How to enjoy human interaction while staying on my path

[cata]

I don't know how to stop being, lets say, nevrotic.

I am an introverted person and all my life I have been used to going nuts for 2-3 months on a specific purpose and then meeting 1 day with my friends and then going at it again. The purpose could have been a programming course, losing weight, learning to swim, etc.

This method is destroying my life. Right now I'm 26, I've finished college, taken my master degree, I lost weight to the exact point I love my body, I found a way for my other looks (hair, body wear, watches, etc), I have a good salary, a job that I like, I work with people that I like, I have brand new car bought (with a loan), etc. The last point on my TODO list is to make myself way less angry, get less influenced by random shit that happens in my life. I get easily angry with people, even if I am in a situation where I am being helped, even if I know they are good people etc. And I have a plan and I'm getting there. The plan is enlightment, but...

But I can't take it anymore. I have already been meditating for a year, and it helped me a lot. I love how I look, I'm not so in love with the material world anymore (like always looking into the future to buying shit, etc). The thing I can't take anymore is being so purpose oriented and enlightment may help me, but as anything else it needs time to get into the mindset, etc. I am still franatically staying on the path of my purpose, while in my daily life refuse to have any human relationship with the people around me. I don't take the time to talk to at least a specific person of my day to day life, or random shit happening to my life and it's eating me apart. Not only that, but my mind refuses to relax in my spare time (except for meditation time). I took some time off and also tried setting nothing for some weekends, but my mind still stays focused on my purpose. And actually I'm doing neither... I franatically scroll over facebook in the hope of finding something interesting and procrastinating to oblivion till I get on studying about enlightment.

Could somebody give me an advice? Say something? Anything? I don't even know what to ask for.

[Ether]

You are still allowed to be a human being.

[nour-cha93]

Being an introvert is not an issue at all, nor being an extrovert is. Its like being tall or short, having blue eyes or green eyes, you can make few good friends and meet up with them every once in a while if you do not feel like talking to people everyday. Being social has never meant having thousands of friends, few good friends, siblings, cousins will do. 

For me, I am my best friend so it makes no difference. 

[YaNanNallari]

In case you think you need to be very attached to the idea of enlightenment, you don't have to "Go for enlightenment!" super hard. With law of attraction the idea is to actually assume you have something and it will come to you. Wanting a perfect life therefore would go around to "I have a perfect life, so I don't desire anything more". With enlightenment you're giving up many mental constructs you hang onto and certain kind of desire and attachment is one of them.

Personally I've ditched social life for now, for my mind to relax it would right now just go back to whatever nice place of too much comfort and blinding myself. I'm constantly making an effort to meditate, be with whatever feelings and experiences are.

Anyway you will get there. You can read books, meditate more or whatever feels right by your intuition. Then you will start understanding more and more.

[Nahm]

@cata Study the relativity to your person so you can begin changing your state of mind at will.  That way you can chill when needed, and kick ass when needed. Use everything. 

[cata]

6 minutes ago, nour-cha93 said:

Being an introvert is not an issue at all, nor being an extrovert is. Its like being tall or short, having blue eyes or green eyes, you can make few good friends and meet up with them every once in a while if you do not feel like talking to people everyday. Being social has never meant having thousands of friends, few good friends, siblings, cousins will do. 

For me, I am my best friend so it makes no difference. 

I think it's ok to be an introvert as well. The thing that is destroying me is that when I have a purpose/target, some part of me still wants to be human and interact with people, the other part wants to focus blindly on my target. In the end do both wrong. I can't interact with people because I get some spare time my commodity/introvert feeling tells me "let's first do something not related to social crap, because that is boring and also consumes even more of my introvert energy that I also barely have. We'll get to that if we have some time left, or else meh". On the other hand I can't concentrate on my purpose/target because I feel a sense of emptiness, a sense of continuing struggle with no pause/relaxation.

[cata]

3 minutes ago, YaNanNallari said:

In case you think you need to be very attached to the idea of enlightenment, you don't have to "Go for enlightenment!" super hard. With law of attraction the idea is to actually assume you have something and it will come to you. Wanting a perfect life therefore would go around to "I have a perfect life, so I don't desire anything more". With enlightenment you're giving up many mental constructs you hang onto and certain kind of desire and attachment is one of them.

Personally I've ditched social life for now, for my mind to relax it would right now just go back to whatever nice place of too much comfort and blinding myself. I'm constantly making an effort to meditate, be with whatever feelings and experiences are.

Anyway you will get there. You can read books, meditate more or whatever feels right by your intuition. Then you will start understanding more and more.

Enlightenment right now is just a random excuse for me. No matter what purpose/target I have, I usually deactivate the needs for human interaction. I start placing them in the last priorities. And I don't know how to convince myself to upper people interaction higher in my priorities, since the lack of it does so much harm to me. The lack of it starts to be sensed at the end of the week, or when I try to relax in big spare times, etc.  When I am at work (the place where I am usually surrounded by a lot of people) my hunch prefers to the following to relax: randomly scroll on facebook and/or random websites, go and look outside the window, or anything else that would give me a quiet moment as opposed to interacting with people which would mean sound and such.