Observing myself talking is not allowing me to talk clearly

[QeenB]

So I have this weird problem. When I talk with someone in slightly stressful situation e.g job interview I tend to get stuck - what I mean is that for example someone ask me a question and I don't know what to say (or I just start talking automatically but then get stuck not knowing what to say next) and I start observing myself being stuck and then I start to observe myself observing myself being stuck. And this act of observing myself and noticing that I am stuck - is blocking me from speaking automatically. By observing I mean watching myself and watching my thoughts - which are "oh shit I am stuck" or "oh shit I do not know what to say" or "oh shit nothing is coming to my mind right know". This thing really bothers me because I know that I am intellectually capable to answer the question and speaking my mind but I noticed that I found myself in this situation over and over again lately. 

Maybe some of you know what I mean. The best metaphor I could think of is the same feeling when you try to speak in your non-native language and the words just do not come to you, but when you are talking to yourself mentally (in your non-native language) everything is just perfect. You have the clarity, you know what to say, how to say it and you do not get stuck - the words just come to you. 

I have been meditating for about 2 years pretty consistently and before that I was dabbling with meditation for about 2 years. I also did 10 vipassana meditation retreat back in February. I mention this because I think it has crucial significance, because of the shifting of awareness. 

Maybe those of you who are talking in front of camera maybe had similar experience - focusing on the fact that you are recording a video can influence your ability to focus on what you want to say - the awareness in on the fact that you are recording and not that you are talking.

I would appreciative any advice on this. I feel dumb as fuck sometimes. 

 

Edited April 25, 2018 by QeenB

[Nahm]

22 minutes ago, QeenB said:

slightly stressful situation

Why is it so? 

It’s just a job interview. Let go of the perspective which adds the stress, and you’ll be free of the stress response which clouds the thinking. 

Stomach breathing awareness, and senses mindfulness 24/7 would change your life.

[QeenB]

@Nahm 

I am describing this situations as stressful not because I am thinking of them as stressful, but because I have this physiological reactions e.g stomach tightness that is very subtle. 

I am not thinking about them as stressful, I am just noticing that they are causing this kind of reactions. I know this is silly, I know that I should not have this kind of reactions but I still do. There are not as strong as they were years ago but I am not on that level to get rid off them as I want. 

I don't think that stress is the problem. I think that the problem is that I have this habit of changing my awareness and observing myself when I talk with someone and I am trying to hard to make sense. 

Try this: Can u talk sense and at the same time observe yourself talking? 

 

 

 

[Guest Quanty]

Learn to focus on your breath no matter the situation. Even if you talk. 

[Amilaer---]

7 hours ago, Quanty said:

Learn to focus on your breath no matter the situation. Even if you talk. 

and don't discourage yourself at the beginning 'cos it's pretty hard, as it has become a sort of habit for u. 

Relaxation is a key here I guess, do before 5 min of deep breathing, keep your shoulders down, relax, smile and it will be better. 

On 25/04/2018 at 9:39 PM, QeenB said:

I feel dumb as fuck sometimes. 

 

Everybody does, don't worry 

[QeenB]

@Amilaer--- @Quanty Thank you guys! 

[Spiral]

@QeenB Breath and try to talk showily. Try to make every word that comes out, sound as clear as possible. This will make you focus on that rather than the situation. Without sounding like you are talking to a baby, that can be offensive.

Focusing in tonality is also something worth taking into consideration. So saying: my NAme is SPirall is better then saying it in a monotone way. In other words try to make to important words have slightly more force in this case: name and sprial are the important words as it’s what you want to communicate.

Also it’s ok to quite to think, for some time. Take a deep breath clear you mind and something will come to you.

Edited May 1, 2018 by Spiral

[blazed]

Focusing on the breathe in an interview is not going to work unless you want to talk slowly like eckhart Tolle which they going to find awkward and annoying as they are business men they don't have time to sit and meditate in an interview, they want the best person for the cheapest price that can get the results they desire the fastest.

