165 Days Before College

[Everyday]

Hey

Arrived at university after barely sleeping last night. Woke up three hours earlier because i didnt know we only have class at 10.  I tried to sleep but couldnt. I worked out. Did pushups until i couldnt. Laid in bed afterwards and took a shower.

When i arrived i find out someone had COVID so next two weeks are online. That is fucking awesome!

 

Slept a little at work. Hope no one saw me. 

Fixed some problems on my accounts. Uploaded some new campaigns i made 2 weeks ago.

 

Went home. I was tired. I had lots of negative thoughts. My brother and father are very sick. Mom was ok. 

Returned and had dinner with some ppl from here. It was nice. Came in my room and watched tv series and ate sweets. 

 

 

 

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Woke up tired as FUCK. Laid in bed until i had to go to work. Arrived one hour later again.

I slept a little at work around 16 o'clock.

Back pain.

I went to the massage course but was wanted to go home actually. 

Came home and made juice with a girl from here. We finished after 2h. 

 

I am at last in my bed.

Dont feel like sleeping even if i am fucking tired.

 

 

I was thinking lately what does success mean for me. I am not really sure.

I was thinking that going to study with erasmus isnt useful. Is just fun again when i could in fact use time to improve my life. Nothing will change those months. I will have same problems.

 

I wanted to get a job as a masseur in weekends. Not sure about that anymore. Doesnt seem so appealing to massage ppl all day. I didnt decide anything.

 

 

 

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Woke up at 11. Dragged myself out of bed. Did my routine. Back exercises and ironed some clothes. 

Did some work and so on. I got stuck trying to make a new FB account. Got really frustrated. I am really bad at my work lol. It was 1st time making a facebook account for a client in months.

 

It was raining all day so no running. Ate same food. Nothing out of the ordinary.

 

Had an idea yesterday. To work overtime to make up for the hours im at university. My boss agreed. This way i can go to uni and work properly for now. I thought i can go to work at 7 and leave at 16. I would have a lot of free time. Sounds good on paper.

 

 

 

What else?

Had a call with sis and brother and their S.O. Didn't feel well after that. My insecurities got triggered again. 

 

I might start a cooking class soon. Sounds exciting. 

 

 

 

Edited October 14, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Ordered a bunch of Junk food last two days. Lots of sitting in bed and complaining. 

My friend from uni called me. I need to work on other stuff as well. 

Made some progress last half year  

I ate so much crap i feel tired and exhausted.

 

Im stressing with the massage exam for the second module. 

 

I will work out again today. Pushups. Last time was 5 days ago.

-Updates-

130 pushups, focused on arms. 120 abs. Is getting easier to get to 90 push ups than it was a month ago. Nice. 

-

Studying for the massage course. Fell asleep a few times. Had unpleasant dreams.

I was thinking i should take a dutch course. I have been struggling to study it alone for 2 years with no avail. 

I was thinking to buy a course from Athlean x. To do some exercises at home. To see more results. Faster. To have a structure.

I have been fasting for more than half a day today

 

 

Edited October 16, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hi

 

Ordered food last night. I ate and felt sick all night. Barely got out of bed in the morning. 

 

Went home. Mom is very stressed because my father has high fever and is sick for days. Each time he got better he went out again and got sick. The house was in the worst shave i have seen so far. My father only stays in bed and says he might day. Brother is sharing work hours with mom at the family business. 

 

I cooked smth for them today. Mom had no time for it. She is low on energy as a default mode but since my father is sick she hit her lowest point. 

 

Drove a little. I was resistant since i didnt drive last week. Wasnt that bad :)) 

 

Harvested some herbs from garden. Felt proud of it. 

 

 

Took the tram back the the house. There was a homeless dude who was injecting smth in his arm just a few meters in front of me. I couldn't believe this is actually happening =))))))))))))))

 

 

I was thinking if my year abroad in NL was a waste of time or was actually worth it. Cant decide. When i returned home i was worse than when i left. I was working for my parents and just wasting my time. 

This summer i didnt go to BE for that internship. In hindsight it was a fucking good summer. I have done a looot of stuff even if i had my share of shit moods and nights. I am a better person now, unlike if i wasted time in BE. 

I keep thinking of that like from The Stranger: My life wont change if i move to Paris. It will be the same. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Everyday]

Hey

 

I went to bed at two but woke up on time. I decided to do some abs exercises and back exercises. Made a smoothie as well. Man, i felt like a million bucks afterwards. I kept feeling good for the rest of the day.

 

At the massage course i teamed with two girls. One of the i like a lot but is taken and the other disgusts me (the 24 year girl with a kid, she's very annoying). I massaged the 1st girl feet at reflexology and i noticed the tenderness i used. When it was the second girl turn i was just disgusted. She had dirt under her nails and smelly feet. Ew. 

