165 Days Before College

[Everyday]

Wasted lots of time last 2 days. I know better, much better.

 

Wow, another page already?

 

Edited January 21, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Mooooore time wasted

 

Cheated on some more tests

 

No answer from the agency which interviewed me last Friday

 

I will have my first exam next Friday

 

My brother complained i don't get involved as much in his business as i should. He said he hopes i will give a fuck when i will work for someone else for longer hours. I got upset. I told him again that i don't like working there and i don't care. I really don't. Why doesn't he find someone to hire? 

Had some shitty clients and i didn't lift a finger. Why would i get angry and waste energy for that shit? Doesn't matter man. I want real problems to solve not those petty things.

 

I will go tomorrow in the park to cycle or just walk depending on the weather. 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 23, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Cheated on some tests again. 

 

The guys from the second agency, the one i used to visualize and had an interview 2 weeks ago replayed this morning. They dont want to hire me. Maybe they are looking for someone with more experience.

 

I will take out some stuff from my CV to not appear so undecided. They wanted to know how i drifted from art, to horticulture to digital marketing. I dont seem a reliable long term employee if i switched my interests so often.

 

Did back exercise second day... in a few weeks. 

 

I have to go to work again. ooooooof

[Everyday]

Hey

 

The guy from the 1st agency called me today. We are meeting again at the office on Monday

Great!

 

I moved the SCOBY to another jar. I want to make a new one. Is forming quite fast : )

 

d

[Everyday]

I am quite anxious for tomorrow but also excited. I wonder what it will be like and if i hope i will actually start work and isn't a test.

 

More problems with dumb clients at my family's business. Just stupid people. I didn't get angry. I will be out of here soon. These problems are just plain stupid and unimportant. Just frustrated people making a scene from stupid problems. Is a waste of my time. A big one. 

 

Still watching tv series all night

 

Not doing all the pc exercises on a daily basis atm

[Everyday]

On 31/01/2021 at 4:03 PM, Everyday said:

I am quite anxious for tomorrow but also excited. I wonder what it will be like and if i hope i will actually start work and isn't a test.

It was awesome at the ad agency

I am basically doing a one month internship with two girls. Three times a week for 3 hours from Monday to Wednesday. By the end of the month they will choose two of us to hire.

Our trainer is super passionate about making ads and marketing and is a cool guy. I like it a lot. I learned so much in just two days.

 

[kag101]

10 hours ago, Everyday said:

By the end of the month they will choose two of us to hire.

Rooting for you!!! ???

[Everyday]

On 03/02/2021 at 3:05 AM, kag101 said:

Rooting for you!!! ???

Thanks a lot

[Everyday]

On 02/02/2021 at 4:48 PM, Everyday said:

It was awesome at the ad agency

I am basically doing a one month internship with two girls. Three times a week for 3 hours from Monday to Wednesday. By the end of the month they will choose two of us to hire.

Our trainer is super passionate about making ads and marketing and is a cool guy. I like it a lot. I learned so much in just two days.

 

They invited us yesterday to take lunch with the whole team. It was nice.

 

I actually disappointed isn't a 5 day work thing yet. I like it there. I thought of the work i did for the 1st internship in sales and social media..... I learned so little. I should have applied for a job sooner. I like having someone to teach me about these topics. I have made more progress in two days then in over a year that start-up business. 

 

At the ad agency is funny that i have more experience than both girls even if they are both studying marketing. I just studied ads and made them myself. It makes a big difference. They got this internship as part of their university schedule. I had to make more effort to show them i am actually  into this field.

 

 

We are learning about google ads atm. Next week they'll have us make our 1st campaigns of search and shopping. Apparently, 80% of profit comes from google ads whereas just 20% from FB ads. Interesting.

This week we discussed about different types of campaigns, ad groups, keywords, match types, etc

 

I am going again through the udemy course on google ads. Forgot some stuff and have resistance to revise some lessons.

 

 

 

I have spent last month watching lots of tv series and movies. Finished yesterday agents of shield. i wasted lots of time with that shit. I lost the desire to study and become better. I cant just watch a few episodes without going crazy and dismissing other areas of my life. 

 

Edited February 4, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Had another exam today and i finished it from the agency this morning. It was stressful and i wasn't well prepared. 

 

Still watching tv series, not eating well, no back exercises, visualization, lp work and so on.

 

I am sad tomorrow is the last day of this week internship already. I am learning so much and is so exciting. We worked with keywords and account settings for google ads. I find it amazing and i like to work with them. The trainer is so passionate. 

 

 

Spent the weekend with my gf and her parents in her town. Drank again. Her parents like me more. Ate well. But the discussion about me living to NL eventually/ not being sure if i will stay there is ruining everything. I feel trapped again. I am gravitating between breaking up asap and waiting until i finish uni to do it- in my mind makes sense but not for her. Each month gets harder because i have to tell her if i wanna stay in my country or try my luck abroad. To be honest i am not sure when i will leave or if i will be able to. So many things to take into consideration.

In my mind i would like to pretend i will never leave until i do and everyone goes on their own way. Everything is fine. No strings attached or grudges. Not everyone thinks like this.

