How do I de-attach from the emotional outcome?

[Ether]

I feel numb most the time. So, I want to feel positive emotions but whenever I try to do something to cheer me up, I still feel numb.

When I dont get a positive emotion Im looking for, I feel frustrated. So, how do I de-attach from the outcome?

[egoless]

@Ether just learn to be. Who is attached?

[Ether]

28 minutes ago, egoless said:

@Ether just learn to be. Who is attached?

I cant tell the difference between my true self and my ego self

[egoless]

25 minutes ago, Ether said:

I cant tell the difference between my true self and my ego self

Ego is nothing more than attachment or resistance to thing (thought or perception). There is no real separate entity called ego.

Edited April 25, 2018 by egoless

[Torkys]

Can I give the answer you would give yourself?

Surrender to the numbness. The very reason you don't get positive emotions is that you resist the negative ones. Let go even if it means a trip to hell - which will lead you to Nirvana. 

[Arkandeus]

14 hours ago, Ether said:

I feel numb most the time. So, I want to feel positive emotions but whenever I try to do something to cheer me up, I still feel numb.

When I dont get a positive emotion Im looking for, I feel frustrated. So, how do I de-attach from the outcome?

emotions are here to be felt

you will only evolve from your emotions by feeling them

in order to not care, you have to care very hard first

feeling numb? feel the numbness, dwell in it, feel frustrated? feel the frustration let it rage

feeling in a seeking mood?seek , seek, seek

feel your emotions to exhaustion, its only by intense attachment to outcome, and being disappointed again and again, getting back up chasing,seeking again and being disappointed again....that you exhaust your attachment emotion

only those who have truly cared, are allowed to not care anymore

 

[Ether]

@Arkandeus Well, thats what i do everyday and i havent reached nirvanna

[Arkandeus]

1 hour ago, Ether said:

@Arkandeus Well, thats what i do everyday and i havent reached nirvanna

indeed and good job on that, I do not mean to make light of your efforts.

I'll tell you this though, the acceptance of an emotion is closely tied to your perceptio  of time

in order to accept something fully you have to accept it with your entire life

let's say that you feel numb or sad, you have to accept feeling numb and sad for the rest of your life

because life is now, there is no future,no time

when you accept something happening to you for the rest of your life thats when you accept it now, now is all of your life

its tricky psychologically, the earthly mind is not used to this

when you envision the rest of your life, of what you believe you will live, you are looking at the entirety of the present moment,there is no future so what you think is the future is happening now

that is how your mind stops you from feeling things fully, by dissecting your present moment into past,present, future

mind : "this part is the future, so its not happening to us yet, it has nothing to do with now"

that space where you envision the rest of your life,the future, or what has happened in your past, is now, it is the rest of your present moment

so in order to fully feel something, you have to accept feeling that emotion for the rest of your life, be fine with being sad forever, being numb forever, and to forever have been numb and frustrated, the past as well is now

that is what it takes to truly feel and accept an emotion

it may very well kill who you are, but you'll be reborn

just as our cells die and regenerate

Edited April 26, 2018 by Arkandeus

[Charlotte]

@Ether Are you still on AD?

Edited April 26, 2018 by Charlotte

[Ether]

33 minutes ago, Charlotte said:

@Ether Are you still on AD?

yes

35 minutes ago, Arkandeus said:

indeed and good job on that, I do not mean to make light of your efforts.

I'll tell you this though, the acceptance of an emotion is closely tied to your perceptio  of time

in order to accept something fully you have to accept it with your entire life

let's say that you feel numb or sad, you have to accept feeling numb and sad for the rest of your life

because life is now, there is no future,no time

when you accept something happening to you for the rest of your life thats when you accept it now, now is all of your life

its tricky psychologically, the earthly mind is not used to this

when you envision the rest of your life, of what you believe you will live, you are looking at the entirety of the present moment,there is no future so what you think is the future is happening now

that is how your mind stops you from feeling things fully, by dissecting your present moment into past,present, future

mind : "this part is the future, so its not happening to us yet, it has nothing to do with now"

that space where you envision the rest of your life,the future, or what has happened in your past, is now, it is the rest of your present moment

so in order to fully feel something, you have to accept feeling that emotion for the rest of your life, be fine with being sad forever, being numb forever, and to forever have been numb and frustrated, the past as well is now

that is what it takes to truly feel and accept an emotion

it may very well kill who you are, but you'll be reborn

just as our cells die and regenerate

yes, one of my biggest worries is that i will feel numb forever

[Arkandeus]

