In Focus

[Journey]

@misko55 Thank you, friend. You are correct on "better late than never." Do not let your sense of regret tie you to the past. You are here now to take bold action. 

One of the key insights I read the other day was that it isn't enough to just break our bad habits, we must replace them with new positive ones that align with our big vision - we must choose what to focus on now. The joy of walking my new path far exceeds the pain of not playing the games, or the joy of playing them, so the burden is lifted. 

 

[Journey]

What are the roots behind my symptoms of compulsory and escapist actions?

I feel that for a long time I could not see how I would mesh at all with society, so I locked into a subculture of what has been termed "stereotypical rebellion." While perhaps the intention there or curiosity there is strong, it was fairly stereotypical with markers of the ego meaning altered appearance and addiction to short bursts of "happiness." I wanted to cope with my ongoing anxiety surrounding my lack of acceptance so I thought this would yield results and give me a place to belong, but the values did not align nor was there anywhere much to go with it - no role models, no big dreams. The main dream was to give up on the existing dream and pressures of society.

Even now I return to look for the approval and acceptance so my ego might have a sense of worth, instead of an overwhelming joy of being. 

I will be pondering this more today, especially as I try to align myself to greater purpose.


I will be watching and considering these: 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Peace.

Edited March 11, 2016 by Journey

[misko55]

@Journey , totally agree. I changed my PC time for guitar , fitness , reading , educating myself about healthy food and writing. After I´m done with this thing˝s the day is usually at it´s end.

[Journey]

@misko55 Are you passionate about writing? Do you have something you want to share with the world?

Edited March 11, 2016 by Journey

[Journey]

Electronic Detox: 
Sold many consoles and games today, though I few remained as I was missing parts (wires, extra discs, etc) so I will rummage through the garage to find these, then head back once more to get rid of them. These items were harder to get rid of than any of my other items because so much of my identity was tied to gaming. 

Big Vision:
There is a sense of trepidation now. There are options ahead and I sway back and forth on them. I feel obligated to the people who have tried to help me, though I feel certain that I no longer want to walk that path towards a traditional career.

I fear giving up my status and security.
I fear regret. 
The work for this no-longer desired path now feels like drudgery.
I put off responding to the messages from this group.
How will I justify myself?
Will they try to talk me out of it?
How firm am I in my decision, when the details are still up in the air?

I want to live out my life purpose and live compassionately, live lovingly. To fully align with my intuition and inner values.

My current path greatly contradicts both. The aim is consumerism. The aim is money and popularity and glamor. It is a strong force and one that I do not want to buy into any further.

I want to let go, but I do not want to greatly injure or face the rejection of those on that path. So I am caught in this in-between.. The greater self has no fear, yet the ego clings tightly here.

Who is here? Who is left?

I wanted a system. I wanted order. I wanted certainty when all is changing.

Edited March 12, 2016 by Journey

[misko55]

@Journey , yeah I am. I would like to , don´t know how to achive it , thou...

[Journey]

@misko55 How exciting, friend! 

How is letting go of gaming going? In this video, Leo challenged me to take the next steps:

In regard to writing, one of the steps you can take is to find people who have already achieved what you desire. Who are the writers that inspire you? What was the path that they took? Can you find any interviews or directly contact them for more information? Of course, you will adapt and have your own path but it can clarify what skills may be important or you can prevent some common pitfalls. 

Here's an insightful video on the topic:

 

Edited March 12, 2016 by Journey

[misko55]

@Journey , going great! Don´t miss gaming , waste of time.

I´m writing everyday. I found some writing proms , like: Look at the 14 picture , look at it for 3 minutes and then try to write as much as possible in 10 min." Pretty much know that I need time to train it , it´s not easy to write everyday.

But any way thx for advices and for this video.

[Journey]

@misko55 Glad to hear it and you're welcome. Peace for now, friend. 

[Journey]

Electronic Detox:
I thought I would miss my consoles a lot today. I didn't.

As for my cellphone, I was able to sort my apps into folders so what I need is easy to find and there is more intentional. I also now have a great way to hide all the junk apps I don't use but come with the device. I put Zzz for all the apps I'm "sleeping on" and so it goes at the end of my alphabetical.

 Here's an image showing how I organized the folders:


I am looking for an android app to block all notifications easily on demand perhaps by time of day so if you have one let me know!

I was able to sort through my web bookmarks as well and create some clear categories so I can more easily reference information that is important to me such as meal ideas, guided yoga practices, and articles. I am looking for a Mac application to block specific sites and programs as well.

Wonder:
It becomes simpler. No need to feed the ego any longer. Never was a need, but it sure seemed hungry. Now looking closer, there is no one even there. Something was in that cage, I swore it... something that must be satiated and defended, I thought.

No longer.

