Self-harming Obsessive-compulsive Behaviours

[a e l i]

It all started with biting my nails in middle school. I did that for two or three years and after that I was okay for a couple of years. Now I'm grinding teeth and I just recently started to pull my hair. I can already see the damage I'm doing.

I want this to stop. I already ruined my nails a lot and I don't want to damage my teeth and hair as well. I can't wear a mouth splint to reduce the damage because I already have braces (but I think that wouldn't solve the problem anyway, just like bitter nail polish didn't help me with my nails)

I sometimes meditate and I'm working to become more aware of my emotions but I'm not sure about what to do with this issue. Any advice on how to deal with this? Did any of you have this kind of behaviour?

[FindingPeace]

 

11 minutes ago, a e l i said:

Any advice on how to deal with this? Did any of you have this kind of behaviour?

Yes I've had my fair share of obsessive compulsive behaviours.

This will sound really stupid...but: if you really want to stop the behaviours, then stop doing them!

The real question is, why can't you just stop them? What feeling or thought is it that is pushing you to do them? A sense of anxiety? An uncomfortable feeling? A superstition?

I decided one day that I had had enough of my behaviours. So I literally just stopped doing them. It felt uncomfortable to begin with but it gets easier with time. The way to start is this - you may find it really hard to just stop, so just tell yourself that you going to stop doing x for the next 2 minutes and do it. See how it feels. Prove to yourself that you can, actually, stop if you want to. Keep trying, regularly, to stop doing something. Increase the length of time. Tell yourself that "today I won't pull my hair but maybe tomorrow I will again.", then tomorrow try to do the same.

You have the power to stop anytime you like. You can also start again anytime you like. Sometimes people find it hard to stop because they find it hard to accept that they will never do something again for the rest of their life, and in that inital moment that feels really uncomfortable and unfathomable. So understand that you have the choice to stop and start whenever you want. Ok, so it's a bit non-comittal, but if you think you can commit to it long term, then do so. But don't punish yourself if you fail at some point. Just get right back on the horse and try again.

It can be done. I've cut out certain OC behaviours now for a few years. I still catch myself sometimes but for the most part I don't even think about them.

You may never completely lose the urge to engage in a habit but you will get better at controlling that urge and not letting it control you.

[Anna]

Biting my nails was kind of a starting point for me too, but I just stopped doing it. 

After some years it turned into cutting and beating myself. Just to relief sadness and other feelings I couldn't stand. It just makes everything worse, but it's an addiction. Hard to believe, I know.

That's why I started running. I listened to my body/mind and whenever I felt pressure, anger, depression, sadness ... coming up I ran like crazy. It helped a lot and became a good habit and routine. It keeps me active and I never cut again. I didn't feel the urge aswell.

[Guest]

Hi, 

I would go seek professional help with this, just to rule out the possibility of anything serious.

Short term cognitive behavioural therapy is supposed to be very effective if it turns out you have a small issue.

The Royal College Of Psychiatry conducted trials to test the effectiveness of this http://bjp.rcpsych.org/content/192/3/202

I hope you find some relief soon

[Kelley White]

11 hours ago, a e l i said:

It all started with biting my nails in middle school. I did that for two or three years and after that I was okay for a couple of years. Now I'm grinding teeth and I just recently started to pull my hair. I can already see the damage I'm doing.

I want this to stop. I already ruined my nails a lot and I don't want to damage my teeth and hair as well. I can't wear a mouth splint to reduce the damage because I already have braces (but I think that wouldn't solve the problem anyway, just like bitter nail polish didn't help me with my nails)

I sometimes meditate and I'm working to become more aware of my emotions but I'm not sure about what to do with this issue. Any advice on how to deal with this? Did any of you have this kind of behaviour?

Hi @a e l i.  Nice to meet you.

My first question would be, "What do you feel when you notice you are biting your nails, grinding your teeth, and or pulling your hair?

Can you identify what those emotions are and what triggered them?  What was going on at the time? 