14 minutes ago, Ether said:

yes

yes, one of my biggest worries is that i will feel numb forever

by admitting that you worry intensely about this you have made a huge step

all fear demands is to be acknowledged, for us to admit our vulnerability, for us to feel our vulnerability

once that is done slowly, you will feel less and less fear, freedom

once you admit that you fear something, you've beaten it

it is no longer hiding, it will slowly roast away to the sun of your consciousness

 

 

[phoenix666]

could also be one of the side-effects of the antidepressants. they can help with drive, mood and anxiety depending on which type of AD. but they surely don't help with getting in touch with our emotions.

I can really resonate with what @Arkandeus said <3 

I've been dealing with emptiness und numbness for a long time. I'm slowly re-connecting with my emotions. to do so, we have to face the negative ones, those we've been running away from first. we'll just have to bite that bullet..

[Ether]

33 minutes ago, phoenix666 said:

could also be one of the side-effects of the antidepressants. they can help with drive, mood and anxiety depending on which type of AD. but they surely don't help with getting in touch with our emotions.

I can really resonate with what @Arkandeus said <3 

I've been dealing with emptiness und numbness for a long time. I'm slowly re-connecting with my emotions. to do so, we have to face the negative ones, those we've been running away from first. we'll just have to bite that bullet..

What if...when i get out of AD's i will feel depression 24\7?

 

Thats the reason I went to the pills.

[phoenix666]

27 minutes ago, Ether said:

What if...when i get out of AD's i will feel depression 24\7?

 

Thats the reason I went to the pills.

the pills are a band aid. they ease symptoms. but only you can get to the root of your pain.. 

do you feel ready to get off medication yet? if not, take your time, don't rush things. maybe numbness is exactly what you need to face right now. I know it's painful.. but you can go through this <3

[Ether]

1 hour ago, phoenix666 said:

the pills are a band aid. they ease symptoms. but only you can get to the root of your pain.. 

do you feel ready to get off medication yet? if not, take your time, don't rush things. maybe numbness is exactly what you need to face right now. I know it's painful.. but you can go through this <3

Pills - Failure

Without pills - Failure

Nature - Failure

Meditation - Failure

Acceptance - Failure

Postive thinking - Failure

Help from others - Failure

Help from myself - Failure

Awareness - Failure

 

[Torkys]

33 minutes ago, Ether said:

Pills - Failure

Without pills - Failure

Nature - Failure

Meditation - Failure

Acceptance - Failure

Postive thinking - Failure

Help from others - Failure

Help from myself - Failure

Awareness - Failure

Are you willing to take all of your training wheels off and not go back to them even if you are going through hell? 

[Ether]

5 minutes ago, Torkys said:

Are you willing to take all of your training wheels off and not go back to them even if you are going through hell? 

Everyday since my childhood I have been going through hell. It never ended permanently

[Torkys]

Unless you start resisting hell.

Purification = Discomfort × Equanimity

"The door to Heaven is always open" - Matt Kahn

I can't imagine what you have been going through but there is Light at the end of the tunnel. You can get there, the only difficulty is that you have more resistance to conquer than the average person. 

Allow any emotion that comes to you. Pump the amount of meditation (preferably Do Nothing), the amount of nature you get and acceptance up. Only keep the training wheels which you would crash without. Love is the way. 

[Ether]

@Torkys Funny cuz I have been doing the same meditation shit since I was 16 and I only felt peace once in 100 meditations.

I might...oooooh. iI might.

Nobody in this world can help me, its an ilusion.

[Torkys]

7 minutes ago, Ether said:

Nobody in this world can help me, its an ilusion.

This is a limiting belief, my fellow. Bust through it. Embody your wisdom, don't believe in your thoughts

Ever since you experienced peace / silent mind while meditating, you started chasing it. This is completely understandable and inevitable, I can't blame you for that. 

I still suggest accepting more or loving more if you are capable but don't make ego and resistance your enemies. The very reason resistance is there is because you resist it. Learn to authentically accept it and love it.