Am I crazy??

[Ether]

Well. something has happened to you. Something sexual has happened to you. In this case rape.

It starts as something disgusting, something that you are disgusted that happened to you. You feel hatred for your brother that did this to you because you hate your life and think you are broken and will never get better because this happened, that you are unfixable and that this is your fault, that somehow you made him do this, that you controlled him doing this to you.

That weirdness can actually become a turn-on! Because you consideer yourself weird, you resonate with weird things and when a weird thing such as rape or domination happens to you, you get turned on.

Solution? See that its not weird.

[Karin12414]

Thank you guys so much.. I am trying to figure out my next move... I don't want to talk to him, but I know I have to... I don't want to go to his place to talk.. but I'm worried if it's somewhere public people will hear us... man I really wish I didn't have to talk to him...

[Milos Uzelac]

1 hour ago, Karin12414 said:

Thank you guys so much.. I am trying to figure out my next move... I don't want to talk to him, but I know I have to... I don't want to go to his place to talk.. but I'm worried if it's somewhere public people will hear us... man I really wish I didn't have to talk to him...

I have just read your post. I didnt have no problems even similiar to this, but what I am feeling and thinking from what seeing your writing that you should really avoid trying to fix this 1 on 1 with your brother but instead tell your parents of what happened or tell them at least you need counseling privacy and tell immediately a professional about what you are going through. Going alone to him and acting out of fear of your parents and peers feels like a bad idea and not a psychical and psychological safe course of action for you to do in your state of psyche. If you feel absolutely confident and with the intention of telling him and making him stop doing this to you then dont hessitate to free yourself from this situation. But I really do feel the best and personaly safest thing for you to do is to tell someone (open your suppressed stuff) be it your parents,friend or getting them to take you to a proffesional counsellor or psychiatrist to have someone to help you if it something goes wrong. Meditate in between to help yourself bear these feelings and detach from them that will help you tremendously in facing your fears! I hope this wasnt to commanding but I really felt that you shouldnt go throught this by yourself and that you need support from people around you to overcome this! I wish you to solve this problem and hardship for you as swiftly as possible and make a freeing and self caring choice! 

[RichardY]

@Karin12414 If you say nothing, then what does that say about the standard you have set for yourself and other children?

Talk to your parents and contact the police.

[Karin12414]

I don't want anyone to know... I just want it to stop... 

I agree that its stupid to see him alone face to face.... but I need to tell him somehow... I thought about just texting so I wouldn't even have to listen to his voice... but idk... maybe that's too much of a cop out...

I'm sorry I'm being this way... I know I should tell the cops... but I'm so scared of how much it would destroy my parents... They love him so much... he's so successful right now... what if they hate me for ruining it all... I don't want to find out.... I'm so sorry... 

[RichardY]

@Karin12414 There is the potential that other 3rd parties could be affected, would be like if you had children of your own and not doing anything. Establishing a prescendent in your own mind. I can't see if you try to ignore this anything good can happen. No one can give you emotional support here. Unless perhaps they have had a similar experience. I could see how this might send someone crazy. Maybe there's a support group you can talk to.

[Nahm]

@Karin12414 Fuck that. Put your well being first. Stop communicating with him. Get couseling. Tell your parents, if you want to, down the road. 

Keep 100% of your focus and efforts on taking care yourself! That’s the issue in the present. Stop considering his well being and career success. 

or...is this a deep weird trolling?

[Karin12414]

it's not a troll... what kind of sick fuck would joke about this.... that's such a hurtful thing to say....

I really don't know what to say anymore... thank you for all the advice... I need to think... I'm sorry...

[phoenix666]

you don't need to apologize for anything @Karin12414 if you need time, take how much as you want. if you want to deal with this alone, do that. if you want help, reach out for it and you'll find someone. whatever you feel like doing, it's ok and you don't need to justify it. don't let yourself be pressured into taking actions you're not ready for (telling your parents for example). I know how fucking scary it is.. whatever makes you feel better and secure is the right thing to do! I'm sorry you have to go through this. you're not alone <3

[Matt8800]

On 4/21/2018 at 7:08 PM, Karin12414 said:

... He's my brother I would be ruining everything he is working towards...

YOU would be ruining every HE is working towards....

That perspective is totally unhealthy. Remember, predators smell that kind of enabling. I would recommend changing that before you start attracting more predators....its inevitable otherwise.

[Jamie Universe]

@Ether So true, that worked for me

and @Karin12414 judging by your posts already, you need to fucking stop this. I'm sorry but, fuck your brother, fuck how your parents take it. This is insane! your just to tired to take action because all of this is so exhausting, you say. You just want it to stop, but it won't stop. That's not a deep topic to contemplate on. I bet that's what you said the first time it happened, "well that shit happened, I just want it to stop and go away" but it came back, not to mention all the dis-honesty you've had with your whole family the entire time, on top of all this. Its not hard to realize you don't like this

 

If you reply to this saying you Can't, or I'm just to tired, then take a moment to look inside yourself and realize your scared, you fear something happening, you may be able to get by in life without having your parents and brother's life broken, but it will only be at the expense of your own. And do remember, it was an action that he did, he knew was illegal, and would probably hurt the victim in one way or another. 

So what are you trying to spare him from? Himself?

