165 Days Before College

[Everyday]

Original title: 167 Days Before College

Goals:

• weekly 30m of  shamanic breathing 
• to transition from 30m of do nothing meditation to 30m mindfulness meditation
• to finish the LP course 
• to spend more time outside 
• to re-start doing mind powers exercises consistently
• to read at least 3 books 
• to continue pushing  myself daily  
• no tv series or movies
• eating clean(less sweets,bread,processed meat)
• daily journaling ( onenote) 
• to improve my English skills
• going to sleep at a decent time(23.00/00.00)
• to make a vision board 
• no facebook
• solo meditation retreat
• to travel alone in my country for at least 3 days 
• to continue abstaining from alcohol and weed (one year and six months since i drank alcohol or smoked weed)
• to continue nofap ( i relapsed yesterday after one year and three months)

 

Possible goals:

• pick up
• yoga classes
• swimming
• martial arts
• part-time job 
• to upgrade concentration practice from 10m to 20m
• to upgrade meditation practice from 30m to 60m
• stretching routine  

 

Books i want to read/listen to:

• Holotropic Breathwork: A New Approach to Self-Exploration and Therapy by  Stanislav Grof M.D. 

• Conquest of Mind By: Eknath Easwaran (audiobook)

• “STATUS ANXIETY” BY ALAIN DE BOTTON

• Stuff Every College Student Should Know (Stuff You Should Know) by Blair Thornburgh

• Daygame by Tom Torero 

• Day Bang by Roosh V  (audiobook/pdf)

• Getting Things Done by David Allen  (audiobook)

• Boundaries by Henry Cloud  (audiobook)

• The Like Switch by Jack Schafer

• The Rum Diary: A Novel: Hunter S. Thompson

• Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers  (audiobook)

• Adulting: How to Become a Grown-up in 468 Easy(ish) Steps  by Kelly Williams Brown  (audiobook)

• Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz (audiobook/pdf)

• The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now  by Meg Jay  (audiobook)

   

Edited April 19, 2018 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Meditation ✔️

10m concentration practice ✔️

Pushing my comfort zone ✔️

going to bed at a decent time ❌

Spending time outside ✔️

Eating healthy ✔️

Reading (currently The Rum Diary) ✔️

No fap (faint urges but nothing massive) ✔️

Daily journaling✔️

No Lp course ❌

I failed to not overeat❌

Only 5m out of 30m of mindpowers ❌

I procrastinated before starting to do my homework ❌

I have started a 30days no tv series /movies challenge bc in the last 5 months i wasted ridiculous amounts of time watching them (i had a significant ego backlash and watching them was a way for me to distract myself from my challenges) . 

• 1st day:  i felt a moderate urge to watch some tv series (Ash and the Evil dead and It's always sunny in Philadelphia).  I resisted. 

 

✔️ (for later use; copy&paste style)

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Edited April 18, 2018 by Everyday

[Everyday]

✔️pushed myself really hard today

✔️ i have studied today like i used to do one year ago! ( i sat on a bench in a mall; i will go again; i felt inadequate to just waste time like i do at home since i went all the way  to that place)

✔️no fap ( no urges)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

Eating healthy

✔️(morning)-nuts,1banana,1orange

❌(lunch)

half of a tick  (dinner)

❌ i almost overate 

❌no lp course 

❌reading

mind powers❌

meditation❌

concentration✔️

going to bed at a decent time ❌

 

• other
  • i felt guilty for not staring pick-up 
  • 2nd day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: slight desire to watch some episodes
  • i had zero motivation or energy  to write this post but i forced myself -now i am proud of myself.
  • to do : to write what i do in a day from dusk till dawn -in order to acknowledge how and where i waste time.
  • i will make a smoothie  tomorrow 
  • if it wasn't for that journal i would have watched those episodes yesterday
  • i wanted to write about something else but i forgot the topic.

