Tips on how to get closer to a girl

[8Ball]

Went out again with this girl. Not the one in the first post, but the other girl I mentioned later on. At first we, and a bunch of our colleagues, were supposed to go bowling but most skipped out and the girl I'm interested in said she wanted to go to a bar because her sister was there (remember? I worked with her sister for a year and a half). This really pushed me out of the comfort zone because it meant I would spend the entire evening with four girls, two of whom I have never met.

Well, the night was alright. But the girl didn't show any interest like last time. She was just drunk I suppose, not so much this time. But we did a little chatting, I humored her and drove her and her sister home.

That's it. Nothing really spectacular. I'm not gonna chase after her, but I'm still gonna keep in touch, talk to her at work, eat lunch with her. And maybe ask her out for a one-on-one beer after work sometime, just the two of us. But if she doesn't show any interest in me I'm not gonna pursue her of course. But damn I like her, small and beautiful, doesn't tslk much with people, but when we're engaged in a conversation, she's really sweet.

[Barbarian Number 8]

@8Ball  -She won´t make a move on you with friends and family there. It would be very unlikely. You need to isolate her. What girls do when nobody knows is amazing sometimes.

 

Going out with 4 girls is not as good as it sounds if you want to boink one of them. Basicly everybody gets frustrated. The girls can´t pickup when you there and you can´t make a move either. Nobody happy.

 

I think that she is interested but just inexperiensed and made a stupid move to bring you and the girlgang together.

 

Well, now we have to wait an entire week untill the next "episode"

[Guest Quanty]

You don't know yourself and your capabilities, this is the reason you have difficulties with women. 

It all starts with oneself. 

[Barbarian Number 8]

@8Ball Mr. 8 Ball? You kind of left us at a cliffhanger last week.

-What´s new? in the life of 8 Ball?

[8Ball]

This is what's new. Last week we went out again for a couple of beers, me and my colleagues. Of course, this girl I like was there. Now remember, not the same girl I talk about in the first post. I came to the bar a little late, had to go to the gym first. I don't really get many opportunities to talk to her because she's on the other side of the table. After a few beers she gets up because she has to go and see her sister. A few moments later she texts me and asks if there's room for her and her sister and if it's alright if she comes over again. Yes of course it is

Here's the interesting part. A few minutes after she left, my colleague (a woman) just randomly says. "Hey 8Ball, what's the deal with you and Monique?" I was stunned. She really caught me off guard there. Nervously I say "there's a deal with her and me?". She says "yeah it seems like you're really interested in her". I tell her "well she's a little quiet don't you think? Not my type." She tells me "no no I think she is. I think that you started to like her after seeing her like this, at a bar, a little drunk, you know what I'm saying?"

I was stunned. I kept asking myself how the hell she knew. This colleague started working with us just a month ago and I have barely spoken to her and suddenly she knows everything about me? And also, it's not like I'm making it obvious. I rarely speak to "Monique" at work so she couldn't possibly know that I'm interested in her. Unless.... unless Monique herself told her all this! It makes perfect sense! I don't talk to Monique for months, then we go out, get drunk, get a weird connection and suddenly I start talking to her at work.

I come to this realization the day after. It seems so logical. Monique knows that I'm interested in her. Or she wanted to find out by having my colleague ask me. Either way I'm stunned.

Now back to the bar again. Monique and her sister arrives. Again, she sits far away from me, not much to do about it. Instead I sit next to my colleague who said that I seem interested in Monique. She starts to get drunk and I really hate sitting next to her. I notice Monique looking at me a few times. She can tell I'm having a bad time. I get up and leave for the evening, can't stand another minute.

Now the weekend is over and we're all back at work. I decide to finally ask her if she wants to go out and have lunch with me. She agrees even though she brought her own food to work. We sit outside and eat, we talk about this and that. It seems really easy to make her smile. Goddamnit her smile makes me go crazy! She has this wonderful outfit on her. I'm really attracted to her. I tell myself that I really want to bang her lol.

Even though she's shy, there are a few indicators that reveals that she's at least curious about me. It's not like there's anything special about her. She's really cute and seems like a good person. But she's really thin and seems to have a lot of insecurities. But what I find attractive about her is the fact that she doesn't give a shit and doesn't need anyone. She is perfectly fine by herself. I just love that.

Now, there probably won't be much more to tell than this. I don't think either of us want to start a thing with a colleague.

Edited May 31, 2018 by 8Ball

[Spiral]

@8Ball You already "won" basically. I would consider taking her somewhere romantic. 

The weather right now is great for a picnic, maybe with some white wine. Although pulling of good a picnic date is difficult.  

Edited May 31, 2018 by Spiral

[Barbarian Number 8]

@8Ball  I am not sure about this Monique girl.

She might be veery shy and inexperienced. I mean having her coworkers and sister involved as a buffer...that usually goes bad. She might also just be a bit daft by doing so?

You might have gotten one-itis....from this one.

 

Ja, you are right, banging colleague are bad. But on the other hand, they say that over 80% meet their lovemuffin at the workplace.