It will be bad, there's no doubt about that. But they will live, this isn't murder. I'm also done replying because I've been saying the same fucking thing over for a while now, and if you don't get it, or refuse it at all costs, then I've tried. Also sorry for being a douche, but it comes from a place of caring.

Hope you figure this out, good luck

 

[zoey101]

No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it. ~ 1 Corinthians 10:13

Be strong Karin! I don't know what your faith/beliefs are, but you were not created to suffer, you were created to overcome and use your experiences to help others do the same. I'm so sorry you have to even think about what to do in this situation. I couldn't fathom this.. But just pray and meditate on everything you have been told and God WILL lead you out of this. You will be made stronger once you stand up and end this pain.

[Karin12414]

Thank you all so much for your advice. I'm sorry I haven't been on.. I just felt so overwhelmed by everything I felt like I needed to just step away from it all and breath for a day. I tried some breathing exercises I read and really liked the video suggestions, even though I know I need to look more into it all.

I still have no clue what I'm gonna do... I have some ideas but I'm just giving it some time so I can have a clearer head, I suppose...

I do feel better about some things though, thanks to all of you.

I'll try to make up my mind quickly... I'm sorry..

[student]

This seems to be your challenge. By repeatedly thinking of him and letting your body react to the thoughts you will just attract him, let him know in an unconscious way that you are on the same page. You need to take a pause from everything and sit and start asking yourself what is happening, what you actually want, where is this going to. You know all the answers, you just need to ask in silence.  Don't let your thoughts lie to you, don't believe in your lies, don't believe any thought. Just go with your intuition. If your intuition is telling yourself "bad", "miserable" then you know that that is not the right path. It seems it is a tricky situation for you. You need mental clarity and I'm sure you will find it.

[Karin12414]

I think I have a plan.. but I wanted to ask for some opinions first.

So, the library by my home has study rooms you can rent and they are just glass rooms basically. It would give us enough privacy so no one can hear us, but we are completely visible so I feel like that would keep him from trying anything... I want to just tell him to leave me alone.. that he has hurt me so much through this and I want it to stop...

Is this a dumb idea? or is there anything else I could say or do..?

I'm sorry I'm procrastinating on all of this... I want to get it over with, but building up the courage is really tough right now.. I just want to have a direct plan so I can get in, say what I need to say, and get out...

[abrakamowse]

5 hours ago, Karin12414 said:

I think I have a plan.. but I wanted to ask for some opinions first.

So, the library by my home has study rooms you can rent and they are just glass rooms basically. It would give us enough privacy so no one can hear us, but we are completely visible so I feel like that would keep him from trying anything... I want to just tell him to leave me alone.. that he has hurt me so much through this and I want it to stop...

Is this a dumb idea? or is there anything else I could say or do..?

I think anything you do to tell him about how you feel and to let him know that what he's doing is not Ok is Good for you.

This must the first step, if he understand and stops... that's great... if not, you will need a plan B. But focus first in this first step.

:-)

[zoey101]

1 hour ago, abrakamowse said:

I think anything you do to tell him about how you feel and to let him know that what he's doing is not Ok is Good for you.

This must the first step, if he understand and stops... that's great... if not, you will need a plan B. But focus first in this first step.

:-)

Agreed. Just be very careful.. Wherever you decide to do this, you need to keep your guard up. My husband always suggests that I keep pepper spray with me. It's great to have and might help you feel a little more confident when you're with him. Keep it hidden but accessable. 

 

Good luck!

[Jamie Universe]

8 hours ago, Karin12414 said:

I think I have a plan.. but I wanted to ask for some opinions first.

So, the library by my home has study rooms you can rent and they are just glass rooms basically. It would give us enough privacy so no one can hear us, but we are completely visible so I feel like that would keep him from trying anything... I want to just tell him to leave me alone.. that he has hurt me so much through this and I want it to stop...

Is this a dumb idea? or is there anything else I could say or do..?

I'm sorry I'm procrastinating on all of this... I want to get it over with, but building up the courage is really tough right now.. I just want to have a direct plan so I can get in, say what I need to say, and get out...

@Karin12414Sounds good, I agree with @zoey101 but I personally suggest you do a pre-mortem as well, any random shit can happen. Though you don't have too.

[SgtPepper]

I think you need to be more straight forward. 

I don't think hiding it or ignoring it is working. It may communicate that what happened was okay.

in a nutshell: Seek counseling to process your feelings. Confront your brother and tell him that you will call the police and tell your parents if he even gives you an impression of sexual feelings. I also think you should tell your parents. You are not ruining his life. He ruined his own life by committing his selfish actions. Sexual assault and rape are serious issues and its not normal.

The way you're feeling is normal to such as an abnormal experience. You think his actions are unacceptable and you have stuff to say. You have to make how you feel clear. 

Stand up for yourself.

I am truly sorry you had to experience something terrible like that from a family member. I hope you heal.

Edited April 26, 2018 by SgtPepper

[Karin12414]

Okay, I messaged him to meet me tomorrow... It took about 30 minutes of pumping myself up in the mirror to press send, but I did it... He said alright, and now my stomach feels so twisted up right now... 

I want to just not think about any of it till tomorrow... is that okay? or should I be focusing on it? I don't know, jeez I feel like I'm gonna puke...