What Is Wrong With Me ? :)

[Mantas]

Hello world,

I feel like I'm very bad at living life these days and I'm not sure what is wrong with me. I was fired 40~ days ago, still got no job.

The muuney is running out really fast and I must find a job to be able to pay for the rent. The strange thing is I feel like i don't give a F*** about it. It's not hard to get a job in a restaurant as a waiter or a job in a warehouse. I don't have much experience or education to seek for a better job, and i have no money to study.
My relationship with my family and friends is getting worse every f day.  And what do I do? I just lay in my bed for days, doing nothing, watching movies and stuff. ignoring all the calls and messages which involves questions I don't want to hear: "whats wrong with you" "do you even search for a job" etc. I badly run from responsibility somehow blocking all the problems I have and don't even thinking about it.
I don't think i am depressed. But i feel weak, lazy, very dumb and only capable of talking, when I need to DO something that requires some brains and focus I always get stuck. I think one of the reasons I don't look for a job Its because I'm afraid to fail, afraid that i couldn't even handle the easiest jobs, afraid of new people, of being rejected and so on. So i choose the easiest but definitely the worst option to don't give a fuck about anything.
I can't go to psychiatrist because it's expensive.
Maybe someone went trough something familiar? How I can comeback? how to get that little burst of motivation to start doing something?
Maybe i have some sort of disorder ? For example I been writing this letter for almost 3 hours.. (Couldn't focus) and still didn't even wrote the half i was planning to write.

ill be happy to get any reply,
Thank You!
 

[Jordan]

I feel this way sometimes. I recommend you should try meditating and do your best to feel how you are feeling without resisting. Just notice the sensations in your body without labeling them good or bad. Sit up straight not lying down or you will fall asleep. This can help you change your emotional state and can help.

Also eliminate all distractions for the next few days such as this forum, facebook, video games, porn, unhealthy food or anything else that lets you keep feeling like everything is fine and therefor you can sit around a do nothing. 

 

[Anna]

Maybe a combination of meditation and finding your life purpose would help you. Meditation keeps you focussed and your life purpose motivated.

Maybe this will help:

 

 

 

 

[Nathalie]

It doesn't seem that bad, does it ?

maybe all the fights you're bearing out inside yourself make you weak..

You said, it's easy to find a job as a waiter.. So if you need a break, it's surely good to rest a time.

What if you take a few days, (you can call them vacancies) in order to come down, relaxe and see the things differently

Are you able to make a list of all the things you would like to do ?

Do this, imagine how it would be, it will motivate you to stand out of your bed (where you don't want to stay, right?)

Besides, working as a waiter is a good job, not only one you have to execute because you haven't study !!

You have contact to people, you can help them having a nice time while being served by you, it can be amazing.. really

If you take care of you, you will really give a f.. of what people think, not only as a provocation, this is liberating, a good feeling.

 

 

 

 

Edited March 10, 2016 by MartineF

[FindingPeace]

@Mantas

The fact that you have done some introspection,  come here and talked about your situation, looking for answers and suggestions is a really positive step.

6 hours ago, Mantas said:

I just lay in my bed for days, doing nothing, watching movies and stuff. ignoring all the calls and messages which involves questions I don't want to hear: "whats wrong with you" "do you even search for a job" etc. I badly run from responsibility somehow blocking all the problems I have and don't even thinking about it.

You're lacking motivation and drive. Nothing excites you. It's an easy trap to get caught up in sitting around at home doing nothing. Been there done it. It's very easy and comfortable. What I find though is that once I make myself get up and do something, particularly if it gets me out of the house then it changes my mood. It can be motivating. Just going out for a walk makes a huge difference.

I've been in and out of work for a while. I find that the longer I am out the more nervous I feel about getting back in to work. The more I feel that I can't face it. Yet, when something comes up and I push myself to take it, actually getting out and doing it changes the way I feel. I actually enjoy it, and it motivates me. I feel more active and driven and less inclined to lounge around.

So sometimes you have to push yourself to take that step, but once you do you will feel very differently about it. It won't be so hard. And once you get out and feel more motivated you can start to see life more objectively and be in a better frame of mind to make choice about where to go from there and what to do.

6 hours ago, Mantas said:

I think one of the reasons I don't look for a job Its because I'm afraid to fail, afraid that i couldn't even handle the easiest jobs, afraid of new people, of being rejected and so on.

