

I was only saying to pack up because you yourself need to recover physically and psychologically with your child. It's a lot. If you choose to move out now, it doesn't mean the relationship is over right away. He has to understand that. The thing is, he chose to be a man by choosing to be a father, but he's irresponsible and unacceptable. 

[zoey101]

Thank you guys.. I spoke to him about all of this.. he said he wasn't able to actually get any and he apologized.. I honestly don't know if I believe him... But I told him he needs to talk to me.. I am going to try and be there for him, as much as I can. I know I have to keep reminding myself that it's not about me. But I also told him that he needs to realize that I am limited right now.. I'm trying so dam hard to keep everything together right now. I told him I need help, and I wouldn't ask for it unless I really needed it..

I'm trying not to be selfish and only consider my feelings in this.. But it's so hard when it feels like he is so wrapped up in his problems, that mine just don't exist...

[Ether]

@zoey101 Why does it matter if he acknoledges your problems or not? Why not be self-dependent? Why are you being dependent on his love? Have you ever questioned that?

[zoey101]

4 minutes ago, Ether said:

@zoey101 Why does it matter if he acknoledges your problems or not? Why not be self-dependent? Why are you being dependent on his love? Have you ever questioned that?

I don't know... I'm not totally dependent on it... I take care of everything that needs to be done... it's just been hard to keep up with it lately after my car accident... I'm in physical pain constantly... and I have to go to constant appointments now for therapy and shit... I know it's not his problem... but it's hard to keep up with all of that plus my daughter and all of his problems... I don't know... 

[Ether]

@zoey101 Nobody ever helped me. If I asked for help, they would put me down. So, instead of being angry at the world (which I was for many years), I decided to help myself.