Can any explain what the hell is going on with this dude?

[Ibn Sina]

I am curious why this guy is doing what he is doing.  I am not saying that he does this every day, but occasionally he does this. The guy comes to college without bringing his own money, and if he meets me in the canteen he asks me for money to pay his food, and says he will pay back to me in his hostel room. He and I are hostel partners, but I don't usually live in the hostel . I agree to his request as the food is  not that much costly, and I don't want to reject such a small offer for no reason, and he says he will give back the money in his room, so it's a no big deal, and so I give him the money. And he does that 2-3 times a week, and this makes me confused, why would you ask for money, if you have got money already in your hostel room? Sometimes he tries to make excuses and says he will pay tomorrow, but out of at least 20 such incidences , only once did I have to get the money the next day. I have always ensured that  after he takes my money, and after the class lectures are over, we go to our room and  he gives me my money back. And that has always been the case. The question is, why would he do that over and over again?  And this also bothers me, because I don't trust  the guy, and there I feel some level of discomfort even if he takes me money for few hours only. 

The only explanation I have come up with is, he wants me to give him my attention. I have largely ignored the guy, due to his instances of lack of character, and I have suspected deep jealousy in him towards me , and also I have seen him gossiping with other people about me, right in front of me, so I have largely ignored him, and when he offers me to sit next to him, I choose not to and I instead choose to sit with other better friends of mine. The only time he gets my attention is when he takes my money. May be this is why.  

Another explanation, may be he thinks that I trust him and because of this, he can take my money anytime he wants and I am okay with it. But I have made it more than clear that I don't like him, with the causes being the above the instances. So that is very less likely to be the case. 

It's certainly not a case of bullying or harassing, as the guy is always respectful when talking with me, and it's not like he is stealing my money as he always gives the money back, though sometimes makes excuses about giving it tomorrow. 

( Note- I am not completely sure if this topic comes under self actualization but still) 

Edited April 29, 2018 by Ibn Sina

[cirkussmile]

This can only be your fault and 100% yours.

Your job is to find out why that is. And even deeper. Is it any ones fault to begin with?

[Everyday]

Summary:

• When you give to someone to much without asking anything back  he/she will resent you more and more  
• end this ``friendship`` right now!
• he is using you for money. he sees you as a naive  fool
• ``give me a small amount of money for lunch``  will   (trust me) evolve in bigger and bigger monetary requests 
• he is jealous of you 
• if you would not ask for your money back he wouldn't even bother to return them to you
• set firm boundaries with these kinds of people 
• i know that you want to be a good human being by helping him but he is a toxic person and he`ll suck you down
• for some reason i felt bad (like you@Ibn Sina ) to say NO because i did not want to be seen as mean with money or rude. 
• your connection with him will make you feel more guilty/frustrated and angrier which will result in you giving him MORE MONEY

 

 

 

i had a colleague that used to do exactly the same thing.

• he would say:
  • Do you want to go (a place  near our  school) to buy some food?
• And once there he would say:
  • Oh.... i left my money in my backpack in class .......Can I barrow  a few cents from you? I will give you them  back when we return.   (usually he bought: pretzels/ sweets/ fowl-smelling cheesy chips/cola)
• once we arrived at class: he would either go to other class and delay returning them or literally say:
  • I have to change my money first (bla bla bla)
• days would pass till i would get my money back from him( i heard any excuse you can think of  for his delays)

+

• he said that he is saving up for some trip with his gf.
• his grandma made him almost daily some sandwiches which were (literally) bigger than a spoiled-restaurant rat 
• if i did not give him anything HE WOULD USE HIS OWN MONEY
• after a few months of this he suggested that we should go on a camping trip PAYED BY ME
• he was making fun of me (directly/indirectly)
•  oohh yeah, i forgot to mention that he was TAKING FOOD FROM EVERYONE (can you give me a bite/chips?please i have no food or money at me---obviously ,after eating those rat-ass sandwiches) 

i hope this helps ! 

 

 

Edited April 30, 2018 by Everyday

[pluto]

The ego needs someone to feed on. He chose you. You must disconnect.

[Arman]

edit: ignore my post, apparently I can't read 

Edited May 1, 2018 by Arman

[Nahm]

@Arman You’he gooc. Dcn’t worry aboqt it. 

[Spiral]

Maybe he is insecure about handling money or simply can’t handle money. If he would bring money with him he would spend it all, this way that won’t happen if he relies on you. Either way don’t lend money to people it’s generally not a good idea. Try not having enough money for him once and see what happens.

[Nahm]

@Ibn Sina Tell him to get his shit together. 

[Nathan]

Lots of speculation here about ulterior motives. He could just have a really shitty routine and memory. I fall into that boat, my wallet is on my person at all times but I've forgotten to take other items to work on several occasions. I.e. I left my phone charger at home about 100+ times last year and borrowed other peoples chargers pretty frequently. 

[SgtPepper]

From a psychology perspective. It is because you reinforce his behavior by giving him money, thus rewarding him for his behavior. What else is he going to do?

He may be doing it to have contact with you, but at the end of the day he intuitively knows he can forget his money because you will give him money and then he will pay you back, its a cycle like any other.