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Anna Konstantaki

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Posted

7544

  • productivity     :):):) 
  • creativity          :) 
  • reading             :):):):) 
  • exersice            :):) 
  • nutrition           :):):):) 
  • nature               :):):):):) 
  • preparation      :) 
  • meditation        :):) 
  • satisfaction       :):):) 

Spent some hours outside today and did my reading and note taking there. I love the thought that summer is ahead because that means I can do this more often. Live like it all matters but feel like it doesn´t because it doesn´t. I will never be more or less than anybody else. Is it what I have or what I don´t have that magnetizes new people in my life (mindsetwisely)? Or is it all just coincidence? Am I in a silent conversation with the world? On the street, in class, on the internet? Or am I maybe just paranoid? Or is this maybe just the beginning of (extra)ordinary life? 

(^  ^)

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               7545  (yesterday) 

For some reason I could not logg into my account yesterday (some error code ) but today I reseted my password and now I´m back in...

a trial

I did a meditation special yesterday. Downloaded enlightenment 3 amongst other on my mp3 and sat at a lonely spot by the river. Ok, maybe not that lonely because a fisher decided to come there as well but I just closed my eyes and went about my business. All I can say is that this session had quite an impact on me for a couple of hours after its end. I finished it and everthing around was... Strange. I remember having felt alienated in the world before and I remember asking people if they don´t wake up some days or leave the house like seeing everything the first time. It was very similar to that only that it lasted much longer. It did  not make me feel good or bad, just. Neutral... I was walking  home but I was feeling a little disabled to for example dance or jump because I was... How can I say that? Soaking it all in? I couldn´t stop having my eyes as open as possible (I hope I did not scare anyone) and my thoughts about what needs to be done or has been already done were very minimal, I was indeed barely in understanding why my feet carry me where they carry me. Another thing was that I lost my sense of time  because I took no clock or cellphone with me, all I knew was that it was getting dark and cold, which cold by the way left me almost unaffected (back home the clock revealed it being 21:50) and I had this carelessness about it. I was constantly feeling this urge to look upwards to buildings, lights, trees and the sky- things I usually don´t notice that much. This was after the session, during it I can say I had some moments of panick and almost shock weirdly embedded in a state of peace and relaxing. I don´t really have the words to describe it but be sure that it was hard and that my ego did not like what was going on. After this I see how easy certain thought streams gain way too much size and I, myself, give everything its dimension. If I am not carefull this balloons into neurotic patterns but this clearing process of meditation takes it all away, making it small, making all problems small, making the thoughts themselves small, making ME small and eventually, one day I will disappear. It is like guessing that the ego is really an illusion, it is like your intuition saying: Oh, you know where this will lead, right? You know it is possible. And then there is "me" firing with all my weapons, the insignificant kind of thoughts and sensations, to make some noise and distract from that... I guess this is just a slight experience, a tiny bit of work in the direction of enlightenment but at least I took some action...

  • meditation     :):):) 
  • preparation   :):):) 
  • productivity   :):) 
  • reading           :):):) 
  • nutrition         :):):):):) 
  • exersice          :):):) 
  • creativity         -*
  • nature             :):):):):) 
  • satisfaction     :):):) 

*As you can see creativity suffered a lot this week but at least I got in some more spiritual practise and nature. 

See you later for journaling the present day.

(^  ^)

 

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7546 (08.05.16)

  • productivity  :):) 
  • preparartion :):) 
  • creativity       :) 
  • exersice         :):):) 
  • nutrition        :):):):):) 
  • reading          :):):):) 
  • nature            :):):):) 
  • meditation     :):) 
  • satisfaction    :):):) 

What is this error code EX0? I can´t change my password each time I want to sign in the forum so I need a permanent solution for this. I will just stay online untill I know how to fix it so that I don´t have to change pw again.

I watched "the illusory nature of thought" video by the way... Looks like professor Leo gave us some homework. :P 

Need to relisten to it anyways...

the end/start/not really

(^  ^) 

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7547

I managed to do 5 illusory thought analysations but 1. I did them on paper and 2. the feeling part involved in "what it is" is a little unclear and I think I might re-do my sloppy work+ I wrote a dozen of thoughts still to analyze. I might transfer the exersice in the journal... We´ll see...

