Handling self-purpose in a business that is out growing you

[joej]

Hi all.

I'm looking for pointers to help me handle the fact that my business is growing beyond my control and the feelings of becoming less suitable for my role and less impactful.

I currently believe I am most productive when I have less resources and need to fight for survival, but now my life is run by team processes and little variation.

I could let go of my company, but the carrot of success makes the stakes high. It feels like my other option is to handle my emotional response and find happiness in it. However, I'm not happy when I'm not being impactful.

Thanks for listening,

Edited May 2, 2018 by joej

[Nahm]

@joej Replace yourself, become more impactful through delegation. Start another company. Appreciate the growth. Learn to be joyful with or without being impactful.

[joej]

On 03/05/2018 at 11:42 AM, Nahm said:

@joej Replace yourself, become more impactful through delegation. Start another company. Appreciate the growth. Learn to be joyful with or without being impactful.

Hi Nahm, thanks for your positivity!

Right at the moment my deflated feeling and general build up of limiting beliefs prevents me from seeing the idea of starting a new company.

Not sure how to be joyful without the impact though or how to feel satisfied with not being "the man that can". Got any pointers?

Kind regards

[joej]

On 03/05/2018 at 0:09 PM, Okaythen said:

hearing from the cries of multiple other sides of you

Hi @Okaythen, nice one for pointing this out to me. I managed to summarise my thoughts to the following:

Here I am with a large shareholding of a just about to become successful company I hold little passion for, competing against people who are possibly better than me to do the job I don't know I want.

I guess I need to work at what I want. It is hard when my personal definition seems to be fading.

With regards to your point on success. I have always been a hard worker for the purpose of being useful. The concept of success wasn't really a focus. Now I find myself being stripped out of the position to be useful. Sitting on the edge holding my shares would only be good if I could find peace with letting go of the ship I have slaved for.

On 03/05/2018 at 0:09 PM, Okaythen said:

as long as you are completely and utterly aware of making those choices, and all the choices that will arise from that, you will be able to 'guide' or 'be guided' into that 'happy live'.

I like the idea of being "completely and utterly aware". How do I do that?

Ok so control my perspective, not the company....

Thanks!

[Nahm]

@joej If that’s what you want, more power to ya! 

[tsuki]

7 hours ago, joej said:

Not sure how to be joyful without the impact though or how to feel satisfied with not being "the man that can". Got any pointers?

Seeking satisfaction through being a man that can is a purpose that defeats itself in case of success.
You have created a business that can more than you can. It is a success that stripped you of the reason for satisfaction.
Either - find a new purpose, or a new business.

Seeking predicated on any reason is always bound to produce both satisfaction and suffering.

[joej]

Yes @tsuki you are correct Thanks! I need to re focus what I am doing it for.

I didn't understand what you mean by this though:

17 hours ago, tsuki said:

Seeking predicated on any reason is always bound to produce both satisfaction and suffering.

 

[tsuki]

@joej Let's say that you want to have trips with your family to the countryside. 
The problem is that you don't have a car because you don't earn enough money. This is the cause of your suffering.
So you strive to earn more money, be a better employee/entrepreneur and you success in securing a greater income.
You buy yourself a brand new, shiny car and go on trips. This is satisfaction.

The problem with stories such as this is that they always end on 'they lived happily ever after', which they never really do.
Now, you have:

• less time for your family because of greater responsibilities, so it may interfere with your trips
• you have less money because you have to pay the car off
• you have to take care of your car

Accomplishing any goal to secure satisfaction is at the same time opening yourself for fear of losing it.
Can you see how it relates to your original problem?
As long as you do things for a reason, you are bound to alternate between suffering and satisfaction.
If you treat satisfaction as something that pulls towards something and suffering as something that pushes away from something, you will always look for reasons to do things.

Edited June 2, 2018 by tsuki

[joej]

I guess my struggle is with knowing what I want out of it all.

I put down definitions like values, but they all look like labels, not meanings. I don't feel consistent enough to assign these label to "me"

I look at all the roles in the company and I don't feel inspired anymore. Maybe because it is process now.

Letting go is really difficult because I have invested a lot in the company and I have no clue what I might do if I left. Would I regret the jump? Would I just start again? What would be the point? Starting again is dependent on finding the correct people which is hard to do, so it would be a risky jump and at best would be similar to what I have already.

Maybe there is an avenue/purpose I haven't thought of yet.

 

Ok, so to summaries the above:

Stop thinking so rationally and put more faith in my intuition.

Allow the company to be as is and not worry about my place in it. Instead focus on myself and possibly more precisely my perception.

 

Many thanks everyone.

[joej]

Hey @tsuki, thanks for that. What you are saying there is that aiming for something always scope for satisfaction and suffering. I feel like most of the time I am working heads down on something that benefits someone and the result is often leading myself into a successful place but in tern surrounding myself with with competition and being taken advantage of. That fits you model.

[tsuki]

Helping others and being taken advantage of are two sides of the same coin.
They alternate as you go trough your life, interacting with people.

To help someone is to recognize that they are less able than you are.
To be taken advantage of is to see that your ability has been exploited by someone that can take care of himself.

You are the one that makes the distinction between the two as you go through your life.
The act of helping is a judgement of their ability. Calling others exploitative is a judgement of your own gullibility.

When your environment is always competitive, recognize that you carry competitiveness around with you.
Action born out of evasion of suffering, or pursuit of satisfaction, is bound to alternate between them.

[joej]

I am 100% responsible for letting people take advantage of me. Unfortunately it happens.

Maybe if I scale my work/ambition down, I will in turn be freer to be more trusting.