Sonder

[Anna Konstantaki]

 I love 7512...

answers  FROM THE PAST- looking back to look forward

...Reading old stuff to see false beliefs, old perspectives and maybe find some grains of truth... 

On 20.3.2016 at 10:19 AM, Anna Konstantaki said:

  But I can´t live a life playing Pocahontas. That would not help me or anyone else.

This false belief has led to bad strategy. Evaluating sources of joy in the past, the most spiritual part always revealed itself in nature and connection. Furthermore spirituality diserves being the very first and very prioritized goal, even if it does not seem so. Thinking on a macro scale more benefits in ALL domains come with spiritual practise than with any other. Words have been spoken that were there already... 

 

28.12.2015 (7393)

It was privileged to experience a higher state again. 

The grass was reflecting nuances of blue and violet today and 
that one tree with the orange branshes hanging down like hair...

[...] The water is overlaping movements creating a 
system that looks chaotic though it is just simply a pendling back and 
forth, just waves and borders, just wider becoming patterns immerging
in one blurriness that still appears to be so harmonic in the whole 
and hypnotizing while reflecting the suns light that one can´t stop
wondering and starring. 

The colours are intense and diverse and the trees are structures made 
out of the material of the ground but still they are so complex and 
so majestic in their hight, so unique in their detail and uncomparable 
with the buildings that out of context somehow where implanted on the
ground. 

It has the best teachers, it has artists, it has the internet, it can 
see into the minds, it can grasp the ideas like no generation did ever
before. 

In its mind dimensions open and space is created for the deeper meaning
of everything it sees. The layers unravel, the painting can be played 
back and forth, the colours of the sky are being added one by one and the 
clouds can be looked at from above. The length of the bridge is 
measured in its spinning body and the ground is funny, hairy... Reaching 
out to feel, reaching out for expansion, reaching out for the sun and the 
air. Life that wants to live, the celebration of survival, the beauty in 
the wild, the spirals lining up, the symmetry, the horizontal
lines, the curves, the shapes nobody can describe... 

It is real, it is cold it is beautiful and it wants to be touched, experienced,
it wants to be understood (nature) but it (the self) does somehow want the same. 

So while looking at each other, one with the eyes and one with simply 
being there is an exchange of a different kind.

If the other humans could ever feel its pleasure and innocense in that 
moment they would not need all the drugs, they would not need all the 
numbing, they would just release and feel like children again. 

Freedom is something people can´t buy. Feelings can´t be bought, not yet at 
least. Healing can´t be bought, not yet at least. The inside and the outside
met today on day 7393 and became friends, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers,
lovers... [...]

Forever weird, forever happy, forever paranoid, forever free and forever true. 
A second childhood is like the rainbow after the storm. We are so powerful and 
what do we know... Nothing.
 

7401 

[...]

One simple thing. Just some endless time alone with creation. 

Life all around, sounds and smells... Oneness. 

Sacred movement, ancient particles from the beginning of time, 
air that has been recycled a billion times.

Beneath its feet... Everything that ever was... Above its head...
All that ever will be... Inside it... Everything that ever MIGHT 
be. 

It knows nothing... But feels everything and guesses something.

DEEP in it there is the truth. Look outside. Look inside and 
wonder. Answers are everywhere but everywhere´s a riddle. 

The world is complex and the layers of truth many. 

Beautiful... Beautiful it wispers... A smile upon its face, a 
tear in its eye. Nostalgia, now I know where you come from! 
Now I know... [...]

From the light and shadows, the wood and the stone, the soil 
and the plants, the oxygen out of their mouths... Home is where 
there is a sky above and the ground beneath and nowhere else and 
that will never change, not as long as it lives in this body, 
on this planet...

 -27.12.15

yesterday was "the last throw up." 
the throw up as a symbol for all the sickness and
disguisting things of the past. everything that ever made it sick.
it apologised for all the pain it caused to itself.
healing takes its time and healing takes feeling.
puking in the green grass while kneeling in front of the setting sun,
the purple, the pink, the orange, the blue painting the sky and swallowing 
everything else in darkness... Surrender to your feelings and nature
will do what it has to... feeling to understand the pain, suffering 
to learn loving in the future. 

creation was looking down at it and it was motionless waiting for the
crimes impact to pass. there is no time for more healing of self made
wounds. there is no time for more numbing, there is no time to 
search for someone to carry the weight. 

it won´t have to only carry its own weight but the whole worlds weight
very soon. the mission is far from completed. 

what is killing the humans is not the cold wind, it´s not the bacteria,
not the cancer. what is killing humanity is ignorance, lies and
numbing. 

learning to release is like learning that life before was no life at
all, that it was a painfull, meaningless matrix in that no truthfull
thought could survive and thrive. 

the biggest price the homo sapiens has to pay is its biggest gift.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

-31.12.15

It is procesing things in its sleep and its sleep becomes an exhaustive state,
a sistopia, not a nice place. 