  • preparation   :):)
  • productivity   :):) this makes me worry... I really need to write more.
  • reading           :):) listened to some informative vid though 
  • exersice         :):):):)  
  • nutrition        :):):) had to try the v. ice cream I found...
  • meditation    :):):) Kundalini yoga got me in the right state
  • nature            :):) if someone could just vacuum clean or do the groceries or cook for me... 
  • creativity       :):):) made a pretty sketch but I don´t think I´ll turn in a painting
  • satisfaction   :):):) 100% present in class and fun learning

So stuffed. 7547. Was. So. Stuffed. But. I loved it! 

(^  ^)

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Posted

7548

  • preparation     :):):) 
  • productivity     :):):) 
  • reading              -
  • exersice            :):):):):) 
  • nutrition           :):):):):) 
  • meditation       :):):) 
  • nature              :):):):) 
  • creativity          :):):) 
  • satisfaction      :):):):) 

what a day... I meditated on a hill near/belonging to campus. Wrote some more illusory thoughts... VERY interesting... So many images... But I won´t extend on that... Went out near the forest to practise jumps tonight (I still suck at them but it´s fun so who cares?)... Just came back indeed... In my first course today I did not hear half of the stuff the teacher said because she was further from the mic than usual... I guess I should cut down on using hands free... I don´t know what to tell you really. I hope I´ll fall asleep soon... 

(^  ^)

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                                                                      7548                                7549                               7550

  • productivity                     :):):)                            :):):)                      :):):) 
  • preparation                     :):)                                  -                                     :):) 
  • creativity                          :):)                                  :):):)                      :):):):) 
  • reading                             :)                                        :):):)                      :):):):) 
  • meditation                       :):):)                             :):):)                      :):) 
  • nutrition                           :):):):):)                  :):):):):)            :):):):):) 
  • exersice                            :):)                                   :):):):):)           :):) 
  • nature                               :):):)                             :):)                            :):):) 
  • satisfaction                       :):):)                            :):):):)                  :):):) 

On 7549 I meditated behind a window corridor while it was raining heavily. I had some great moments in that small session...

Some great worries came to find me on Wednesday but I have come so far, I´ll find a solution to them... Especially now, that I finally built some habits and reached much more psychological stability. And in the end, it´s just the moments when I forget about reality, that these negative feelings can affect me. Speaking of reality, there is so much less to say about it, once one starts to digg in the illusory power of thoughts... I don´t know how many I have written down yet, I stopped counting but I have not reached 50 yet, I think... 

I don´t know how constant I will be writing the journal in the future. I think it is enough if I evaluate each day in some editor. Most of the thinking/writing is really not relevant-there are better ways to spend this time. I start to get it how they do it, the people who get a lot of shit done... I am getting closer to that life I wanted. It is a little overwhelming though and still fragile. Even if you have stopped living so much in past, you are not protected from any consequences of any choices ever made. Dispite however, the in my case financial problems ahead, I can say that "I" am "happy". This kind of "happy" is opening up posiibilities that amaze me... And YOU, yes you, reading this... Get up now and start doing something you want to get done before you die. I´m dead serious.

(^  ^)

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Posted

7554

I slowed down the pace the last days.

My biggest distraction has become music for some reason. I am somewhere in distraction/stimulation valey of sound...

Things have gotten... Well, not out of control but flexible, fluent... If you allow yourself to introspect when you want to, rest when you want to and work when you want to you might find yourself creating some handout for uni at 3 in the morning... Sleeping in the afternoon etc...

I did not see or talk to many people the last days and tried to keep it silent. 

Just yesterday I was journaling offline about the fact that I have lost the ability to stay silent which I quite mastered as a child and early teenager where I would even set goals for myself for how long I would not open my lips (must say that this had evolved of a rather neurotic background though)... I tried yesterday to do it and failed. 

It was clear to me that I would have to gravitate towards a more monastic life if I want it to live really extraordinary (=fulfilled=emotionally fulfilled) but this is actually exactly the period where I was about to speed up, or speeding up, living fast and forgeting about it... 

I have been breaking my head over which activity I want to quit or cut down in time... I have stopped watching many videos on youtube, I don´t have a TV, I don´t play video games, I watch no series, sometimes I even get by without music but it looks to me as if 24 hours are still short... 

Another struggle I have is thinking about relationships. All kinds of them really. What will happen to my friendships, how am I going to treat my family in the future and yes, should I start dating again?

I am aftraid that I will have to go through some mild depression when unplugging from everything and I am afraid to take the time to do it.

I have been dreaming around and I don´t regret it. What I regret is not making all ideas and creativity I have inside me into something real. 

