Rejection And Anger.

[Stef]

This is a pretty sensitive topic for me. I've gone through a lot of rejections in the past and feel hurt for it. Not just from a purely romantic sense. Like being rejected in a certain social circle, being made fun of or bullied.

I know I'm different and people don't like the ones who stand out. I try not to make a big deal out of it but sometimes it is infuriating because I know my value and feel overlooked or underappreciated. It makes me want to cause severe physical pain to others.

What are your experiences with rejection and how you handle it?

[Guest]

@Neuroticon

Hello, 

I can relate to you, I suffer from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).

Some quick techniques to manage the pain:

Walk away

Calm down

Notice your negative self talk and replace it with self soothing talk, be your own cheerleader and take yourself and your needs seriously

Take up a mindfulness practice, just breathing and bringing your attention back to the now to get a bit of stability

Re-frame your sensitivity as something positive - it means that you prefer to be around better people who care about you and respect you

Any questions I'm here to help

In the meantime:

I'd get professional counselling if the pain is this bad.  Self help might not be the right option until you have had a chance to talk to someone who's a bit more qualified.

Take it easy

[Guest]

If you want to try therapy, I can recommend 2  that might suit your needs:

Internal Family Systems Therapy

http://selfleadership.org/evidence-based-practice.html

And the second one is:

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/dialectical-behaviour-therapy-dbt/#.VuHg7fntmko

 

[Nathalie]

Why does it matter so much to you ?

49 minutes ago, Neuroticon said:

I know my value

.. Maybe you're not so sure about your value ?

 

[Stef]

1 minute ago, MartineF said:

Why does it matter so much to you ?

.. Maybe you're not so sure about your value ?

 

No, I know my worth. Being rejected sucks, that's all.

@Nomad Thanks but it's not so severe that it needs therapy.

 

[Guest]

@Neuroticon

59 minutes ago, Neuroticon said:

It makes me want to cause severe physical pain to others.

5 minutes ago, Neuroticon said:

No, I know my worth. Being rejected sucks, that's all.

@Nomad Thanks but it's not so severe that it needs therapy.

 

 

For your contemplation.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

 

[FindingPeace]

14 hours ago, Neuroticon said:

No, I know my worth. Being rejected sucks, that's all.

The question seems to be: why do you need others to recognise your worth?

If you are confident in your own worth then you wouldn't need to defend it or prove it to anyone.

15 hours ago, Neuroticon said:

I know my value and feel overlooked or underappreciated

Investigate your need for appreciation. Who are you trying to prove yourself to and why?

It's very easy to feel uncomfortable when people perceieve you differently to how you know you are. Or they don't see qualities in you that you know you have. The ego likes to assert itself, demonstrate the qualities, prove to people that their perception of you is wrong. But what would happen if you just accepted that they don't see the 'real' you. How would you feel? What would feel lacking if you just allowed people to think whatever they liked? This feeling might point you towards the root of this issue.

15 hours ago, Neuroticon said:

It makes me want to cause severe physical pain to others.

You want to 'punish' others for not seeing you for who you think you are. For not appreciating your worth?

This is a loosing game. You can't control the perceptions of others. None of us can. We are all subject to other people's thoughts and opinions of us. But the skill is to become independent of that. Become independent of the thoughts and perceptions of others and become confindent that we know our own worth and that is all that really matters.

You can't criticise or blame other, and definately can't punish them, for their own perceptions. They are not you. They don't think or experience the world the same way as you do. We are all different. You are expecting others to know what you know about yourself. To acknowledge what you see as value and worth. But the problem is that reality and people don't know or care what your expectations are. Your expectations are your own. You can't lash out at others for not fulfilling them. They don't have to any more than you have to fulfil their expectations and validate or acknowledge them.

Maybe you need to sit and introspect on how it makes you feel when you don't get the recognition from others. Try to unpick the feelings and see where they are comming from, what they are trying to protect you from. Somewhere in there is a need to project your self-worth on to others to gain recognition. This need is about you and not about them. This is why you can't take it out on others.

More often than not, when we feel provoked by other people it is highlighting something about ourselves. It's rarely ever about them.

 

[Guest]

The universe will never reject you. And you shouldn't reject yourself either. Whoever rejects you, it's really their own fault. They aren't even worthy of your time. Do what you love and the right people will come to you and accept you. But most importantly you need to be happy alone and not emotionally depend on anyone.