165 Days Before College

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Went to bed at 5am. Watched movies. Woke up at 12 and started reading from shadow and bone.

Ate a salad with my flatmates. Tried their new recipes they will use for new vegan products. Really good. 

 

I feel a little better today. I was really down yesterday. I haven't felt like this in a long time. It was really hard.

Edited June 21, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Went to the hairdresser for a haircut then home to drive alone for one hour. I was tense and did some mistakes as usually. Pushed myself through a more difficult path than i take usually. Did that twice and twice the easy one. Did a little of gardening and prepared some herbs for my grandma. My family was happy to see me. Didn't announce them i will stop by.

 

Arrived home and had a chat with my flatmates. I really like living with them. I don't like the bugs but they are really nice. I spoke with the guy from the other place. Going to move there sometime in the middle of July. I dont know how long i will stay there. It will be an experience. An expensive one =))))

Edited June 21, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

How are you?

 

 

The client of the account i m managing now said he sold a product. Cool. He said he didn't think to put those products in an ad group separately. I felt proud. The rest of the day was quite difficult i would say. I didn't feel like working. I just pushed myself to be productive. I was tired. I went to bed at 2 am. Watched tv series. I thought how i will go to eat a lot afterwards and watch tv series. And ate indeed. Not that unhealthy but still. 

 

At work i really noticed how annoyed i am of the other new PPC girls. But i smile and listen to them. They both speak so much shit and i listen to them out of politeness even if i really dont care.  I remembered of my ex and how i was in a very similar situation. Just listening and pretending to care and be invested in what she was saying while feeling i am going insane if i have to tolerate that any longer. It was a weird thing. 

 

After work i went to Kinesiotherapy.  I almost feel asleep a few times  during the procedures.=))))))))))))) Than, the guy from Kinesiotherapy was really shocked i kept doing the exercises since last year even if i had some breaks. He said 90% of ppl he met wait shortly after. Told him i have also been swimming and so on. He was like wwoooooow man that's reaaaaally gooood! Some of the exercises he thought me i have been doing wrong but some good.

 

 

 

Arrived home and ate and had a chat with my flatmates. We spoke of a bunch of random stuff about veggis, pets, plans, nutrition, work and so on. Then, went to my room, watched a shit movie and ate what i bought. Didnt even feel fool and miserable. Just disappointed. I have an exam tomorrow. I will cheat on. 

[Everyday]

Hey

 

The exam was alright. 

 

Work was fine. Still very tired. Didn't want to go in the morning. Got more energy as the day went by. I listened to the Epic of Gilgamesh on YT. Finished the whole book while i was optimising some campaigns. Then, i started listening a new one. The time passed by faster and i felt better. 

 

I ate junk food after Kinesiotherapy. Meditated. Watched a shit movie. This ritual doesnt work anymore. Dont feel much afterwards like i used to. 

Edited June 23, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Went to bed late. I am watching movies again. Felt like shit because of that. 

 

Some chores in the afternoon. 

 

I cooked this afternoon and made some ice cream with my flatmates. Just herbs a banana and one orange. Just that. 

 

Procrastinated on work a lot.

 

 

Updates

 

-

 

 went to Kinesio. I forced myself. I would have just stayed in bed and did nothing. When i returned i bought junk food. The guy who prepared my food was really weird. Came home, ate, finished the movie from last night. Didn't feel better.

 

My father called me. They were worried for not hearing from me since Monday. They asked me how things are going at uni. They are worried i wont have time to study anymore or that i will drop out like my brother. 

 

Going to BJJ tomorrow night and on Saturday to Swim. 

 

 

I paid the warranty and rent for next month. I am worried to move there. Not sure how it will be like. I am anxious. I got comfortable here now. 

 

 

I will go home Saturday night. Drive. Gardening. Asked my mom to water my seedlings. Forgot about them haha.

 

 

I am not feeling the best. Just trying to push and do my routine regardless.

 

 

 

Edited June 24, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

We had a call at work with the ppl responsible for Google ads for Eastern Europe. It was very boring, lots of slides and YT videos. My colleagues said that call was a waste of time. They didnt learn anything new. They said they keep using the same slides for years. 

 

The advertising company i work for is a Google Partner for some years. Everyone is like wow, me included when they hear this. But apparently this means that they use you to try no tools while your clients are paying for it. If things dont work out with their beta tool they'll say sorry and move on. Lol. 

 

Also, because most money comes from N America they are not interested to invest in Europe for support. They have a lot of people for PR but no one for programming. So if you actually have a technical problem there is no one to help you. Sad. 

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Went to bed late again. Dont remember what movie i watched. Woke up early because it was too hot in my room. Wasted some time on my laptop.