It is seeing blood again. The invinsible wounds nobody sees start bleeding out
of the blue. Only because of thought. Only because of mind time travel.

It won´t bend to the silent abuse, to slowly dying! If it fails a thousand times
more until this is over, if it succeds only for one day... 

It believes deeply that every day can be a celebration, that it could wake up 
every day and swing itself effortless out of the bed to start the day because it simply
loves life and all its quests. 

It has to apologise to itself AGAIN, even if it is starting to get boring.
Only love can lead somewhere in this concrete jungle. 

Inflamations pass, cloudy skys and entangled thoughts... 

The decision has been taken and there is no turning back, there is no giving up.

One can either feel and be alive while living or numb and be dead already. 
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE NUMBER AND THE NUMBER

The number won´t ever see the truth because the truth belongs to those who are
willing to experience it full sense, whatever that might mean. Sometimes it 
means extasy and sometimes it means pain but both are valuable and beautiful
and exist for a reason, for a balance. 

The person who numbs himself is called number. He is just a number. Not a human
but a number. Numbers are numb. Why? because they can´t feel, they don´t have 
feelings. They are ratios, representative for something. But some...
Some humans see beauty in numbers, they see their potential, abilities and 
uniqueness. They transform the numbers in feelings. They change the semantics
of the word. So, it supposes that after all this polysemy combined, mathematitians
must be empathic people with an eye for the detail and hope. Or maybe... Maybe they
are just numb like their numbers and that explains why they find them so pretty.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

4.01.16

Its love is quantum, it isn´t bound to space and time. 

Its love is quantum. Maybe It can´t prove it, maybe they can´t 
see it and maybe it does not exist.

It trusts just like that, it forgets, just like that. 

Where is it going? What is it doing? Little human... 

It smiles about the feeling, it smiles about the love. 

 [...]

You are convinced so very easy. Nobody can heal you, only you.

You are on a mission. This is a mission. A mission beyond words.

Some things have to fit on the string of time and right now, the 
time is not ripe yet, the mind not strong enough.

It wants to give away responsibility about its inner child, to 
rest in a pair of hands for once, it has not done this so long 
that it almost can´t remember how it feels like. 

Is this just a trick? Is this real? 

[...]

There they pass...the thoughts... And deep down they are so 
beautiful, empathic, endorphine filling... But they need to pass...

Movement in the quantum world. Two particles doing the same, 
communicating over distance. You never know what they will do... 

We are already connected. The fact that we met has connected us
even more. We walk around with invinsible strings and feel heavy
sometimes. But once we become aware the strings become wings... 

It is flying now, away from this joy and this pain, because it
has felt them and never understood. Now, they are quantum, like its
thoughts. 

Release... Release... Breath... The lies are falling out of its 
mouth, the truth is about to appear. 

TOMORROW... Tomorrow said... Tomorrow... What will happen?

7431

Maybe seeing that It is fooling Itself is catharctic and terrible
at the same time. 

[...]

There is no free will. There is responsibility, planning and 
working and hoping and thinking. These are real but in the end... 
Things happen.

 

7440 27.01.16

Not even the creativity is its own... 

When all ideas and all patterns and structures that humans

build reoccur in the known universe its seems like that there 

is a predeposition of creation as well as an innate drive to get 

inspired and reuse what already is, consciously or not. 

For texts this is intertextuality but there is no word for it 

for architecture, or for technology or for art.

Maybe it is time to admit that the human ideas are not clearly the 

humans or that there is no border between nature and human. 

The human does very slowly as he or she evolves change the 

structures he or she builds in order to become as perfectly 

fuctionable as natures systems, which are complex but the best and

only blueprint for futures technology.

Nothing is Its own. It is just perception.

Life passes by like a movie. A movie where in this very moment It 

is wearing ear buds and sitting at a table with people It does 

not know, that talk about things It does not know. 

 

All diplomas, jobs and things in the world... All the cars and houses and bank accounts... No... Just no... "I" will be judged. "I" will be very weird. "I" won´t be understood or liked but at least there will be freedom from all the nonsense and there will finally be peace, just peace, which is really all one could ever ask for...

