165 Days Before College

[Everyday]

Hey

Went to bed at fucking 5 am. Couldn't sleep right.

Cleaned my room and gathered my stuff. I feel almost zero motivation to get all prepared today. Same i felt last time before i moved. 

Im waiting for my brother to pick me up.

Meeting with a friend later today

My legs are sore as fuck man. Like dead. 

Edited October 31, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

'sup

Moved my stuff on Sunday and i felt mixed feelings about returning home. Returned same day to sleep at the house i have been living so far.

I spent that night hanging out with flatmates. I regretted staying so much in my room being sad.

 

Monday i went to have a BBQ there after work. I made the BBQ and i got a lot of compliments for it. I ate together with them and had some good wine and rum and so on. It was fun. I will miss that place but is not smart to pay 50% of my salary just to pay rent.

Is weird i feel resistant to buy smth for myself vs paying rent or smth.

 

Drove a little. Horror. 

 

I wont get a scholarship this year. The uni doesnt have enough money. 

 

Came home and kept ignoring my father. I still do. He is still upset blah blah.

 

I feel very tired. Is stupid to try so hard to compensate 23 years of being lazy in just a couple of months. But i still feel bad for not doing more. 

 

I am very ashamed to admit but last few weeks i really felt i want a gf. I really feel like i need one now. 

 

My legs and back are better. 

 

I kept fasting until noon these last few days.

 

 

Edited November 2, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

 

 

I forgot to mention on the last night at the old house i played a board gaem with some ppl and an american. I got confused by the game's rules and made a mistake. This affected the whole game.

 

He got so upset that he is not going to win man.. It was cringe. He is older than me. He reacted like a child. It was just a game.

 

Man, all but one of the americans i met so far were ok. All the others just drama queens, complaining a lot and pussies lol. Wtf is going on with them. All of us, his wife included had to calm him down. 

 

 

Edited November 4, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

I still didnt cook,

 

Did new ab exercises. Really enjoyed that. 

 

Spent extra time at work to finish what i had to do. I managed the stress ok, but i have a lot of room to improve. I finished work at 20 yesterday and today at 21.

Went to uni this morning. It was actually interesting. Especially in the lab.

 

Didnt go to the old house to have lunch with them. I am to fucking tired for that.

Edited November 4, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

hey

I woke up late but did really ok with my work.

Exercised too. I sweat a lot. I was not training enough previously. It was smart to buy a work out programme

 

 

 

 

[Everyday]

Hey

My sister stayed for a few days here. She lives abroad now for her Erasmus studies. 

Her boyfriend invited me to pick her up from the airport together. He was really stressed to make everything perfect when she arrived. Bought a gift and flowers. I was surprised how annoyed my sister was of him. They even started arguing in the car back home. He seemed happier than she was. to see him.

They argued some more over the time she was here.

 

I bought some special paper for some homework for uni. Also, bought 4 nice shirts

 

I cooked again for a few days. I used my mom's clay pot. Baked veggies with pork and red wine. My mom was upset they i am cooking instead of eating from what she prepared. 

 

Friend from uni invited me last week to join him on his 4 day trip to Italy. I refused because my sister came over. He got drunk each day as usually. He even wrote his ex's name on the class group chat by mistake. Didnt pick up his calls the first night. But i did the following day. He told me what he always tells me when he is drunk: get a gf, wtf? you didnt fuck since you broke up with your ex?, why arent you having more sex?, you wont be young forever and so on. It makes me very uncomfortable. 

He told me about what a dick was with this girl. Man, i dont know how he gates this girls. He treats them like shit yet, still gets called back. But he is over the top like calling his exes when he is drunk and then blockout. 

He always tells me about his extensive experience with girls. He was amazed i am not having another girl on the side while i was with ex or that i find it hard to date and so on. I am embarrassed. So hard to express this. 

He was very confused why i chose to stay home to see my sister instead of going with him. I told him i also want to spend my money on courses and other stuff at the moment. He kept saying how important is to travel. I dont really see it as important at the moment. Travel for a week and return to your shitty life for the rest of the month? What is the point? Why not just invest in courses and stuff that makes you better in the place you live?

 

Kept working out that weekend. It was fun. I focused on my back. I felt so much better afterwards. 

I dont know what happiness and success is anymore. I compared the ppl from the house i lived in with my friend from uni. Some have careers some dont. Some have traveled some didnt. But i see my friend from uni being so miserable and getting drunk so often i dont know why. His life resembles the one from the ppl i lived with. But they are so much happier. I think so. 

