Radical Honesty

[Nathalie]

Has somebody read the book "Radical honesty" from Brad Blanton and tried the technique out?

It would badly interest me

My current experience is : after reading the book, I became more and more convinced that it was a good way to manage different relations.

So I mailed a few people in order to say each other the absolute truth in order to have better basis.. The result is they don't want to!! They seem affraid!!

PS: I'm a woman.. and not that strong.. I never knocked anybody.. What are they affraid of?

 

[Henri]

Hahahaaa, I am hoping with radical honesty you are not meaning to tell everyone your truth??!! 

Sure they are fucking scared...

Better to tell no one and be silent most of the time.

[Guest]

8 minutes ago, MartineF said:

Has somebody read the book "Radical honesty" from Brad Blanton and tried the technique out?

It would badly interest me

My current experience is : after reading the book, I became more and more convinced that it was a good way to manage different relations.

So I mailed a few people in order to say each other the absolute truth in order to have better basis.. The result is they don't want to!! They seem affraid!!

PS: I'm a woman.. and not that strong.. I never knocked anybody.. What are they affraid of?

 

Depends on what you wrote to them. But as @Henri said, better to be silent most of the time and not telling too much to other people. And btw I did not read the book, would you recommend it?

[Nathalie]

@Henri I didn't mind to tell what ever goes through my mind, but rather kind of things one has to speak out (carefully) in order to have a better relation. I think all the unspoken stuff poisons the contact to your friends, your loved one etc.. Don't you think so?

@The Son Yes I absolutely recommand it.. even if you possibly lose a few folks arround you by practicing it.. 

[Henri]

@MartineF Sure you are right on everyday stuff, though many times it is not necessary to talk about all the thoughts, emotions and feelings.

The best relations are the ones where just a few words are spoken. When you are happy and loved, so much of this simply disappears.

[Nathalie]

@Henri I know what you mean, but sometimes it tastes like an excuse, doesn't it?

And what should you do, when you remark that your relation with some family members turn to boredom because of much unspoken mess.. When everyone only tries to stay polite and speaks about platitudes.. Would you stand the boredom ? Quit them ?

I tried the first, it didn't suit me, so I was about to quit them and all the "family celebrations" but, before doing so, I wanted to give it a chance..

..and I think I was very kind in my writing to them.. a week has passed.. no answer

[Henri]

In the past I quit a lot of relationships or changed them to an infrequent level.

Imagine how you deal with a ten year old child. You don`t tell everything but you stay friendly with him and may be try to point at certain things.

In that case you should not have any expectations, it is like it is. The red line in all human relationships is the way you express all the aspects of the human values. That`s also the main thing how people will remember you.

During the years I have changed from being the black sheep in my family to a person everybody seems to love. Though I know no one is really capable of understanding me, they all come for advice or just to express their lives. 

At first try not to proof anything, just be and time will be on your side.

[clytaemnestra]

14 hours ago, Henri said:

Sure they are fucking scared...

Better to tell no one and be silent most of the time.

I second this. People don't like hearing things that they're not used to hear, especially if you throw it straight forward in their face without any warning. It's a shock for them because it is unexpected and the truth always hurts. You're not at the same level with all of them, and I suppose that they don't think that you're trying to establish better relationships, but that you suddenly become crazy. I hope that you've explained them why are you doing it so they don't misinterpret it. 

I also wanted to say that it depends on culture, but since you're German it's not applicable to you. In my experience, German folks much more accept the truth and expect the honesty, comparing to Slavic or Anglo-Saxon people. I've noticed that in De there is no fake culture, but tendency to be sincere with people you care for, so I can't imagine what you've said them so they're scared. Now I'm generalizing too much maybe, but the culture and social norms are important factors also.

However, sometimes it is just better to be more silent and strategic. If they wanted the truth, they'd ask you for it. 

[Nathalie]

2 hours ago, clytaemnestra said:

I also wanted to say that it depends on culture, but since you're German it's not applicable to you.

.. well I'm french, I'm just living in Germany.. don't know if it matters

and of course I told them that my purpose is to understand us better.. But well as

4 hours ago, Henri said:

In that case you should not have any expectations, it is like it is

maybe this is the key.. Thank you