What If Women Use You For Attention/validation ?

[Lynnel]

Following up the Leo's video on why you're getting used for money. I'm not at that level of course but I can't see what I need to keep in check here.

Amongst my insane number of normals and nice interactions, I have recently had really weird situations, such as :

I'm always man to women, so I am clear in my intentions. I meet the girl and we have a great interaction.

I have randomly met a girl at my uni and the conversation was great, and she would not go on a date and later told me she had a boyfriend despite all the great vibe, like If she was trying to friendzone me.

Same with another girl we when on several dates with, we kissed, but when it came to sex she simply bounced.
And now I'm coming from a 2 date where I had kissed the girl and she even proposed a netflix and chill 2 day ago, which we had to postpone, well didn't wanna kiss me and like friendzoned me.

Overall which is a huge huge waste of time. Lord.

It MAY sound retarded and maybe my mind is making this up and it's a temporary bug (Since it doesn't happen that often, but often enough for me to worry), but I feel like I'm getting used to validation/attention, maybe just for a nice conversation...like just for the emotionnal stimulation.

[Steven]

Are you bragging that women are using you for attention/validation... ? 

If you feel used then don't give them attention/validation... I guess.

I don't see if it is such a big deal otherwise,

It is not just females who like attention/validation. It is more about type of ego, than female/male issue.

 

[Lynnel]

1 hour ago, Steven said:

Are you bragging that women are using you for attention/validation... ?

Nooo I'm suffering from it, I wouldn't be posting about it otherwise. I feel like they like the attention but some of them don't wanna go further than that and I can't undestand why.

Or maybe I just went full retard mode, Sorry.

Edited March 7, 2016 by Lynnel

[Steven]

There is no guaranteed sex on this planet 

 

[kalter000]

@Lynnel Wasn't it always like that? =) We can't close every deal. I don't think people deliberately using you for validation, most of them don't even know what it means. Some people will have chemistry with you, but not enough to have sex or overcome cultural background.

And it seems you are a little bit overly attached to results, don't you think? As if you don't enjoy interactions and get attention yourself.

[Steven]

@kalter000The last two sentences was the point I was trying to make.

 

[clytaemnestra]

12 hours ago, kalter000 said:

And it seems you are a little bit overly attached to results, don't you think? As if you don't enjoy interactions and get attention yourself.

I agree, it's all said here. 

But if you want to seduce them just for sex, then learn how to seduce. You can't play The Nice Guy role whole your life and expect that women will be crazy in love with you. But be aware that everything you find about seduction is actually manipulation, I'm not sure if you want to become a manipulator. I personally avoid them, if a guy is honest with me, I tell him straight forward that we can be only friends with benefits and nothing more and we're both OK with it. But if a guy tries to manipulate me, then never sleep with him and make sure that he realizes that he's found a wrong person to play stupid games with because I know whole their game.

[Lynnel]

12 hours ago, kalter000 said:

@Lynnel Wasn't it always like that? =) We can't close every deal. I don't think people deliberately using you for validation, most of them don't even know what it means. Some people will have chemistry with you, but not enough to have sex or overcome cultural background.

And it seems you are a little bit overly attached to results, don't you think? As if you don't enjoy interactions and get attention yourself.

ahah You're right. You can't close every deal. Altough, ABC !

Well you know what feels good. Imagine going out with a random girl who you would never sleep with because she's not attractive enough but you simply hang out because the vibe feels good. And she hits you up and you're like okay that's cool we can hang out but you don't mean it in a sexua manner. And I'm the girl in this case, and at some point I will be like : wtf you're wasting my time if you have no sexual interest. It bugs me even more because I was clearly man to women.

I wouldn't care if she considered me in a sexual manner and then said sorry we don't have chemistry. But when you're in not for the same thing it's just annoying.

@clytaemnestra sorry you are heavily off topic.

[kalter000]

1 hour ago, Lynnel said:

Imagine going out with a random girl who you would never sleep with because she's not attractive enough but you simply hang out because the vibe feels good. And she hits you up and you're like okay that's cool we can hang out but you don't mean it in a sexua manner.

In this sort of situation I'm always honest, although it comes at a cost. But I don't care, at least I'm not wasting my and her time and often girls respect that. But will you cut this juicy source of validation?

You can't expect this honesty from everyone. Perhaps you can learn how to sort this thing out, but it's easier to find another girl. 

...or do push-pull and other retardation =)

[Lynnel]

@kalter000 Yes, because external validation is hell and low consciousness. I disgusts me more than anything almost

I'll just erase this story from the record and label it as 5 random weird percent of people.

Topic closed.

[Will]

Lets not label External validation as low or lesser it just is.. However we are conscious of it and we know about its uses ..

 

On 07/03/2016 at 5:45 AM, Lynnel said:

Overall which is a huge huge waste of time. Lord.

Waste of time??? hmm interesting..

Any interaction is never a waste of time... its only what you do with it is the waste of time..

Sounds like you need to step up your closing abilities.. you may think your getting on well but I dont know.. Sounds like your results speak for themselves.

Its funny how life shows us we could be doing better.. your lucky your aware in this situation..

Sounds like you would like to get a bit more closes happening.. Obviously its possible and there is plenty people here that can show you how..

My fav at the mo is this guy called "tao of badass" Got some awesome content..

I am sure once you line up 6 or 7 hotties you'll be over it and get back on course for actualisation though

 

Edited March 16, 2016 by Will

[Lynnel]

@Will Dude you're giving such high quality feedback I wish I knew you when I just started pick up ahahah ! Thank you !

On 16/03/2016 at 8:32 AM, Will said:

Waste of time??? hmm interesting..

 

It's more sublte. The feedback I am getting in this case is not relevant and doesn't help much, hence I could be getting way more interesting feedback somewhere else. It's all about efficiency.

This happens only in 1% of my interactions and I'm thinking about those things simply out of perfectionnism. And also because sometimes smaller problems can help uncover bigger issues !

I forgot about the whole thing the day after so it's really not something huge. I would delete the whole topic if I could because it sounds like small nonsense to me now x)

I've recently started a relationship I am enjoying a LOT, so I don't have any closing problems