 

 

This week:

I worked out on monday morning but nothing since then. Maybe some light stretching. 

 

Went to BBQ at the old house. I was super tired but it was fun. I made the BBQ again. I was surprised no one wanted to take care of the buying part even if most of them were home all day.

Anyways, i got drunk as fuck and it was really fun. Lots of joking. I was also super horny. I fapped like crazy when i returned home.

 

On Tuesday  i went to uni in the morning. i was so tired i fell asleep on the floor when i returned from work.

On Tuesday i impulse bought two watches. Then i figured out one of them is really shitty. It was so cheap cuz it sucks. The other one is pretty. 

 

Wednesday:

Was late at work. All good but i didnt pay enough attention on a task and felt embarrassed. 

Looked for shoes to buy next month. Found pretty ones. 

Lots of texting and making of professors and our colleagues with my friend from uni. 

I wanted to eat junk food to feel better. 

I felt shittier by the end of the day. It was a hard day. 

 

In January i will reach one year of working at this agency. Wow. WTF?

 

 

Edited November 11, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

Yesterday i worked out. I felt amazing. I used bands, pull up bar, weights and body weight. 

Fasted today for 16h

Today i was productive but i didnt feel well. I want to see more results, faster overall. In different areas i am working on, all at once.

 

Man, it was a hard day. I feel really bad. Just meh. 

Is really hard to accept myself as i am now while i work to change. 

 

 

Edited November 12, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

On Sat went to uni to work. Saved some missed classes. Went to Dune again with my friend from uni. We got drunk and ate a lot. Walk home from the mall. A long walk. 

 

I cant recall what i did on Sunday.

 

On Monday I went to a b-day party at the old house with all the foreigners. It was fun but i was too tired next day to go to uni.

Last week a colleague from work asked me to help him with some ad texts. I wrote all of them with a bunch of mistakes. I didn't look over before sending. He noticed afterwards and got super angry. I was ashamed. This was exactly a week ago and he stills doesn't speak to me. 

 

I redneck girl from work annoyed me more than ever. She is speaking so much shit i am thinking to move to another desk. Even with headphones i can hear her speak about smth. Just shit. Only shit. I dont know how everyone else is listening to her crap.

 

Wrote down how to do some campaign analysis. I was fast to say " i DunNo wHy thIS AccOunT DoEsN'T woRK MaN " without trying to think too hard why. my superviser facepalmed himself. He explained the basics again. I should have tried harder. 

 

I wrote down a bunch of grammar mistakes in my own language. I need to get this fix as well. I ordered a grammar book listing hundreds of grammar mistakes. I also found some diction lessons. 

 

I wanted to try harder to pay more attention to online classes. I have no idea what is going on at university. 

 

Some stretching, some working out, etc. 

 

My friend from uni got drunk as usual. He is around 45. He started speaking shit at a zoom class at uni. I was really sad for him. A colleague from work told us that if you aren't happy now you will never be. Yeah, is hard to do this. He told us about the life crises you got in your 40s. That lots of ppl wake up after wasting their life. I am afraid of that as well. 

 

I have to talk with a professor about my dissertation project.

 

I have to take school more seriously. 

 

Working out went really well.

 

I felt like shit again for a few days. Couldn't stop thinking of sex and regrets. I am not sure the massage class was a smart move after all. Oof. I could have fixed some problems about my life like grammar and shit like that. 

 

No driving this weekend. I was too afraid.

 

 

Edited November 17, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

On Thursday wanted to go the the old house but i was too tired. i worked out instead and read. 

My sis BF came over yesterday night. I was so tired but tried to be social. I didnt care much about what he had to say. I just wanted to go to bed and sleep. He kept talking shit. I got annoyed of his stupid advices about everything. 

This happened again this week. I dont remember where i was but someone was talking to me and i couldn't wait to end the conversation. Maybe it was at work or at home. Oh, yeah it was at home. My brother was telling me smth about his business and i tried to be nice and ask more questions. I wanted to finish the conversation so i could eat in peace. 

 

Today

I had a productive day. It was tiring at the end. I feel good now.

I had this amazing bodyweight workout yesterday. It pushed me to my limits. The workout today was awesome as well. 

Going to cook tomorrow again.

The grammar book i bought is amazing. I get discouraged when i see how many mistakes i am making but i am fixing that. Added a couple on anki.

Got a new haircut today. Looks better with a little bit longer hair on the sides. 

