A bit stuck near the ego death experience

[EcsTaZe]

Hi !

Since 2 months, something appears in me and I try to do my best everyday to live a bit "like a warrior" in order to transcend ayahuasca experience with a breaktrought. (I did a few ayahuasca experiences in the past but except one time I always did get lost in my illusions, my ego)  However I feel a calling since years and it is getting more and more.

The primary thing in my daily work is to be PERMANENTLY in kind of doing nothing accept everything meditation, no unwanted self-talk. (at work, with friends, anytime without exception)

This daily work since 2 months has done the best improve ever in my life, it confirmed me everything that a little voice in my head was telling me since years, it was an awesome revelation. Actually during those 2 months I founded 2-cb (on therapeutic dosage) as a pretty perfect psychedelic for me as it is lighter but there and because of my good daily spiritual work, it reveals me lots of things like never something before. In resume, I mean those days I had the feeling I have never been has close as I'm now from my dream of spiritual awakening !!!

And the day came I transcend the 2-cb experience it was given to me to transcend. It was telling to me that I have breakthrought "the little ego death" and that now I have to go to do the same near the mother Ayahuasca for the complete ego death...

I have to mention that during all this period I'm talking to you about, I became so much more intuitive, clarity guided, and the amazing thing I couldn't imagine is that I have now true psychedelic experience just with marijuana !! Not all the time for sure but you know what I mean I guess. Before going to this point I was telling during 2-cb sessions that I was having respect leaks against the marijuana plant in regard of the use I had of it. (for watching movie, or else instead of being present with her/it)

So, I did prepare myself for ayahuasca ceremony to come "by feeling" next week on the week-end probably I was guessing, until yesterday night I had a huge psychedelic episode with... marijuana. This was a shocking one and it was showing to me that my "method" to be present is good but at my level I need something more focusing on a special place in my brain, on my consciousness or I don't even know what exactly actually (!!) but than my doing nothing / observe thoughts habit as the master motor piece process of every second in my daily life being present approach. It was telling me by the way of introspective imagery that what I do is kind of still "turning around the pot" instead of going fully in... It showed something around the forehead zone, that's all I'm sure. But maybe it means nothing in that sense too I know.
It was telling me that I need to pass this little step before going to ayahuasca and lol to illustrate that it removed some parts of my ego at a point I couldn't accept anymore so it was like I could or was really getting crazy for real it was nightmare and delusion because I tought I should have been able to handle that and just accept for all!

But I don't understand for now what's the root of the message in order to applicate it straight so I was a bit frustrated today about that (it happened yesterday night) before eventually let go of the unknown and get back to my present moment habbit as usual waiting for more understanding...  The fact was demonstrated, I'm near but not ready yet to kill my ego with mother Ayahuasca...

Does someone has a clue for me ? Does it sounds something familiar to someone ?!

I apologize for my bad English, I did my best, I'm sorry.

 

 

Edited April 21, 2018 by EcsTaZe

[cirkussmile]

Do the opposite. Realize the impermanence in everything and learn how to flow with it. 

Don't kill yourself with anything. You can try but you will never succeed. Don't confuse yourself with something else. You are what you are and wherever you choose to look you will Always come back to yourself. 

START MEDITATION. GO TO A 10 DAY COURSE VIPASSANA. THIS IS MOTHER AYAHUASCA SPEAKING.

[EcsTaZe]

On 22/04/2018 at 9:31 PM, cirkussmile said:

Do the opposite. Realize the impermanence in everything and learn how to flow with it. 

Don't kill yourself with anything. You can try but you will never succeed. Don't confuse yourself with something else. You are what you are and wherever you choose to look you will Always come back to yourself. 

START MEDITATION. GO TO A 10 DAY COURSE VIPASSANA. THIS IS MOTHER AYAHUASCA SPEAKING.

 

Thanks for your answer, even if it's an easy, anti-psychedelic and full of judgments one. I meditate since 2 years mate please don't try to moralize what you don't know it's not worth your time.

[cirkussmile]

9 minutes ago, EcsTaZe said:

 

Thanks for your answer, even if it's an easy, anti-psychedelic and full of judgments one. I meditate since 2 years mate please don't try to moralize what you don't know it's not worth your time.

Be careful when talking about judgements. I did not judge you or psychedelics in my previous post. If you want to slow down your spiritual awakening, then judgement can be very helpful. Otherwise it's best to not do it

You were looking for something special with your post. I suggested that there is no special things or insights that will last. It's better to accept the reality as it is and that means there are no fixed states or understandings. Impermanence is reality and attaching to something that will disappear creates suffering. 