I was thinking of changing the strategy... Of evaluating each by listing the 7 points I was taught in the lifestyle minimalism video. But... That would be a commitment of a new level... Enlightenment and life purpose would get zero all the time. SLOW, deliberate action? Pff...

I have realised that everyone is there and trying to catch my and peoples eyeballs. I feel like I have to choose who I am going to be/character traits/ego. This is a little bit like a double life. On the one hand the practise of blank nothing and the other moving smartly amongst people, "selling" them your vibes and thoughts and all the "good" stuff the person they and you think you are. In the beginning I liked the idea of the undercover monk but the transitioning is over and things are more serious because with all honesty it´s time to plan in the sacrafices or it´s all never going to be as fruitfull as it can...

I have been feeling great, enjoying the time but monkey mind did some big party in my head from time to time... Sometimes I listen to what it says or remembers, it really makes videos and shows-it makes me laugh. You see, a self entertaining ego can be harder to throw away than some other... I have not dealt with this contradiction yet, self acceptance and love, not being needy but then really saying that "I" do not exist and trying to get rid of its perspective... Higher self, lower self, existential nature... My head is a soup... 

I am not in real worry though. I feel calm right now. Yes, satisfied, yes... And it is nice... Mmm... So nice... Sometimes the answers pop up loud and clear, just like that... After some good emptying...

In the last video one of the last things that were said was " ...if you DARE...". I have come to the point where the information is all on the table and I know HOW, I know WHY... I know... But making plans... Doing... Even for me who wants this badly, it is a hard, if not the hardest commitment. Cravings, stimulations and... Success. Success is just the worst... I will try to let go of these though. I can do it. It will be hard but I´ll do it anyways.

That´s It/it.

(^  ^)

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Posted

7555

you are never alone

I catched a big fly by its left back leg (don´t ask how-I just did it- it was hindering my meditation). It wanted to escape so badly that it actually pulled out its own leg and flew away (came back though-could have killed it but I didn´t)... And I was left there holding its leg... Have you ever mindfully looked at a flys leg? And have you ever asked yourself how far you would go when fighting for survival? Then this young guy showed up again (I was in the forest sitting on a cut off tree (there were several). He asked if I was done (with meditation-he had passed by and waved earlier) and I gestured yes by moving my head. Then he said in pretty bad german that this was the best place for meditation in this forest and he does it here as well... I think I gave him some agreeing laughter or smile or something like that... He sat down, I jumped from my cut off tree to another and left... Maybe we meditators are more in number than I thought...

I know I could had spent the time after classes by doing homework but I felt like going to the forest and I did it and I don´t regret a single second of it. At least I´ll die knowing that on day 7555 I participated in class, learned, enjoyed water and food, felt the sunshine on my skin, filled my lungs with fresh air, got in touch with what is there all the time but people don´t care about because they are waiting for the weekend or are thinking of what they will wear when they go out tonight, or how much beer they will drink... Who needs that when paradise costs nothing. Only time.

(^   ^)

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Posted

7556

Library... Hours in the library... And then I meditated but it started to rain... So I just let it rain on me... Then I went to training. It was such a nice day.

(^  ^)

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Posted (edited)

@Extreme Z7 I think if  I had described it differently you wouldn´t  say that. But it felt free. About that I´m sure...

Edited by Anna Konstantaki

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Posted

7559

It is so beautiful to see myself finally doing things I wanted to do since ages but I always had an excuse for them.

This morning I was just filled with happiness and gratitude.

Midday I watched the victim mentality video part 2 to come to realize that this is exactly what makes the difference between how I was and how I am now... Now, I really believe I can reach the goals. What actually buggs me is if the goals are worth it, if they are strategically good and if they really line up with my top values but I guess my intuition works it out for me and trial and error are just part of the game.... I am putting myself out there either way... Let´s see what will happen.

summer

My parents paid a flight for me and I have around two months of time to get all the work for my studies done since I have no intention to dragg the material and pressure with me. I can´t believe I will go home. It´s a big chunk for me. I am trying to view this as neither negative nor positive and make the best out of it. If I manage to apply my lifestyle there everything should be fine. 

meditation 

What I found is that it is best if I just sit down with zero expectations and let all the thoughts and feelings overwhelm me for a couple of minutes and trust that while I am relaxing and allowing it all, it goes away, not because I force it somehow but just because it does not need to stay there, it slows down, gets more silent... Then the "click" moment comes when I realize why I sat down in the first place... Then I do some fire breath and that is usually when I dive inside for good. Sometimes the clarity lasts longer, sometimes it is really just in the process... I have gotten used to watch monkey mind come up again and again... It is always the same stuff, just in a different form... The less I stress about it, the easier it leaves me with each exhaling... Mindfulness? I practise it sporadically and inconsistently. What I find interesting about mindfulness meditation is that this labeling as seeing and hearing and all that creates kind of a mental photo and sound album... Now don´t get me wrong-it´s not like a photographic memory but it definitely supports recalling.

love and  good vibes-whateva...