......

(°  °) (°  °) (°  °) (°  °) (°  °) (°  °) (°  °)

 

 

Edited April 4, 2016 by Anna Konstantaki

[Anna Konstantaki]

7513

living the PARADOX

So I did my no I-no It challenge in my head last night... It is like doing a bad translation of the language of ego into the language of happening...

From ecstatic happiness to heat rushes and thought-bombs the night that passed was over... Maybe 2 deep hours of sleep-after that I could have run a marathon. Instead I kind of tortured myself by staying in bed untill I got sleepy again... 

The good news is that I know what to do. I can´t avoid prostituting my mind if I don´t want to be homeless, I can´t avoid dirty feet walking in my head and I can´t avoid  all suffering but I can avoid living for those things. So I will be doing all the things "I" like and "I" don´t like at all but I will never again try to trick me into thinking that I Iove or need any of what I do. Interestingly, logic would expect me to feel as if then it is all pointless. It IS pointless but by coming back to the spiritual side of life every day, they are... How can I say it... A refreshing distraction, a little game alongside all the heavy being... Logic would say now that then there can not be any success but logic leaves out the ability to give things completely new meanings, to change the semantics of what we do. Isn´t it the journey that makes us happy (if we allow it)? I thought I can´t do contradicting things but I have been saying and doing contradicting things my whole life. I will be part of the matrix untill I will be able to sustain my life without it. I will use the ego to dissolve the ego. I will use the matrix to get out of it.

So nothing changes? It all stays the same?

Everything changes. Absolutely everything changes ...and nothing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(°  °)-(°  °)-(°  °)-(°  °)-(°  °)-(°  °)-(°  °)-(°  °)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Anna Konstantaki]

7514

Yesterday was good... I went slacklinig with some friends, told them about the forum and what I am trying to do. 

I found this youtube channel and website for college students who want to improve themselves by Thomas Frank. It is designed in a similar way like actualized.org. I will be focusing  a lot on it for the next days.

By the way... I know that some entries have some bad english but keep in mind that I am not a native speaker.

On the one hand nobody likes having nightmares and on the other hand I am glad to have nightmares because they stop me from oversleeping...

I think I am taking this whole thing way to serious. Every day I am thinking about self development and what I will do in the years ahead. It gets hard not to overjudge myself and expect some kind of masterplan. I really need to stop mistaking all the "training" that lifes gives me as failure. It is like expecting a baby to start walking right away without falling a couple of hundred times. I have a friend who dropped out of college because of that. He could not accept mistakes and procrastinated his work untill there was no reverse. His parents expected him to be perfect from day one. Isn´t it insane how many people are suffering because of having been bullshited for years and years and do not even know it?

I am making a goals list today with goals of all kinds... I will be doing a ton of other stuff as well but I don´t think that I need to write an epos in here. Besides that, I am hungry... 

[Anna Konstantaki]

7515

                                                                         

• productivity :                                     
• preparation:                                     
• creativity:                                          
• nutrition:                                           
• exercise:                                           
• reading:                                            
• meditation:                                     not yet
• satisfaction:                                      

(^  ^)

[Anna Konstantaki]

7516

• productivity :                                        day was focused on other kinds of tasks   
• preparation:                         did A LOT of planning
• creativity:                                         not that I had none but there was not much time for it          
• nutrition:                                        
• exercise:                                         
• reading:                                      I should start counting pages          
• meditation:                       *
• satisfaction:                               I wanted to get done more
• nature:                              exception-I bet most days this one will get maybe one or two smileys...

I added "nature" as you can see... Thought it is a part of "concentration of force" in a single days strategy... 

*I went to a place near where I lived in my first college year... I was really excited to go to one of my favorite places from back then... And see my tree friend under which I once meditated about a year ago (I was not inspired by Budha or something, I knew almost nothing about that stuff back then-just wanted to try some since Leo had recommended it so badly) and what did I find? They cut it down!!!! My tree! They just cut it down!!! It was not bothering anyone at that spot-what where they thinking?! From all that trees to cut down my friend... Shame on them...  I can really get sad about stupid things like this but... Rest in peace my tree... I hope that at least my tree friends on Rhodes are still fine... However... I sat down and remained very motionless... VERY motionless... Now, this spot is where two rivers flow into one, it is like a triangles top surrounded by water. So, I was motionless and staring at the water untill this white swan appeared swimming from my right side to the left. It was very close and it looked SO white because the weather was SO grey... Well, and I could not resist and turned as it was swimming out of my sight. Life is really full of distractions I thought but some distractions are so pretty, I guess they´re worth it... Anyways... I am going to brush my teeth now... Have great day or night or meal or somethin´... ciao  

-(^  ^)-

 

Edited April 8, 2016 by Anna Konstantaki
I wrote "were" instead of "where"and stuff like that...