Edited April 20, 2018 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Quote

The best way to predict the future is to create it

✔️pushing myself  today

✔️no fap ( high urges)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

Eating healthy

i dint eat bread today!

✔️(morning)-2 bananas

✔️(lunch)- meat +fried legumes

 ❌(dinner)milk+a lot of cereals

❌ i overate only at dinner

❌no lp course 

✔️reading( i have just finished ``The Rum Diary``)

❌mind powers

❌meditation

❌concentration

❌going to bed at a decent time 

 

0ther:

• i felt guilty for not have started pick-up months and years ago. (again)
• 3rd day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: moderate desire to watch some MOVIES
• i will make that smoothie tomorrow....
• now i am sorting my notes out from that book and i will read them once a week for a month 
• i will start listening to reading  ``the defining decade``Daygame`` tomorrow or smth like that 
• i realized that i cant distinguish whether a salesperson is telling the truth about a product or not. My intuition tells me that he is honest but the facts tell me he`s lying
•  
•  
• i realized how much of a rabbit whole is to buy the  decorations and furniture for your place. there is all that daydreaming that people will like your design and that you`ll feel a little peace of mind , but only after you buy all those objects. all you want are pleasant feelings,right? You can get good feelings and even more by meditating and doing countless positive habits for free!
• i asked a teacher various questions about her life :
  • one of  them was  : ``Are your fellow  colleagues gossiping and separated in different rival groups like in high school?``
  • she told me ``high school never ends``.  Her colleagues  talk about each other`s shit behind their backs just like teenagers do!!
  • also, they aren`t a united community as i expected
  •  Of course that i know that people at large gossip regardless of age but i had high expectations  from intellectuals
  •  Although they gossip more subtle way than younger people.

 

Quote

``Without struggle, there is no progress``

Edited April 21, 2018 by Everyday

[Everyday]

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily (i will assess how much i did it from 1 to 5) today was 4.5/5

✔️no fap ( no urges)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

Eating healthy

✔️(morning)

✔️(lunch)

 ❌(dinner)

✔️ i  didn't overate today 

❌no lp course 

✔️reading (notes)

 ❌mind powers

✔️meditation

❌concentration

going to bed at a decent time ----nope ❌

 ha-ha

OTHER:

• 4th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: moderate desire to watch some tv series.

• i did not organize my schedule properly so i had no time to do make  that smoothie . 

• There is some invisible unwritten rule on this forum ``dating and pickup is bad -concentrate only on enlightenment``. As a consequence i feel slightly worried and ashamed of talking about my dating /youngster  problems to not be seen as dumb. But is all in my head and this journal keeps me on track so fuck it . Knowing that i can basically abandon this account at any moment without any real-life repercussions gives me courage to express myself, regardless of possible negative feedback.

•      i watched a play held by teenagers at a small theater. It was so painful to watch that started daydreaming about being anywhere else but there.      SO MUCH CRINGE    But i had some deep insights so it was worth it in the end.

  • i could not help but feel embarrassed and anxious just by witnessing it . i got triggered emotionally a couple of times.

  • SO MUCH CRINGE 

  • I realized that i had avoided so many naturally embarrassing  situations over the years at the point of forgetting that i have my own unresolved self-esteem issues. 

  • i thought that i am not cool enough to approach girls. nonsense. it was fear talking! i am in a conflicting state- i know that i am good enough and i think that i am not in the same time.

  • i realized that i don't have to be somewhat different to pursue my goals.  i have all i need right now. i will never feel 100% ready. 

  • i come to the conclusion that feeling embarrassed or ashamed  or being unexperienced is fairly normal in the process of improving your social skills and especially at dating 

  • i wont improve in this area unless i adopt a growth mindset and i accept that it wont  be easy + why wont i be  feeling negative emotions whilst actually growing myself rather than feeling them from a default position of misery?