(^  ^)

 

 

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Posted

7561

Been... Busy... 

I feel good about me and the world... 

So much going on...

So many things have changed...

I am curious about what´s ahead... 

I do nothing-time slows down

I do anything else-it speeds up

...but I feel...

I know how I feel...

Know what I need...

these 

good

satisfying days...

mmmm...

(^  ^)

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Posted

7562

brain dump?

Just remembered the how you lie video... When I watched it for the first time there was this point where Leo says something like: And you girls out there... You are not cute... And then I said out loudly: I am a whore. And then Leo said: You are a whore. And then I laughed... You see, there are a ton of people out there to be in a relationship with... Then there is this hand full of really interesting people... I have nothing against having strong feelings for one of them, the system going crazy, whatever... But... Two? That is the point where I am asking myself where on earth this comes from, how serious these ideas and feelings are to take. In the end one can resist psychology and biology... Just let the endorphines pass and do nothing, distract yourself, imagine all their falts... But. What if you are missing out on something? What if this is the opportunity to start a really qualitative relationship? But then again... I don´t want or need it... I just really like the idea, the illusory thought in my head... Then again, how on earth can I waste my time with these thoughts instead of being, learning and acting?

what´s going on...generally...

Sunday I woke up at 4 and desided to go to the forest to be, meditate and work (yes, I took my laptop to the woods...), Monday I had to re-do some big chunk of work because some data got lost but I managed to do it without even getting pissed or anxious despite the time pressure-Tuesday I had a micro in my face and stood on a podium, had a conversation with a mathematics student (finally found somebody who watches numberphile) and saw one of my parcour trainers in the bus... With a longboard... The same trainer who last week said to us, since tomorrow is a holiday that maybe we´ll see each other... In the suite (suite 15 he meant- that´s a club)... And he did not say that very loud and I was actually closest to him, heading towards the door than anybody else so... So, nothing actually. But he always chooses the music and  changes the songs during training so... Maybe he is a DJ? One of his facebook titel pictures is a monk charing food with a tiger... Once I asked the other trainer where they train outside of the sport center and he said that they would even just train by the Danube sometimes. I usually don´t mention meditation but I said: The Danube? Best case I ever go there is meditation. His answer? Oh, meditation is neat as well. (Ok, ok I was expecting they´d at least have a clue about this stuff-I was just testing them-see how much...). What I want to say is that these are "my people". Kinda funny, kinda cool but not show offs, kinda in a couple of scenes, spend time outside, like challenges, need a bit of adrenaline, students (20 something I guess), open minded, bit of artists, sporty (usually indicates they´re into health as well), with kinesthetic intelligence (no idea of psychology I am afraid though?)... Does this have something to do with self actualization? I am not sure. Could be seen as my monkey mind tricking me into thinking I should go for fun... Could be seen as me networking towards a life with people that resonate with me, have more values like mine, fulfill my days by learning from each other? The way we dress, the way we talk, react... Obvious... Some things are just obvious... 

health

Now I undersatnd what my mum meant all those years when she´d say that I had no color in my face or that I look sick and similar stuff. I mean, it´s May and I probably look better and more tanned than in July last year... Now I can go outside without getting either cold and sick or burnt and dizzy. Oh yes, GO OUTSIDE. I am outside, I don´t stay locked up in 4 walls with the thought that I have SO much work, I can´t or don´t diserve the oxygen... Before my grandfather (from the greek side) died, he said: A life in which I can´t feel the wind on my face is not worth living to me. I guess that is why he passed away so soon after realizing that from that point on he´d be in a bed, in a hospital. I look back and the really fulfilling memories of my childhood were not watching TV and videos-that was fun too but what was really nice was the outdoors or at least the creative indoors... If I want to plan my future and be healthy in it, I need to accept that I am a "nature person". That´s just how it is. 

(^  ^)

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7564

Ok, let´s just copy-paste what I wrote in the editor earlier in the day...

A green lawn can dry out in day, a couple of hours...

The warm can become hot...