[Anna Konstantaki]

7518

No entry on 7517?

What happened? Well, a friend texted me on facebook that she is in town  and since I wanted to get some fresh air we ended up going for a walk together... We spent 6 and a half hours  mostly walking around the river, sitting down talking (mostly about our lives, life itself, plans, society and uni) and then at stores to find her a new bike pump, a present for one of my friends birthday and minor stuff like that. I don´t think evaluating the day makes much sense... I mean even nutrition would just get 3 of five because I absofruitly had to try the new vegan jelly brand from bears and friends... And stuff my face with it... I have to say though that I came home with mixed feelings... On the one hand it was good to have opened up to someone, seeing where I was and where I am as well as seeing to what struggles she could relate and which not (she is one of the people I met just about 1 and  1/2 years ago and I have never hanged out with her alone) and on the other hand I felt like I was digging through old stories and stuff I wanted to leave behind like the ego itself only to be able to give a somewhat accurate explanation of who I am and why I am here, doing what I am doing. Well that was the majority of 7517, the rest was cleaning my place, watching some college geek, listening to music, reading a few pages, throwing away stuff I  do no more need, cooking... just ordinary life...

new goal: find the perfect technique(s)

Weehoo-new video  The tactic he talked about is really applicable to all audiences and any domain... Yet so simple... Good old smartass Gura... Now, if we look at my own life then I´d say I have already commited to work on self actualization each day by checking into the forum and watching and re-watching videos... That is set, it´s going and fine but with it come all the sub domains like meditation and my studying, reading etc... The things I am working on at the moment bring me to the limit of my reserves so I will either have to combine some things like social life with the rest of what I am doing or become a huge nay sayer to stick to my plans. Actually no, it´s not that black and white... I guess I can work on several domains each week without cutting all other things that life brings with it  if I prepare properly...I guess the hardest parts are keeping the intention every day, finding the fitting technique and  writing it down so that it will not be forgotten. So how do I keep the domains intention and reset it every day? Reminders and motivation I guess? By having found the fitting technique I guess, which makes me happy I guess because if it fits it works and if it works I am happy I guess... Ok, Ok... Mmm... So what I have to do now is write down all the stuff that ever worked for me I guess and craft that together... So you say I work on technique perfection? Am I not doing that already? Yes but now you are aware of it and the process and how it fits in the tactic and therefore more motivated and you have a name for this activity in case you have to explain it to someone? Ok, ok, I get it... I guess I´ll go back to work now... 

I´ll check in later again.

[Anna Konstantaki]

same day

 

                                        7517                          7518  today

• productivity       -                                    
• preparation                                 
• creativity                                            
• nutrition                                  
• exercise                             -
• reading                                               
• meditation         -                                     
• satisfaction                                   
• nature                                 -

[Extreme Z7]

@Anna Konstantaki The latest video almost made me feel like a dummy. It's so simple in its message yet we haven't even thought of it ourselves. I guess some of us overthink things, really. I'm going to try to write down the techniques that work for me too.

[Anna Konstantaki]

7519

So I dragged myself to the sportscenter to try out kundalini at 7:30. I have no experience with classic yoga or kundalini or any of this stuff... I think it is a good starter for a Monday morning so I´ll continue going there... The teacher was definitely trying to teach us some spiritual background and if I did not know some concepts from actualized.org I would have probably said she is one of those woo of foo and whatsonot hippies. At some point I felt like an anime character, I don´t know, I guess the music was a little kitsh at that point-and then the moves.... But it was cosy there, a little like in kindergarden-only that instead of kid songs, now it´s mantras... 

Tonight is a birthday party of a friend. I have planned to fill a beer bottle with coconut water and stay two hours maximum. I just hope people won´t move from the kitchen to the bar too early because then I might go unconscious and stay too long. Evaluation of the day so far:

• productivity      
• preparation      
• creativity           
• nutrition            
• exersice            
• reading              
• meditation        
• satisfaction       
• nature                

++there is a chance of buying/working on the life purspose course earlier than planned.

