My ex is in my social circle... and other issues

[billiesimon]

I've watched Leo's video about breakups, but my situation has particular issues not described in the video.

I broke up with her peacefully on october, and we stayed friends because we have the same social group. On the first days of january she freaks out after an argument with me and blocks me on every social media. I avoided her since that time, going out with my peers only the days she was not there (she is with them only twice a month). 
Recently she unblocked me and sent to a friend of mine a message for me saying that she is now perfectly peaceful with me and that it's ok for her to see me and to talk with me, but she refused to contact me directly.

Now i still don't contact her, I'm still afraid of talking with her and seeing her, so I keep avoiding all the nights out with her. Some days ago she personally added me on a whatsapp group for a party organized by her. So it's clear she is now perfectly friendly with me. 

Now this is the hard part: she recently started a relationship with a guy in MY SOCIAL GROUP. So they are a couple inside my social group. This news completely fucked up my ego and i feel completely defenceless and vulnerable, and afraid. Also it's been months that I don't like my social group anymore and want to leave, and in fact I see them rarely now.

 

What do you suggest? should I avoid entirely my ex, even though she is happy to restart seeing me as a friend?

And what about her relationship with the guy in my group? It hurts a lot. I'm not in love with her anymore but it's like shoving in my face that I'm just replaced like a tampon. If she found another guy from another group I would have been ok.

My first instinct is to run away from the social circle, that I don't like so much anymore, and dedicate myself to pickup and building a new one.

What do you think?

[zoey101]

19 hours ago, billiesimon said:

Recently she unblocked me and sent to a friend of mine a message for me saying that she is now perfectly peaceful with me and that it's ok for her to see me and to talk with me, but she refused to contact me directly.

It sound like she is just playing with your relationship... I've known a few girl who are only interested in seeing how far they can push a man before he snaps.. Not healthy at all.

19 hours ago, billiesimon said:

And what about her relationship with the guy in my group? It hurts a lot. I'm not in love with her anymore but it's like shoving in my face that I'm just replaced like a tampon. If she found another guy from another group I would have been ok.

As much as this part sucks, you can't decide what she does and who she is with. If your social circle is that tight knit, it really shouldn't be surprising that she is with someone from your group.

19 hours ago, billiesimon said:

My first instinct is to run away from the social circle, that I don't like so much anymore, and dedicate myself to pickup and building a new one.

If you feel like you are no longer a part of it, nor do you want to be, then let them go. There are over 6 billion people on this planet. you won't die if you lose this handful. Just try and figure out what you want. 

Don't let this girl run your life! She isn't letting the situation effect her so why should you? The universe has so much to offer and show you, but you won't see any of it if you let this girl block your view. I just don't see any point in giving anyone that much power over your life and happiness when they clearly don't care about it.

Hope you find some peace! 

[billiesimon]

30 minutes ago, zoey101 said:

It sound like she is just playing with your relationship... I've known a few girl who are only interested in seeing how far they can push a man before he snaps.. Not healthy at all.

As much as this part sucks, you can't decide what she does and who she is with. If your social circle is that tight knit, it really shouldn't be surprising that she is with someone from your group.

If you feel like you are no longer a part of it, nor do you want to be, then let them go. There are over 6 billion people on this planet. you won't die if you lose this handful. Just try and figure out what you want. 

Don't let this girl run your life! She isn't letting the situation effect her so why should you? The universe has so much to offer and show you, but you won't see any of it if you let this girl block your view. I just don't see any point in giving anyone that much power over your life and happiness when they clearly don't care about it.

Hope you find some peace! 

It's a very wise and clear response.

Thanks.

The most insightful part is not letting others dictate my life. I'm going to inquire into this concept and start to let this go.

I'll go out and find new people. I think the universe wants me to lose my ego about this ex and this group (which caused me other issues in the past).

[zoey101]

Good Luck! 
Just remember,

"No one can offend you without your permission!"

                                                       -Eleanor Roosevelt 

[Girzo]

5 hours ago, billiesimon said:

(which caused me other issues in the past)

If there are people involved, there will be issues.  But by no means I say you shouldn't look for new friends. I am myself thinking of attending yoga classes just to meet some new like-minded people, who might have similiar interests, to make friends with.

I feel like this self-actualization journey makes people lonely. Who the fuck can you talk with about psychedelics, yoga, health, etc.? I only have one such a friend. And I would like to have more. If that's a case for you, too, then I can't see a reason why you shouldn't go and try finding/creating a new social circle.

Ulimately we all have to face the Reality in solitude, but that doesn't mean that whole journey has to be bland and traveled alone without any support. I think that's partly what this forum is for, to satiate the need of connection with other self-actualizing people, so you can focus on your solo-practice and don't waste time finding practicioners in the offline world. But if you have lost your social circle, then why not look for self-actualizers in your local area?