Let's settle this, bugs!

[okulele]

Bufo Alvarius experience

• nervous breathing
• my body is vibrating in resonance with the singing bowls the shaman is playing around me
• the shaman puts the pipe in my mouth
• long, slow, shaky inbreath
• "shit, will I be able to hold it in?"
• vizual field starts falling in on itself, collapses into a single unit
• "aha, Aha, AHA! Of course. Of course. Yes..."
• the longest outbreath in the history of my life, finally letting it go
• *poof*
• I see the shaman, I see the room, I remember what happened, I giggle

There is not much to write. It felt good. It was such a relief. I knew I was not coming back and that was fine. It was a surprise and familiar, obvious.

The mind kicked back in very, very quickly. Remembering, trying to get back, judging. There is a lot of work to be done. I feel grateful.

[okulele]

A holy warrior

We suffer. No doubt about that. The more conscious we become, the more clear it becomes. We do not like suffering. That is what characterizes it. It is not pleasant, we think it should be otherwise... but should it?

Some time ago I was sitting on an airport, late at night, waiting for a flight. I was reading a book. It was called "A man's search for meaning". I remember I was hooked. The author was telling about his experience in a nazi concentration camp. It was horrible, unimaginable torture. It would be hard to survive, but the man's perspective on suffering shifted. He felt a kind of pride and honor in this deep pain that was inflicted upon him. He was not broken. He suffered and suffered and he was glad he could do it. At that moment the suffering was no longer suffering.

In order to become liberated, we can either renounce all or take in all. Renouncing - netti, netti - says not this, not that. You have nothing to do with the world. Taking it all in - yessi, yessi - says yes please! Give me all you got!

And when I suffer I say thank you.

It hurts so much and I am grateful.

I choose to believe there is a higher reason behind my suffering. I choose to believe that it is not a mistake. And I take it in with open arms and heart. Is it true that there is a higher reason? I don't know. Doesn't matter. I choose to be free. I choose to suffer with my head high as a holy warrior.

Edited May 30, 2018 by okulele

[okulele]

... and slowly as the holy warrior welcomes his suffering more and more, it's more and more difficult to distinguish it from pleasure. At some point, he wonders what pain and pleasure even ment, and he cannot remember....

[okulele]

Let yourself resonate

Lately I have been experimenting with listening to binaural beats and all kinds of beneficial frequencies. I find that if I am aware of my body and let it relax, it starts to vibrate ever so slitly, as if in resonance with the music.

Take in these beautiful frequencies and let them flow through your body

[okulele]

Panic engulfed in peace

I am broke. I don' t have a job. There is a slight sense of panicking, but... everything is ok.

It is hard to explain. The situation is confusing. I feel I should be lost in fear, yet the peace won't go.

This calmness is just not fitting for a situation like this. I am in serious trouble here, yet I feel... grateful, joyful, good.

[okulele]

"I am always here and now.

 You - abandoned? I can' t see how.

 And when you feel you don' deserve me,

 I'll be here and now as surely

    as always.

                 - Peace"

[okulele]

The Pursuit of Conciousness

It is a journey, which I started not knowing what I was getting myself into. If I knew what it takes, I am sure I wouldn't be here.

The mind is a tricky fellow. It is strong. It sets so many traps. Every day it finds a way to pull me back. It seems impossible to go on.

Yet there is another force - subtle, invisible. Although the mind fights so vigoriously, the path continues. It is like I have a secret ally, who helps me out constantly. Reminds me what is important and sends the right circumstances my way every day. This could be easily overlooked, as the mind is so loud, but it is here nontheless.

Thank you secret ally! Thank you for your silent presence. Thank you. Thank you.

Edited June 3, 2018 by okulele

[okulele]

Overflowing with love

I will be honest. I did not expect that. My mind is litteraly being blown away by love. By love to nothing in particular, simply love. I am like a mad man. Smiling, laughing, singing.

Love is eating me up.