Fear of failure. It's true, if you do nothing you can't fail or be rejected. Until you lose your house and your friends... It's a slippery slope though because sitting around procrastinating and worrying about failure only deepens the fear. The longer you think about it the more you buy in to it. The less likely you are to do anything.

Yes, you may be unsuccessful at a job, you may not handle it, you may get fired or you may not get on with people. Then again none of that may happen. In any case 'failure' or 'rejection' are just labels. I prefer to reframe them as 'experience'. It isn't failure, it's experience that you can draw upon in the future to be successful next time. What is rejection? Someone doesn't like you? So what? Not every likes everyone. But you don't even know that people won't like you. You are trying to second guess other people and situations. You're not a fortune teller. You can't see in to the future.

It comes down to confidence. You have to accept and take on the 'failures' and 'rejections' and put them down to experience. Then use that experience to improve yourself. There is no shame in it. We all go through this in life.

Doing what you are doing isn't going to give you any positive results in life. So you need to get out and take chances, gain experience with each one. Taking action is the only to work towards positive results and you will likely find that once you start taking action you will gain motivation and positive mood. At the very least, take some action that gets you out of the house, even if it's just going for a walk. You'll be surprised at the difference it makes to your mood and motivation.

Like they always say: If it doesn't work out, try and try again. Learn from each experience.

One other thing:

6 hours ago, Mantas said:

 ignoring all the calls and messages which involves questions I don't want to hear: "whats wrong with you" "do you even search for a job" etc.

This sounds much like 'demand resistance'. It's not unusual that when we have people pressuring us to do things that we feel resistant to their demans. Noone likes being told what to do. So remember that this isn't about them or what they want from you, it's about you and what you need to do for yourself. Never mind what others are nagging you about. You need to motivate yourself for your own purposes. Take action for you, not for them.

Edit to add:

In response to your post title 'What is wrong with me?', the answer is nothing is wrong with you. Stopping judging yourself would be another healthy step to take. So you're a little lost right now, it's fixable. You're not broken or wrong or faulty. You just need some direction and motivation, like the rest of us, lol. You can do it. And the fact that you have come to this forum looking for answers proves that.

Edited March 10, 2016 by FindingPeace

[Guest]

Hi Mantas, 

Are you letting off steam?

I feel confused because I want to respond, but at the same time I don't think it's worth wasting my time.

I know it sounds harsh, but I want to reflect back the attitude you are putting out, see how it lands with you.

Good luck with everything.

 

[abrakamowse]

@Mantas ... meditate. You need to stop the chatter in your head.

[Guest]

Yeah man I know that feel. Enjoy it while you still can lie in bed. When shit gets worse you probably won't be able to lie in bed and watch movies all day. Be grateful for that at least while you have the comfort.

[dystopia]

@Mantas It sounds like you're depressed lol. I know exactly how you feel. I've avoided living so many times. It's comfortable to be able to lie there and do nothing but when shit hits the fan, it will not feel good, at all. You have two choices:

Continue to procrastinate your life & indulge in your comforts now but end up deeply regretting the time you wasted. You will hate yourself and become more depressed (if you think you're not already, just wait.) I have done this & I still struggle to forgive myself.

The second option is to kick yourself in the ass and go find a job. Go build something better for yourself. What are you waiting for? You reap what you sow & the only thing you're going to get from this is grief. You are wasting time and you're never going to feel like it so just do it. If you don't know what to do: it doesn't matter. Build something. Do something to improve your current state.

This Ted talk helped me a lot: 

 

 

[Mantas]

People... You are beautiful! :)))) I am extremely grateful to all of you for taking your time to help.
Especially @FindingPeace..  to be honest, I didn't excepted  for such a helpful reply.

Again, big big Thanks to everyone, ill try to do something..

[Isle of View]

@Mantas

Here is one thing you ommited. You say you have been fired ~40 days ago and all the things you avoid, the downward spiral, so to speak. But you tell little when it was still ok.

Can you find the point when it still was OK?

1.  When did your life (or this area) still work ok? (before it happened)
2. Find out what happened. (Somebody negating your abilities, your worth; bad message; argument with a friend; misunderstood situations or task at your job;)  
   When you found it:
3. Handle. Look how you can repair it to get it going again.
4. Decide what's to do and do it.

Number (3) depends on what you've found. 