*thinking* -Perhaps you could testbang her and then decide if you want to keep her?

 

I definitely don´t like the "Noisy-colleague" that chatted you up about your lovelife. She is a wierd problem. She wants you. Can you get her fired somehow?

 

Hmmm?...maybe....we are overlooking something...here...ja.

*idéa forming in brain*

-So! is the sister bangable? I now suspect that she can be interested in you. Why else would she c*ckblock you?

Maybe we should consider a less normative relationship here? 3-some?

[Greys0n]

ask for a date, buy flowers, eye contact, be attentive

[Sine]

Just tell her that you would like to take her out for a green smoothie og maybe a beer or something. And tell her How you feel about asking her - like “Hey.. okay I feel so wierd right now but I have thought about this some time and I decided it would be best if I just ask you.. Sooo would you like to go out some time? Maybe this friday? “

And she would say “omg you are so awesome for being honest I will birth your children”

or she would say “no, I like to play games and only dates guys that act like they dont want me” 

if its the last one you should go with someone else I think..

good luck!

[Star Net]

On 06.06.2018 at 2:59 PM, Sine said:

Just tell her that you would like to take her out for a green smoothie og maybe a beer or something. And tell her How you feel about asking her - like “Hey.. okay I feel so wierd right now but I have thought about this some time and I decided it would be best if I just ask you.. Sooo would you like to go out some time? Maybe this friday? “

And she would say “omg you are so awesome for being honest I will birth your children”

or she would say “no, I like to play games and only dates guys that act like they dont want me” 

if its the last one you should go with someone else I think..

good luck!

It can be both, I mean both of Us guys and girls like being honest and playing games for fun in the same time.

[8Ball]

OK so I tried something new. Something I have never done before. Across the street from where I work I usually go there to buy a cup of coffee and there's this cute girl working there. After a few times, we start small-talking a little and she seems adorable. Outgoing, sweet and charming.

Today I grabbed my balls and said f*ck it. I went there with intent to get her number. We talk a little and I make a move. "We should hang out sometime" I said. She says she has a boyfriend. I jokingly say I have one as well and that we should just hang out, nothing more. She writes down her number, I look it up online. It's definitely her number, not a fake one.

But now I'm thinking if I should even shoot her a text. It was the first time I've ever asked a girl out in person so it was great practice. I got something out of it at least. Maybe I should drop the whole thing and focus on my gym-routine, health, meditation etc. Thoughts?

Edited June 25, 2018 by 8Ball

[Ether]

@8Ball Bro, she got a boyfriend lmao. Leave it. There are millions of single girls.

Ooooor she may just said to push u away

Edited June 25, 2018 by Ether
a

[8Ball]

1 hour ago, Ether said:

@8Ball Bro, she got a boyfriend lmao. Leave it. There are millions of single girls.

Ooooor she may just said to push u away

Yeah, it's either one of those things. But I learned something valuable. Asking girls out isn't a big deal. It's only a big deal if I allow it to be.

I've decided to start approaching girls a lot to get better with them. Like the journey Leo once had. Quite an exciting activity

[Regina Davies]

1. Funny but kind jokes (but not idiotic, too sarcastic or black humor)

2. Try to reflect yourself as a person who loves animals, children and nature overall

3. Truly show and explain your feelings (if you have them ofc)

4. Dont lie or imitate something that you can't handle

[Barbarian Number 8]

@8Ball  Good work Mr. 8 Ball!

I don´t believe that she has a boyfriend_and_take a number. The "bf" is a way-out, if the contact turns out wierd.

...butt.....it could also...be that....well how do I say this? hmm....they might be looking for a 3-som.

 

I see that you havent written in a while, .....did you end up in the middle (litterly)? ...and that adventure might require a lot of meditation.

 

I have just returned after some travelling and would like to know how my favorite topic thread turns out.

Are you still interested in the RSD-life or did you go for the youtuber sandman instead?

[merimo28]

OP, try reading how to get girl guide, I think that explains exactly what you asked for. I think that will be useful for you, to make "next step"

[Emerald]

On 4/30/2018 at 11:29 AM, 8Ball said:

Hello

So there's a girl at my work who I'm interested in and I find it relatively hard to get close to her in a way that she'll be interested in me. I've seen Leo's videos about dating and relationships and so on so I'm quite familiar with theory but not with experience.

I had a similar case at my previous job and I got really close to that girl but I really screwed it up with her. We constantly spoke to eachother, during work and after work. The thing is that our aytraction came really natural with her. But being the pussy I was back then I never closed the deal with her because of overanalyzing and such.

This time around, with the girl at my current job, it's a little different. We've spoken only a few times and she works one floor above me so I rarely see her, only during lunch and coffee breaks.

Any tips are welcome so she might open her eyes for me. Humor and being non-needy are some things I've learned from Leo. But how should I approach her? Just random talks, being edgy and flirty? It seems like it's a bad thing to come on to hard. But just talking to her won't do much for me, at least that's how it feels right now.