 

I have some campaigns to do for a shop who sales plants. I finished half. Pushed myself cuz i was resistant to work on them. During lunch i helped my flatmates to pack and prepare their new products for an event. They made some seeds mixes and mixes of supplements. Delicious. It was fun helping them. 

 

 

I want to go to BJJ tonight. I thought on and off if i should go or not. I want to feel like going. I will force myself but it feels really hard. I would like to watch more movies and wait for the day i will do what it needs to be done. Sadly, that day will never come. 

 

 

Edited June 25, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Woke up past 11. Read for a few hours from primal blueprint. Meditated, crunches and back exercises even if is an off day. Felt so good. Took some notes for next time i do shopping. I will make some baked fruits to snack on. I also want to buy some cashew in bulk. 

Did some work for my job for half the day , then read over one hour from shadow and bone.

I realised im not eating fish at all since i moved alone. I wrote down in my list to buy some.

 

 

I am going home tonight. Not excited about it to be honest. I will check my plants, do some weeding, harvest some more and so on. Also kombucha is ready so i will make new one for next week. I will bring home this batch. 

 

 

I didnt eat junk food today or last night. I wanted to. It was hard to resist. Very fucking hard.

 

I was productive yesterday. I would not have been if i gave up.

 

Couldn't go swimming because the place is in renovation.

 

 

 

I had a weird dream. I was in a relationship with one of the girls i met during practice weeks. 

 

 

 

I am going to drive tonight or tomorrow morning. Gardening and then i will return here. 

[Everyday]

HEY

 

Last night i went to bed late after not eating so healthy at my parents house.

 

Woke up with difficulty. Fertilized my plants. Did some pruning, weeding and tied some of them. I see that the morning glories are already seedlings. So fast!

 It's raining like crazy now. Hope my plants absorbed those fertilizers. 

 

Cut some herbs and placed them for drying. 

 

 

Last night i backed some fruits. Not as i expected. They taste like gum =))

 

 

I drove today quite a lot, alone and with siblings. I was very tense as usually. I need to go driving more often. I need more practice. I was very very very resistant to start. 

 

 

My sister didnt look to happy when i said i spent yesterday reading for so long. She didnt seem happy for me.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited June 27, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Update- A few Hours Later.

 

 

Last night my sister asked me how many girls i went out with. I gave some stupid replay but felt bad. 

 

 

 

My sister was extremely tired. She is done with her exams. Went in a short vacation with her BF. Besides this she is just sleeping and watching tv series like i do. My brother is going in vacation for 2 or 3 days with his GF. 

 

 

 

I read some more from Shadow and Bone. I have 20 pg left. I did back exercises and finished more of my work for the agency. I worked for a few hours while thinking i am going to buy junk food and waste what is left from today. I am so glad i was productive instead. It was really hard to not give up. I kept saying i cant and blah blah.

 

 

 

There is a woman in my class and she has a similar short temper as my ex. We helped each other at some tests with materials and she messages me sometimes. She kept complaining to me last night and today. Some stupid complaints about a stupid colleague from our class and about someone who annoyed her during the exam. I rolled my eyes and kept being polite. I remembered how annoying was to have my gf behave like this most of the time. It was exhausting.

 

Btw, i dreamed of my ex last night. I dont remember what it was all about. 

 

 

 

Today was day 36 of doing 100 crunches and meditating daily. When i said im at day 30  i was actually at 31.

 

Edited June 27, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Went to bad late. Woke up at 4 am for some reason. I started reading Brave New World. Meditated.

Fell asleep again around 6 or 7. 

 

Woke up tired. I thought i am not going to have enough energy for BJJ tonight. Went to work and didn't have a lot of patience to work to be honest. I listened and finished to the prince on audiobook.

 

Then i started listening  to an interview with the author of Genghis Khan. Very interesting. 

 

 

 

 

Went to kinesio afterwards. I almost feel asleep. The staff was speaking about two of their colleagues, one of them being the son of the owner who wanted to be with another colleague. That even his father was trying to get them together. I remembered they spoke about the same thing last year. =)))) We all laughed =))))))

 

 

Afterwards, walked to BJJ instead of waiting for the bus. I felt energised. In the changing room i met with the boyfriend of a girl who used to go to Krav maga. This couple is super active and they are doing so many things together. They are in their thirties. I was surprised to see him. He must have went to the MMA classes before BJJ.

 

 

For the 1st time since i started BJJ i actually focused on the lesson instead of worrying in my head.

 

 

For some reason, on my way home i felt bad for not starting BJJ sooner and i don't even know what other reasons i had. I thought that is normal to feel bad and demand more for me. Is ok to be tired. It was a long day. When i arrived i wanted to buy junk food to feel better? =))))))))))))) I decided not to give up. It was hard but felt stupid i even struggle with this. =))))) It's stupid. 