There is always a specific point that makes one "collapse". If you find it, you can do something about it.

If it is for example some individual making less of you, when you recognize that, you could feel better immediatly. What ever it is, when you spot it, you will feel better, but that's not the point to stop. Go over to point three and decide what you need to do about it.

Edit: sometimes it's enough to laugh about what you've found. Sometimes you need to decide to avoid contact with some sh*theads. Sometimes you need to apologize that you have been an sh*thead. Sometimes you need to learn new things to get better at the task you failed (if this was the case). But always depends on what the situation was.

 

Kind regards, 
~Chris

Edited March 10, 2016 by Isle of View

[Blessed81]

Great advice above, i agree i do think you are depressed but you can snap out of this in an instant.  You really just need to get out in the world and feel like a normal person.  Right now you want to just hide out and lay low and i have been there.  It is a shitty feeling, but so so easy to get back on track.  Just think how much worse you could be right now, imagine not having any arms or legs, or terminal cancer.. Then you wouldnt really have a chance at turning this right around in a few easy steps.  You should just go for a hike or long walk, go socialize with strangers and make people smile.  Go do something for someone else with expecting nothing in return, that will make you feel better then anything.  

Go to the gym, play basketball, anything. Just get out of the house.  You need some fresh air, clear your head.  Are there any drugs or alcohal abuse issues involved at the moment?  Look at this like you have been hybernating and you are ready to get back out there and fuck the world up!  A new you!!! You can do this, who gives a shit if you fail, it was meant to be if you do and alllll of us do it.  It will lead you to another path which can be an amazing adventure, just enjoy the ups and the downs.  Right now youre down, enjoy it.  And when you bounce up you ar going to feel on top of the world.  NOW GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.

[Woody]

one word: ACTION

We can find a complicated psychological and social explanation on your struggle but at the end only one thing can help: if you get out of bed and apply for a job. And go there even if you don't feel like you want to..discipline..discipline.. and when you have some money you can go out and find a hobby which makes your life more fun.

I know it's easy to talk about but hard to achieve. I hope you'll be fine, bro.

[abrakamowse]

One thing it helped me a lot to overcome negativity was to understand the thoughts are not ours.

The thoughts that tells you "I am tired" "I can't do it" "This is not good", etc... you can ignore them. Mindful meditation helped me a lot and now I have much more energy and better and more positive thoughts than before.

Believe me, you attract the thoughts and you can reject those which are not good.

[Draconis Chaser]

@Mantas

I recognize so much of myself in everything you've written... I have read all the amazing comments, and I do think they are valuable and you should at least try and follow them.
However, the memory of the past me having a pity-party and I-don't-give-a-fuck-about-anything afterparty is still fresh in my mind, and so, assuming there's a small chance we were at the same events, I'd like to offer my own two cents.

I was never the one to act, always tried to think my way out of problems and fears, and that eventually lead me to more problems, higher level fears and ultimately isolation. Not a happy place. In the mean time, I read about meditation and generally liked the idea (but somehow always resisted actually trying it out, in fact, to this day I am struggling with this, but that is another story), I read hundreds and thousands of pages devoted to "snapping out of it" as my mother eloquently defined it, I tried talking to my friends about my lack of desire to live basicly, and got "Don't worry, it will get better" or my personal favourite "I don't think it's THAT bad, is it? I mean, others have it worse, you know...", all that beautiful stuff. So, it doesn't take genius to figure out I wasn't making progress. Now that I think about it, it seems as though I was like a deer in front of headlights- frozen with all the fears in the book. Like, you name it, I probably felt it, at some point around that time, alongside with all the insecurities an unnecessary pressure I put on myself. Stupid, really...

And I should probably tell you about my life phylosophy: I believe in encouragement, in appraisals, in progress, and most of all caring, nurturing guidance as oposed to "kick your own ass and just do it" (although some ass kicking is definitely required XD)

I started breaking out of the nasty thing when I reached a conclusion that I can't fulfill everyone's wishes, that I have to take care of myself first, that no matter what happens I have to be able to hug myself, my inner child-me, if you will, and tell myself It's OK! it will be alright! We are fine, you are fine! It's ok! I got your back! It's ok!  This is literally what I told myself over and over until I stopped crying or stopped freaking out or panicking. Every time. To this day I do it. It's wierd, but it helps. It also helps when I am beating myself up for backsliding and not trying harder all the way to the breaking point. 

