Let's settle this, bugs!

[okulele]

I have been meaning to start this journal for a while now, but kept putting it off. Now there is a challenge in my life that I need to face and I hope this journal can help me out with it.

Fungal infection is no joke. There is fungi living off of every one's of our bodies, but if it gets out of control and they overdevelop, it can be an issue. I have been having a lot of issues with my digestion lately, a lot of sugar cravings, dandruff appeared. It seems that step by step, my body has been pointing out to me, that I am not exactly healthy and that there is an issue.

What is the plan to get rid of the fungi?

• cut out ALL sugar (including fruit)
• cut out refined graines
• start using probiotics
• start using antifungals

Mind infection is no joke either. My mind is infected with unhealthy patterns of thoughts. Tons of fear, insecurity, judgment... you name it. Well, there is no one to blame really. I have been deeply unconscious for a long time and whatever was thrown at me I just took in without examining. Now that consciousness is arising in this life, I have the opportunity to inquire into all of this and purge all that is not real.

What is the plan to free the mind?

• mediation
• kriya yoga (soon)
• bioenergetics
• psychedelics
• mindfulness

 

Basically the mission is to stay conscious and get off of sugar

Good luck to myself! You can do it!

[Solace]

I love how you are going on this journey to face your shadow self, and clean your temple. I'd recommend switching distilled water as well to help clear out those fungi you're talking about. Best of luck  

Edited April 23, 2018 by Solace

[okulele]

5-Meo-DMT

This morning I plugged 27 μg of 5-MeO-DMT HCl.

The first thing that needs to be said is, that this being my first experience of plugging, it was pretty disturbing. Sticking an alien object up my asshole was not a thing I though I would be doing willingly in my life. That being said, plugging seems like a very good method. I have had 5-MeO 3x before, always snorting. Snorting was just terrible. Nose hurting, I never managed to get it all in and always some of it dripped down my neck. Made me extra sick.

My experiences with 5-MeO have been quite disappointing. Mostly I get sick. I get really sick in my body. I learned to stick my fingers really deep down my throat and get the puking reflex going. At the moment of the sickness this seems like the most liberating thing ever. After the sickness a lot of energy movement comes.

This time the sickness was not so bad, but still I used the hand-to-throat method and was relieved quite a bit. It felt as if my whole body started opening and letting go. I felt like puking, shiting, respirating and making noises at the same time. A moment later everything settled and I fell into deep relaxation. A lot of energy was moving in my body. Mostly my back and my arms and legs. Weird most of the energy purging I get usually is in my trunk... I lay down and let it do its work. My arms and legs went completely numb. I wasn't sure if I will ever be able to move them again. I could in the end A simple insight I had during this trip was, that I actually never get out of my mind. Is that really so?

Well? 27 μg and that is it? 30 μg is the big number a lot of people experience breakthrough on and I felt like a was a loooong way away still.

[okulele]

8 minutes ago, Solace said:

I love how you are going on this journey to face your shadow self, and clean your temple. I'd recommend switching distilled water as well to help clear out those fungi you're talking about. Best of luck  

Is that meant just for a time or permanently? I have seen recommendations to use distilled water during water fasts, but never heard of doing that long term. Wouldn't it cause mineral deficiency.

Any way in about a weeks time, I will be starting a 5-7 day fast, which should start up the cleansing process well.

[Solace]

A fast with distilled water is like the perfect combination for a full body detoxification. I was actually going to do a fast too this Sunday, so we'll be doing it together then! Distilled water only attracts positively charged substances out of your body, which are all inorganic and toxic. The healthy minerals and nutrients will stay in your cells and blood as they are negatively charged. So go for it long term if you want, no problem there.

[okulele]

10 minutes ago, Solace said:

A fast with distilled water is like the perfect combination for a full body detoxification. I was actually going to do a fast too this Sunday, so we'll be doing it together then! Distilled water only attracts positively charged substances out of your body, which are all inorganic and toxic. The healthy minerals and nutrients will stay in your cells and blood as they are negatively charged. So go for it long term if you want, no problem there.

Thank you for your support and advice. Good luck on your fast!

