Tips on how to get closer to a girl

[8Ball]

Hello

So there's a girl at my work who I'm interested in and I find it relatively hard to get close to her in a way that she'll be interested in me. I've seen Leo's videos about dating and relationships and so on so I'm quite familiar with theory but not with experience.

I had a similar case at my previous job and I got really close to that girl but I really screwed it up with her. We constantly spoke to eachother, during work and after work. The thing is that our aytraction came really natural with her. But being the pussy I was back then I never closed the deal with her because of overanalyzing and such.

This time around, with the girl at my current job, it's a little different. We've spoken only a few times and she works one floor above me so I rarely see her, only during lunch and coffee breaks.

Any tips are welcome so she might open her eyes for me. Humor and being non-needy are some things I've learned from Leo. But how should I approach her? Just random talks, being edgy and flirty? It seems like it's a bad thing to come on to hard. But just talking to her won't do much for me, at least that's how it feels right now.

Edited April 30, 2018 by 8Ball

[Spiral]

@8Ball Work is tricky, If you "bother" her too much your/her boss might get annoyed. If your too forward and she or other people will think you're create a "problematic" environment it becomes messy. So if you want to get somewhere with her, it's better to do so outside work and try to be as professional as possible at work. I mean she probably already decided whether or not she likes you, girls make that decision very quickly, so asking her out is probably the way to go.

I'm not a big fan of trying stuff at work or with people I "have to" meet regularly because if the relationship doesn't work it gets awkward. Not saying you should make the same choice but maybe something worth taking into consideration. If you are a bit new to the whole "getting girls thing" I would advise trying your luck with girls from other places, to get some more experience and get abundance, as that changes your perspective on things.

[Girzo]

21 hours ago, 8Ball said:

Just random talks, being edgy and flirty?

Sounds good. At some point when you can start to feel that "she's yours" just ask her out or something.

21 hours ago, 8Ball said:

because of overanalyzing and such.

Exactly, it's my Achilles' heel and I guess most of introvert guys struggle with overanalyzing. Get out of your head and life becomes much easier. Working on yourself with meditation, yoga, etc. helps in taming the mind.

Instant-fix is to stop assuming that you know people and just approaching them with curiosity what their answer may be, instead of creating a whole dialogue tree beforehand in your head.

[Guest Quanty]

Learn to master breathing, injaculation/kundalini and tantra. 

After training the above, and know how to connect with yourself, the it will be easy to connect with every woman or any living thing. 

[Star Net]

Hey @Quanty  hahahahaha   breathing !!! again !!! I mean He wants to talk with a girl !!!

Hey@8Ball 

First thing dont make any bold action tworads Her Now, Do not ( Important ).

Do not be boring because No one want to be bored neither You or others.

does she have a friend in Your floor ? or a friend that is Your friend in the same time ?

Remember that there is a chance that she will not be into You and she will reject You, do not let that fear You or disturb You.

 I do not Know Her, You, the building or the situation but hmmmm : ok maybe this will help You

1 - Make a personal conversation with her for 5 seconds ( do not request this conversation, make it seem like You and her in the same place accidently, be sure that there is no one else in the place because You do not want to embarrass Her, You are just trying to open her eyes towards You ) the place can be in the stairs or something like that, Tell Her "bad perfume You are using, Bad smell, Do They pay You to use this perfume ? ", Maybe she will attack You verbally saying " Your perfume smells bad too " or something like that, do not be angry, You can laugh and Say " I know thats why I am using it ", Be sure that You are the one that ending the conversation not her ( Important )

2 - Make an accident and pour Your coffe or tea on her, and find a way to not care about that and maybe blame Her for it, ( do not be angry ).

 

just think and I am sure that You will find many things to do, but the most important thing is have a nice time and laugh if You understand what I am saying, even If she will not be with You, at least You had a nice time and laughed ,

 

 

Do not be angry if she will not be with You, No one can be with every one ...

 

Love Your life

[Toby]

Breaking news: you are not in control what she feels or thinks. So if asking her out feels "off" you're either too shy or she is not interested or ambivalent.

[Nahm]

@8Ball You’re perfectly fine without her, you’re going to bang more chicks in this life than you could even keep track of. You need nothing to feel great! Especially her! Not to mention, when you drop you’re false serious outlook on reality, you’re silly, funny, and downright hilarious! It’s infectious! You don’t need shit from her. She’d be lucky if you even noticed her.

Now, go talk to her. Ask questions about what she’s into, and when you listen, she’ll notice it’s the first time in her life someone is actually  listening. Keep it light. 

[8Ball]

You guys are great. Awesome responses. I've contemplated for a while and yes, I do not need her. I don't even know her that well. And the fact that I made this topic is evident of me being needy. 