 

Cooked for the new week. I got compliments for my cooking. I wasn't expecting that. 

Hanged out with my housemates.

 

I was annoyed of all the classes i had to attend for university.

 

 

My friend from university called me drunk and he spoke a lot of shit. I was thinking of what he said and cant understand his logic. But of course he was drunk as fuck and doesn't count. He drank again next day and asked me to join. Refused. I don"t see the point. I had better things to do than to get drunk.

 

I have lots of back and knee pain.

 

 

Edited October 18, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Felt more confident talking to a client from work.

Procrastinated a lot today but still got some stuff done.

 

I worked out again for a little bit. Let's see tomorrow how i feel. I followed this video today. 

 

 

 

Going to watch Dune with housemates tonight. 

 

Ate pasta with housemates last night. My belly felt like shit afterwards. That's why i usually dont eat that. But this guy from italy made it and i was curious.

 

 

Covid restrictions are getting stricter over here.

 

 

Edited October 21, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

6 hours ago, Everyday said:

Going to watch Dune with housemates tonight. 

It was amazing!

[Everyday]

Hey

I didnt feel my best today or last two nights. I felt down and unmotivated. 

 

Worked out at home again. Pull ups. I think around 50. Anyways till i couldn't do anymore. 

 

What else? Didnt do shit for work on Friday. Went home and was up until 4 am. Grinding herbs and watching movies. 

Woke up at 12. Kombucha, grinding more herbs. Went to aqua park with flatmates. It was fun overall. 

 

On 21/10/2021 at 6:31 PM, Everyday said:

I worked out again for a little bit. Let's see tomorrow how i feel. I followed this video today. 

 

So i got tired fast doing the exercise above. It was more like cardio. Ten minutes is too short to build muscles. But i liked the exercises he used. I did however feel soreness in serratus anterior muscles. 

 

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Went to bed at 4 am again. Just couldn't sleep. I felt very bad.

Going home again later today. Woke up at 12. Didnt study for the massage exam yesterday or today

 

 

 

Edited October 24, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Went home to hang out with family. Father started telling me i am lazy for not helping him doing x thing. I snapped and ended up leaving the house at that very moment. I felt like crying. I slam the door shot on my way out.

Edited October 24, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

I woke up and did 100 abs exercises. Logged in for a class and prepared for work.

Arrived at work and i found it hard to focus on work and also paying attention to class.

Back pain and felt pressure to finish more stuff at work. I even wanted to avoid tasks cuz i found them hard. 

 

I feel sore as fuck. I think i exaggerated with training two days ago.

I was very into daydreaming all day.

I was tempted to eat junk food. 

Went to the massage group. Ate with flatmates. 

 

I calmed down from the argument i had with father. I was thinking if i should return home or not at the end of the week.

 

What else?

Turns out one of the girls from the massage group who i thought is like 26 is actually 36! Wow. She told us she still has no idea what she wants to do with her life. She is really awesome. She told us or the career paths she changed. How she started on different paths but didn't have the strength to finish. wow. I was shocked to hear that. Her opinion puts things into perspective. 

 

 

 

Edited October 25, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

Woke up and fell asleep again. 100 abs exercises - chose to do harder ones. Smoothie, styled my hair and was satisfied with the end result, etc.

Arrived at work late again.

Did well at work but it was tiring. I received 2 new accounts. Got more chill with calling that client. They agreed to spend more on CPC.

 

Arrived home. Studied and fell asleep.

Ate with flatmates. Played a game with them.

 

Came in my room. Watched yt. Is not ok to just train abs, chest and arms. I will have an imbalanced body. I will train other muscles as well. 

Mom and sis asked me how am I. Dont know what to say. I am ok but i dont look forward to come home. Too much drama. Is expensive to live in this house but i am calmer. I didn't notice this last few weeks but is lots of stress and drama at home.

 

I told my father what he does at family business is not work. Brother heard to and didnt contact me since that night. I guess he felt attacked too.

Mom told me is my fault blah blah i should accept my father is this way. Blah blah. He got upset that i told him all he does is to sit at tv and just work 6 h. And he calls me lazy? WTF? He spoke nonsense. I got annoyed and left. He reminded all of the money i wasted in NL. He told me and brother we wont be as successful as he is blah blah. And other shit but it really made me upset to hear that shit.

I dont know if i will get my scholarship this year. They dont have budget for that. 

 

One of the girls from this house messaged a me lot and seems fond of me. I just got super annoyed i have to answer to her messages. Noticed i still find it hard to actually care what other tell me. Is so fucking difficult to pretend i care lol.

 

What else?

I am starting with warm water at showers but finishing with cold ones. I use cold water for hair and face. I keep getting dried skin tho. Looks like dandruff in beard and moustache.

