Stuck in the middle, What to do?

[zoey101]

Okay guys, so I had a rough night and I am just lost on how to approach the situation carefully....

So, my older sister has been our roommate for just over a year now. Things were alright, we were all working together to get ahead. However, lately my sister has been owing us money towards the overall house expenses, and my husband and I have been trying to be as patient and understanding as possible... We told her that if she can't afford something to let us know so we can help, but to pay us back as soon as the money if there.. 

My husband has been giving me crap about it because she owes us, but still uses more of her fair share of things quicker than we can keep up with... (ex, if I buy a 24 pack of soda to split between just me and her, there will be at least 6 gone by the next day, and I only had 1!) I try to talk to her nicely about it, and she always says she gets it, but then she's back to the old habits after a day or two... He has tried himself to talk to her in a cool manner to just explain to her that she can't just take and not contribute...

So right now she owes us $180 plus her part of the electric when it comes in. She got paid and told me she couldn't give it to me and so I told her okay... but that she needs to give whatever she can as soon as she can because we were a little tight this week.

OK, Last Night:

So we came home and my uncle was there with a new bike for her, so we let him in and tried to see if we could fit it in her room. I happened to notice a Walmart bag on the floor with a receipt so I looked and it and it said she spent like $30 on dumb shit like Yu-gi-oh cards (yes, YU-GI-OH CARDS!!! I wish I was making this shit up!) the day after she told us that she couldn't pay us back. So, needless to say, my husband was pretty pissed about it and took the cards and hid them from her... Later when she asked about it, he told her that she can have them back when she pays us the $30 she could have payed us back and my sister lost it and things kinda just escalated after that... I tried to calm my husband down but to also let my sister know she was being ridiculous and she was wrong... 

The fight ended with my husband giving her the stupid cards back and telling her she needs to pay us back and get out in two months because she already paid for this month. 

My issue:

I want to talk to both of them about it, but I have no clue what to say... I feel like my husband was right, but handled the situation wrong... and I know my sister is wrong, but she is the 2 most stubborn person I know (next to my mom -_-' ).... I don't want things to stay tense between us all... and I don't want to force my sister out... but how do i talk without sounding like I'm betraying one side of my family?

I rehearse what I think I want to say to them, but when I think about actually doing it, my anxiety starts to act up and I feel like I can't breath...

I feel like this whole thing is so stupid.....

What can I do....?

[SFRL]

Ok. So why is it that you are having your sister as a roommate? Is it to help her out. Or are you guys supposed to financially benefit from that arrangement as well? Because if that is the case then the best thing to do is start making more money between you and your husband, instead of depending on a third party. 

[zoey101]

@SFRL When we first moved in together, it was to benefit all of us. At the time, my husband and I couldn't afford to live in a nice place with our daughter... (Our last place literally has electrified walls in the bathroom) Honestly, if she were to move out now, we would be financially able to handle it now. I just worry that it will screw up my relationship with my sister and then she will tell my folks what happened in her words and just make things tense everywhere... idk...

[SFRL]

Then the focus should be on getting her a job that pays the bills + a place that she can afford. 

The focus shouldn't be on fighting over cans of soda. When I think about a self-developed person I don't think about a person fighting over cans of soda. 

It seems like a Maslows hiearchy of needs problem. With one or more parties involved having holes/being stuck on Maslows pyramid. 

 

Edited May 4, 2018 by SFRL

[zoey101]

I spoke to my husband and told him how I felt about everything. And I told my sister to try and look past her anger to understand how we have been feeling.. 

She apologized and my husband said that we can all try again..

I'm glad that's over with for now.

I'm sorry for venting like this for nothing.

[YaNanNallari]

It's not for nothing, it did seem like a difficult situation with no clear ways to go about it 

[zoey101]

Thanks.. I just didn't want to waiste anyone's time on here...

4 hours ago, YaNanNallari said:

It's not for nothing, it did seem like a difficult situation with no clear ways to go about it 

 

[Elisabeth]

20 hours ago, zoey101 said:

I'm glad that's over with for now.