Posted February 7, 2016 Hello, I just signed up as soon as I have seen the forum announcement on YouTube. I am 25 years old, studying English Language and Literature, 3rd grade. I have no friends but I love people. I have not quite understood life, myself and other human beings yet. And I need your help! I have failed in 3 out of 9 courses this semester and I realized how much I care if other people has passed them all or not. And I felt relatively relieved when I learned some of them have failed too. If you had this type of problem in your career or school life, please help me to solve this egotistical issue which is bothering me and make me feel depressed. How to destroy my own reputation and accept to be unsuccessful? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 7, 2016 You are not egotistical, but you might have separation anxiety issues. Maybe codependency issues too? I have also just read your post regarding relationships. Look into your childhood trauma. Accept and forgive what you can, sit deeply with what still seems painful. Also, Teal Swan videos on youtube might be of help Ayla, www.aylabyingrid.com Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 7, 2016 Its completely normal for a human being to compare with other fellow beings, once you accept this fact as a part of you it will be much easier to deal with it, dont resist it. Imbrace it and be aware of it Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 7, 2016 Yeah Sarper..I'm nearly in the same position as you. And yyou know what! ...People who matter don't mind and People who mind don't matter! Hope you can zoom in the hidden meaning; ) Lots of love pal..Take care♥ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 7, 2016 @Ayla It's a relief to know it's not egotistical. My family has been telling me to become successful and get rich, they compare me with other people. I think that's what makes me anxious. Thank you for your comment! @Azzam jamanie I am trying a lot to embrace my failures. I hope I can make it! Thanks for the suggestion. @Pavan <3 You understand me! Only the real ones are important! Take care you too. Thanks. <3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 7, 2016 That very situation right there was a way of life for me. And for a long time, mind you. I didn't have to chase great lengths and work for exellence, so long I was the best in my immediate surroundings. And oh, boy, has that backfired on me. Now, at Uni, I am not even in top 10. At first it was like: "What the hell, brain? Step your game up!" And I tried harder, failed harder and was absolutely miserable. Completely devastated that I wasn't the best, not even close, and that lead to even worse results. But than I came across something I had read millions of times before and had always ridiculed, never fully understanding what it ment: Some battles are won milimetre by milimetre. And it clicked. All this time, it wasn't about me going against the best in my class. It wasn't about me self actualizing and being the best that I can be. Rather, it was me being very selfish and egoistical, and wanting confirmation form other people because I found none in one place where it mattered - inside. I know that sounds clishe-ish, but that really is what happened. What I needed to do was drop the crazy expectations for myself and end the wild goose chase. The whole point of going to school and learning as much as you can (if you are wise enough to recognise that) is not to have a perfect all As report at the end. It is about you adopting the way of thinking in your field and gaining critical insights into the matter. Others around you just happen to be going along for the same ride. And that is where "mm by mm" comes in. You fight your insecurities little by little and you work your way from the bottom up. Given enough time, I'm sure you will look back and suddenly realise that you don't give a damn anymore about how others did on the test. No! Now, You are proud of your own improvement. I am sorry for the long post, I really hope it helps, even just a little bit. Take care, mate! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 7, 2016 @Draconis Chaser It was amazing to read! Thanks to you I realized how far I came to this point in my life and it wasn't even something I deliberately done I guess we can only see the whole picture when the painting is done. Thank you so much, you take care too! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 7, 2016 (edited) Wonderful and understanding comments! We are all on a journey of some sort in this world of 'life' experience. Take time to sit quietly by yourself every day, and just watch the thoughts appearing in awareness. Do not analyze, justify, compare or in any way consider the thoughts - just 'look' at them. You are the 'watcher', the observer. There is great freedom in finding this place. Then, with further self-enquiry, as you get accustomed to this new freedom you might notice that even the observer is being observed by awareness itself. joy Edited February 7, 2016 by walt Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 7, 2016 Sharper, Please look into "people pleaser" concept on line. You do sound like one. (I was one) It's a result of having narcissistic parents usually. Look into all that. I'll get back to you in a bit. In any case, just know this: You are where you are. Start from there. Like if you were to read a map. In order for you to find your way, you need to assess where you are right now and come to terms with that. Ayla, www.aylabyingrid.com Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 7, 2016 @Ayla I didn't know about that concept and I read about it. Just wow! That actually suits me almost 100%. Thank you so much! You gave me a starting point and now I can understand myself and my problems better! Thank you! