Even though I've started a habit of exercise and meditation I'm still depressed.Help?

[lmfao]

I've been meditating every day (except for 5 days or so) for the past 4 months, and I've been going to the gym regularly for a couple of months. Even though I'll temporarily reach states of deep consciousness from meditation or reach states of well being from exercise it won't last. And even though exercise does improve my mood, I still feel negative and depressed most of the time. I'm still addicted to the Internet. If you want to know a bit more about my issues and problems, this is the first thread I made when I joined this site (link is at end of this paragraph) . I still have energy level problems and mood problems, although my self esteem has somewhat tangibly improved. Half a year ago I was at my worst, I was practically suicidal. Even now though, I feel like I'm centimetres away from reaching that state. Although I (was) /(am) on antidepressants, my use of them for the last 6 months has been disjointed and irregular that I can't remember how many days I've skipped them.

And so as well as asking for help, I want to ask another question which relates to the quest for self improvement. Is it genuinely possible to transform your personality? Is such a thing impossible, and does it take lots and lots of grinding work just to get the smallest improvements? I'm losing hope in this whole self improvement thing. Although my meditation sessions have started to get deeper, and I've come to experience "truth" more and more, my mood and motivation for the most part is utter shit. I "know" that my low mood and depression is the result of my mind  identifying itself with particular sensations/vibrations in a "negative way", but overcoming it feels extremely difficult. I've come to experience the fact that self improvement is a matter of getting out of your own way, but I'm losing hope that this can be achieved. 

And so I want to know, to what extent is "self improvement" possible? Can your consciousness actually be significantly transformed? Or is such a pursuit hopeless? What are your thoughts on self improvement as a whole? Is the only way forward for me is to keep at the grind of slowly killing my "ego "? 

[RichardY]

@lmfao

What changes did you find with doing meditation?

Personally I think it is possible to change your personality, although difficult. So a melancohlic personality? "The trick you see is not minding that it hurts."

 

.......... (something I wrote on another thread, been thinking about this subject a bit.)

The Ego or the "I" imo is the Base personality. That is the personality devoid of taste(aesthetics) or SuperEgo(morality/herd instinct/Light&Dark).

In order for an overall clan to be stronger or more lethal, The Ego "I" is a fragmentation of mental processing. To give one component the I can be defined relative to others (ex INTP, Low Conscientiousness) or despite others ( ex ENTJ, High conscientiousness). There is also fragmentation expressed as the perception of time (neuroticism).

The why because, a superorganism as a collective entity is better able to overcome competing organisms or clans. How? because it can.

[Buddha Jackson]

@lmfao Your only 17 stop being so hard on yourself, The Buddha strived for countless eons and Attained Enlightenment when he was 35. Yes it is possible to attain Enlightenment, I awoke from myself last Easter Monday, I am 29 now but I received a lot of help from family and wise teachers. 

The fact that you are striving for Enlightenment is a good thing though if you keep thinking about it one day you will become it. As the Buddha says " What we think we become" Keep thinking about Enlightenment!

[LiakosN]

Try a psychedelic to clean up your emotional baggage. 

[Elisabeth]

This is just my opinion based on just my own experience with no real research, but IMHO it IS extremely hard to get out of depression. 

Half a year for a modest few centemeters  above the ground improvement ... yeah that's a typical timeline. I'm sorry for that. It's not fair. Appreciate yourself for having any improvement at all, a lot of people... just don't. 

It's like you're starting way below zero (if zero is "where most people are at"). You can't even expect yourself to be able to carry out a lot of self-actualization techniques, or get the gains as fast as other people. Congratulations on meditating and exercising consistently, that's not trivial. 

I don't think you're doing anything wrong. I think you need to keep at it and next 6 months is another few centimeters and life starts looking bearable. And then ... well likely some day exponential growth will surprise you. (Please google a picture of an exponential right now! :))

You can consider adding some technique specifically designed to work with emotion. Have you got a therapist? Like classical talk or body-centered psychotherapy? They can be an immense support.

Keep at it. I'm cheering on you. 

[Nahm]

@lmfao Start being aware of the thinking which changes the state. Nip it in the bud with breath focus. Do it preventativly even, that’s where the peace is. 

[Guest Quanty]

My advice,

Quit the gym, go and walk alone in the forest if you have the possibility, 3-4 hours a day, while you meditate. Be surrounded only by nature and your presence. Quit human contact for a while, until you find yourself. 

[Elisabeth]

21 hours ago, Nahm said:

@lmfao Start being aware of the thinking which changes the state. Nip it in the bud with breath focus. Do it preventativly even, that’s where the peace is. 

I guess that's the gist of it. (Or at least one of the necessary ingredients.)

It's pretty hard to get to the level of awareness where you can do this consistently though. 

[alexcole]

On 5/11/2018 at 10:13 AM, LiakosN said:

Try a psychedelic to clean up your emotional baggage. 

Hey, trying anyone at this stage isn't going to help you unless you help yourself. I am going to tell you how I overcame this. So I too tried researching and seeking people for this but I ended up reading an article of which I'll include the link later, and then coming to realize that I have plenty of other stuff to do and focus on them instead of this. Hope you understand the point and direction. Get well. Article was on Anxeityscope by the name of Neurotic Depression.

Your friendly psychiatrist,
Alex Cole, MD