  • i compared myself with the people on the stage although it makes zero sense since we had different difficulties and goals. moreover,  a few of them where pretty good mainly bc they have been practicing their craft for years.(and so can I)

  • i thought that i will have to drink and smoke at college to fit in and to banish feeling anxiety but i remembered that it`s not worth it long-term and not even short-term!

  • i felt jealous that those people where on the stage, doing a extracurricular activity and smth with their life whereas i spent my leisure time in high school  watching tv series and movies, listening to music,browsing around,daydreaming about that one day when i`ll do smth worthwhile with my time ,rooting at home and generally wasting time on things i cant even remember . i thought that i am not cool enough/i am not the kind of dude who attends extracurricular activities .   

  • • for me acting classes seem such a difficult activity since you are bound to look ridiculous playing your character at first as you gain experience.

    • on the other hand , it`s seems somehow interesting and a promising activity to use for my personal growth

    •  therefore, i have decided to take some acting classes during college, as a thorough comfort zone challenge !

 

 

•  HEY!
• I was pondering whether I should  live in a college  dorm room or in a rented apartment during freshman year? Which one is better suited for self-actualization? Will it be harder to meditate with all that noise around?
  • What do you think about this?

Edited April 22, 2018 by Everyday

[Everyday]

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 1/5

✔️no fap ( strong urges)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

Eating healthy

✔️(morning)

❌(lunch)

 ❌(dinner)

❌i did  overeate

❌no lp course 

✔️reading (Daygame-it`s amazing)

5/30 or Only 5m out of 30m of mind-powers 

✔️meditation

✔️concentration

going to bed at a decent time ❌

 

OTHER stuff:

• 5th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: I was so so so close to watch a movie but i resisted after i realized that i don't want to disappoint the people that are reading my journal. Ha!

• i felt down bc i procrastinated which resulted in watching cringy vines for hours on YT but i come back at the end of the day to being productive

• i got wrapped up in negative thoughts about my future such as: ``i cant do pickup, i cant succeed at my work, i cannot deal with my problems perfectly``. 

• i finally made that smoothie:(coconut flakes,oatmeal,1 orange, 1 apple and ashwagandha powder). It was delicious.

• 4150 days left of until i turn 30.

• 162 days left till college 

• i have read some RSD field reports. i felt inspired.

• tomorrow i will go to a mall to study . it`s time to do my homework before the due date. i will try some coffee shops as well .

• i am spending to much time on this forum. i will let myself to read this forum only twice a day 

• a couple of insights whilst reading  from Daygame:

  • tom torrero had far more problems to deal  with regarding pickup  than i have : He had depression, severe acne, panic attacks, no friends, thick ugly glasses ,literally zero social skills, overweight and so on. I don't even have a quarter of his difficulties. i don't deserve to complain and bitch about my baby/midget challenges.

  • Being at a college doesn't make you grow. You do by taking action

  •  don’t be needy.

  • -          Cold approach will makes me stronger and effects in all other area in my life in a good way

  • Talking with people is good for your mood. Do it more. Invite people out.

  • I am confident in my abilities to make friends lol. He count even make friends. Stop whining.

  • It`s never to late to improve your skills with girls. Why? Bc 5 yrs from now you'll be older. That`s why.

  •  we are the product's of our own  thoughts .

  • 

Edited April 23, 2018 by Everyday

[Everyday]

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3/5

✔️no fap (very strong urges)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

Eating healthy✔️❌❌

❌i did  overeat

❌no lp course 

✔️reading (Daygame)

4m/30m mind powers

✔️meditation

✔️5/10 concentration

going to bed at a decent time ❌

How many times i checked out this forum? 5 times or more

 

OTHER:

• 6th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES: low urges; I wanted to watch a movie 