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 7, 2016 @Draconis Chaser Great story! This is the one most major recurring problem in my life that still did not go away. When I first went into high school, I had beliefs about myself that I was better than everyone and when I realized I was not, it meant trouble for my whole life because my whole self construction was propped up on these assumptions. When those core steel beams were threatened, the whole building was in jeopardy. And this was one of the most major times where I faced this problem. And I tried to solve it with more work. Doing more. Waking up 2 hours earlier than everyone, on weekends too. And similarly, it was backfiring. Even personal development was backfiring. I would break down and lose motivation to do anything and then all of my teachers and classmates would wonder why I am all over the place. When I found out that even my friends were doing more than me, I would have this pit in my stomach that made my heart beat faster. It still happens sometimes today. I began to hammer out this problem by figuring out the root of it. My first conclusion was to focus more on personal development and journaling. Whenever someone talked about school I would turn away and go back to those things. Of course that did not work because I was avoiding the problem. I was simply using those things to make it feel like I was doing more than everyone else. The same problem... The only thing that has been working is just by accepting that I can not be better than everyone at everything and by focusing on things that moved me. Developing a vision that surrounded my own personal values/ It was all because I was insecure with myself in a school environment. But why should I be insecure? Do I need a stronger vision for my life to combat this problem? Or is that simply another distraction? At the core, how do you exactly work through this? And for those who have solved it, do you still have those doubts of yourself? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 7, 2016 @walt That's a wonderful suggestion and I also meditate on this. I try to just watch my toughts as they come and god like waves in the ocean. That's quite a hard task to accomplish but I am totally working for what you have suggested. Thank you! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 8, 2016 @Vincent Musanti I still have my moments when everything is falling apart and there is no point in doing any schoolwork or studying, and I too go back to Leo's videos for comfort. Not nearly as much as before, though. I personally had a rather bitter pill to swallow, knowing that I cannot be the best in everything no matter what I do and how much I try. And it took some convincing with myself to realise that it was okay. I don't have to be the best. I just have to give it my all. And if my all still isn't enough and I end up accomplishing absolutely nothing - I can live with that. But I have to know I gave it my all. This attitude is not something I adopted from others, nor can I give it to you. It was a rather painful realisation to be honest. It hurts so much to acknowlege the fact that what you thought defined YOU (aka the winner) has in fact dissapeared almost over night, never to be found again. And you have two options: to go after it again, but to know deep down that you are never going to catch it again, and even if you do become the best, you will costantly be in a spasm, trying to protect your position. And eventually, you will be replaced by someone smarter and younger. This is a fight you just cannot win. Second option is to make peace with the situation, and accept that things are the way they are, and there is really nothing you can do about it. This is, of course, better choice for it gives you a clean slate to work with. But you see, It's so damn hard to give up on your identity and the past memory of you being a mile better than all those morons around you. That part of you has to die. But it felt sooo good before, didn't it. You might not have been the most poular one, or the best looking one, but you sure as hell were the smartest! And that beats being pretty, right?! From where I stand now (and that is a position slightly more stable from where I was before), all of MY issues with studying stem from not having a life purpose, also from residues of the "I have to be the best" attitude. Knowing all that I know now, it is merely a consequence of procrastination and lazyness. What I find myself needing, and I suspect you might benefit from, is getting in touch with that passion for acomplishment from the inside. That drive to outdo yourself, not beat the stupid highscore. That desire to nail the exam because that is the only logical thing to do. I was lost for a while there, not having my life purpose and all, before I realised that, no matter what it turned out to be, I still would have to graduate from college, and I would still not be happy with half-ass grades. But the whole context of grades is now changed. Again, I hope I am not boring y'all with my long coments. Take care Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 13, 2016 On 2/7/2016 at 4:38 AM, Ayla said: You are not egotistical, but you might have separation anxiety issues. Maybe codependency issues too? I have also just read your post regarding relationships. Look into your childhood trauma. Accept and forgive what you can, sit deeply with what still seems painful. Also, Teal Swan videos on youtube might be of help I love Teal Swan! She's got some great spiritual insight Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 13, 2016 @Sarper I just love this video of Leo's... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 13, 2016 4 hours ago, Free Spirit said: @Sarper I just love this video of Leo's... Thank you!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted February 13, 2016 I was suffering with same issue but now now more after I started taking action on Leo's work Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
