Why is it OK to not care what other people think of you?

[MisterMan]

When it's not OK to  "not care how people feel"

We get taught that the above is a virtue. To behave in a manner that accounts for someone elses feelings other than your own.
However i feel because i operate on this premise when interacting with others. The "stop caring what others think" program fails to load properly. As if the first belief "care how others feel" fucks with the programming in a sub category issued as an "update" that continously tries to re upload itself but the process never completes as there are some missing files that just won't let it run correctly.

I can't see how the two can rationally co exist aside one another. It's easy to accept the idea "stop caring what other's think of you" but marrying the idea with "care how others feel" doesn't compute.

When i try to apply "don't care what others think of you"  I interpret this as a distancing from the trauma.  Or to put it less dramatically, distancing from emotion. 

However this distancing doesn't take into account the relationship that the thought has with the emotion, at all. It just flat out denies it's there. And as such the program looks entirely like the product of fantasy in direct contrast to the previous interpretion which had that "pinned" as a reflection of reality.

Even though as writing this (the above) it has opened doors into the flow of assertive new programming strongly suggesting that all thought and emotions whilst are a process of reality do not reflect it in the manner in which we originally thought it to. Which leaves us with the suggestion that everything we think is a product of fantasy even though it is happening, it does not happen how we think it happens, even though it does. 

Now i'm starting to sound insane.

Does it ever end? There really seems to be just this huge effort in the excercise of logic, this process created to solve things. The problem solving equation begins to try and unravel itself, and you go round and round.

 

Can any one relate to this? 

 

Edited May 20, 2018 by MisterMan

[aurum]

24 minutes ago, MisterMan said:

I can't see how the two can rationally co exist aside one another. It's easy to accept the idea "stop caring what other's think of you" but marrying the idea with "care how others feel" doesn't compute.

This is you right now:

You can't reconcile these ideas because they're both true and false at the same time.

Contradiction is not the problem. In fact it's inevitable.

The problem is that you're failing to see that these ideas are true in a certain CONTEXT. They're models, approximations.

[Nahm]

@MisterMan Makes sense, if you’re alone. 

[MisterMan]

@aurum

Interesting, you're saying there is nothing that i can do to marry the two, i still feel there is some sort of peace that I can come to whilst both acknowledging . Almost a more nuanced approach to everything than painting everything with a thick brush of assertion. 

 

@Nahmcould you please elaborate? 

I was looking for some clarification on this and I can't for the life of me squeeze anything out of your short and blunt response that has anything to do with resolving this confusion.

 

[Truth]

@MisterMan It's okay to not care what people think of you because when you care too much (create an imbalance) you're too focused on the externals and these things are always changing and temporary and this creates the highs and lows you feel. "I can't stop fixing problems, they just keep coming up. It never ends." and this is why.

You have to ground yourself internally (your goals, your purpose, your top values), otherwise, you'll be in constant calibration mode. always solving problems.

Edited May 21, 2018 by Truth

[MisterMan]

boom. Now that makes sense! Good shit.

[Highest]

It's okay, you are not what they think you are. You are not what you yourself think you are. 

[Nahm]

@MisterMan You can just love other people. You don’t have to filter your love for people through judgments of what you think they think of you. You can just enjoy the loving. Thoughts & emotions are like the weather, relative to one’s past and always changing. Don’t look for the separation, the us & them, the him and me. Take a few deep breaths and feel the love and peace in your belly.  Thinking is silly. Imagine you are everything, and alone, “judging” yourself. Lol. If you find you don’t like what someone else thinks, then you’ve just found the opportunity to deepen your love & understanding. “Other” is an illusion. The resolve, is Love. Unconditional love directly into your self. Then, your default, is love, and thought is nothing. Just silly. 

[MarkusSweden]

14 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@MisterMan You can just love other people. You don’t have to filter your love for people through judgments of what you think they think of you. You can just enjoy the loving. Thoughts & emotions are like the weather, relative to one’s past and always changing. Don’t look for the separation, the us & them, the him and me. Take a few deep breaths and feel the love and peace in your belly.  Thinking is silly. Imagine you are everything, and alone, “judging” yourself. Lol. If you find you don’t like what someone else thinks, then you’ve just found the opportunity to deepen your love & understanding. “Other” is an illusion. The resolve, is Love. Unconditional love directly into your self. Then, your default, is love, and thought is nothing. Just silly. 

If anyone is consistent, with a radical non dual understanding, without ever pushing it on anyone else, it's you! 

Since I started to be more serious I see how important it is to always have a calm, careful approach in every interaction with others. 

Your mild attitude, yet radical in your dedication towards truth inspire me to be a "new" Nahm. 

Great response to @MisterMan

And your explanation of the da vinci(Michelangelo?) painting was so sharp and mind-blowing. You really have the capacity to pick up truth in art, be it, Bob Dylan or Da Vinci. 

Namaste.  

Edited May 21, 2018 by MarkusSweden

[Nahm]

@MarkusSweden Kind words man. Love U❣️

 

[MisterMan]

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

@MisterMan You can just love other people. You don’t have to filter your love for people through judgments of what you think they think of you. You can just enjoy the loving. Thoughts & emotions are like the weather, relative to one’s past and always changing. Don’t look for the separation, the us & them, the him and me. Take a few deep breaths and feel the love and peace in your belly.  Thinking is silly. Imagine you are everything, and alone, “judging” yourself. Lol. If you find you don’t like what someone else thinks, then you’ve just found the opportunity to deepen your love & understanding. “Other” is an illusion. The resolve, is Love. Unconditional love directly into your self. Then, your default, is love, and thought is nothing. Just silly. 

thank you, that made a lot of sense. I appreciate the knowledge.

 

So you're saying to bypass the filtration system where you project meaning onto the world completely, and focus on the fundamental feeling of love. It really feels like you're going back to basics of existence here. I think i can apply this.

Edited May 21, 2018 by MisterMan

[Nahm]

@MisterMan Pretty much man.   You might even see that there’s nothing to bypass. It’s a filter you’re holding in place. You created it. You’ve just done your best with what you’ve had to work with, and no one could really blame you.  You’re just doing your best. But you’ve been involved with that filter for a long time. It served you, but I think you can let it go now. It’s funny how we think we know what people are thinking anyways. We’re silly that way. 

[Ether]

@MarkusSweden Dont be a "new Nahm", be a new you

[MarkusSweden]

6 minutes ago, Ether said:

@MarkusSweden Dont be a "new Nahm", be a new you

True! I will. 

@Nahm has almost 7k posts but I never seen one single time he taking part in polemic discussions or arguments. Yet he has that radical and clear sight.

And he is one of few I believe that truly loves good art/music the way I do. He complimented my Dylan thread and he explained the painting I shared above in a mind blowing way. 

He also interpret the song "Positively 4th Street" by Dylan in a way that I like. 

I guess I just wanted to share my appreciation! 

But you're right, I should be me, and no-one else! 

It's not a bad thing to be inspired though!  

[Ether]

3 minutes ago, MarkusSweden said:

It's not a bad thing to be inspired though!  

Nope

[Nahm]

[MisterMan]

7 hours ago, Nahm said:

@MisterMan Pretty much man.   You might even see that there’s nothing to bypass. It’s a filter you’re holding in place. You created it. You’ve just done your best with what you’ve had to work with, and no one could really blame you.  You’re just doing your best. But you’ve been involved with that filter for a long time. It served you, but I think you can let it go now. It’s funny how we think we know what people are thinking anyways. We’re silly that way. 

makes so much sense.