• i felt on top of the world today

• i finally took action to fix one of my insecurities after delaying DOING IT  for several years
•  I really like about myself  that i am relatively relaxed around strangers which is a priceless asset for pick-up. Of course, i have my bad days and insecurities of which i remember from time to time  and than  feel like crap and i get irrational thoughts if i do smth new which  is out of my comfort zone. but i can fix them by journaling about what actually made me feel anxious. also mindfulness in those moments is good.
• i started my homework sooner than ever. 
• tomorrow=3rd shamanic breathing session.
• i am spending to much time checking out how many views does this thread has accumulated since the last time i checked. 
• tomorrow i will go to study at  a coffee shop. i wander if it will be as productive as studying at the mall. i am anxious and worried to meet with some people i no longer speak with . i hate them . although i am reasonably relaxed around strangers i am really don't want to meet those people. what if the staff will kick me out for staying to long?lol nonsense.
  • hmmm now, let`s flip this worrisome thought upside down with logic. 
    • i bet 2 lemons that i won`t meet them
    • +
    •  and if i meet them i will have some negative thoughts and emotions to tackle and untangle.
    • i met with them a few months back, it was not as bad as i imagined that it will be. 
    •  i feel better now. 
•  
•  

• a couple of insights i had whilst reading  from Daygame:

  • Don't send to many messages, don’t be needy. Neediness drive people away

  • Some girls want casual sex as men do . Sex can just be sex. Not everyone wants a relationship.

  • Library pickup- can you recommend me a book for a friend??

  • Don’t relay on alcohol for your successes. Although getting drunk at going to a club with no game in mind sounds good but  the sex that you might get is most likely bc of luck and will happen just a few times.

  •  Go out at least once/twice a week.

  • ``Worcester clubbing taught me that you can get laid randomly jut by being vaguely sociable and letting nature take its course, but that what you end up with was like fishing in a canal…it could be a salmon or a shopping trolley. Just by being social-leaving your house and speaking  with to women- things would irregularly happen .``

  • Make a point of being sociable. Talk with everyone at college and on at every opportunity you get. Affirmation -Talk with everyone everywhere

  • Again, it's ok to be clueless at the beginning of pickup , keep growing . No shame no growth

  • You`ll struggle but you`ll have your successes

  • Have rational goals, even after 100 girls you'll have nervousness at openings but it gets better with time lo. Experience. Aka it`s normal to be afraid.

  • Open indirectly, attract with GENTLE teasing. 

  • Attract a woman through non-needy behavior and a display of value. build comfort and than seduce through leading and physically escalating. --add to vision board

Quote

``once you've  glimpsed what`s possible there`s  no turning back``

 

Edited April 24, 2018 by Everyday

[Everyday]

for later use; copy&paste style

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily /5

✔️❌no fap ( urges)

✔️❌spending time outside

✔️❌daily journaling 

Eating healthy✔️❌ ✔️❌ ✔️❌

✔️❌  overeat

✔️❌no lp course 

✔️❌reading 

✔️❌10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

✔️❌ /30m mind powers

✔️❌meditation

✔️❌/10 concentration

✔️❌studying 

going to bed at a decent time ✔️❌

How many times i checked out this forum?

was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread?

 

  OTHER:

• th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES:  urges

 

• how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? /5
• have i worried what people will think after reading this post?   /5

Edited April 24, 2018 by Everyday

[Everyday]

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3.6/5

✔️no fap ( low urges)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

Eating healthy

✔️breakfast -1banana,1orange, 2 apples(latterly)

✔️lunch -vegan lentil soup and qinoua quinoa /apple pices/ goji berries salad

✔️dinner -2 scrambled egggs with pink salt leftovers,coconut solid  oil,curry,oregano + cucumber slices and red beans

3 out of 3 (BINGO!)