If I don't come back, it consumed me completly.

I love you all.

 

[okulele]

Addiction that sets me free

I am addicted. I am addicted to junk food. It is a very familiar pattern that plays out now. Often times I fought that behavior so much. Until I saw there is no use. I have no control. There is nothing I can do. And that sets me free.

[okulele]

The struggle inside

"I can be strong, I know I can!

 I'll crash my weakness, I have a plan!

 

 I feel so small, I have no will...

 I can do nothing, my fate is sealed...

 

 I failed before, that won't stop me!

 I'll change this life, just wait and see!

 

 I'm here again, broken and sad...

 Life is unfair, I'm going mad...

 

 I see you both. I love you much.

 My dearest children, just feel my touch."

 

Edited June 6, 2018 by okulele
Added the picture

[okulele]

The man with no self

I met a man without a self. He lost it by accident. One day it just fell away. What we are striving for so much he got spontaneously.

He tells me about the way he sees life. Sometimes he asks me if I have any questions. I try to find one and I come across emptiness only.

He crushes my questions like flies.

Edited June 6, 2018 by okulele

[okulele]

"Since you are awareness there is no need to attain or cultivate it. All that you have to do is to give up being aware of other things, that is of the not-Self."

          - Ramana Maharshi

[Solace]

“The godly atom of the Self is to be found in the right chamber of the heart, about one finger-width’s distance from the body’s midline. “Here lies the Heart, the dynamic Spiritual Heart. It is called hridaya, is located on the right side of the chest, and is clearly visible to the inner eye of an adept on the Spiritual Path. Through meditation you can learn to find the Self in the cave of this Heart.”

      -Ramana Maharshi

[okulele]

Thank you

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

 

[okulele]

The return of the toad

I woke up and kept lying in bed drifting in and out of sleep. Suddenly I was dreaming about smoking weed. Somebody was holding a bowl to my lips and I was sucking the smoke in. It was strangely familiar and it hit me. This was the scene from the Bufo ceremony. BANG! At that moment the dream weed expanded my consciousness dramaticaly. I was back in my bed, but feeling like I was floating. My crown chakra was wide open and I was kind of out of my body.

It was not as deep as the actual 5-MeO, but that was it. 

Since the ceremony my consciousness expands like that spontaniously from time to time, usually with the return of some memory of that day.

Edited June 9, 2018 by okulele

[okulele]

The world with no meaning

"I walk the neighbourhood,

 I walk slowly.

 I watch all around me,

 I watch closely.

 Like a curious scientist

 I look deep,

 Through the mist of thought

 I manage to peek.

 There are people  and flowers,

 They are right here,

 But they hold no meaning,

 That's pretty clear.

 There is no story,

 There is just this.

 And I walk on

as Nothingness."

[okulele]

Where is the magic?

I was sitting in the park, reading a book. Suddenly a small boy, about 4 years old, comes to me.

"What are you doing?" - asks the boy.

"I'm reading." - I show him my Kindle.

"What it say?" - the boy gets curious.

"Oh... it's about magic." - I tell him.

"I've been looking for that. I can't find it." - the boy mutters sadly.

"Oh, but it's right here!" - I tell him with enthusisasm.

"Here?" - he points at my Kindle.

"No, everywhere. All around you."

At this point the boy runs of to his parent, who was calling him nervously.

Poor boy. So young and he lost it already. I sure hope my pointing helped 

[okulele]

I finally got the joke.

This is it. This is what I am looking for. What else could it be? There is nothing else. This is enlightenment. Even if I forget again, this is enlightenment.

This is what infinity feels like. What else could it be if not this? There was never anything else.

This is it.

To anyone reading this. Have you ever experienced anything else than this? Really, what are you expecting?

 

[okulele]

How To Lead A Good Life

"I'll tell you a secret, now that I know.

 There is no need to constantly grow.

 There is no need to try so hard,

 Just be like this and play your part."

 

[okulele]

Good old Abraham