I have only love for you and if you are serious with your awakening then I can only recommend going 10day in silence and work out your own liberation. No one can do it for you, not even ayahuasca. But this is the hard path and not everyone one is ready for it. 

Much love

 

[EcsTaZe]

1 hour ago, cirkussmile said:

Be careful when talking about judgements. I did not judge you or psychedelics in my previous post. If you want to slow down your spiritual awakening, then judgement can be very helpful. Otherwise it's best to not do it

You were looking for something special with your post. I suggested that there is no special things or insights that will last. It's better to accept the reality as it is and that means there are no fixed states or understandings. Impermanence is reality and attaching to something that will disappear creates suffering. 

I have only love for you and if you are serious with your awakening then I can only recommend going 10day in silence and work out your own liberation. No one can do it for you, not even ayahuasca. But this is the hard path and not everyone one is ready for it. 

Much love

 

 

But you are talking about maybe the way for you, however each person has it's own ! It's what I meant about what you said, that's all.

Thanks lot for your help anyway.

I'm not very resonating with the 10 days vipassana retreat actually even if I know should be very helpful! I have my daily meditation practice, the psychedelics, and first of all my hard everyday awareness work. That's kind of my way for now, I don't want an other it's perfect for me now   And by the way psychedelics it's such an hard way too I promise, why want you tell me that I'm using them like a magic pill ?

Thanks for your remember about impermanence.

Take care.

[cirkussmile]

36 minutes ago, EcsTaZe said:

 

But you are talking about maybe the way for you, however each person has it's own ! It's what I meant about what you said, that's all.

Thanks lot for your help anyway.

I'm not very resonating with the 10 days vipassana retreat actually even if I know should be very helpful! I have my daily meditation practice, the psychedelics, and first of all my hard everyday awareness work. That's kind of my way for now, I don't want an other it's perfect for me now   And by the way psychedelics it's such an hard way too I promise, why want you tell me that I'm using them like a magic pill ?

Thanks for your remember about impermanence.

Take care.

Please, take your time and go your own path ? it would be stupid to do something else ?

I don't know how you use psychedelics but in the long run we must work with reality as it is. It can have great benefits and show the way but in the end you have to walk there completely naked. It is for that reason I recommended vipassana. 

Anyway, we don't have to stress about it. Everything happens when it does ?

Much love

 

[EcsTaZe]

2 hours ago, cirkussmile said:

Please, take your time and go your own path ? it would be stupid to do something else ?

I don't know how you use psychedelics but in the long run we must work with reality as it is. It can have great benefits and show the way but in the end you have to walk there completely naked. It is for that reason I recommended vipassana. 

Anyway, we don't have to stress about it. Everything happens when it does ?

Much love

 

 

Yes in the end only reality counts that's the main issue we have to fight for :-)

[karmalan]

I haven't experienced ayuhuasca but have taken a  very high dose of DMT. Call me crazy, I am not recommending this because it could have a negative impact but if you use a high enough dosage of ayuhuasca then you will have no option but to submit and let the substance show you what you need to know. Let the substance remove the ego, if you take enough it will happen. 

 This might not be good advice but it worked for me. I experienced the ultimate reality on DMT. At the moment I'm studying the words of Hindu and Buddhist gurus who reached the state of nirvana and they all say the exact same things that I believe after my experience. It's a tragedy that the experience can't be put into human words. It's impossible to explain because it is something that doesn't exist in this realm of "reality"

[EcsTaZe]

10 hours ago, karmalan said:

I haven't experienced ayuhuasca but have taken a  very high dose of DMT. Call me crazy, I am not recommending this because it could have a negative impact but if you use a high enough dosage of ayuhuasca then you will have no option but to submit and let the substance show you what you need to know. Let the substance remove the ego, if you take enough it will happen. 

 This might not be good advice but it worked for me. I experienced the ultimate reality on DMT. At the moment I'm studying the words of Hindu and Buddhist gurus who reached the state of nirvana and they all say the exact same things that I believe after my experience. It's a tragedy that the experience can't be put into human words. It's impossible to explain because it is something that doesn't exist in this realm of "reality"

 

Yes it's exactly what my aim is and I know the path you are talking about

My problem is I have difficulties to let go of everything in my ego (I think I'll loose my sanity even if it's the opposite lool) and then I try going from step to step to get rid of it...

Thanks

Edited April 27, 2018 by EcsTaZe