When i was waiting at the hairdresser i search online out of curiosity how much do weights cost. I was shocked. It was cheaper to may full equipment sets than to pay rent in previous places i lived last 5 months. WTF. I still have mixed feelings about that. It was a good experience but not that necessary in hindsight. 

 

I have some work for uni to do. I will. 

Cleaning my room and laundry tomorrow as well. 

 

Parents are arguing like all the time. I am still avoiding father. 

 

What else?

I paid more attention to the cooking class this week. Those crazy ladies didnt speak that much shit this time. I notice ppl have more opinion on cooking than on massage. Here each person questions the chef's methods because they knew different. It's a mess. All these ppl are probably waiting for a change to tell him he's wrong. 

I need to work in my garden. Haven't for weeks.

 

Not sure if they will start the course next month cuz is December and holidays are coming. 

I want to go to the doctor to consult the medic about my scalp and face dryness. Also about the marks on my back. 

 

I had a lot on nightmares last few days. Is not common for me. 

I had a wet dream last night. I was surprised. I was not doing no fap.

 

Looking forward to work out tomorrow. New challenge. I was pissed i didnt start sooner. Is so fucking easy to follow this programme. I should have started earlier. 

I looked in the mirror for a few minutes after working out. I see my abs more pronounced. I didnt even knew i can get to this level. I am waiting to see more results in the future. I have been working out for 2 months now. It was smart to start small even if not practical. My old workouts where too limited.

 

NYE was talked about. To be honest i dont want to go to my HS friends. I was not invited anyways. I dont want to spend too much money. I d like to just stay home this year. Doesn't sound cool but why bother? 

 

I was in the kitchen and we spoke with my sister. She got upset that i kept joking with brother and we didnt paid 100% attention to her. She ended the call for being ignored or smth. I was still laughing with my brother. Man, how her BF tolerates her? Same for brother. That girl gets upset like crazy. 

My brother and his GF want to move together soon at one of our studios for rent. My father made fun of her a lot. It was funny. Thing is she is super lazy. Like you have no idea hahaha. 

 

My parents kept insulting each other. Now, mom does it to =))))))))))))))

 

 

Edited November 19, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

 

Edited November 19, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

https://store.gallup.com/p/en-ie/10003/cliftonstrengths-34

 

[Everyday]

Hey 

 

Went to uni and it was really interesting. I spoke with a professor for my 3rd year project for graduation. 

Went to work. All good. Made some progress.

 

Wed

Worked out. Pushed myself even more. Used weights too for some exercises. 

Went to the old house to drink and ate with my old housemates.

It was fun to see them all. Met the new barista at the bar downstairs. Apparently she had been working there for 3 weeks. I had a nice chat with her too. Cute. Was anxious to ask for her number. Too many ppl there.

Combined too many drinks and got hammered. Arrived home while trying not to puke in Bolt. Immediately after i arrived i puked. My shoes where covered in that too. Arrived home and stripped to underwear. Started puking in the sink. Went to bed and puked besides my bad too.

 

Thursday

Woke up feeling like shit. I had puke in my hair too. I barely ate anything and i wasted most of the day. I felt like shit. 

Asked on of the owners to give me her number. 

 

Friday

Better.

A client called me and asked me if i can help him personally with his other business. I might get fired if my boss finds out but i will get experience and money.

Listened talks about money. I am blown away. I know nothing about money

 

Sat

Worked out. I liked it. I did a challenge called the grinder. I had to complete double my number of pushups. I did 33. Second set i did 43. Stopped for a minute and got to 58. I had lots of breaks by planking. Did one pushups and planked waiting to recover for the next one. It was so awesome. 

 

Worked in the garden. 

Spoke with my brother about bitcoin, investing and etoro. He is using that for a year. Invested around $1000. He is not making profit right now. I talked to him about this. I was surprised how opened he was to tell me his experience. Turns out he isnt hardcore into it as i thought. 

 

I received a bunch of books and charts on bitcoin from on of the guys living in the old house. He is living only using bitcoin. I am learning more about bitcoin, investing and ethereum.

 

I feel motivated to learn more, more in general. 

 

But annoyed of the guy who didn't give me her number yet. I see him online every 5 min he wont reply. He seen my message. He is a cool guy. I dont know why the fuck he avoids giving it to me. I am just upset on myself. I should have asked on the spot and i wouldn't be in this position. 

 

 

 

Edited November 27, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

Spent my time reading more about bitcoin and the history of currency and money. Fascinating.

I am going to work abs today. I will use the shuffle abs exercises from the programme i bought. I can choose intensity lvl, equipment and specific zone or entire core. 