(°  °) >(^  ^)> (°  °) 

[Anna Konstantaki]

7520

I stayed exactly 2 hours and went to sleep on time. But that was yesterday so what about today? After the last course today I was in pain, pain, pain...

emotional problems

There is this girl I know from the beginning of my studies-probably the first normal and boring person I ever had as a friend. I saw her today in that course that started (also hanged out a bit after the course)... The world is not fair-I have understood that ... But. As somebody who asks herself why people are how they are all the time I am reminded of how I and many others are just in disadvantage. Reality hurts. Jealousy hurts. The ego is always asking the question: And what about me? Why did nobody help me? Why did I grow up this way? Why did my brain become swiss cheese? Why did I have such big problems to concentrate? Why don´t I get the presents she gets or even just the feeling of support and safety? Why could I not perform like she did even though we had worked together the same hours? And when I hurt I have to feel to make it stop but when I am in class or have to execute a programm in general, I am in the dilemma of sitting down and feeling or just go for some kind of numbing to be able to function like it is required. I don´t want to be like that. All I want is health but there is none. I did not learn it and now I have to be self taught. Hours of my life I spend figuring out how just to be ok, not even super great but just ok-hours of work just to reach a state that others were in a sense, born with. I can keep saying that none of these happened to ME or use whatever technique I want to-my arm starts hurting and then other parts and if I don´t close myself up somewhere to let tears roll I am in danger (of my myself). I can´t even cry in front of people. Even though I know that people will probably not step on me when I am already down like my mother did, I feel unbelievable stress and threat when I want to cry-god forbid somebody hears it. So ridiculous... So much energy wasted. For shit. I know people who have seen therapists though and are not doing better, maybe even worse than me. I don´t want this cancer, I want to live and be happy and I am trying really hard and... I am doing progress. I have reprogrammed myself from scratsh and I have hope and faith that one day I will be entirely free from this. In the end I can get high of gratitude when I get what others take for granted. Sometimes I get high for no particular reason. I am just happy about the smallest and seemingly insignificant things. But these states come mostly when I am alone or don´t have to do conversations. I guess that is one of the reasons why I want to live alone. 

old man

A while ago I started adding all people on facebook that have the same surname as I do... There is this old man who uploads photos and stuff from old times... He just posted a video today where he is talking about technological advances he experienced through his life and habits people had before and stories fro his childhood and it ends saying that now that people do study (go to university) and learn letters (get educations and jobs) it is that they are miserable (he lived and still lives very simple). The less you know, the better and the dummer you are, the happier you will be, he said. 

• productivity      
• preparation      
• creativity           
• nutrition            
• exersice             
• reading              
• meditation        
• satisfaction       
• nature                

(°  °)

 

[Extreme Z7]

@Anna Konstantaki Can't say I agree completely with the old man's thoughts. However, I will say that he has a point. (I mean you should read my latest entry). Education is a very important tool for mastering life but the academic system just doesn't seem to care about that. Instead, it's all just performance and learning to cooperate with other people, even if it's work you don't enjoy and is not helping anyone, just more requirements to complete.

I hold the opinion that the old man is simply focused in learning what he wants to learn in order to find satisfaction. Universities and schools are so broad and too demanding in their approach to learning that it just ends up being one huge distraction.

[Anna Konstantaki]

@Extreme Z7 Yeah, I guess he oversaturated it a little in his expression. His attitude is probably like yours (and mine by the way). Learning is great but the systems in which we learn tend to suck the joy out of it... And it´s not only college, it starts in elementary, maybe even kindergarden. Highschool was the most pressured time in my case... Our class had transformed into zombies... Half of them because they were overworking themselves or feeling guilty of not working enough, or filled with doudts and fears and the other half had quited already, just waiting for the time to pass by and blaming whatever or whoever they could for having given up and going towards a crappy future. But I guess you have seen similar phenomena yourself, so I won´t extend...

[Anna Konstantaki]

7521

I am really tired so let´s do this quickly...

• productivity    
• preparation     
• creativity          
• nutrition           
• exersice            
• reading             
• meditation       
• satisfaction       
• nature                

_(x  x)_ zzzzZZZZZ

[Anna Konstantaki]

7522

• productivity        
• preparation        
• creativity             
• nutrition             
• exersice              
• reading               
• meditation         
• satisfaction        
• nature                

(^  ^)

[Anna Konstantaki]

7523

So much happening these days... Came home about half an hour ago (happens sometimes when you have a social life), did the meditation I was procrastinating all day-cant´t wait to go to rest after this entry... I think I might add "notes" for studying notes and "visualization" to evaluation list... And maybe " relationships"?

