Becoming a sage

[seeking_brilliance]

@Edogowa Conan yeah, sometimes being forced into a situation is the best method for growth. I'm happy for you that you are put into an uncomfortable situation and are determined to overcome it.  Best of luck!

[Edogowa Conan]

So I’ve finally let go of controlling the class. That was quite a big achievement. My time in the school has become a lot more peaceful and joyful. That peace has even spread through to other parts of my life. But now, my next milestone is to allow my students to see that I’m quite weak. There are many students in year 9 who are probably physically stronger than me. I’m not very strong physically after all. Those year 9s sometimes come to my class and try to test my strength in front of my students (year 4 and 5). That fills me with so much anxiety because I’m scared that my students will see that I’m physically weaker than other students. I fear that the news will spread to the whole school and that I will lose my students respect. But I must let go of that. In order for me to be happy around those year 9s, I need to allow everybody to see how weak I am. I realised that this is one way that I lie. I lie to people about my strength. I make them believe that I’m strong, but actually I’m quite weak. I must let go of any attachments that I have to my students, and any respect or admiration they have for me. I will be working on that over the next few weeks.

[Edogowa Conan]

Although Islam is just another religion, it has some very important things that I can use in my self-inquiry practice. For example, in Islam you are required to pray five times a day. The moral of that is so that you don’t forget about your practices. In a similar way, I have constructed my practice so that I do 40 minutes in the morning, 40 minutes in the afternoon, and 40 minutes in the evening. A total of two hours. With that in place, my practice becomes the most important thing in my day, because it covers the whole day. Also, with this method, I will never ‘forget’ about my practice. 

 

[Edogowa Conan]

So, my battle to be more authentic has begun. But what does that mean for me practically? Well, firstly, I’m going to stop hiding my grey hair. So, I have pre-mature grey hair, which started when I was like 16 or 17. Ever since, I have tried to hide it, in fear of suffering. But today, I have finally made the choice to stop hiding it. Because if I hide it, then I am lying to myself. Secondly, I’m going to stop acting macho in front of the students. Usually if older students from other classes came over to my class, they would try to tease me, and make me look weak to my students. In normal cases, I would sit up straight and try to act like a teacher. But now, I have decided to allow myself to look weak and scared, because the ‘macho facade’ which I put up, drains a lot of energy from me. I’m lying through my body when I do that. Lastly, I will not hesitate to show my students how physically weak I am. I’m physically weak compared to even younger students, and of course I have tried to hide it. But I will hide it no longer. I become anxious and tensed up whenever an older student asks me to arm wrestle him in front of my own students, because that will reveal my appalling physical weakness. But I have also noticed that hiding my physical weakness is far more painful to me, because I am lying. So I will not hide it again. I’m sure that other ways that I lie will show up to me, but for now, I will take care of them three.

[Edogowa Conan]

Huge progression has been made the last couple of weeks. These days I feel blissful around half the day. My body is just oozing with excitement. I feel like I have taken a huge stab into my shadow, and finally it is showing itself. I intuit that it will only be a few more months till the end, till the shadow is brought to the light fully and I am fully purified spiritually. Can’t wait!

[Edogowa Conan]

Holy crap! How did I get it so wrong?! 

For the past 5 years, I have really believed that a group of people in my high school used to bully me. But today, I have realised that only they existed, not me! So how could they have bullied me, when there was no me! I created an idea of me that I thought was being attacked, but all of that is bullshit. I was them! And only they were real! Huge huge huge relief! But no more me! Epic! Epic! Epic!

[Silvester]

@Edogowa Conan  Hey, I‘ve been following your thread for a while. With your last post, are you saying your ego dissolved? Was this temporary or constant? Also, was this achieved through the work or some other technique? Congrats btw on realizing, must have been shitty to carry around. 

Sorry for questioning you like this, I am just really curious what a regular practice of the work can do to the psyche and you seem to be pretty consistent. I‘d also be interested in how your general happiness has increased over the last couple months, if you practiced the work as you said you would. 

Cheers!

[How to be wise]

@Edogowa Conan Good work! You seem to be going deeper and deeper with The Work! Don’t stop till you reach full emotional mastery.

[Edogowa Conan]

A few days ago, I came to see that absolutely nothing is true. Nothing. I wasn’t really shocked, because that experience was gradually coming up for a few weeks. 

But how can nothing be true. Well, let me try to explain. Just in one instant, what can be true. Just in one moment. Is there anything that can be true for just one second. Really. Any thought that comes up, it took time to come up. So before that thought what was the truth? Nothing. Just emptiness.

I also came to see that physical pain comes from the mind 100%. Leo was wrong in his video. Let me explain: Physical pain must take some time to occur. You can’t say that I felt pain for 0 seconds. That would be the same as if you hadn’t felt any pain. So you felt the pain for x amounts of microseconds. Let the point where the pain began be called ‘t’, and the moment the pain ended be t+x, since it took x microseconds. See, already you created two different points in time: t and t+x. But in reality both moments cannot exist at the same time! So one of them was mind created. You can try to shorten x as much as you like, and the same result follows. Therefore pain does not exist in reality, you imagine it.

This proof seems mathematical because I study maths at uni. But this can only be understood from a high level of consciousness. So get to work!

[Edogowa Conan]

The power of now indeed. The now is the only thing that’s real. Everything else you’re thinking of, if it’s not happening right now, is not real. I’m learning to ground myself in the now as much as I can, because now is always good.