 

 

 

Edited June 29, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

I finished the video on Ginghis Khan from yesterday at work. Very fucking interesting.

 

Made some small mistakes at work. The boss who criticised me for not paying enough attention came today and asked for a report on clicks and the amount of products which are shown by google. Turns out 50% of them are under 10 bucks. I was so anxious to mess up and to finish in less than one hour man... But i did good in the end. 

 

I also listened toa video of brave new world narrated by Aldous Huxley and it featuring actors playing the characters. There was even music played, the "sounds of the new world". It was the best video i ever listened to ever. Just wonderful. 

 

Then, i begin to listen to the video below. Really interesting.

 

 

 

Went to kinesio afterwards. I have lots of back pain now, after BJJ but i feel better.

 

 

 

I found myself wanting to research more books to listen to on Youtube. Yet, resistant to finish what i already started.

Edited June 29, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

I finished this book at work. I got so many insights of the many things i did wrong that it really hurt me. I cant believe i didnt read this book sooner. Is a shame. 

 

 

Afterwards i listened to this. I really love how he writes. I watched the netflix series. I like the book more so far.

 

 

 

Started this book. Lots of insights. 

 

I wanted to eat junk food while i was watching Loki Ep 4. I didn't and i am amazed i resisted. Strange enough that in the end i felt bad even if i didn't eat junk, just because i was tempted to. wtf. 

 

 

 

After i finish with kineso i want to start yoga classes. I was checking some studios. I will ask my flatmates where they went. They used to do yoga. They are only meditating now daily. Also, i will ask another guy who said he improved his posture with yoga. 

 

I am still sore after that lesson from BJJ. 

 

 

 

I thought to buy some whey powder to drink in the morning besides the raw egg and fruits. Also, i thought to use it in food as well. 

 

 

I ordered one Kg of Cashew nuts. It cost me as much as a big bucket of KFC wings. I was resistant to buy it but i am excited. I cant wait to munch on it at work. I am getting tired of walnuts and almonds.

 

 

I ate more last few days. It's alright. 

Edited June 30, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

19 hours ago, Everyday said:

Started this book. Lots of insights. 

 

 

Hey

 

I finished to listen the book above. I got very sad by the end. I have made so many mistakes it's ridiculous. I could have read that book years ago and saved myself from so much misery. I didn't read it because i was waiting to feel like it. Such a stupid mistake.

 

 

Today, i felt again i need to buy junk food cuz i felt bad. But i didn't. Is really weird to see that i dont actually have to give in my urges, that i can still be productive even if i still feel bad and craving smth. It makes me both proud and upset. Upset because i gave up so many times. 

 

I feel really bad i am not growing faster. I need to be patient.

 

 

I will receive another account to work on very soon. Yay. Cool. 

 

I have three days left of Kinesio. 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited July 1, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

The package with one Kg of cashew nuts arrived yesterday at my parents house. My sister asked me wtf you spent so much money on nuts? I explained i bought in bulk and is basically cheeper. She said ok. I thought they will be excited like i am. Hmm.

 

Went to bed at 2am. Woke up tired and complained. Did my routine and then watched some yt videos. 

 

Optimised some text ads, callouts, snippets and site links across different accounts for work.

 

I kept listening Brave New World and The Laws of Human Nature. The letter book gave me more insights than i expected.

 

Around noon i realised i am getting very hungry since i didn't eat nuts as i was used to at work. I started feeling bad for not feeling fool after i ate. I didnt have much food left. My solution? To buy junk food lol. Which made no sense if i thought of it. Instead, i went and bought a bunch of veggies and fruits. Felt better afterwards. I wanted to act on emotion. 

 

I analysed briefly this urge. I feel i cant be the person i want to be. That is hard and blah blah. But im becoming that person.

 

 

 

I m going to swim tomorrow.

Home tomorrow night?

 

Edited July 2, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Update 

Going to try this:

 

 

Took a one our night walk. I forgot how much i life walking.

 

I kept thinking. 

 

I am at the exercise part from Primal Diet. It talks about overexercising which leads to eating sweets, etc. Also, how much diet matters to loose weight. I thought of a girl from work who was very proud she goes to the gym at 6am daily and the supplements she takes. Yet, she is still not loosing weight. I noticed she drinks lots of soda and eats sweets. At lunch she eats whatever the other order. I noticed they too try to eat healthy but the vegan products they order are made at some degree from grains. Interesting. 

 

Also, i realised i haven't been in a club to dance on techno for two years and didn't go to a theatre for even longer. I put it in my schedule. 

Edited July 2, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

On 03/07/2021 at 0:50 AM, Everyday said:

Going to try this:

 

Wow. I felt much more tired after a few repetitions. Just wow.

