Freedom / Being vs. Doing

[Solvinden]

Hey everyone,

I'm telling you what is bugging me right now very much.

1) My schedule each day is very stuffed. Work, meditation, etc....
The problem is not that I don't have enough time to do the things that are important to me.
Actually, I invest more than enough time in self actualization habits.

The problem is that I have the deep desire to do nothing and to let got, sitting in front of the laptop and watch youtube videos.
However, 1-2h each day aren't enough to fulfill this desire. As a result, I suffer because in the end I need to go to work again. (The work itself is good, only very demanding)

I was thinking about the self discipline vs freedom video.
Maybe, it's really the solution to go all in and erase this "letting go" time entirely.
Nevertheless, I would invest several hours a day in meditation/yoga/....

But I'm not sure if this will work out in the long run.
It's a painful change and I'm afraid that life feels even more stressfull because of the fuller schedule.

2) It seems that I'm "strange" in the opinion of other people and I think it is related to my
self actualization journey. People struggle that I react to each situation nearly the same way and that
nothing takes me really off guard or is making me enthusiastic. One person even said that I'm an empty hull with no personallity whatsoever.
I found that really extreme.

I think for feeling this deep meditative peace permanently, I just need to stop doing and start being, but
with such a full schedule it feels like not possible, even though I invest some hours each day in this regard. Implementation in daily life doesn't work somehow for me.
I feel that maybe giving up the habit of letting go and wasting time at the PC might change something in the long run.

Any inspiration is welcome!

Love,
Solvinden

[molosku]

1) My advice: after you get off work, do what ever you feel like doing, like watch youtube videos aallll night long,  but dont neglect the necessery things (eating, washing etc) do this a while and your higher conscious intuition and desire will gradually guide you to more authentic activities. Sometimes there is so much stuff going on that you need to "reset" your habits to rediscover what is most meaningfull, and then you will naturally gravitate towards them from a much better place than before

B) ouch, thats a mean comment. Most people are completely unaware of their projections and how they interract with other people, and dont know consepts like higher and lower self, and thusly they just say what ever pops in their mind. Other people might be completely absorbed in the game, you have the upper hand to participate in the game while being aware its a game, so you dont judge judging or yourself or others. Easier said than done ofc. 

[shamaanitar]

2) From my experience, only people who are uncomfortable with themselves (i.e. try as hard as possible to be "normal" to fit in as they are afraid of losing control etc.) think of someone being "strange" as a negative thing. If a person is comfortable with themselves they will see your oddity and uniqueness as something wonderful. I'm a fellow strange person in an office full of normal people at work, but from my experience "killing them with kindess" is always affective. Being geniuine is loved by people who are not lost.

And for the being empty hull, I must say from the person saying it that is a compleate projection. In this case this persons only "weapon" towards you was you being an empty which only tells that the person firstly does not have enough to see beauty in all humans which all humans do have.

 

All in all, perhaps also implementing softer practices, perhaps taking a walk in nature quietly and really observing the beauty. Little by little things will come.