 

 

This Friday i have the last exam and then one week break from university. We don't know if the next semester will be online or not. Hope it will.

 

 

I thought of pushing living to BE for the Erasmus internship. I want to learn more and for longer at this ad agency. In two weeks they'll choose 2 of us to hire.

 

 

Parents are arguing again, now because of my grandma.

 

 

 

Edited February 9, 2021 by Everyday

[Hermaeus Mora]

Great work keeping your journals constantly.

Stay Safe!

[Everyday]

On 09/02/2021 at 5:41 PM, Everyday said:

I am sad tomorrow is the last day of this week internship already. I am learning so much and is so exciting. We worked with keywords and account settings for google ads. I find it amazing and i like to work with them. The trainer is so passionate. 

 

So today was last internship day of this week :(. It passed way to fast man. I stayed one hour extra yesterday speaking about how to make sitelinks, headlines, descriptions and choose better keywords. Today we continued the same thing. It was interesting. I am too harsh on myself and to impatient to learn faster.

 

Got a sticker of the agency logo for my laptop

 

The company who rejected me last summer and the one from this month are hiring again. Not sure if the second company even hired someone last 3 months. Weird. 

 

Not sure what my plan will be like for the following years. This digital marketing thing seems very appealing for me.

 

My GF has her last exam this week as well. She is very stressed.

 

On 09/02/2021 at 7:36 PM, Hermaeus Mora said:

Great work keeping your journals constantly.

Stay Safe!

Thanks! You too.

Edited February 10, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

I went driving yesterday, first time in weeks. It was horrible. My father said i am stupid and driving is not for me. He is right. I should give up. Went driving today too. I will go tomorrow as well. I don't know why i even bother. I cant do it :(

 

Bought three pairs of jeans yesterday. I always had only 2 pairs and had to wait until one of them was clean out of the washing machine. It didn't even take me long to buy them. I need to shorten them a little and that's it. Couldn't find fitting t shirts. Neither could i last time. Weird. I need to also clean my shoes again.

 

Two days ago i called her at night as usually and she said i am too upset with my mom to speak with you. I cant do it. I said ok and appolgized. I should have seen the signs. She appolgized last night. Last night i didn't want to speak with her because i was too upset but i did it. 

 

I am thinking when to break up with her next week. She will probably come here on Thursday and wants to leave with me to spend the weekend together. She sees me upset for a week and just tells me to cheer up.. like it would be that easy. I don't know if it is better to break up with her when she arrives here or after that weekend together. Not sure how to handle this. I thought of telling her i don't want to spend the weekend together because i don't feel good and i wont be good company---- and break up with her on Thursday. I have been waiting a long time do it. I wanted to for weeks but waited for her to finish her exams. But other problems keep arising in her life and i feel is too much for me to handle. I have a limit and is too hard man.....

[Everyday]

Had my last exam an hour ago. Feels good. It was harder than i expected. I am finally done and have a one week break.

 

I am going tomorrow to drive in the morning and at noon to walk with my friend. 

 

I asked a professor from university for help with a recommendation letter to apply this year as well. 

[Everyday]

On 12/02/2021 at 6:53 PM, Everyday said:

I am going tomorrow to drive in the morning and at noon to walk with my friend. 

Drove a lot. It was very stressful but also a little easier. It was first time driving on the highway.

Met with my friend. We started drinking and i stayed at his place overnight. Had a blackout. I woke up and felt bad and disappointed of myself even if i didn't have headaches. Had a dream that i am cheating on my GF with a girl from uni. It felt so real. 

I meant to tell her i cant speak on the phone last night because i am staying at this guy but forgot. When i woke up 1st time i was so scared she is going to be upset for not calling her. I was really afraid of another outbursts like i am of my father's. But i could have used that to escalate into a break up i guess. 

 

 

On 12/02/2021 at 1:12 PM, Everyday said:

I am thinking when to break up with her next week. She will probably come here on Thursday and wants to leave with me to spend the weekend together. She sees me upset for a week and just tells me to cheer up.. like it would be that easy. I don't know if it is better to break up with her when she arrives here or after that weekend together. Not sure how to handle this. I thought of telling her i don't want to spend the weekend together because i don't feel good and i wont be good company---- and break up with her on Thursday. I have been waiting a long time do it. I wanted to for weeks but waited for her to finish her exams. But other problems keep arising in her life and i feel is too much for me to handle. I have a limit and is too hard man.....

Friday night her parents got very angry on her for not taking better grades this semester. She is grounded now and cried for hours. Her parents wont let her see me or let her out of the house for a 3 weeks. Is not a good moment to break up with her for sure. Felt bad for wanting to break up in this situation. She has no fault and i feel bad for doing this to her. I guess her parents also criticised her for being with me, an unmotivated guy who is not a good influence.

 

Every month that is passing by is gets harder to break up. Is smth i have to do for both of us. I thought of telling her after a lot of thinking i thought i will go to NL forever after college but she will feel hurt she has been lied to all along. I am in a shitty situation and i dont know how to get out. I put myself in this shit spot.

