My Corruption Point, Insight Trains, The Red Journal

[Vincent Musanti]

My Corruption Point and Insights

I felt compelled to write this to preserve an accurate representation of my current thoughts and insights as they arise and to share them as well as to share my story and some realizations that have helped me...

To start off I'm Vince. I'm originally from Russia but was adopted and moved to the NYC/NJ area a while back. I like to say that my self-actualization journey started because it was fueled by an unhealthy, neurotic desire to compete with everyone around me. While I have the insight now how wrong I was, I'm still glad that I had a motivation so strong to start personal development because who knows how different I could be without it. It all began back in June of 2014 when I typed into YouTube "how to wake up early every day" and watched a video titled "My Morning Ritual" from Project Life Mastery or something. Still to this day I'm not sure how I had a vision so strong that it immediately pulled into action. (Maybe influence works strongly and I happened to be at the right place at the right time). Not quite sure...

I instantly acted, buying a set of journals to take notes. A red composition notebook titled "Personal Development" and a black one titled "Insight Journal" still sit in my desk drawer. Since then I moved them electronically. It is so easy now to pick up my phone and type in some new insight I have through out the day and title the paragraph. Journaling has been the one process I have continually done every single day for the past 1.5 years and it is extremely liberating. I feel like it is key to be able to refer back to my thinking patterns and thoughts during a certain time of life when I'm out of touch with my purpose or vision. The insight journal and my daily journal in particular have been the two most habits I have started in my life.

I finally was able to wake up at 5 and started my own schedule that week in 2014. Primarily, I focused on destroying limiting beliefs every single morning, meditating, and using incantations and tony robbins-such stuff with a down-to-the-second rigid morning routine. But a new phenomenon began when I realized I couldn't actually control my limiting beliefs or emotions 100% of the time. I was so mad at myself because it felt as if my progress was going no where. I lacked insight into how the mind works... So all of my progress crashed and burned during the end of the year. I stopped writing music and lost touch with all of my passions (including my backyard underground tunnel). It drove me crazy. I felt as if I was the only one who had no control in life. I was really hard on myself and tried to reverse this 'losing progress' feeling. I tried doing 30, 100, and 200 day challenges by quitting crap foods and nofap, expecting to feel empowered by 'defeating the low-minded, weak competition of society and defeating the inner selfish desires'. Of course that did not work. Looking back at it now with the insight of how neurosis works (trying to fight reality), it all makes so much sense! But that was all part of the process!! Going through those annoying cycles of extreme action followed by frustration and quitting WERE NECESSARY to have the insight in the first place and to grow. I watched the first Actualized video titled "How to Become a Millionaire" on August 13, 2014. I wasn't really bought into this idea of 'self actualization' yet. I was simply not ready.

I like to use the terminology "The Corruption Point" to describe the point in time where society distracts you so much that you stray from your authentic self and become disinterested in your passions and life purpose as a kid. (When life is no longer vivid and exciting). When most of your neurotic tendencies develop. For me it was as high school began. I was accepted into a technical-math based high school and should have felt excited to go but I was not. I realized how much of a toll the desire to compete with everyone was taking on my psyche. It was rotting me from the inside out. No longer was I excited all the time, I was not worried about being the best and woke up panicking every day. I'm glad I had a foresight to know that something was not right and did not blame it on anyone except me. I had the recurring desire to compete in every part of life with everyone at school. Looking back at it now with the insight of enlightenment and especially how the conceptualized self is constructed, it makes so much sense once again! I had certain beliefs that I held as central core columns of my psyche and when those beliefs were challenged and put in a competition-based environment, it risked to destroy the entire building... But still at the time, I felt as if personal development was my clutch to compete. I'm thankful that my corruption point arose at the right time so that personal development made sense to me and stuck naturally. I'm glad that I was not close minded either and returned to just normal. I like to visualize how different life would be if all of these did not happen together...

2015 was perhaps the most important year of my life because it was the first time I got in touch with an authentic passion for personal development. Even though I'll admit I was a big talker a lot last year, getting in lots of trouble trying to convince friends and family about the importance of PD, talking about enlightenment, and writing long YouTube and quora comments advocating a certain way of life, I got just a taste of what life could be like if I kept going. However, still through out the year, there were times where I was skeptical if I was following the truth and authentically working on my life or was just doing it out of competition. This question still arises today but I feel more confident that I'm on a better path. I followed actualized through out the whole year, gaining key insights that have caused radical psychological shifts:

• Conceptualized world versus the actual world
• How neurosis causes all suffering
• Why meditation is key to enlightenment (raise consciousness)
• Why source motivations are key to getting back on track with writing music
• Masculine versus Feminine psyche
• How all emotional suffering is caused by refusing your body to let the emotion through
• Why I quit so easily (process versus result based mindset shift)
• Even atheists are dogmatic because dogmatism is a function of the human psyche
• How the ego is the sum total of all conceptualized beliefs of the self
• Happiness is simply a fleeting state and it is neurotic to fight and try to be happy always
• Why you can never suppress the higher self (it is nature to actualize your life)!
• Why early mid-life crises are crucial
• A possible explanation for the spread and start of religion
• How to honor the truth practically by telling people what you really think or feel
• How to temporarily unwire the abstract labeling mechanism in your brain
• How society is constructed to prevent you from looking inward
• Why solitude and alone time is crucial to fulfill the higher self
• Why death contemplation is actually liberating
• Why attachment is dangerous and leads to toxic friendships
• How you can release habits of mental resistance

Most importantly, I learned why open mindedness is perhaps the most important trait to have in this society. One of my favorite terms to use is "The Insight Train" because it makes so much sense. By understanding how insight works, I was able to refine the learning process down to its core: that humans naturally learn through insight. Aha moment are localized to you because you have a distinct, individual world model. When you have an insight or aha moment, you understand something so deeply that you instantly change many beliefs and thoughts in your world model. 2015 for me was about understanding the human psyche because this understanding was applied to almost every single situation. Right now my main focus is applying the insight of no free will practically by not fighting authentic desires; developing a creative state to write music; break down a damaging ego before destroying it completely... Another thing I battle is how to actually talk about personal development. I spent a lot of time journaling and learning and stuff but do not know how to "put this on a resume". I still have conflicting thoughts and I wonder if i am on the right path when I am constantly surrounded by people who all have completely different mindsets and beliefs. When I go back to school I feel as if I am relinquishing the higher self to just follow the system. That is why I'm so glad this forum is now running...

Well that is it. I'm so glad that I crossed paths with Actualized.org and will stay onboard with personal development... Thank you!!

[Guest]

A very nice start.  I wish you an auspicious journey.

Joy