What a way to Fail...

[zoey101]

I have been doing my damnedest to keep myself in a good healthy mindset, but I really just failed hard this week...

Things have not been going to smoothly for me this week, (trying to support my husband for the suicide of his friend and now his dying grandfather, finding out my husband has been doing meth behind my back... and a fight between my sister and husband over stupidity) but I have been trying to just let it go and not let myself be run by it. It has been really hard keeping stuff in perspective with one thing after another just almost constantly knocking me down...

Last night I decided to drink a little to just not think about any of it. (usually it works, I just get tipsy and pass out) But I couldn't get myself to stop thinking about all the bullshit... I felt like I was just sinking deeper and deeper into depression... I felt just hopeless and alone... So in a stupid drunken state, I grabbed a knife and sat in the bathroom just crying my eyes out... and I cut my wrist... I haven't done that stupid shit in 8 years... But I felt like I couldn't stop myself anymore... I feel so disgusted with myself.. I'm a mom now... I can't be doing shit like that... It's just selfish...

My husband saw it and got really pissed at me.. but he hasn't said a word about it yet... I feel so stupid... 

[John Iverson]

If you let yourself sink in every thoughts that will come out you will suffer over and over again... a single thought that you touch it will not end and the worst part is you will harm your self... try meditation rather than drink a beer.. ?

[zoey101]

I did.. but I guess I was looking for a "quicker" out... 

[zoey101]

I really want to do it again.... God this sucks....

[RichardY]

@zoey101 Talk to someone impartial. 

[John Iverson]

13 hours ago, zoey101 said:

I did.. but I guess I was looking for a "quicker" out... 

Just look for a solution... not for a quicker out.. you are not a "VICTIM" is it helpful to drink and cut yourself? Maybe at the moment.., but tomorrow morning or after that moment you are still in that problem.. right??? That problem never leaves you even if you drink a lot... Try to think of your daughter.. she needs you.. she needs you to be strong.. choose to think positively focus on the positive side...

Edited May 5, 2018 by John Iverson

[Prabhaker]

18 hours ago, zoey101 said:

I have been doing my damnedest to keep myself in a good healthy mindset

With the disappearance of unhealthiness, a healthy body remains. But this is not true in the case of the mind. There is no such thing as a “healthy mind”.  Mind, as such, is the disturbance, the disease. Meditation is the state of no-mind is a healthy state. 

18 hours ago, zoey101 said:

I grabbed a knife and sat in the bathroom just crying my eyes out... and I cut my wrist...

The ordinary man is being used by his mind. When it becomes too much, when the mind starts using you completely in a totalitarian way, we call it madness. 

Body should be healthy and strong and well-nourished but mind should be blank and empty! And the criterion of supreme health is - a well-filled body and an empty mind.

But we are more intent on filling the mind. This is our life-long effort - to fill the mind with thoughts, desires, ambitions! Mind is noise, it is craziness, insanity. No-mind is silence, health, wholeness.

 

[Shroomdoctor]

@zoey101 Hey zoey,

I had a quite depressed and somewhat suicidal girlfriend once. What I tried with her and really helper her was 1. DAILY meditation, and secondly, the moment you feel overwhelmed you sit down, close your eyes and "feel the shit out of that pain." With that I mean focusing just on the feeling of pain inside your body. Where is it? Is it moving? Is it more an ache or what kind of sensation is it? The more you do the meditation the more you will be able to focus on that. 

With her, after a few months of that practice it got SIGNIFICANTLY better. So if at the moment you feel hopeless, maybe that ca give you a bit of hope.

Good luck.

[shamaanitar]

You are loved. Go deeper into the emotion and see what's hidden behind.

[Ether]

11 hours ago, John Iverson said:

Just look for a solution... not for a quicker out.. you are not a "VICTIM" is it helpful to drink and cut yourself? Maybe at the moment.., but tomorrow morning or after that moment you are still in that problem.. right??? That problem never leaves you even if you drink a lot... Try to think of your daughter.. she needs you.. she needs you to be strong.. choose to think positively focus on the positive side...

but the problems dont end. You fix one problem and there is another one. Then you fix that one and there is another on. They are infinite

[moon777light]

slowly peel the layers of the onion until. The deeper you go, the thicker the layers will get, but youll be stronger

[zoey101]

Thank you guys for the advice. I've had a night to sleep it off, and I spent the day away from everything with my husband and daughter. We went to the aquarium and I feel a lot more relaxed. I have a clearer mind and I know it was just a dumb drunken experience..

@Shroomdoctor Thank you. I'll look into the meditation.

@John Iverson i know... I'm sorry... I know it was stupid and selfish... I don't want to do it again anymore...

[John Iverson]

40 minutes ago, zoey101 said:

Thank you guys for the advice. I've had a night to sleep it off, and I spent the day away from everything with my husband and daughter. We went to the aquarium and I feel a lot more relaxed. I have a clearer mind and I know it was just a dumb drunken experience..

@Shroomdoctor Thank you. I'll look into the meditation.

@John Iverson i know... I'm sorry... I know it was stupid and selfish... I don't want to do it again anymore...

I will understand if you do that again.. because life is hard,. And mind always come and get you,. I understand that many times you will say i will never do that again but it will fail,. Just keep going my friend.. just keep goinggggg, we're here to push you up  we're here to cheer you up!!  i'm thankful that you are in a good place like this on thiw forum because we can say the thing you are not conscious of, that is very helpful for you to be aware ..  

[zoey101]

1 hour ago, John Iverson said:

I will understand if you do that again.. because life is hard,. And mind always come and get you,. I understand that many times you will say i will never do that again but it will fail,. Just keep going my friend.. just keep goinggggg, we're here to push you up  we're here to cheer you up!!  i'm thankful that you are in a good place like this on thiw forum because we can say the thing you are not conscious of, that is very helpful for you to be aware ..  

Thank you :')