Fitness:
The exhale of yoga was welcome today. A joyous return.
I am building my fitness routine this week to incorporate both yoga and heavy compound exercises, with some guidance. I will have my form checked and refined in the coming weeks, as I build my strength and leave behind fat.

Diet:
Feeling full but not heavy. Just enough. Meal preparation has been a welcome addition. There is a relief in both learning and applying knowledge in this area to treat the body with more love. I will work with an accountability partner and with guidance as I evolve my diet.

Big Vision:
Today I will be exploring. What are people doing in the world today? What connects deeply with my values? What reflects a lifestyle oriented towards the planet or the universe as a whole, versus the preservation of the ego? What aspects do I want to emulate? How can I contribute?

All the Rest:
"As I look back at countless crossroads
And the middle where I stay"

 

Edited March 13, 2016 by Journey

[Journey]

Wonder: 
My dreams are all over the place lately. I think the mind is trying to process some things, with all the changes lately. 

I had some ideas for a project I've been working on almost spontaneously.

And I connected some dots between a course I was considering and a huge potential value for me longterm. More specifically, I realized that my web design skills could be useful in sharing information, blogging, and furthering my circle of influence, regardless of how I choose to manifest my life purpose.

Watching these for now:

 

Key Insights from the Video that Resonated with Me:
1. Passion > Money
2. Inner Growth > Societal Status
3. Do not stay loyal to a dysfunctional family member.
4. Do not surround yourself with dysfunctional company who denies your life purpose.

Fitness:
This beginner yoga and meditation practice guided me to connect with the greater self, which is always here:

All the Rest: 

 

"And you...revolution or just resistance? Is it living, or just existence?"
"Steely-eyed outside to hide the enemy within"

Big Vision:
Today, I reached out to an old friend who continues to express a profound joy both in word and action. This friend is someone who has also taken tangible, continual action towards their intended life purpose. I am looking forward to discovering more and connecting authentically with those who are living from a place of love.

Slow down. Savor. Honor. Recognize. All around. 

Edited March 14, 2016 by Journey
Added Fitness content.

[Journey]

Wonder:
Many nightmares drawing from my perceived past, but where is it?

Today, I am joyous.

Edited March 14, 2016 by Journey

[Journey]

Wonder:
Once more, pains from the past try to creep in and steal that which cannot be stolen - a divine love and acceptance.

My mind throws itself into chaos and jogs down an endless spiral staircase until it is seen no more.
My body feels the pain and tension from weightlifting, but in that moment it is healing.

I reach out to those who seem to have found The Way as they call it. A balance of focus and flow in awareness. 

It is easy for the ego to get caught in competition and run towards the common goal. It is easy for the ego to come to a slower jog once it realizes it is "ahead of others" or that at the finish line there are regretful, hurting people or the dead.

You raced through this world for what? You settled for what? Creature comforts to fill a perceived void in the ego, which is not there? Celebrity status? Attention? Approval? Security? 

What do we need to stay safe from? We are timeless and formless.
 

The ego tries to re-establish the illusion of itself frantically. These forces and fears that keep "appearing" are dependent upon an identity that does not exist. 

Big Vision:
Today I am reading out the non-conventional lives of people so I can see what resonates with me.
Here is one of the articles of particular interest: http://chrisguillebeau.com/mallory-paige/
 

"My love, why do you run? For my hands hold no guns."

Edited March 16, 2016 by Journey

[Journey]

Wonder:
The nightmares again drawing the most obscure references and sources of fear. More silly than anything. So I carry on. : )

Fitness/Diet:
A lot of the psychology and information I'm learning here about how to adopt longterm goals and positive daily habits for health applies extremely well to my endeavors to give up my crutches - video games, time wasters etc. This knowledge will be extremely practical for day to day habit-breaking and forming.

The book I am reading is called Thinner Leaner Stronger and here are a few key points from my notes that apply not only to fitness, but to existence as a whole:
1. We often unconsciously model our company's impulsiveness or control. Use this to your advantage.
2. Find an accountability partner or community for your desired actions and goals who is on the same wavelength as you.
3. Stop giving yourself permission to give-in to cravings and negative behaviors, by claiming you deserve it for your positive behaviors. Better yet, stop labeling the positive behaviors as positive at all. They are enjoyable experiences that lead to your desired longterm goals. That's different than just being bad or good.
4. Recover intentionally when you slip up. Be kind and compassionate to yourself. Being resistant and angry towards your mistake keeps you from moving forward and holds the thought in your mind. Let it flow in and out of the mind like a gust of wind.The guilt and shame of saying "The hell with it!" is not worth it, so take actions to get back on track rather than try to remedy your mistake with another mistake.
5. Wait 10 minutes before acting on a craving and remind yourself of your true wants - your longterm goals.
6. For desired behaviors, if you're feeling resistant, commit to trying or engaging in that action for just 10 minutes to start. Getting started is often the intimidating part that keeps us paralyzed. Dive on in.