❌  overeat

❌no lp course 

✔️reading 

✔️10 20+  seconds cold showers after worm shower( i have been taking these for a few months but i want to take solely cold showers)

✔️❌ 5/30m mind powers

✔️35/30m meditation

✔️5/10 concentration

✔️studying : 4h

going to bed at a decent time ❌

How many times i checked out this forum? 3/4

was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread today? moderately obsessed

  OTHER:

• i forgot to mention that i started a conversation with a random girl. i hesitated at first. i asked her smth about her purse`s decorations. she did not seemed interested to continue the conversation. she minded her business  and i felt frustrated that i had no idea how do go from hi to asking her out. i felt a little of resistance in the beginning.  what if i am putting all these limitation on myself unconsciously? 
• 7th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES:  VERY LOW urges
• i am too tired for shamanic breathing
• this thread really helps me grow! yay
• i had to run some errands in the morning so i did not go to the coffee shop i talked about yesterday, but i went to one in at  the mall i went on Thursday
  • i was a little anxious to check it out so i studied for two straight hours on a spot i previously used in that mall. TWO HOURS! at home i would have got bored after 20m and went to the kitchen to eat or browsed the web/forum mindlessly. 
  • i felt a few negative emotions all regarding my frustration of not practicing pickup after i saw some girls.
  • yesterday i bet 2 lemons that i wont meet with those people. well... i saw on of them but he did nor recognize me so it was ok. i felt hate and anger at first but i was mindful of my emotions and i got back to study and i even forgot about them. latterly i barely cared about them. 
  • than i eat some vegan soup and salad! delicious!
  • than i went to that coffee shop (which was on the same floor). i was very anxious at first thinking that those people will think `` he isn't the kind of person who studies in a coffee shop``. no one gave a fuck.
  • i ordered a cup of  green tea
  • all in all , this  coffee-shop was AMAZING and I HAD AN AMAZING DAY OVERALL
  • oh yea and no one asked me to leave or to but smth although i stayed for a few hours.
  • the music was really good (EDM)
  • i did my homework on the porch till it stared raining  i hold the door for a waitress bc i wanted to go inside anyways and she had her hands full of dirty cups. i remembered what i have read yesterday about not being obsessed and needy. so i didn't glazed at her afterworlds like a 47yr old homeless rapist hoping that she likes me now or whatever. i felt so good about myself that i let it go and that she wont remember me as some creepy dude. 
  • the tea had too much caffeine because i felt a little  nausea. (coffee disturbs my ability to focus properly and produces high abdominal discomfort--so i don't drink it)
  • during the last hour there or so i felt amazing! extremely happy that i finally found a way to be productive and that i did not wait till college to study outdoors.  also that i broke through that idea that i am not that kind of dude who studies outdoors. furthermore, i did what tom torrero (day game) did!! i positioned myself as the dudes who studies at coffeehouses regularly.
  • Fart-wise:  i positioned myself quite in  the middle of the room whilst all the other people there(10) were staying in corners. therefore i  could fart silently without being caught.
  • i wanted to stay there more to study but i was tired and my attention span started to go south.
  • when i finally left i  thought that some of the staff is giving me the eye. probably it was all in my mind 
  • i made small talk with some people on the way to my home(very low anxiety, but i had a few doubts)
•  
• how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 3.6/5
• have i worried what people will think after reading this post?  yes, 4.1/5

Edited April 25, 2018 by Everyday

[Everyday]

200 views !!(in 6 days!!!!)

Am i happier now than i was when i had almost 10(views)? nope

• i am not feeling better because of the views but AS a RESULT of the effort i put into this work
• i still struggle. it`s hard to abstain from tv series and unhealthy eating and to push my comfort zone.
• i didn't believe that i will have so many views in such a short time.
• but the views don't make my journey EASIER in any way 
• 12 or 10.000 views? Who cares? this path wont get effortless and painless! 
• i wasted the last 6 days checking the popularity of this thread only for the sake of it -i didn't actually contemplated this obsession!
  • wow! maybe that`s why people are obsessed with the number of  likes at their pics on Facebook and instagram.! 
  • there is a false sense of achievement!  but no real gain in the REAL WORLD!
• hmmm does this applies to other people too? probably leo`s fame doesn't make his self actualization easier and so on
• the more you know...
• will i feel different at 500views?? nope. 