The ideas one liked can become anecdotes...

Nothing is stable. 

After all I think that maybe these months are the last proof 

that I gathered to see that there is no satisfaction

in a non spiritual or halfways spiritual life. 

I better go empty my wardrobe... 

Get rid of all the "skins" I wear to pretend that something 

is different one day from the other, even though it´s just the ego´s mood. 

Even by getting the peak of joy that fast life

can provide, it just can´t touch the way inner peace makes me feel. 

Yes I am young but only because young people in my country do other stuff at this 

age I have no reason to not go my own path.

What else I feel is that the negativity can´t touch me anymore.

I try to listen, to give some love, to share my smile...

And it works. People respond differently because I changed.

I am free. 

It´s really just a feeling I´d like to share but feeligs can´t be shared.

It´s nice... Warm, cosy, safe, soothing, relaxed...

I see mistakes but they are just mistakes...

I see ideas but they are just ideas...

I see smart, dumm, big, small, deep, surface, speculations, facts...

But it´s just words, rated words of which half of them we want to 

hear and the other half not... I can´t say I don´t care, just that

I do in a different way. Does it matter where I live, does it matter

what I do my mental masturbation (i.e. job) about? Does it matter 

who I spend time with? Really just to a limited degree... 

Can I stay alone? Can I be in peace? Can I feel good? Can I accept everything?

The bigger changes happen rather slowly so one just has to first accept

how things are at the moment. I could work my ass of, study like mad, train like

mad, oh yes and... GO mad? Can you lean back, being all chilled and say: Let´s 

work, knowing that what you do is rather insignificant and pointless but feel 

awesome? Or can you tell stories you gathered throughout your life to 

someone with all your heart and emotion but be detached and without identifying with 

anything that ever was? Can you just breath in air and feel like someone just 

gave you a present? Can you actually be there and feel this endless source of... 

Love? If you can-hold on to that-if you can-you are over the hill I´d say, somewhere on the 

way to leaving neurosis behind forever... 

We overreact so much... Sit on the ground and let the ants and spiders start walking on you...

Just do it if you dare... You will discover that you can coexist just fine.

And the day you start smilimg at that ant tingeling your skin... That day when the 

others say you are childish or foolish, that exact day you´ll have gained the best weapon...

(°   °)

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7566

Morality... Morality... Mora... Morra? Eddie Morra from Limitless 2011...

Sorry guys but I have fiever-I am sweating-I catched something yesterday, so don´t mind me if I sound a little messy... These things (just) happen.

Watched the new video of course... Well, I have switched my view on morality a couple of times during this life... I met a lot of people who would just hate, get angry or scared because... Because" bad" and desided that I do not want to be like them. Cherry on the tart was reading Psychologie des Bösen/psychology of the bad by Lydia Benecke some years ago and the shift was complete... But I am still a victim of moralizing here and then... Still judgemental but in such a smaller degree than before... And well, saying that the world is as it is and has whatever people it has in it and that is how it should be is difficult to always remember and apply. I am still going back and forth in development... I have felt more than once that everything was/is exactly right and perfect but then again there come these times where I don´t trust the world, I don´t trust myself and I feel like things should change, that I should try to change them... But it clicked in my head today. A little during the video and a lot a couple of hours later. That I will gain  a lot by clearing up all the thoughts that make me try to digg a hole at the bottom of the ocean? Sure. Will my view and I be accepted by most of the people around? If I keep my mouth shut, I guess, then yes... No other word could had decribed this better than, like Leo said, scary. So, Leo, if they cross, kill you, whatever, some day, I won´t judge them... ;) 

Much love

(^  ^)

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7569

opening up

Don´t tell your neighbour he can knock on the wall if he wants to communicate... You might be about to leave for classes and hear the wall being knocked through in all possible directions, loud and clearly in repeat... Have I by the way mentioned that the best grade I ever wrote at an exam during my time here at uni was after a birthday party, drunk and with 4 hours of sleep? You know, there is this phrase I find myself  repeating the last two years and it is: My life never gets boring-I could lock myself in my room all day and it still wouldn´t be. Anyways... I guess the most important news is that I finally made an appointment with the student psychologist... ME. Yes, I did that. Wow. I reached out for help. Congratulations. There are like a thousand things I have not lost a word about here and I hope I´ll be able to communicate them in some order to that stranger and... Yea. Just. Communicate them... Since I was sick the last days my productivity level got the drop of drops but I am finally feeling better and did proudly visit all classes so far... 

hello?