1: Focus on myself

2: Be myself

3: When she's around I will talk to her, about her, and listen. Truly listen.

4: Show her my humoristic side

5: Most importantly, not overthink and just plain not give a fuck what she thinks or what anyone else thinks for that matter. Be detached while having great conversations with her.

6: Not being a pussy.

Thanks guys. Maybe an update will come later on. It seems like her cousin is somewhat interested in me. (They both started at my workplace the same time.) She seems somewhat nice although not my type physically. We'll see what happens. Need to re-watch some of Leo's videos. Specifically "how to stop caring what people think of you". Been struggling with that my whole life, but lately I'm more laid back although it still lingers in thr back of my head.

Edited May 9, 2018 by 8Ball

[Barbarian Number 8]

@8Ball  Young Padawan.

For this you will need:

1. Candy

2. A van

3. Ducttape

 

...or just say hi, smile to her and give her a good look in the eyes.

 

Things not to do would be:

Stare at her femenine mammaries and make odd noices. Then you will meet HR. HR is bad.

Second, any kind of unsolicited touching is bad. Remember HR. HR bad.

[franktrading]

you have details with her, take her every now and then a chocolate, smile whenever you see her and look at her for a moment for a few seconds, then invite her to lunch after a few days

[8Ball]

22 hours ago, Barbarian Number 8 said:

@8Ball  Young Padawan.

For this you will need:

1. Candy

2. A van

3. Ducttape

 

...or just say hi, smile to her and give her a good look in the eyes.

 

Things not to do would be:

Stare at her femenine mammaries and make odd noices. Then you will meet HR. HR is bad.

Second, any kind of unsolicited touching is bad. Remember HR. HR bad.

My jedi master, I will refrain from the above mentioned atrocities.

I shall keep in mind the things I must avoid, but every now and then, my animalistic urges may cause unwarranted behaviour.

[Nahm]

On 5/9/2018 at 9:40 AM, Barbarian Number 8 said:

@8Ball  Young Padawan.

For this you will need:

1. Candy

2. A van

3. Ducttape

 

...or just say hi, smile to her and give her a good look in the eyes.

 

Things not to do would be:

Stare at her femenine mammaries and make odd noices. Then you will meet HR. HR is bad.

Second, any kind of unsolicited touching is bad. Remember HR. HR bad.

Solid self awareness man. ??

[Nahm]

On 5/8/2018 at 5:06 PM, 8Ball said:

You guys are great. Awesome responses. I've contemplated for a while and yes, I do not need her. I don't even know her that well. And the fact that I made this topic is evident of me being needy. 

1: Focus on myself

2: Be myself

3: When she's around I will talk to her, about her, and listen. Truly listen.

4: Show her my humoristic side

5: Most importantly, not overthink and just plain not give a fuck what she thinks or what anyone else thinks for that matter. Be detached while having great conversations with her.

6: Not being a pussy.

Thanks guys. Maybe an update will come later on. It seems like her cousin is somewhat interested in me. (They both started at my workplace the same time.) She seems somewhat nice although not my type physically. We'll see what happens. Need to re-watch some of Leo's videos. Specifically "how to stop caring what people think of you". Been struggling with that my whole life, but lately I'm more laid back although it still lingers in thr back of my head.

Solid self awareness man. ??

[Solace]

Become one with your heart; it's the answer to every question you have.

[YaNanNallari]

If you want someone to be interested in you sexually then be more sexual in the way you feel (and maybe act). Honestly though I like what Quanty said. Just get your own stuff together, although good relationships can help you accept yourself more quickly etc.

[8Ball]

Update: Don't care about this girl any longer, hahaha that was fast. However, I went out with a few of my colleagues yesterday, total of 4 girls and 3 guys. One of the girls there I've spoken to only a few times. I've never been interested in her. She just seems extremely reserved.

Anyway, the hours go by, all of us have an extremely good time. I make the entire group laugh, we all share great stories, I laugh like a maniac at some of the guys' jokes. I'm at extreme peace with myself (usually really introverted and hate being in groups). But yesterday I felt like my true self, like the clown inside of me finally lept out. This was a different me than they usually see at work. (Thank you meditation and a little alcohol). 

One by one people leave, I'm left with two other girls for like an hour more. Now this one girl, the one I'm not really familiar with who's really reserved, she starts to open up like crazy all of sudden. (Drunk of course) We talk and talk, she asks questions about me, we talk about family. At one point our eyes locked for a few seconds ( love when that happens). Felt sexual. She touches me on the arm, you know, gently, like it's not on purpose. I do the same with her. We mirror each other. I lean back, she does the same. She takes a drink, I do the same.