Big Vision:
To more intentionally explore my capabilities and personality I am going over characteristics of my personality type: ISTJ. I am using this page for reference and seeing how my past experiences and actions reflect or differ from various traits.

Edited March 16, 2016 by Journey

[Journey]

Wonder:
If one creates a big army of troops, another will rise to fight it or defend itself. So is the resistance of the ego.

Fitness:
I have made it through the first full week of my training system. I can sense the growth in terms of muscle memory, steadiness, and my mental discipline as time goes on. I will be using the following 3 days (Friday, Sat, Sun) as my rest days. I want to make sure my muscles have time to rebuild and recover. I will be doing some light yoga meditation sessions and resume my resistance and cardio training Monday morning. 

In my thinking on my fitness practice, I try not to label it as either a good or bad behavior. These are expressions of acceptance and love rooted in wholeness, not a lacking or fault of the self. With this framing, the resistance and the ego ceases.

Big Vision:
I spoke with my mentor today who inquired some potential forms for my vision. I noticed the theme of travel or motion is something that resonates with me along with the concept of learning, modifying/adjusting, and teaching systems or information. My theme right now is showing compassion towards the planet as a whole system whenever possible. I could focus on sustainable, compassionate business models, agriculture, local economies, transportation, leisure, or even tiny homes / living. I am curious and joyous to see how things continue to come into shape.

 

[Journey]

Wonder:
Since my car is my main expense right now, what if I sold it and lost a car payment? I have close to enough saved up for a motorcycle or moped, as my dirtbike isn't street legal. What if I actually ride a regular bike to my close locations? Just thinking.. Time, money, stress, fun.. Hmmm

Fitness:
Today was the revenge of Leg Day! This was a little rough and meant slowing myself down when walking around but I was in no big rush so I took some extra time to observe my surroundings instead. : )

My reaction to pain or exhaustion is shifting. When I actually focus my attention on it, the negative label shifts and it starts to disperse. While I typically had a few hours of tingling pain from burning my hands on a hot plate, recently I felt a bit of a shock when it happened, and then nothing. I can't complain here. 

Diet: 
I'm growing to enjoy my new foods especially how much they raise my energy levels and alertness throughout the day!

Big Vision:
Listening to another podcast today and investigating more.

Edited March 19, 2016 by Journey

[Journey]

 

 

[misko55]

Hey @Journey , would you share your diet? I changed my as well , but maybe you got a few nice , cheap and tasteful recipes that I don´t know 

[Journey]

@misko55 Hello, friend!

I use a flexible dieting plan based on my macronutrients and my goal to slowly bulk up/build muscle quickly as I do my resistance, cardio and yoga practices, so I eat about 10% more energy than I burn (see http://www.muscleforlife.com/macronutrient-calculator/ if you want to learn more about this method)

To give you a little more insight I'll list out some of my basic information here.

I record each day on a sheet of lined paper with a few sections to make sure I keep running totals. My intended food goals for each day are a total of 1800 calories, 110g of protein, 266g of carbs, and 33g of fat. I divide this by 4 to give me an approximate amount for 3 meals and 1 small meal/post-workout snack so it's 450 calories, 28g of protein, 66.5g of carbs, and 8g of fat.

For breakfast I  often have some veggie juice, 2 slices of cinnamon raisin whole-grain toast with cookie butter, and 2 slices of turkey bacon.
For lunch I often have some grilled chicken, quinoa, and a sweet potato.
Post-workout I often have a protein shake using rice milk or a protein shake using water and a banana.
A typical dinner might include egg whites, whole-grain toast with hummus, and a steamed veggie mix.

I mix and match a lot of different things like hard-boiled eggs, greek vanilla yogurt, organic brown rice, veggie burgers, and almond butter. For beverages I stick to my veggie juice, protein shakes, rice milk, black coffee (1 cup or none most days) and most importantly filtered water and lots of it. I aim for 1 gallon of water per day.

The most important part is making sure that at the end of the day the total calorie, protein, carb and fat totals from all my meals is very close to my intended total to make sure I'm on track and not risking putting on a bunch of excess weight in fat versus lean muscle. This method is slow and steady, with the intention to gain about a half pound a week until I reach about 25% bmi. Then I'll start the process of slowly cutting back down to 20% bmi.

I typically buy a few new things to try each week and see what I end up enjoying and are easier to combine or cook. For example, I realized that toast was a great option for me to add hummus or cookie butter or almond butter on and it would be ready in just a few minutes. In contrast, the brown rice can take over a half hour to cook, so I usually make that in bulk and store some, but the toast is a more accessible and flexible option for me. 

Let me know if you have any questions or some yummy and healthy food of your own to share.


 

[Journey]

I'm feeling pretty mentally and physically exhausted today, but still been sticking to my good habits and learning something new everyday.

I'll be checking out a local meetup group tomorrow in regard to budgeting so I'm looking forward to it.