 

What else? 

Some gardening and cooking today. I want to use roe.

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Went to see my gramma with my brother. Is hard to see her suffer from so many health issues. Her spine is in a bad condition. 

I cant fathom the benefits of working out and eating well over decades. 

 

I weight 72.3 Kg.

 

Other urges to eat junk food blah blah but i didnt give in. 

Cooked and it looks amazing.

Brewed some more kombucha. 

 

Read more about bitcoin and money. I was shocked how much i dont know.

 

My gramma likes to do crossword puzzles. Got a booklet from her. I dont know why i was surprised i couldnt even finish a quarter =)))))))))) More work on grammar man.

One cool thing is that i caught myself making some mistakes but corrected myself immediately. It was so cool. Observed mistakes around me as well. All this stuff would just pass by my ears.

 

Worked out. I liked it. Did two sessions of abs exercises. Boy it was challenging. First was harder. I am proud of myself. 

 

Nice day overall.

Edited November 29, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Work for my job was nice.I did well even if i overslept. 

 

Read more about money, crypto and so on. I am glad i started with this at last.

 

My abs are still sore. Doing two workouts was a good choice.

 

Im skipping breakfast more and more often. 

 

Fapping is still around.

 

I like to eat what i am cooking each week. I have been cooking regularly for like 6 months i think. So awesome! 

I have been working out for like 3 months. But last month took it more seriously since i started this program. 

 

https://shop.jeffnippard.com

 

https://store.e3rehab.com/products/thoracic-resilience

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=731JZdPGu7s

 

 

 

Edited November 29, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Finished the bitcoin standard. Lots of good info about money in general and finance. 

Having the massage exam next week. Studying at the moment. 

 

More studying and thinking about different things i want to do. Idk. I didnt feel my best today but the rest was good.

 

I have some back pain today. Not sure if it's because the way i slept last night. 

 

What else?

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Long day of work.

Didnt sleep well last night. Too many negative thoughts. I was overwhelmed. 

 

Starting the cooking class next week as well. 

 

On Monday i have uni from 8 to 12, then work afterwards until 18. Then, i have the massage class until 21:30. I might go to the old place i lived at afterwards.

Tuesday work and cooking classes afterwards. 

Wed - work

Thursday - work

Friday work and massage exam.

Sat and Sun - nothing. 

 

I have been trying to appreciate what i have in my life right now. Made me feel better for a while. 

[Everyday]

Hey

 

 

Last night was really taught. I couldnt stop my brain from recollecting bad things and insecurities. Went to bed very late.

Woke up around 13:00. Worked out, took a long bath and added more grammar phrases in my anki deck. Revised some decks for a test we'll have at uni as well. I worked out since my back is much better. I am so proud i took 4 days off. I am so happy i didnt push myself to injury as i did 4 years ago.

 

Trying to get more present but i am not really succeeding. 

 

Meditated this morning and helped me. I mean at noon ahhahah.

 

 

What else?

I thought of how i used to think when i moved with that couple a few months ago. I was making great progress but i was feeling so shitty. I wish i just focused on my work and didnt compare so much with others. Would have been great. I was doing great, learning about nutrition, 100 abs daily, meditation and exercising for my back. Those things laid the foundation for what i am doing now. 

Edited December 5, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey boiiiiiiii

 

So here we have a review from last week:

 

Went to uni on Monday, Wednesday  and Thursday. Spoke with a professor to do my project for graduation with her on mushrooms. Called the guy from the 2nd internship and asked if i can grow mushrooms in his lab. He agreed. Starting next year. 

 

On Monday i was happy to see everyone at the massage group. We had so many laughs and it was really cool. We had been together for 4 or 5 months already.

 

On Tuesday i went to buy a book and sugar for my kombucha. I bought a book about manners. I am an animal at the table. Dont know shit. I listened to a review of this book and i was mind-blown how ignorant i am.

Tuesday night went to a cooking class. My first cooking class. I was shocked to find out i cant even cut parsley properly =)))))))))))))))))))))) I really liked the class even if my back was hurting. I liked it more than the massage class. Sooooo much information. So interesting. I see myself getting deeper into this. 

 

I received a new account after i asked my boss for more work. I want more responsibilities and practice. I am behind with work since i was to uni three times this week. 

 

I was stressed all week with the exam at the massage course. I procrastinated on studying. I passed the exam but we all cheated at the written test. The practice wasn't perfect either. I forgot some stuff to.