Update: I think i will tell her the reasons prepared already on the phone after all, in a few weeks or I will go to talk with her this in person after her parents calm down.

 

Cooked Thursday and Friday for myself.

 

Ate more junk food. I felt i cant stop. I feel too overstimulated to do anything productive. 

 

I am excited i will go to the internship tomorrow. I really hope i will get hired. I am not sure what to do about this summer's internship... I can never do another Erasmus thing but i can always find a digital marketing job. 

 

 

 

Edited February 14, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

On 14/02/2021 at 5:27 PM, Everyday said:

I am excited i will go to the internship tomorrow. I really hope i will get hired. I am not sure what to do about this summer's internship... I can never do another Erasmus thing but i can always find a digital marketing job. 

They said they'll choose only two of to hire. I have a feeling they will hire all three. Is nothing sure just a feeling. 

We had to choose a segment from a site which is selling a bunch of stuff, some type of amazon but way smaller. That site is a client for the ad agency i am doing the internship. I choose fans, one girl chose speakers and the other one humidifiers. We did 5 ad groups for our segment with 5 headlines (headline 1, headline 2 and 3) and two descriptions. Then we chose our best three ad groups and set keywords, headlines and descriptions. Tomorrow we are going to set negative keywords for our ad groups and maybe some sitelinks. 

 

I am going to swim this Friday at 11 

 

My siblings and their S.O. went skiing until Wed. 

Edited February 15, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

On 14/02/2021 at 5:27 PM, Everyday said:

On 12/02/2021 at 1:12 PM, Everyday said:

I am thinking when to break up with her next week. She will probably come here on Thursday and wants to leave with me to spend the weekend together. She sees me upset for a week and just tells me to cheer up.. like it would be that easy. I don't know if it is better to break up with her when she arrives here or after that weekend together. Not sure how to handle this. I thought of telling her i don't want to spend the weekend together because i don't feel good and i wont be good company---- and break up with her on Thursday. I have been waiting a long time do it. I wanted to for weeks but waited for her to finish her exams. But other problems keep arising in her life and i feel is too much for me to handle. I have a limit and is too hard man.....

Friday night her parents got very angry on her for not taking better grades this semester. She is grounded now and cried for hours. Her parents wont let her see me or let her out of the house for a 3 weeks. Is not a good moment to break up with her for sure. Felt bad for wanting to break up in this situation. She has no fault and i feel bad for doing this to her. I guess her parents also criticised her for being with me, an unmotivated guy who is not a good influence.

Every month that is passing by is gets harder to break up. Is smth i have to do for both of us. I thought of telling her after a lot of thinking i thought i will go to NL forever after college but she will feel hurt she has been lied to all along. I am in a shitty situation and i don't know how to get out. I put myself in this shit spot.

Update: I think i will tell her the reasons prepared already on the phone after all, in a few weeks or I will go to talk with her this in person after her parents calm down.

Yeah.... i need to be patient. 

Today she had an interview and one of the guys asked her during the interview if she has a boyfriend. This happened to the last place she worked as well. I said nothing and then made some joke so she wont see i am insecure. It does bother me but because i am insecure in my qualities and self worth. But these things happen and is normal. I cant stop it. I just have to accept it. I trust her but i am still insecure. Maybe more what people would say about me if she would cheat- hahahhaha he got cheated so stupid ahahah. Idk. But this would give me a valid reason to end the relationship. 

She said she didn't like this Law firm because the work isn't as difficult as the work she did for the Law firm she worked for last year but she doesn't have other options.

 

Oh i didn't mention she used to work for some time at the end of last year for a neighbour's company. Her mom wanted them together badly. She went out with him but didn't feel any connection. He still likes her and now he has a GF he doesn't like. She said she stopped working for him because she had to study for exams and didn't want to give him false hope. She said he doesn't even like his GF and he would dump her if my GF changed her mind. When she told me all of this i was like .... they dated; didn't work out; now she works for him and all is good what? I didn't say a thing about it. I knew she would go crazy if i intervene with her career.  

 

Every time i see her going bonkers and starting to scream on her family or someone else i think.. shit... she's just like my father..... wtf is in my head? I have this uneasy feeling and feels horrible.

 

She only now told me one of the subjects she was criticised by her parents last Friday was that she wasted time with me instead of studying for exams. Is true. She actually wasted her time with me. Is so true. We both are wasting our time.

 

My siblings are still looking down on my choice to be with her. They don't understand how i accept a long distance relationship and to only see her from time to time. I am ashamed to break up with her now to be honest. I would seem like a huge asshole which i am. I was just too desperate that a girl likes me finally.... and that no other girl will like me anytime soon so i should be grateful with her and shut up. This thinking is toxic. 

 

Edited February 15, 2021 by Everyday

[Everyday]

 

 

 

 

 

[RendHeaven]

You're dating a child. There are millions of better girls out there in the world.

Edited February 15, 2021 by RendHeaven

[Everyday]

21 minutes ago, RendHeaven said:

You're dating a child.

@RendHeaven What do you mean?

Edited February 15, 2021 by Everyday