I guess i need more excitement in my life? Idk. Maybe a book? Writing down the good stuff i did? Not sure at all. I am better than i have been in a long time but i just dont feel like it. Dont know what else to do. It takes time to keep getting better and better. Years and i am so impatient. 

 

Edited October 26, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Watching so much movie recaps each day after work doest well, work! I am not ok with this. Also, going to sleep late because of it isn't good either.

I need to stop doing that. It ads no value to me.

 

I keep thinking i am 23 and wasted my youth blah blah. But i am also wasting time after work most of the time. C'mon. Cant believe im 23. I havent done much but this age. Feels so old. Like in 7 years i am 30 and that was my 20s. WTF.

One year wasted in NL, two years here. Yeah, great... 

God, i am so fucking behind. It will make me feel better to not jump into movie recaps after work. Tomorrow, right?

 

 

[Everyday]

On 07/11/2020 at 8:59 PM, Everyday said:

I want to work part time at an ad agency. 

Lol. Almost a year ago!

[Everyday]

On 11/08/2021 at 0:59 AM, Everyday said:

Two ppl from the massage group asked me how old i am. They were both 45. Wow. They said they feel old and that i am extremely young. One of them said he cant remember what he was doing at 23. I am turning 23 next month. I feel old at the moment. I felt the same at 20.

One day i will be like that too. Wtf was i doing at 23?

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Woke up a wreck. Tired as fuuuck.

 

Went to work. Managed stressed well i think. I still avoid hard work by default, especially if is new. 

I need to prepare a mail for a client about last 3 months. To my stupidity i didnt check the account's progress all this time. Only optimised at micro level. The account had more sales blah blah but could have been better... i was just fucking lazy.

 

Several ppl from work smoke and drink cola. I think is also their way to cope to stress. I tend to spend it big time on junk food but i usually go big on damage. Like extra large menu, not just a cola or something. Just tonight i was thinking to buy some junk food cuz it was this stressful situation with that client. But dont really want to spend that money. 

This girl said she felt depressed and bought cola. She drinks one a day. One time i asked her why she doesnt buy big bottles, just small ones. She felt offended, said she's trying to stop drinking gradually. I was shocked. I thought he just likes it and doesnt want to quit. Wow.

 

I wont get a scholarship this year cuz they dont have money and my grades aint that high.

 

The veggies i made last week went bad. The meat is doing well. 

 

The massage exam got canceled due to covid. Maybe at the end of next month we will start again.

 

19 hours ago, Everyday said:

Ate with flatmates.

Someone made tofu with beans. I liked it a lot. I thought is meat. When he heard that he went nuts about how ppl eat meat and so on. I found it very annoying. Dont see the point, is just food for me.

 

One of the ppl who moved in this house is an arab guy living in the west. He scolds other housemates for drinking and smoking. I found it funny in the beginning but now is just annoying. 

 

I have a guy at work who says he is into spirituality and cant eat meat anymore due to his "improved vibration". Yet, he is overweight. He went to vipassana several times but there was not a single day to see him drinking cola or smoking tobacco. Lol. How that works? He said he isnt stressed and i felt embarrassed to call him out on his bullshit. Srsly? He has a problem with meat but cola and tobacco are ok?

 

 

 

Edited October 27, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Went to bed late and woke up tired. Barely could listen to labs online.

Actually woke up at 12. Felt a little better. Did back exercises but with more reps. Trained my forearms as well. I always neglected them. 

I stressed all day about the account progress i had so far. I worked a little bit but got distracted by daydreaming. 

 

What else? Spoke a little via messages with brother and sister. Ignored my father calls. My brother told me he is going to call me and i have to apologise. No thank you. 

More messages with my friend from university and high school friends.

 

Wanted to do something else as well today. Meh. I dont feel my best. I am revising some dutch flashcards and going to read some more of the fasting book as i did yesterday

 

I fasted until 18. 

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Woke up tired. Logged in at lab but didnt pay attention. Had a meeting with the google stuff as well but didnt even bother to listen to it. 

Again, procrastinated on work. 

One of the clients noticed his ads are showing combined and they are wasting money. I appolgized and changed everything. I didnt even notice that problem.. Beginner mistake.

 

Mother said i should call father and apologies. 

What else?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sfYpolGCu8

Edited October 30, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

Had my 1st workout from the athlean-x xero programme. This one is just for bodyweight. I found it funny that i can do 30 pushups at once but my feet are shaking after 10 squats ahahhahahahaha. I was sweating like a pig after 40 min. 

Had pizza and beer with flatmates. I feel lazy to leave from here. I got used to it. 

A thing i noticed is that is easier to eat just when i am hungry vs eating with my parents even if i am not hungry just because is lunch. I find it so convenient that i was able to eat when i felt hungry instead of set schedule. I ate around 19, 1st meal of the day for example.

What else? 

Read more from the fasting book. 

Besides this i was lazy. I slept until 11. I find it hard to go to sleep early.