[okulele]

Disidentyfing from the mind

For a few weeks now a weird phenomenon has been happening to me from time to time.

Something changes.

First it is hard to say what has changed, but then it becomes clear that something about the thoughts is different. They are the same in a way, but there is a different kind of perception to them.

"Oh! I have disidentyfied from the mind!" - says the mind - "Wow, amazing. It is saying stuff and I won't even budge. It means nothing to me!"

... and so it goes for a while, until it gets it...

"Wait, I couldn't have done this. I am the mind. The mind is talking. The voice cannot disidentify from itself." - the mind gets really confused at this point.

... and here the wierd stuff starts happening. The mind goes crazy...

"Come on! Stop it! Take me seriously! I will ruin you! I will kill you, is that what you want?" - the mind keeps begging and threatening

... or...

"Blsjfsnsi nsffsnf jffsnfs ofsfnfsm!" - the mind goes nuts, making sounds and noises that are incomprehensible.

... and finally when the mind gets tired of it and sees that there is no response, no reaction, it starts getting curious...

"Ok, so what am I really? Am I this voice? But what has changed? Who is hearing me? Who is watching? Is there one of me or two?"

... and so the spontaneous self-inquiry begins.

 

At some point, I go back to the mind. I don't even notice when that happens. I guess if I would be conscious then it would not happen, so maybe I cannot notice? It is a strange feeling being in that state. The mind thinks it's me at first and then it knows it is not me, but the feeling that I am something else, something greater is there from the beginning. The mind just cannot really get what it is that I am. These are some weird situations, I'll tell you that!

[okulele]

5 Day Bow and Arch Challange

Day 1/5

 

So I decided to challenge myself to this bioenergetics workout 5 days in a row. This is a difficult one for me. It opens up the front and the back of the body. It is quite drastic at times as a I hold a ton of tension there. However after doing this workout I feel my body being much more relaxed and open.

Does your chest expand itself effortlessly with a dragon like power to its full extend with every breathe? No? Then you could use this exercise.

Today I did not manage to do it completely. Arch is rather simple for me, but Bow is extreme. In all three repetitions, I had to support my lower back with my hands, as I was in agony. I'll try to hold it longer tomorrow 

[okulele]

Anti-fungal diet

I like eating things like porridge for breakfast. For a long, long time I used to eat oats with nuts and fruits every morning. As I am getting rid of most grains now, I want to substitute it with something. Some of the pseudo-grains that are actually seeds and would be ok for me are:

• buckwheat
• amaranth
• quinoa
• millet

Some of them take a long time to cook though (amaranth ~ 30-40 minutes). That is a lot of time in the kitchen in the morning. I know I can soak buckwheat and it's amazing in the morning. I will experiment with soaking the other ones. I put some amaranth into water just a while ago and will see tomorrow how it is.

[okulele]

The Headless Way

 

Oh the headless way! What a way! Such simplicity and ease in non-duality. That is amazing. No need talk of God, Brahman, the Self or whatever. I think everyone can get it easily with these exercises. A most interesting approach to spirituality.

"You can't see your face!" - carry on noticing this

[okulele]

5 Day Bow and Arch Challange

Day 2/5

Dear Body,

I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.

You have been neglected for a long time. Forgotten. Put aside. Taken for granted. You deserve better. You deserve my time and attention. You deserve the best food, the movement you desire and the pleasures which you crave. You deserve all that. I abandoned you before, but I want to make peace now. I want to understand and feel. Let's do it

With love,

I

 

A lot of tension comes up with these exercises. There is a lot of discomfort in my body which I am avoiding. The Bow is still extremely difficult. The back of the neck and the lower back is very tight, hands are vibrating extremely and the mind drives me away from this position. I still could't make it for the full 3 minutes. Same with the Shamanic Breathing. It is not soooo uncomfortable that there is no way to stand it, the mind just makes it seem like a tragedy and a real threat. I will not give up so easily next time. It's not over mind bugs!

[okulele]

Anti-fungal diet

Today it turned out that only soaking amaranth is no good. I had to cook it for a while, which is a lot of hustle. Sprouting would probably work. But as I said, too much hustle. I will probably drop amaranth.

