O hi , Take a look at this :) if you want to

[Jonson]

Let's begin 

MY LIFE

FAMILY

I want to articulate certain things about my current stage in life, my past and my future. 

I am a 17 year old male living in Romania, Europe.

I was raised in a family of artists. We live in my grandparents big, old, beautiful house. My parents had some mental issues. 

My mom was a painter, she still is, but she doesn't paint that much. 

My mom takes medication and took in the past. She was "diagnosed with schizophrenia".

There's nothing woou-woou about it. She's just a normal, but weirder person.  She has moments of sadness, anxiety, moments when she talks to "GOD" 

and moments of joy and happiness too, but nothing crazy. She makes money by selling her art and she also has a regular small income from the state because 

My dad also had and probably still has some mental issues. He is old now, 62. 

He was a french professor for a few years and then a poet. He wrote poems, I am not sure if he still does. 

He is weird and funny and has the style of a beggar. He has some deficiencies since he got hit by a car when i was like 3 years old ( i guess ).

He never lived with us and now lives in a retirement home.

My grandma played the role of a parent for me and my 2 sisters. My grandma had 10 kids and was also a sculptor. She also raised 3 grandchildren : me and my 2 sisters ( with my mom of course ).

She was very loving and caring. I loved her a lot.  She raised me (kinda) until i turned 13. Then she got a heart attack at 80 and something. 

I thought she would die, but she didn't. She lived 3 years after that but she had to lay in bed, sometimes sit up to eat. 

And this happened after my grandpa died, i mean the heart attack. My grandpa was a well known painter in my city, especially amongst older people.  

I have 2 sisters (25+) . Both of them are very supportive. They are doing well financially and they both have a partner. 

The thing is that, we are a big family : My grandparents had 10 children, 19 grandchildren.

I have no problems with my family and i have no hard feelings about them. I always understood how these things work, so I didn't have emotional or psychological problems. Maybe sometimes a was more quiet about these things in school, but that's normal. 

 

FRIENDS

I had many friends, i still have, yada yada ..

I had problems socializing at some points in the past, but that's not a big problem now. 

I am charismatic, funny and smart. I had amazing moments from when I was born until now. I will not write about them, cause i would get lost.   

My problem now is with girls. I had this problem of obsessing over one girl, a classmate. I liked her very much but she got a boyfriend. I don't have hard feelings about that, because i understand myself and how these things work. There is no problem really :)) 

I just need to begin to talk to more girls. I am attractive, but shy and weird sometimes. Sometimes I have moments of anxiety .  

I have some insecurities about my looks. I am blonde and pale. I got a lot of positive feedback from girls though.  I think I look good. 

I need to practice confidence. 

SCHOOL

I think this education system that we have in Romania has both positive and negative aspects. Yada Yada Yada.. 

What it could help me with is discipline, confidence, reputation, better memorization skills and some " general knowledge ".

MY STATE OF BEING

I think I am more aware of certain things than many people who are my age. 

I meditated once daily for 2 months ( 60 days ). 

I was once in a very weird and amazing state of being, when I sm**** some w*** that would be very hard to describe : the end of suffering or " I can do anything, there is no authority" , " It's just happening" , "It's it, this is reality" . I remember saying these things but I am not in that state anymore. 

I think I have some "addictions"  : masturbation ( i wouldn't say it's an addiction, maybe sometimes i use it that way , but it's just relaxation)

                                                            laying in bed

                                                            Youtube

I exercise , I am a bit muscular, but still skinny and I eat junk food sometimes

MY MOTIVATIONS

Obviously I want to have a great life :)) 

I am very lazy and I am not sure what skills i want to develop these first years of "adulthood". ( I have 1 year of high school and 4 of university left ) 

I am thinking of : Film-making, Fluency in english and german, Marketing, Graphic Design, Communication, Programming. 

I want to be more consistent and more dedicated to my goals. I want to cut out laziness, but also don't want to force things. 

 

There would be so much more to write about, but i don't feel like doing it :))) That's it for now  

If you have any advice, then please share it

[sarapr]

Nice, I like you already . keep going  

Edited May 3, 2018 by sarapr