Is it problematic to want a relationship?

[Silvester]

When it comes to relationship advice, everyone seems to say that you shouldn't "need" someone, in to be attractive. Meaning that you should be able to live a good life without someone you have a romantic relationship with. 

My problem is now that I feel like I never get to this state of perfection. I always find something to fix in my life, or I have a depressive Episode, or anything to improve before being ready for a relationship. I always end up saying "I don't have time for this right now in my life" or " this is not spiritual enough". These thoughts are mostly semi conscious to me and I only notice them when friends point them out to me.

 

Also, if the Law of Attraction really is a thing, I fear attracting someone into my life whose as emotionally distant as my subconscious (appareantly) aus, much like the past "relationships" I've had.

I'm still young and there's much I want to do and create but sometimes I feel drawn towards having an actual partner. 

Is this misleading? How should I prioritize? And how do I prevent  ending up desperately searching for a boyfriend if I do go in that direction?

Thx for taking the time to read this 

[Slade]

There nothing wrong with wanting a relationship, but ask yourself why you want one. Are you trying to fill a void? If you only have positive motivation for having a relationship then great! Go for it. But if you’re looking for someone to lean on or escape reality with then it’s probably best you keep working on yourself first. Watch Leo’s video on How to Deal with Lonelienss. 

You should be able to be the past person on earth and still be just as happy. Relationships and the other stuff is just icing on the cake. 

[ajasatya]

@Silvester it's problematic when one thinks that a relationship (or any external thing) will fulfill spiritual poverty.

[Nahm]

6 hours ago, Silvester said:

When it comes to relationship advice, everyone seems to say that you shouldn't "need" someone, in to be attractive. Meaning that you should be able to live a good life without someone you have a romantic relationship with. 

It’s true you don’t need anyone at all to be at your best. If you hold the belief that you do, you’ll identify with body / brain, you’ll “lose it” often, to sex drive, to jealousy, needing to be understood or right, or other means of “I need you to be like this for me”, then you’re on the roller coaster emotionally speaking. Everything you need is already inside you.      It just won’t feel good to go against that. Relationships are for giving, they’re miracles, and awareness alone is curative. 

My problem is now that I feel like I never get to this state of perfection. I always find something to fix in my life, or I have a depressive Episode, or anything to improve before being ready for a relationship. I always end up saying "I don't have time for this right now in my life" or " this is not spiritual enough". These thoughts are mostly semi conscious to me and I only notice them when friends point them out to me.

Because you actually are eternal, it’s not going to feel good forcing a perception of anything other than you already are perfect exactly as you are, you can not possibly get it wrong. Relax. For a while, notice, are you in thinking, or in awareness. Thinking; zoomed in, caught up, little lost. Awareness; room to breathe, detached, spaciousness, eternal. 

 

Also, if the Law of Attraction really is a thing, I fear attracting someone into my life whose as emotionally distant as my subconscious (appareantly) aus, much like the past "relationships" I've had. 

If you’re emotionally distant, people who aren’t won’t be very attracted.  The peeps likes the emotional connections man. The love, the great ‘unifier’. 

Meditation. Get in touch again, like when you were a kid. Let it go. Actually let all that shit go. Let every thought, reality itself, your life, and the kitchen sink go in meditation.  Then open your eyes and see what’s in front of you for the first time.  Then reconsider Law of Attraction. If you keep fear in you, you haven’t understood loa yet. Consider looking into relativity first. Just some run of the mill Einstein YouTube.

I'm still young and there's much I want to do and create but sometimes I feel drawn towards having an actual partner. 

Have a partner. Give. The more giving you are, the more creative you just might be. Find the symbiosis with the heart, not the head. Keep a real cool head to do that. Be mindful of your own love. It’s bottomless, the more you give, the more you’ll see there is. 

Is this misleading? How should I prioritize?

Relax and allow. Detach a little, whatch it unfold. Be mindful of all the beauty, don’t ‘over zoom’ one little bitty spot of your life, stay spacious, loose, and have fun, all the time. Daily meditation is really great for this. 

And how do I prevent  ending up desperately searching for a boyfriend if I do go in that direction?

Don’t go in that direction. Go inward. Self inquire. 

Thx for taking the time to read this 

Good luck ❤️

 

[YaNanNallari]

More about law of attraction, if you think you have a lot of things to fix, then you will have a lot of things to fix. Sometimes we get very caught up in thinking about what we should be when if instead we assume ourselves to be pretty good then we will be exactly that way most likely over time. If we think our life is perfect, we attract perfection. We attract things that are alike with our beliefs so if you think "I wish I wasn't attracting someone negative" you come from a place of believing you are attracting that. Why else would you be afraid of it? Please take some time to understand that you won't get away from your issues by avoiding them. You will only create a circle of rejection inside of you by pushing the bad away.

For how to be happy without a relationship, you have to be happy in general. This is a tough task for a person in our age, but ask yourself if all the criticism and worry makes you happy? Should you maybe stop believing it? If so, again, pushing things away gives them more power and therefore attracts more of it. You don't have to be all super friendly with negative thoughts and such, but there's no need to give them more power.

Edited May 18, 2018 by YaNanNallari

[Silvester]

@Nahm  That's a beautiful post! I think I'll have to meditate on that. 

So I feel like relationships, or what comes before them, are more about being aware, allowing, giving and most of all getting to know oneself more. 

I have a feeling that going against the desire of being in a relationship is just as hurtful as desperately trying to fill a void with one.  When I get more into the spacious feeling of awareness I sort of get the intuition as though I don't need someone in my life but rather that it naturally would occur if I would let things flow. Because most of my previous dating ended up in me not committing and telling them that I am not ready for something serious. So maybe my problem isn't about finding a way to get someone interested, but  rather finding a way to just allow things to fall into place. And to be more present with myself. Definitely to meditate more frequently.

@YaNanNallari About this feeling of not being good enough... I always think that I should be more confident, successful and have my shit together before I storm into any sort of relationship. But that's not actually what the common advice is, is it? It is more about being able to be happy, like you said. I only now noticed that I really had the belief of "I need to be perfect before I can be someone's boyfriend" and since it was coming from lack, it only attracted more situations in which I felt imperfect. 

Thanks for everyone's answers!

[Nahm]

@Silvester Thanks.   And right on man. ??

[LoganWilliamsq]

Why you think like that. I know its hard. But there is nothing bad about wanting to date with someone. You should try it.

[Barbarian Number 8]

@Silvester  It is not problematic at the raight point in life.

At one point in my life I was busy with surviving----i.e. the wrong point.

Last year (also-happened before) I sat on a tropical beach, umbrella drink in hand watching the waves role in and had a footmassage---i.e. the right point.

 

"Would it not be nice to share this experience with somebody?".....there is a difference between inflicting and sharing a point in life with somebody else. It depends on where yourself are at.