 

 

Hey

 

I woke up and dragged my feet to swimming. I was tired and didnt feel like it. Went to bad very late because i didnt feel like sleeping. 

 

 

I bought some clothes. I really had no more shorts for summer. It was not as expensive as i thought. 

 

Went home and did gardening, prepared new tea for kombucha, drove for 40 min i think. I went straight through harder routes. To my utter surprise i didn't shit myself of fear. Wow. Hm... I just drove. I made mistakes but is ok.

I hang out with siblings and their partners. I cook with my mom, visited father at work, watered plants, washed dishes, cleaned kombucha jar, weeding, put some hemp seedlings from pots. For some reason they are drying in there but thriving in the soil of my garden. Minced some herbs i dried last week and put them in jars. 

 

Gave my mother a small sum of money to spent on whatever she wants. My father doesn't give her much monthly and she uses her money to buy courses and classes. She was very happy. It's the second time i do this. I want to keep doing it monthly after i got my salary. 

Sister and her BF asked me with how many girls i went out already. If i have a tinder and so on. I looked down and felt ashamed i struggle with this. I will take care of this as well. 

 

At home i felt i cant stay doing nothing. The guilt was very intense. I needed to do smth, needed to move to not feel bad and sad. Weird. 

 

Went driving again with brother at night. He was giving a ride to his GF home. I offered to drive. I was calmer generally. Lost my calm and panicked a few times but is ok. After i arrived home i left my bags and went to walk alone for one hour. 

 

 

Afterwards, i was sitting on the couch from the living room. I was thinking of my day. I want to do more with my time. I have so much energy, so much potential. I decided to start a massage course. It will last 4 months. 3 modules. This made me feel excited. I like doing massage. I have been told i am very good at it many times. I will ask my aunt and my swimming trainer for advice on this topic. Both worked in this field. 

 

I look back at the week i had and i smile. Struggled. Improved. I finished a few books.  

 

 

[Everyday]

Hey

 

I woke up and did my routine all at once. Felt so good and free afterwards.

 

Went to a wedding ceremony at a church with my mother. One of my 2nd grade cousin married today. It was actually the 1st time i saw him and his sister. I went because i wanted this experience. It was ok. I felt insecure because i didn't dress better for this occasion and i didnt really know those ppl. 

On our way home some relatives i have seen only once offered to give as a ride. To my surprise my mom kept saying how proud is of me, that i have a job i love, that i am also studying, that i moved out and i am taking care of myself. The relatives reacted very good. I was embarrassed. But also didnt expect them to consider what i have done so far as awesome. 

 

I felt even more determinate to work harder, eat better, do more stuff.

 

 

Once i arrived home i drove alone. Went to more difficult roads. Made some mistakes as usually. But i felt calmer. I pushed myself to do it as usually. But i was glad in the end. I suck at parking but i will exercise this more.

 

 

I wanted to buy junk food but i caught myself as just an emotional reaction. I would better spend the money to buy a shirt or pay for BJJ or Swimming. I was shocked when i realised i wanted to buy junk to eat now but didn't think of the future. Like how that money can be used better. it was clear isn't a smart idea. I can resist the temptation, even if i feel i cant and bitchy. 

 

 

I came home and listened to Laws of Human Nature and Brave New World. The second is fun. The 1st is wise. 

Edited July 4, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hello!

 

I am cooking as i am writing this. Chicken meat with asparagus, oyster mushrooms, tomatoes, red and green peppers, carrots, one onion, celery root, parsnip, parsley, beets. Some BBQ and goulash spice mixes. Rosemary leaves from my garden. I will add hemp seeds at the end. 

 

I came home from kineso and meditated. Than i laid on the couch and listened to 

 

After i cooked i watch 3rd episode from Rick and Morty. I liked it. 

Edited July 6, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

Im getting anxious that i dont know google ads well enough. I dont know how patient they will be. Ill make some flashcards. 

• https://www.ppchero.com/dynamic-search-ads-for-beginners/?cn-reloaded=1

 

Also, i dont know how patient they will be since i have 2 years left of college.

 

The exam from yesterday wasnt that good. I cheated. I didnt study shit. 

 

I told them i have to go to uni next two weeks to work. We will speak tomorrow. 

 

I remembered my ex lived in a private dorm room. There are similar ones in the city. I can live there as well at some point. 

 

I finished Guns, Germs and Steel tonight. It was so interesting i just kept listening and listening. 

 

Wanted to eat junk food for the socking reason of feeling bad because of work =)))))))) Reasoned that is stupid and i cant give up each time i hit obstacles. lol. 

 

 

 

I added more books in to watch later. Started a book from a author from my country. I havent read enough books in my own language. Because of this i dont know how to express myself very well. I dont have the words.

Edited July 6, 2021 by Everyday