Women like when you notice the good things that they do, that they value in themselves. So, in a really detached way convey a sense of subtle amusement, admiration, and especially encouragement at something that she's done at work (or something in general) that she's proud of. This should be very subtle and only be very brief, and it shouldn't seem like you want anything. Then, pull back and go back to being neutral. It will give her the impression that you MIGHT be interested in her or that you MIGHT be thinking of her. But she won't be 100% sure if you do it correctly. 

The "MIGHT" here is very important. Women are very intellect driven with their attractions. Nothing gets to them as much as uncertainty and anticipation. If she knows that you like her right away, there may not be enough tension to build desire. Women always want to know what the guy they like is thinking about... and if she is on his mind and how. That's why women like to ask men, "What are you thinking about?" If a woman asks you this, she probably wants to get closer to you and hopes that you are thinking about her. 

So, the uncertainty will plant a small seed of wonder in her mind, "Does he think about me? Does he admire me? Is he attracted to me?" And the question marks give so much for women to imagine, which is where the attraction actually comes up.

Also, you want to be sure that the subtle interest you're conveying shows more of a desire to get into her mind and that you admire her for her specific personality traits and strengths. So, looks shouldn't be directly factored into this equation because it 1.) Takes away that sense of uncertainty of your intent and feelings, so she'll have nothing to solve in you. 2.) Makes the admiration feel like it's based on something that she didn't achieve and that is surface level.

If she likes you, she'll want you to be attracted to her physically too. But if you start with that, it will likely put her on edge and in an uncomfortable mindset. The discomfort of which, I'm sure you wouldn't want projected out onto you in here mind. 

Now, I'm basing this 100% off my own attractions. Perhaps, some women are different. But I'm inclined to think that these things are quite common.

[Emerald]

On 5/6/2018 at 10:28 AM, Star Net said:

Hey @Quanty  hahahahaha   breathing !!! again !!! I mean He wants to talk with a girl !!!

Hey@8Ball 

First thing dont make any bold action tworads Her Now, Do not ( Important ).

Do not be boring because No one want to be bored neither You or others.

does she have a friend in Your floor ? or a friend that is Your friend in the same time ?

Remember that there is a chance that she will not be into You and she will reject You, do not let that fear You or disturb You.

 I do not Know Her, You, the building or the situation but hmmmm : ok maybe this will help You

1 - Make a personal conversation with her for 5 seconds ( do not request this conversation, make it seem like You and her in the same place accidently, be sure that there is no one else in the place because You do not want to embarrass Her, You are just trying to open her eyes towards You ) the place can be in the stairs or something like that, Tell Her "bad perfume You are using, Bad smell, Do They pay You to use this perfume ? ", Maybe she will attack You verbally saying " Your perfume smells bad too " or something like that, do not be angry, You can laugh and Say " I know thats why I am using it ", Be sure that You are the one that ending the conversation not her ( Important )

2 - Make an accident and pour Your coffe or tea on her, and find a way to not care about that and maybe blame Her for it, ( do not be angry ).

 

just think and I am sure that You will find many things to do, but the most important thing is have a nice time and laugh if You understand what I am saying, even If she will not be with You, at least You had a nice time and laughed ,

 

 

Do not be angry if she will not be with You, No one can be with every one ...

 

Love Your life

Don't do this. You'll only get girls with really low self-esteem and lots of neuroses. But on the bright side... you'll be HYPER successful with those insecure women because you'll be mirroring to them the very reason why they have low self-esteem and lots of neuroses in the first place. Maybe their dad was a jerk to them too, so you can go all "Oedipus Complex" with it, and get some co-dependents.

Or if you want a psychologically healthy girl, then don't use negging. Negging only works on girls with no self-worth. I would straight up murder a guy who did these things. Not only would I be un-interested in him, I'd be doing my best to actively avoid him. 

[Fuku]

Correct me if I'm wrong (that's only from my meager experience and some spiritual teachers I resonate with at my stage) : the "negging" thing is often used as a "magic trick/technique" by PUA and such, yes. But it actually still makes sense, doesn't it? Considering than the average woman likes emotion rollercoasters more than the average man, it's just a playful way of feeding this need and make stuff less boring anyway.
(But of course, there's a ton of different cases so this might not work for everyone. Like I would say "nope, not even once" to certain things described as being done by "all men".)

[merimo28]

On 9/20/2018 at 11:45 PM, Emerald said:

Don't do this. You'll only get girls with really low self-esteem and lots of neuroses. But on the bright side... you'll be HYPER successful with those insecure women because you'll be mirroring to them the very reason why they have low self-esteem and lots of neuroses in the first place. Maybe their dad was a jerk to them too, so you can go all "Oedipus Complex" with it, and get some co-dependents.

Or if you want a psychologically healthy girl, then don't use negging. Negging only works on girls with no self-worth. I would straight up murder a guy who did these things. Not only would I be un-interested in him, I'd be doing my best to actively avoid him. 

2

Well, you are right according to my experience...