Posted June 5, 2017 @sjonesartist It is possible to be addicted to praise. I had was so successful and so praised academically that as soon as began to encounter the real world and my own individual need for self expression, all I could hear in my head was a gaping void of praise partly because I had surpassed my mom's awareness of what was praise worthy. Usually that void got filled with snippy side comments that I picked up from incomplete conversations. To this day, I find myself seeking out relationships with older people who will simply tell me they believe in me without having to beg them for it. I wish my mom would tell me directly that she believes in my ability to do the best I can for myself always. She doesn't appear to want to or understand why that's so important but she refuses to be my yes man. So really there is a big miscommunication/misunderstanding between what we are saying to each other. I hope my perspective is helpful? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 5, 2017 You are absolutely right about this being a tricky situation. No matter how much you beg for love and aproval and respect, your parents will never be able to satiate the deamon that has resulted from your self-hate filter. Yes that is tricky, and I know about that, and I want you to know that whhile your sense of dread is not misplaced, that there are ways to bypass those glass walls that keep you from becoming you most passionate loving self. By now you are aware that you thoughts shape your actions and your actions shape your universe. Stop reading for a second and breath that in. Say, "Mom, I forgive you for not being who I needed you to be. I now take responsibility for doing my own personal best as I move forward." No this mantra will not work overnight. So, remember that also, by now, you have felt what it's like to change your mind about something, and to be more allowing of another's perspective. Breathe that in. Let it sit with you for a moment when you need it, and then set it aside and work on something else. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Posted June 9, 2017 (edited) I never had the necessary support of my parents either. Neither financial nor emotional. They have failed me in many ways. But who said you need to have your parents around you to have your back? It must be nice I guess but hey, you're 26, it's time to take your life into your own hands now. If you feel the need to talk to your parents and point out where you think they screwed up do so but I don't think it's a must. It may help you feel lighter but keep in mind that it doesn't solve the actual problem because the damage has been done already. Also understand: your parents are also just human beings. And human beings fuck up. Sometimes they are aware of it, sometimes they are not. Normally a parent will never have the intention of harming their child in any way, trust me, I'm a mother myself. But it happens. Usually because the parents have issues themselves which they often don't know how to deal with themselves. I try to be aware of my own traumas so I don't inflict any on my children (or at least try to keep the damage to a minimum because I don't believe it is 100% avoidable). Maybe if you understand your traumas you can better deal with them and help yourself. "Running on empty" is a good book which I hereby recommend. Edited June 9, 2017 by Annie Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