• productivity      
• preparation      
• creativity           
• nutrition             too much oil
• exercise            -                 Yesterday was quite intense...
• reading              not the ammount, the focus was the problem
• meditation              better than none
• satisfaction              I feel good but I feel like I didn´t get much done
• nature               -                 bad weather 

G(°  °) ODNIGHT <3 

Edited April 15, 2016 by Anna Konstantaki

[Anna Konstantaki]

7524

• productivity    I should really do more writing... 
• preparation    plans and supplies
• creativity          I went to the store to buy a big canvas but they were sold out...
• nutrition           sweet paprika pringles are vegan... And they were a discount... hehe...
• exerscise         my muscles have not recovered from Thursday yet... 
• reading            this one went great today... Only that I was to lazy to take notes...
• meditation      a three of 5 is good actually...
• satisfaction     
• nature              does getting my ass out to do the groceries count?

wrote my visualization-now I´ll have to record it and then I´ll be able to guide myself through it by listening...

...I wonder how it´s like to be round...  I°  °I                           ?                           (°  °) ...  I wonder how it must be like to be square...

[Anna Konstantaki]

7525

-limited day-

I don´t feel like writing my journal
I don´t feel well because my jaw hurts,
partially my ear, my head and above all one of my gumms,
I am dizzy ect.-you get the point... Some sort of inflamation.
 I hope I will be able to sleep. In the worst case I will just sit around and try to do nothing 
(or should I say the best)?

-about the journal-

Even though I have moments playing with the thought of deleting my 
journal, I am glad I started writing it.
Chaos, confusion, neurosis, judgement, embarrassement... I had a bit of everything 
in my past posts but I can accept them now. Furthermore I am having 
success in living a more boring life (at least when perceived by 
others). I don´t know how much of my growth is fake but I think that at least I 
have understood some fundamentals of personal development...
It is great that Leo makes these basic videos like the one he 
released today to help us see the big picture (or get reminded of it).

I bet you know that guy in the park who sits on a bank and 
every now and then throws a big hand full of bird food to the pidgins...
That´s what he reminds me of and
I am one of those pidgins... Searching, picking, waiting, walking around...

(°   °)

[Anna Konstantaki]

                                                   7526                   7527

• productivity                              
• preparation                   
• creativity                   
• exercise            -                                   
• reading                                 
• meditation                                 
• satisfaction                                
• nature              -                                    

So I got a little knocked out on Sunday (7525-gets pretty much the same rating as Monday by the way) but I think I am over the hill... 

Lately there were many moments where I´d sit down and say: Wow, I have been making life really hard for myself...

Time is passing by so quickly-it´s insane... My mind is that of a basic monkey right now but at least meditation helps me see that and put all the chimp chatter aside for a little while... I am deep into uni life and catching up with my programm that got a little distorted the last days but hopefully I´ll be able to focus on spirituality a little better the coming weekend. But let´s face this with some equoanimity... Let´s see what´s gonna pop up next behing this forehead... Isn´t this one of the biggest points of this whole thing? To stay relaxed and not panick, pressure and judge? The world is a different place once you start accepting imperfection and failing. Nothing means anything about me because there is no me so I can just go there and learn full speed, free from fear... It´s not like that I have mastered that but I am starting to taste it more and more and I think it´s just mindblowingly lifechanging in my case because amongst other, I can maintain my motivation much easier, focus better and feel a ton less stress now. I am convinced that my work ethics (do/will) largely benefit from this, no matter if it´s working on meditation or an assignment or something else. I can really call myself lucky to have found this mindset  and even though I still tend to complain about the lost years; when I think of the people who might never learn this, I have kind of hit the jackpot and chances are, that if you are on this forum, you have done the same...  Staying on track and checking myself is challenging though- a big chunk of me is still a neurotic mess... But who cares about that when the "good" parts of my ego are also just parts of that "ego thing" but I am no-thing (just perception and existence), so deep down in the world of rational thoughts this does not matter. It is weird to not get upset anymore by thinking that there is no meaning. Really strange... 

May your night be empty. Of thoughts.

(^  ^)

 

[misko55]

@Anna Konstantaki , yey your back , well you just skipped a day but I want earlier to sleep yesterday, so it was like you skipped two. You can´t do it again couse I love to read your journal and if you skip a day again , I will find you and I will force you to write a book!!!  

[Anna Konstantaki]

@misko55 You caught me...   Write a book? Eheheh...  Guess I better go write my journal now...