I'd say to completely detach yourself from the outcome, don't care about the result but think of it as practice, just another opportunity/stage to increase your game and give it your best. See it as there is no actual job offer to lose.

Also see it for what it purely is without mental mind stories about the future,  see it as you just taking this day to go spend time having an interview with a bunch of new people, just to do something different than the usual day, appreciate the experience/moment as it is.

You can focus on your breathe before going in just to calm your heart rate and relax but don't go into meditation when it's time to speak, thinking about breathe is just more (focused) thinking which will block the thinking you need to talk. In an interview you need let your logical mind flow.

That's the whole point of the breathe meditation is to block thinking by focusing on a specific thing, which is not what you want to do at an interview.

The trick is to be genuinely detached from outcome, not to just pretend.

Edited May 1, 2018 by blazed

[QeenB]

@Spiral 

Yes, you are right - I should think first rather than start talking immediately - I have this tendency to jump in rather than think about the answer.

But this is not a problem - problem is shifting awareness. There is another post in which someone is talking about sth similar. 

@blazed The problem is not the situation per se. The problem is that sometimes I have this brain fog just like @iTommy described in different topic (see above) 

[QeenB]

I think the solution is just to get present and shift awareness, not to the thoughts but focus on what I want to/should say next. Focusing on the converation to get into the flow.

And of course not making a habit from this confusion.

[blazed]

57 minutes ago, QeenB said:

I think the solution is just to get present and shift awareness, not to the thoughts but focus on what I want to/should say next. Focusing on the converation to get into the flow.

And of course not making a habit from this confusion.

Yup pretty much what I said, just be present and enjoy the experience.

Even if you do shift into self observing (to be fair I think you're just getting stuck / stuttering because of fear and being outside your comfort zone) that's ok, just try to bring your awareness back to what the interviewer is saying and try to answer their questions.

Remember it's about what you pay attention to, where you're putting your awareness, if you're focusing on your breathing and doing self observation you're basically meditating in an interview which isn't what you are there to do

It's ok to take a deep breathe and think before you speak, just don't get stuck there.

Edited May 1, 2018 by blazed

[Star Net]

Hey@QeenB   How are You ?

 

 

1 - Do You lie ?

2 - Do You care so much about how the other people are going to think about You ?

3 - Do You look for perfect answers and perfect things to say ?

 

[QeenB]

17 hours ago, blazed said:

(to be fair I think you're just getting stuck / stuttering because of fear and being outside your comfort zone) 

hmm maybe you are right. I will think about it. 

 

17 hours ago, blazed said:

Remember it's about what you pay attention to, where you're putting your awareness, if you're focusing on your breathing and doing self observation you're basically meditating in an interview which isn't what you are there to do

exactly. Thank you!

7 hours ago, Star Net said:

Hey@QeenB   How are You ?

 

 

1 - Do You lie ?

2 - Do You care so much about how the other people are going to think about You ?

3 - Do You look for perfect answers and perfect things to say ?

 

I'm doing ok  

1-  Not really, but it does not mean that I tell truth all the time. Sometimes I just avoid direct answers.

2 - In job interview - not really, but they need to like me to give me the job, so I try to present myself as good candidate. 

3 - Well, yes. Maybe not perfect answers, but the answers that I gave some thought to. You can't just say whatever comes to your mind because most of the time is not going to be good. I don't want to talk gibberish. 

[Star Net]

On 28.04.2018 at 4:22 AM, Quanty said:

Learn to focus on your breath no matter the situation. Even if you talk.

1 - He has to focus on the conversation if the conversation was important, and by the way focusing on the conversation is a kind of respect to Yourself and to the people that You are talking to, ( Focusing on the breath will just make the situation worse because the brain can only focus on one thing at a time).

2 - Why most of the people here are looking for escape from their problems by similar activities ? then they always fail to escape because they can not,

I do not Really understand.

 

When a human start to face His or Her fears and problems that will make Him or Her stronger

and that is the first step in the proccess of defeating these fears and problems.