LSD trip report: THE JOKER

[SteveRogers]

Quick LSD Trip Report:

So some time ago, maybe 2 or 3 months;  i took some time alone to try tripping 'with intention' for the first time.  (past couple times in my life were purely recreational.  

i dont know what the exact dosage was, just that i ate 3 sugar cubes, about the size of jax marbles.  

here's what happened: 

began with 10 mins of meditation after eating, then sat in my room staying present.  after i forget how long, as i came closer to peak, i was experiencing uncomfortable and intense physical sensations internally.  i suspect i had became hyper aware of the feeling of my bodily functioning that im not normally concious enough to notice. as far as visuals, i could see the textures of objects seeming to be moving whenever i focused on them.  

 

around peak, i knelt in front of my door mirror and starred at myself, asking myself who or what am i in my head, while trying to feel a genuine sense of curiosity.  as i soon after sat in a chair still looking at my reflection, i started to get the giggles.  didnt know why. 

a few minutes later i was walking back to my room from my bathroom after taking a piss in such a happy mood and i noticed myself wabbling as i walked as if i was drunk & i was still giggling.  without thinking about it at all really, i closed the door of my stairwell behind me on the way up so my roomates wouldnt hear the sounds i was making. (this door is usually left open 24/7)

right then after closing it i losse-leggedly dropped and was sitting on the steps with the thought of what i had just done & i burst into laughter.  it was instantaniously obvious to me that that action had stemmed from a concern in me of what my roomates would think if they had heard me and it was HILARIOUS

my going out of my way, even just simply closing that door i mean.  it was suddenly absurd to me that i had done that.  i was laughing histarically at myself.   i went back to my room after that and the hysterical laughter continued.  Loud, continuous laughter, that had me rolling around on the floor. my life was a joke.  every 'serious' thought that came into my head sent me bursting into tears laughing harder and more genuinely than ive ever laughed in my entire life.  i reflected on my precaution about my roomates possible opinion.  i thought about all the worries in my life.  i pictured my own death even. (over and over).  all instantly sent me into hysterical laughter as soon as each thought entered my mind. if i even caught myself making a serious or confused face in my reflection, it made me start to laugh again.  

 

i was hoping to experience an ego death or a feeling of oneness for the first time, but nothing like that happened.  my ego (i),  was still there the whole time.  maybe even blown up id say.  i had an odd sense of fearlessness.  i felt invinsible, in the sense that it didnt matter to me if i walked outside to jump in front of a car to die.  i laughed at the thought of it.  as i did, id have a conditioned knee jerk reaction to the suicidal thought, see my cringed face in the mirror, and it would be the the funniest thing in the world.  i felt like i might have been going insane like the joker.  the experience was reminding me of the analogy alan watts uses when he talks about my ego being like the actor in the play.  i felt like the actor who finally took off the mask.  or to be wayyy more accurate, the actor who hadnt taken off his mask, BUT REMEMBERED HE WAS WEARING ONE!!

 

the closest i can explain the experience, was that i had an overarching intuitive sense that was so odd...  a sense that the person i was didnt matter.  my life was a joke and my career of survival since the day i was born was hilariously absurd.  i didnt know what i really was though..

i believe my error in experiencing true profoundity here was being too much in my mind and in thoughts the simply staying present and experiencing/being.

i havnt tripped many times in my life so im not surprused i was distracted by thoughts during such an intense experience.  it was an amazing experience but everything is back to normal now and the game of life seems dead serious again. 

 

i would love for any of you to chime in here and tell ne what you think.  maybe help me make sense of that?  any tips?

have a good day all:)

Edited April 28, 2018 by SteveRogers

[Nahm]

@SteveRogers Nice. Sounds like you had a great time. My speculation is that you experienced nonduality, and there was not enough practices and or theory (foundation) for integration. Thanks for sharing your experience! There really is nothing serious going on here, meanings and whys are brain stuff. Might have some false views to realize, and maybe you take things a little too seriously in general too. To experience what you did, even considering things appear serious again, is still great. 

[Leo Gura]

Are you sure it was LSD?

Laughter could be a phase. It will pass with more tripping.

But get your substance and dosages straight. Don't be relying on stuff some random friend handed you.

I would bet what you took wasn't real LSD.