Values list keeps feeling inauthentic

[Max_V]

My values list is getting more and more close to what I feel is in alignment with my authentic desires, nonetheless, there is still this feeling of inauthenticity when I look over some of these values. A strong feeling in my stomach.

These are the ones that evoke most of that feeling of inauthenticity:

• Wisdom: I have always loved learning and being able to understand why everything is the way it is. But next to that, I'm scared that people will not find me smart enough which I subconsciously associate with being worthy.
• Compassion: This is something I naturally feel drawn towards. I want to give everyone love and attention, make them feel inner compassion. The thing that makes this feel inauthentic, is that I  have the neurotic need of wanting to be approved of and liked by others (I'm working hard to purge this from my system), so being compassionate feels partly inauthentic because I'm sometimes doing it for the wrong reasons.
• Independency: I want to be able to always take care of myself. Emotionally, physically, self-trust, financially. What makes this feel negative is that I'm fearful of not being able to look after myself. Not having enough money and having to ask for help and begging.

I can't recall these been created by a specific events, but more so because of social and cultural conditioning and my own reaction to this over a decade.

I'd like to know how I can fix these negative motivators that screw with my values, do you guys have some suggestions?

 

[phoenix666]

32 minutes ago, Max_V said:

• Wisdom: I have always loved learning and being able to understand why everything is the way it is. But next to that, I'm scared that people will not find me smart enough which I subconsciously associate with being worthy.
• Compassion: This is something I naturally feel drawn towards. I want to give everyone love and attention, make them feel inner compassion. The thing that makes this feel inauthentic, is that I  have the neurotic need of wanting to be approved of and liked by others (I'm working hard to purge this from my system), so being compassionate feels partly inauthentic because I'm sometimes doing it for the wrong reasons.

I resonate a lot with this. being worthy through knowledge/wisdom/being smart. and that constant need for approval and validation.. what helped me a lot is just this whole process of becoming aware of it. awareness alone is curative  

I wrote this whole stuff down. that's usually very effective.

also becoming conscious of those mechanisms while they're happening. that's tricky though. I usually forget and notice it afterwards  

this wish of being worthy and need for approval are deep wounds. we shouldn't judge and punish ourselves for them. (I did that in the past) Teal Swan has some good videos about those emotional needs/wounds that helped me along the way <3

[Torkys]

@Max_V If you lived fully authentically without resistance, would these still be your values? What is the driving force behind you wanting each of your values to feel authentic?

[Empty]

 

@Max_V Those are not actually toxic values. They are real and authentic. You are just afraid to practice them in reality. 

 

Here is an example of toxic, inauthentic values: Sex, certainty, fame, money, comfort, faith, physical appearance, etc. 

[Max_V]

@Empty They are not toxic, you're right. But they do have a partly negative motivation driving them which I find hard to get rid of.

@Torkys Wisdom and Compassion for sure, Independency is something I think I would still value, but it wouldn't be as important.

@phoenix666 I think meditating and mindfulness will help these dissolve over time for sure, I'm just scared that it won't actually happen. My mind is tricky, it wants progress very badly, but when there is significant progress in something it tries to cover it up.

[Torkys]

@Max_V If Wisdom and Compassion will feel authentic after you fully let go of resistance, they themselves aren't the problem. Your resistance is what is what makes them feel inauthentic.

As for Independence, ask what this value will give you or why is this your value. As a new value comes up, question that. Repeat this until you get to a value which you only want for itself. It may actually join Wisdom or Compassion.

Other than that, Love is the strongest antidote to separation and resistance. You deserve more Love, not less

 

Edited April 25, 2018 by Torkys