While i was taking that exam i got messages from clients and coworkers. I had stuff to do. Rushed home. I worked for a few hours but after some time i said fuck it. My brain was fried and i couldn't focus. I meditated and took a nap. Felt better. 

 

I paid for the last massage module. Is a little bit more than i paid for my rent. I was glad i spent my cash on this instead of just a place to live. I abstained quite well to spend my money on shit lately. 

 

Went for a dinner party at the old house. It was fun. I relaxed. Spoke with a guy of bitcoin and responded to a lots of my questions. I ate really fucking good food. I made jokes and had fun. Glad i went.  Drank and smoked. 

I arrived home at 3 or 4. I wasn't as drunk as last week. I was careful to not get sick again. Btw, my puke is still glued to the sidewalk at the beginning of my street even if it was raining all week lol hahahahhahahhahhahaha

 

Woke up at 9 today but slept again until 12. Worked out but got dizzy after some time. I was still dehydrated from drinking last night. it took me an hour to warm up, workout and take a shower. It was a short session this time. 

Went to run errands with brother and then to buy ingredients for the recipe i learned at the cooking class. I didnt find all ingredients and i felt weird cooking a new thing and following a recipe. I love how good it ended up to be. Just delicious. 

 

I met with the guy from 1st internship. He was really feeling down. Wants to move out of the country. Lost his interest in the business since is not profitable and his parter quit. His GF hot fired and found a new job and is full of work and problems. We spoke about sooo many stuff. I really enjoy it. 

 

 

I had an idea - to buy bottles of wine from this year and keep them for years to get better instead of paying extra if i want to drink a wine from 2017. 

I was thinking what to do next year goal wise. 

I have to say that i was glad again that i am single, even if it didnt last long. I thought how much time is just about me now. How i much i am investing in myself and so on.  I am making my life better each month. I am so free and so eager to make myself happy and better. 

I felt guilty for not spending more time in weekends to study and improve myself. Like i just do some stuff and that;s it. i dont work from 9-5 on a goal or hobby.

 

Edited December 11, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

 

 

Hey

Monday- Woke up for university, work afterwards and massage course in the end. I really liked this module.

 

Tuesday- Skipped cooking class after work cuz i was tired and wanted to study for a test. I worked out and felt great

Received another client

Asked a coworker WTF why one of my accounts doesnt work? Turns out i didnt have my ad groups and ad sets properly set even if i worked for weeks to make them. Most of the clicks and impressions i got where on improper keywords. Money wasted. I am changing the whole account now.

 

Wed- Went to uni in the morning. Skipped massage course after work cuz i went out with my colleagues from work. It was really fun. I learned a bunch of stuff. Still felt not enough tho.

On my way there i run into a girl from High school from my old group. 

Received 565 Euro as Christmas bonus from work. I didnt expect it. I was surprised by it. First impulse was to spend it all. But i want to have some saved up as well.

 

Thursday- Uni and work. Wont join the crowd from the house i lived in for cooking tonight. I will prepare for tomorrow's test instead.

Friday- I was supposed to go to my friend's lab tomorrow but i cancelled to prepare for that test. I will go at night at the massage course. 

 

- so far -

 

I had a better mood overall. I went threw some hard weeks lately but didn't realise it 100% until now. 

I was extremely horny a few days ago. I never experienced this. My body was shaking.

Had weird dreams.

I enjoyed a lot eating what i cooked last week.

My brother makes fun of me for working at my advertising company. Calls me lazy and a slave and stuff like this. I abstain to insult him but i feel frustrated when he says this. I think he is envious. 

 

Felt like eating junk food every single day. Sometime twice even. Still feels wrong to pay for food each day at work. I carried my home cooked meal. I was the only one. One of my colleagues talked about having problems with a restaurant she used to order food. I also ordered from there when i felt bad. But apparently she does this very often but just because of hunger. I was shocked how much guilt i put on myself for eating out when there are ppl ordering food daily. Wow.

 

We have been working at the laminar hood flow at university with a professor i dont like at all. I just realised today that the machine was TURNED OFF all this time. I mean the place from where it is supposed to flow filtered air is BLOCKED by a THICK PLASTIC COVER.

But my professor pretended it was working. He told us to not put our hands while working in front of the jars because the air wouldn't pass through straight away. 

Man, i am so fucking angry. How can he be a professor and pretend we are doing serious work..... Half of our work was fucking contaminated. He said it's not from the filer being clogged or smth. Lol. 

Edited December 16, 2021 by Everyday