Ego backlash?

[Squidward]

Hi everyone I'm new to this website, I recently started getting into meditation and spirituality, I was going to a therapist and for depression and anxiety but I quit bc it was not helping and was a waste of time. Which then I was lead to meditation I started about a week ago and thought I was doing good, even not meditating I would practice awareness of my thoughts and felt better. Till today lol I woke up depressed and started takin it out on my bf lol and upset over stupid things and crying. I'm ok now. how common is this. 

[John Iverson]

22 minutes ago, Squidward said:

Hi everyone I'm new to this website, I recently started getting into meditation and spirituality, I was going to a therapist and for depression and anxiety but I quit bc it was not helping and was a waste of time. Which then I was lead to meditation I started about a week ago and thought I was doing good, even not meditating I would practice awareness of my thoughts and felt better. Till today lol I woke up depressed and started takin it out on my bf lol and upset over stupid things and crying. I'm ok now. how common is this. 

Common to all individual HAAHAHA depression, anxiety is almost each individual has this.. even me.. but my mind is not identified with depression, anxiety and lust is what Ihave... but of course even lust you have that I don't know how much you identified with that.. me I am addicted to porn and masturbation but I am working that out.. after Itook LSD, I noticed that my energy doesn't give a fuck to that anymore, I don't know when I will become horny again and fight that but at the moment I don't feel the need to watch porn and to masturbate i hope that this is the end of it.... if you are just starting just keep going.. what you are doing is going to be ripen

[Faceless]

@Squidward

Very common. 

[Guest Quanty]

It is a sign of growth. Let it settle like gold on the bottom of the lake. And go search for it deeper, every day. 

Ego gets very depressed some days, just laugh, just cry, just breathe. Go with the flow, don't suppress emotions, but don't harm your loved ones. 

I go to a nearby woods and meditate or walk. 

[DoubleYou]

@Squidward This is good. Next time it happens, see if you can bring the same peace youv'e found in your meditation into these moments of 'ego backlash'. That can also mean going along with the storm your mind is creating. Just notice the space which is aware of this.

Whenever this happens, its simply your body showing you what's in need of your attention. It's noticing that you are now able to handle these feelings, and so they surface.

And also remember, the reason you are feeling moments of depression and anxiety is only because you've not been allowing these kind of feelings. Meditation is showing you a new approach, straight into that which feels intolerable to you. But those thoughts of 'I dont want this' are whats blocking you from experiencing the full spectrum of reality. 

Its not as bad as it sounds. Eventually this process is something you'll start to enjoy. And that itself will show you how much you've grown.