Then the night really takes a twist. It turns out I worked with her sister at an earlier job. Both of us are stunned. I rarely have genuine open conversations with people because in the back of my mind there's always this monkey chatter. But we're really invested in each other this night, of course we're drunk, but I really acted like a man. Like I was in charge. Earlier in the evening the hottest girl there wanted to guess which one of us at the table is the craziest one in bed. She said my name, she meant it. (What the fuck? 100% wrong haha)

Back to the girl. We share images of ourselves when we were younger. We share images of our siblings. Talk about where we live, our plans for the future, interests. I show her some clips of me skydiving and climbing mountains, she's totally down to skydive with me (just drunk talk though). After a while, the three of us leave, me and this "reserved" (now totally open) girl walk on the same path. I'm heading for the train, she to the bus. I humor her, remark about one stupid "fact" she said earlier that was totally wrong and we both have a good laugh. Before we leave I give her a really close hug. She asks if I'll attend one of my colleagues party the next weekend. I said I wasn't sure, but now that I know that she's gonna be there, hell yeah I'll show up.

Then... sitting on that train. I realized. What the fuck did I just do?! Why didn't I just ask her if she wanted to grab a bite somewhere. To keep the night going. Eventually maybe going to her place. Didn't even cross my mind until I was on my way home. Damnit! The attraction was there... I think. She invested time in me. I invested time in her. All other colleagues have left. It was just the two of us. No one had to know we kept the party going you know.

Didn't even cross my mind to ask for her number even. But it was a hell of a night. Most importantly, I had fun. I attracted someone (probably). We'll see how this turns out. She's definitely going to ask her sister about me. We worked together for a year and a half. It's crazy how I thought of this girl before, and now seeing her cute face and crazy personality. Wow. I'm stunned. Instant attraction.

Now we'll just have to see how things transpire next week. I actually don't think either of us want to do anything when we work so closely.

Damnit.

Edited May 12, 2018 by 8Ball

[Barbarian Number 8]

@8Ball  Now it starts to get really interesting. You must keep us updated about next weekend!

I suggest a litle more kino and maybe a litle less comfortbuilding (this seems to be all good). Get your logistics in order i.e taxi money and clean apartment with goodies in the fridge.

My good Padawan...it is time to let out "the animalistic urges"..........yes it is -NOT _all_ at once (remember H.R and now we need to add bouncers. Bouncers big and bad).

...just enough to let her know that there lives something in your pants and that "something" is looking right at her.

Perhaps starting off with hairpulling, nibbling the neck and grunting in her ear? ..._when_ you have hightened her buying temperature again beforehand.

The thing is to make it less logical fun and more primal fun.

 

Figure out some excuse to bring her to your appartment. Anything will do really. Just say that you two will briefly swing by to feed your cat and then you will continue out for food or something.

Remember your fridge full of goodies? muhahaha _the_masterplan takes form!

[8Ball]

1 hour ago, Barbarian Number 8 said:

@8Ball  Now it starts to get really interesting. You must keep us updated about next weekend!

I suggest a litle more kino and maybe a litle less comfortbuilding (this seems to be all good). Get your logistics in order i.e taxi money and clean apartment with goodies in the fridge.

My good Padawan...it is time to let out "the animalistic urges"..........yes it is -NOT _all_ at once (remember H.R and now we need to add bouncers. Bouncers big and bad).

...just enough to let her know that there lives something in your pants and that "something" is looking right at her.

Perhaps starting off with hairpulling, nibbling the neck and grunting in her ear? ..._when_ you have hightened her buying temperature again beforehand.

The thing is to make it less logical fun and more primal fun.

 

Figure out some excuse to bring her to your appartment. Anything will do really. Just say that you two will briefly swing by to feed your cat and then you will continue out for food or something.

Remember your fridge full of goodies? muhahaha _the_masterplan takes form!

Hahaha you funny man. But yes, she's NOT going to be mistaken, I will clearly show her my intent, that I'm physically attracted to her. Sad thing is we live 40 miles apart, seems impossible to take her for a 30 minute drive with the intent to... hrmm... feed my cat.

Worst case scenario, I ask for her number next weekend and take it from there. Best case scenario, we're both drunk again but now we go to her place.

[Ether]

Go to her. Undress her against her will. Do your thing. 

There ya go

[Barbarian Number 8]

@8Ball  I believe that I already mentioned "the" van....buut...maybe a more suttle move is better.

Get a nice hotelroom in the city - invite her - try the bubblebath - seduce her. = everybody happy.

 

It would be cheaper to go to her place, but then you don´t know if she needs to clean the place, have a roommate...or mum living with her.

Mums, Bouncers and HR are bad for love life. Very bad.