Are you doing this outside your awareness and then just notice, "I'm biting my nails?"   Is it a choice?

What is your objective?  Pain or self soothing? 

I think my observations and suggestions would depend upon having more information.  

If you are self soothing, try a different self soothing technique to replace those with that does not cause harm.  What are some you could think of? 

If you are seeking the pain?  That's about the release of endorphins.  Its a way of feeling when one is numb , its almost like self medicating only using pain to trigger the chemical reaction versus a drug.   That's the why. 

There are numerous solutions.  You can use ice on your wrist, snap a rubber band on your wrist; these are techniques therapists will ask people who cut to substitute for cutting.   You get the pain without the harm.   You could do the same thing with the hair pulling for example.  Redirect it to snapping a rubber band.

When folks cut mental health professionals usually work on no harm contracts with specific consequences for the self harming behavior depending upon the level of self harm.   (IE; If you cut you are being admitted to the hospital since you are obviously in so much pain  you are needing help to not harm yourself." )    Securing sharps so that they are not within the reach of minors who cut is critical to minimize the conduct.

So if you self harm is causing you serious physical injury? If you feel it could escalate to cutting then I would recommend DBT or therapy.  

By my direct experience there are people who can "stop behaviors"; there are people who have to take small steps each day, stopping the behavior is the long term goal.   I suspect the approach depends upon the skill set and needs of the individual?

11 hours ago, FindingPeace said:

You may never completely lose the urge to engage in a habit but you will get better at controlling that urge and not letting it control you.

@FindingPeace, I have found this to be true.  At times you can even lose the urge as well. 

5 hours ago, Anna said:

After some years it turned into cutting and beating myself. Just to relief sadness and other feelings I couldn't stand. It just makes everything worse, but it's an addiction. Hard to believe, I know.

That's why I started running. I listened to my body/mind and whenever I felt pressure, anger, depression, sadness ... coming up I ran like crazy. It helped a lot and became a good habit and routine. It keeps me active and I never cut again. I didn't feel the urge aswell.

@Anna, I am so happy to hear you have overcome this challenge.   Its wonderful that you've found  physical outlet for your emotions.   I celebrate your success with you. 

46 minutes ago, Nomad said:

I would go seek professional help with this, just to rule out the possibility of anything serious.

@Nomad Seeking professional help is always a good idea if it interferes with our ability to function.  Thank you so much, very interesting data you have provided.  Thank you so much for sharing. 

You might find this of interest as well: 

 

(better video)

 

 

[a e l i]

Thanks everyone for replying

@Kelley White I think I pull my hair when I'm not doing anything special... I noticed that when I'm concerned with strong emotions I don't do that. But I'm not sure it's the same with teeth grinding, I feel especially tense when I do it. Sometimes I notice the urge to pull/grind but other times I'm not aware of it and if I start I stop only when it "naturally" ends. Teeth grinding is more difficult to avoid. And I guess I'm self soothing.

I'm trying to keep a journal for when I pull/grind and I'll try to find something healthy to replace it and see how it works out.

[Kelley White]

On 3/8/2016 at 7:26 AM, a e l i said:

I'm trying to keep a journal for when I pull/grind and I'll try to find something healthy to replace it and see how it works out.

@a e l i Awesome.  Its sounds like intuitively you are aware of what will help you.  Keep us posted on how it works for you.  I wish you success.  

[Erestyn]

I've been told to start a new thread instead of replying here... But I can't help but mention that I too need help with this...!

I've been reading thru this site looking for answers: http://howtocureocd.com/

But no luck so far... Anyone can point me to a better resource? My issue is not with my nails or hair, but with me fingers...

I know a lot of people do it, and it's done out of anxiety, but I have basically DESTROYED my fingers (my nails are about twice the size they should be)

I know I have to stop, but have been unable to for now... I'll read these replies and see what I can find, but I'd like the OP to know he/she is not alone.  

[Nahm]

@a e l i Who in your presence, was getting hurt physically and or emotionally, when you were in middle school?