Face Your Childhood Pain

[kieranperez]

If you want real growth, face your childhood pain. Don't underestimate how hard this is but also how needed this is. 

I'm going to be 23 years old on May 10 coming up. I've always been extremely sentimental and letting go of things has always made me the most emotionally unstable. I've been sleeping with the equivalent of a baby blanket that I've had since close to birth virtually every single day. Given that it's less than 2 days before my birthday and I've been having a shitty day today and also last several years, I took some brief time just to reflect not even 2 hours ago. I was sitting on my bedside and looked at my "baby blankets" and realized that I have to end this and let go. I immediately blew up in tears. I knew I had to let this out of my system so I continued crying but also in the back of my mind wondering why I'm this sentimental... Then I remembered back to when I was just 5 years old. When the movie Toy Story 2 was in theaters I saw most days it was in theaters with my mom. In that movie there was 1 2 minute scene that made me cry more than I have in any other movie to this day (scene is linked below). Once I remembered this scene I watched the video on YouTube to relive it and it all made sense. I cried harder than I ever have in my life, pumping out close to 2 decades worth of emotion. It feels like I'm committing abandonment. Not just on the baby blanket but with everything that I'm sentimental towards, e.g. my childhood past, my old childhood self-image, prior relationships, etc. 

I then went to put my baby blanket in a box and tucked away with other storage and kept letting the intensity flow and work itself out of my system. 

If you have shit you're hiding, are attached to, have trauma you're clinging to, etc. let it go. It is something that's going to be extremely painful. I know for me personally I'm going to need to work on this over time despite having gotten a lot of emotional baggage out of my system. If you're doing enlightenment work or anything along those lines, don't approach this like you would in that sort of work. For me, I couldn't look at this "objectively" and how I was just distorting reality and how this baby blanket wasn't some living being with a personality I was abandoning and hurting and all that. Console yourself. 

I hope this helps in some way to any of you. Didn't want to let this insight just be for me. 

[Hero of Time]

I found this post by searching for “abandonment.”

It was what I needed to read this morning. I awoke after a very bad dream of feeling abandoned.

I was abused and neglected as a child from a very strict and imbalanced mother who also manipulated and controlled my sexual and emotional relationships with women throughout my teen and young adult life.

I carried my fear of abandonment into my marriage and it led me down a very destructive path of trying to manage the pain of abandonment with the pleasure of a suffocating and unhealthy sexual dynamic.

I am now living the aftermath of that fear. And to say it hurts like hell doesn’t touch the pain of the experience.

While I’m meditating and attending a twelve step group for sex and love addicts, and starting my journal on here in the hopes of self-actualizing, I still feel the immense, undeniable paralyzing pain of abandonment.

Accepting this suffering and letting go are two related themes I know I must experience, I just don’t know how yet.

[NoSelfSelf]

Isnt removing stuff from childhood (psychological)  a trap shouldnt you embrace yourself fully not letting go of what you think is bad if you love cartoons watch them...

[NoSelfSelf]

@Hero of Time Isnt fear of abadoment caused by not getting your needs met in timly manner so you think you are not deserving you should put yourself first and get your needs met first...

[Hero of Time]

@NoSelfSelf Yes, that’s what the literature indicates. An attachment failure usually occurs around 2-3 years of age if there’s abuse or neglect, and that part of your brain doesn’t develop in lock step with other parts of your brain.

And yes, it’s often expressed in values like, “What other people need is more important than what I need,” and “I look to others’ needs to guide how I will life my life.”

We are not very connected to our own desires because we don’t trust that our intuition will serve us. We usually think of our intuition as something that gets us into trouble.

[NoSelfSelf]

@Hero of Time Did you fix this?

[Hero of Time]

I don’t know if there’s a “fix” for this, but new muscles to exercise. Or thought processes to let go of.

I’ve been using some EMDR treatment after only becoming aware of this a couple of months ago.

I’m also looking into assertiveness.

I’m getting close to buying @Leo Gura‘s book list just so I can get that book on spiritual yoga, as I believe I’ve also stored trauma in my body that needs to be released and let go of.

so no, I haven’t fixed it. I’m pursuing how to let it go and forgive.

[S33K3R]

I am also extremely sentimental. I dont feel like its a bad thing. I have a memory box that I keep special things in. I believe my sentimental drive comes from familiarity. The longer a thing is near me the more I love it. 

[nour-cha93]

Yeah My childhood was shitty but its okay