Soaking buckwheat is amazing. Doesn't even take that long. 12 hours is  enough to get some yummy food. This little nut seems to be very promising.

[okulele]

Two modes of being

I seem to be having to types of experiences. Being LOST and being FOUND.

When I am lost I don't really know I am lost. It's a kind of blur. It is as though I get caught up in a strong current. It's as though I am drunk. Or as though I am asleep.

Suddenly, something happens. That moment is very interesting. I become found. Everything is clear (to an extend, "foundness" seems to have degrees). The pain is lessened or often eliminated right away. Stuff is fresh. There is a kind of excitement. Without a doubt this is the preferable state.

Sooo, if this is the state I enjoy more, how do I stay here forever? Well, this seems to be very puzzling. At the first glance, it seems as though some activity of the mind brings me here. And that would make sense from the lost point of view, where the mind has a lot of power. But when I am found, and the mind wonders how these states changes, it becomes apparent, that it doesn't switch through its effort. The mind is just noise it seems!

And so it goes on and on. Back and forth. I forget that there is such a state as found, and then suddenly there it is again! Only to turn into the lost one, which is realized only when  the found one is back! Crazy stuff. In need of further investigation...

[okulele]

5 Day Bow and Arch Challange

Day 3/5

Wow. My poor little neck, what is your back side holding? So much tension so much heat. Is that fear you are storing there? No need to worry necky, that is what the challenge is here for! Let's get you nice and clean, and with you the whole rest of your body.

It doesn't seem to get much easier. I still didn't make it all the way through my Bows, but I got further I guess. So much stuff getting released. I wonder, is there an end to it? When did I hide so much garbage in my body?

[okulele]

Anti-fungal diet

Another soaking experiment. This time quinoa. Turns out, soaking quinoa for 24 hours doesn't make it edible. No good for me. Buckwheat is still the winner. I will see about millet soon.

[okulele]

5 Day Bow and Arch Challenge

Day 4/5

For much too long I have been pursuing ideas, experiences and consciousness without checking in with my body. It feels very good indeed to be back in here. Feeling, living, sensating.

[okulele]

5 Day Bow and Arch Challenge

Day 5/5

On the last day I finally managed to do full 3 minutes of the Bow. It's a huge achievement! Bravo!

Challenge Summary:

I can tell my body started opening. Every day I could tune into the feelings and energy shifts more and more instead of listening to the resistance of the mind during these exercises. Lots of stuff moved. The last two days I followed the Bow and Arch with some spontaneous movement of the body, that wanted to come out. This freed me up so much. Afterwards it seemed as though I dropped some baggage I was not even aware of carrying. Overall, amazing workouts!

[okulele]

Darkness Retreat

Darkness, share you secrets with me and I will give myself to you.

[okulele]

Openness

"Oh Openness, you take it all.

  every person you take in

  tough emotions? bring it on

  terrifying pain is welcome

  thoughts of pros and of the cons!

 

  I just wonder, where's the limit?

  What will stop your mighty love?

  I keep looking, I keep searching,

  but all I find is... more Openness."

[okulele]

Anti-fungal diet

After my Darkness Retreat I was rather confused. The night I came home I binged on some sugary food, the exact opposite of what I should be doing on my diet. Is it the emotional stress I experienced in the dark? Is it the "not too rich diet " I was eating in there (mostly buckwheat and millet with some salad)? No worries! We lost a battle, but the war is ours! I am going on

There is a lot of guilt associated with the binges. Emotional stuff to work around. This time it was not that bad though. As I saw the binge coming, I saw no real sense in resisting and in stead I focused on the emotions arising with it and loving them. The "I love you" mantra was my guide during this late night experience making it very educational and possibly growth promoting.

What is amazing is, that I kept repeating the mantra when I went to bed and found myself saying "I love you" to myself in my dreams! Strangely enough I had a lot of dreams associated with guilt and fear this night, but the magical words seemed to dissolve all thatI woke up feeling pretty terrible in my body (from the crap food) , but blissful even deeper inside.

Thank you! I love you.