I am not sure if it is so great that if one googles my name, except of the people who have the same name as I do (well ok, not quite-I have a greek middle name as well that translates into "little cross") my actualized.org profile can be found. I was actually thinking that it does not matter because everyone is busy with themselves and nobody is going to search for me (especially not the people who already are in connection with me on social media) but sometimes I get this uncanny Truman show feeling... So just in case you are not one of my close friends and you want to claim knowing me I encourage you to reconsider this thought. I am on this forum everyday so if you want to know something just A.S.K. (best initials ever, right?)

who? me?

Which brings us to the next point... Isn´t my ego just a nice blend and mix of experiences, maybe a little gene predisposed and acting out with some moral filters? Isn´t the thought of who I am/my ego is (ok, ok... the ILLUSION of my ego...-you happy now?) immediately a throwback to past perspectives and a time spent  living in the past? How much sense makes it to work through it all when you have the ability to be happy in the moment? 

Things just happen. Let´s do our best and see... No guilt, no shame, no judging... Sat-Nam... It´s good to be alive.

(^  ^)

 

 

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Posted

7572

 going somewhere

Ok. So I caught myself feeling guilty only because I did not accomplish much this week because I was sick (finally completely recovered since yesterday :) ). Back in the game with energy I found myself in this place where I had no idea where to start from working again, so I got overwhelmed and anxious and a little procrastinating, really on my way back to neurosis... So I did some introspection and digged through the past again (I am trying to understand and accept whatever was) and that costed some time and energy but I guess it was worth it (as long as one does not take on the victim mentality and gets lost in self pitty...). But I found myself still feeling that I need to run and catch all trains... The train of the household, the train of studying, the train of doing exersice, meditation... But I remembered all the times in the past when this shoulding took a bad end so I decided to just keep calm and do the self acceptance exersice... I feel a lot better now. I realized that this is the critical period where I either fall back and throw the last months in the garbage or actually get the curve and manage to maintain the new lifestyle and state of mind. Notice the word maintain here... I think this was one fault, that I tried to accelerate something that can´t be accelerated.

I am really starting to think that the immune system has some intellignence of its own... The mind can be euphoric and dream and work upon a dream, while forming this vision for life but some sub-programm, the homeostatic mechanism is there to say: Wait! Slow down, who do you think you are? Before you do something stupid in your ecstatic overdrive I want you to consider me and my limits... Lucifer! (because pride comes sooner than the police allows...). So you just catch a cold, flew whatever... And not untill that day you really dedicate to listening and realize you oversaw some stuff-you get fine. Proof? No I have absolutely no proof that it works that way but hey, that´s at least a good description of how I feel about it (and this journal is mainly about how I feel along my journey, right?)... 

no medication-just meditation

One of my new favorite phrases (feel free to steal). If one sticks to the habit consistently it´s just mind blowing where it takes you... I was thinking the other day that one can get addicted to the state that drugs bring you into but if you have had some good outcome from meditation you´ll be seeking this state just as much. The good news is that meditation does not cost anything except for time whereas drugs cost money and your health to some degree. The bad news is that meditation is for the majority of the time, not a pleasant thing to do... 

the journal

Even though the login bugg has been fixed for a couple of weeks now I have not gone back writing daily entries. I still journal on paper or offline when I feel like it... Here are some serious questions I have to ask myself: Did you improve your work ethics? Yes. And no. Well in the general yes and in the specific kind of no and at first very and then no and it´s all actually very far from how I had planed it would be so... No. :S Oh, what a sinn we found here to love to death... Good. What about point 2 (i.e. clarifying my vision for life)? Well, I let go of the desire to change the world on some profound way and listened to what I want to do to feel fulfilled, which in my case really isn´t much, expect of nature and health, movement and peace and things like that... So my vision for life is really to just be the example of someone who goes her own path and finds satisfaction in the moment. I know it sounds spongy but I have my clear vision there... Still working towards a some day rather minimalistic life in an eco capsule as a spiritual, artistic, scientific mixed up life hacker most people think is a crazy failiure. Oh here is my new mantra by the way- I did not make it up, it just came to me... "Let´s go hack the mind space" :P As for point 3 (meditation, self acceptance, techniques and whatever I had listed back then), I can say it is the one with the biggest growth. I really understand a ton more about all these concepts and techniques now (yeeeey-progress). 

eh... Here. Is a heart for you? : <3 (Leo, why on earth is there no heart emoticon!?)

Well, you get the point... ;)

(^  ^)

 

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