And if you are anything like me (hopefully you aren't) you might need to do the same. It could very well be the case that you are love deprived and lonely. Scared to look for it in case there is none left and you end up hurt... Again... Please don't do that! Love your inner self! 

You are strong! You are much much stronger than you realize!

And you do care. It might not be glaringly obvious, but you do care deep down. You wouldn't be here otherwise! And you are not lazy. You are struggling. That takes a toll on anyone. It is a mental exaustion (which is exactly why meditation helps- quiet down your thoughts so they are not leeching on your energy). I wouldn't be surprised if you slept more than 10 hrs a day ('cause I could sleep through 12 easily and still be tired AF).

So, practicality wise- if you can't bring yourself to do any action whatsoever regarding meditation, finding a job or seeking therapy, I strongly recomend thoroughly cleaning your place up. Wierd, but works, surprisingly... Throw out all the rubbish, old clothes, old paper, sweep the dust, air out, you know, the whole thing. It's really not hard to start, put your music on, or some videos that you have watched already so you don't have to focus that hard, maybe an audio book, but in my experience, fast, upbeat music works best. I personally like anime, so that is what I usually go for. If you know all the words, even better, you can sing along. Everybody likes karaoke, right

Alongside that, I also recomend this book from the bottom of my heart, it's amazing! : http://www.amazon.com/Life-Changing-Magic-Tidying-Decluttering-Organizing/dp/1607747308/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1457882228&sr=8-1&keywords=the+magic+of+tidying+up 

And the final thing that I want to mention is that you don't want to be alone at your worst. And I say that looking back at myself with today's smarts. When you eventually start making progress, homeostasis will inevitably kick in and try to drag you back into your old routines and mindsets. And if you are alone, there is nothing keeping you from falling apart or running away into a movie, anime, game, a book or music. If you can - get out of the house for a bit, maybe go for a cup of coffee, a walk, to a library, heck, go window shopping if nothing else. You do not want to be alone at that time, no matter how much your brain says you do.

If that is still too much, try taking a shower, talk to yourself in different language than you usually do (I'm guessing that would be english), talk to some people on this forum! I so love this place because everyone is so sympathehtic and rational at the same time! You can send me a message anytime you want, of course, and I feel there are so many other people that are willing to help as well! 

So, to wrap up, I wrote this rant in case you, or someone else reading is going through the same thing I did and had the same unfortunate mindsets as I did.
I do not know you, but I believe in you! I really do! You can do it! I'm sure of it! And remember that you do care! Your ego says that you don't because that's how it keeps you in check..    

Hopefully this helps even a little bit! 
Take care!  

     

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

[Mantas]

Hello once again, world! 

It's been a lil over 2 years since this post. I accidentally recalled that I posted here and instantly came back to check it.. It was a struggle though to remember the login details hehe.

I read your replies and..  Whoaah. Humans are amazing. I am really really really thankful for all of you taking your time to help a completely stranger.  You are great and you helped me!

So short update: As you can see from the post I was afraid that i couldn't handle a job as a waiter 2 years ago. Today: I run a little business with 5 employees at the moment. For real! A bit of a plot twist..  
Of course, I still struggle with procrastination and all kinds of fears, but it's much much better than before.

What was the CURE for me? 

On 11/03/2016 at 8:44 PM, Woody said:

one word: ACTION

We can find a complicated psychological and social explanation on your struggle but at the end only one thing can help: if you get out of bed and apply for a job. And go there even if you don't feel like you want to..discipline..discipline.. and when you have some money you can go out and find a hobby which makes your life more fun.

I know it's easy to talk about but hard to achieve. I hope you'll be fine, bro.

Woody, I am fine now! I hope you and the others still on this forum.
You were absolutely right! For the past 2 years somewhere in the background of my mind I always tried to figure out what makes me feel the way I did when I firstly wrote the post and opposite, what makes me feel good. And now I have no doubt I found it. just as woody wrote, ACTION works best for me. As long as I move forward I really feel great. With the sense of productivity comes confidence, happiness and everything else. The second I stop taking action (avoid meetings/avoid social interactions/avoid work/avoid exercising) I am getting closer to the state i've been when i firstly posted.

Thank you once again wonderful people!

[Nahm]

@Mantas You’re amazing and inspiring man. Thank you.

 @Woody ❤️