 

• i hope that this post shuttered your expectations(if you had just started YOUR online journal)

Edited April 25, 2018 by Everyday

[Everyday]

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3.4/5

✔️no fap ( no urges; 7th day)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

✔️ ❌ ✔️Eating healthy

✔️  overeat

❌no lp course 

❌reading 

✔️10 18+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

✔️ /30m mind powers

✔️32/30 meditation

✔️10/10 concentration

✔️studying  3h+

going to bed at a decent time ❌ i resisted going to sleep albeit i was dead tired

1. How many times i checked out this forum? a lot
2. was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? yes
3. how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics?4 /5
4. have i worried what people will think after reading this post?   4.9/5

 

  OTHER:

• 8th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES:  no urges ( maybe the first day with no urges at all)
• i resisted to write here, today
• 3rd session of shamanic breathing
  • i was the must peculiar session ever.
  • 30m + 10m mindfulness observation afterwords
  • i meditated prior to doing it 
  • i resisted at first
  • i struggled to keep my breath at a frequent peace (and it was better than one week ago)
  • it was difficult , i wanted to quit but i forced myself to continue 
  • tingling sensation  in hands
  • light headed 
  • i got am massive boner =))))))))) in the mid-session but i felt no urges to masturbate
  • i felt nothing special.
  •    i listened to this
  • i was listening at max volume because my neighbors were very loud and therefore i had an extra strain on my practice.
  • i felt calm at the end of the session 
  •  
  • than  i started the afterwards 10m observation
  • my mind is still
  • i listened to this mix.  
  • as i am listening to these beautiful sounds i start feeling pure happiness.
  • my money mind starts remembering the problems i had lately
  • i remember and think about pickup ( some worries)
  • than right than i feel how tension from my upper chest and throat is released.  in the meantime i feel/visualize deep under me a deeper DARK layer of negative emotions. i wanted to push myself to release more of this dark deep layer of emotions . i felt overwhelmed by them so i stopped trying 
  • i stopped being annoyed by the noise coming from above .
  • i felt even better . 
  • i felt on top of the world
  • i smiled.
  • i felt that i everything will be fine
  • than i the noise started annoying me again
  • the alarm rang. 10m had passed
  •  
  • i felt amazing!! so happy . so alive. i wanted to do it again but i just could bare by neighbor`s noise.
  • i ran some errands 
  • i felt an unstoppable rush of relentless energy . that`s a quick note i took on the spot ``Hm now i feel very very energized. I want to talk. I am pushy. I want to talk. I wamt to do smrh``.
  • i prepared to go to the coffee shop to study 
  • on my way to the destination i started to be mindful by this beautiful day,shadows, the sunlight, the trees etcx.
  • in the same time,as i get closer to my destination i get  more and more indescribable DEEP negative emotions .  i mean that i could not label these emotions they  weren't  easily recognizable like fear or anxiety. it was like deep in myself. all i felt was this pressure on my soul . this  affected my studies 
  • meanwhile meanwhile. as i saw girls i felt no strong neg emotions(needy,aroused,excited,frustrated) but again, as i got closer to my destination i started feeling more and more frustrated,annoyed and jealous and so on bc i wasn't picking them up
  • i felt them in the same place where i released those tensions(throat,neck). plus in the back of my head.  maybe that black layer of deep emotions was partially released
  • i recognized that this might be a good things since this powerful emotions will fade and i will have grown a lot
• i studied at the same coffee shop 
  • so,  struggled to do my homework 
  • as the hours kept passing these deep emotions kept loosing the hold on me.
  • by the time i was close to my home i still felt traces of these deep negative emotions. 
  • now i feel normal.
  • hmmm
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • other stuff/ in the mean time 
  • yesterday seems a week ago
  • the barista  i helped yesterday  was there.  i had the impression that she`s checking me out but i couldn't tell 
  • also i was friendly and made some small talk with one of the withers . i felt good going friendly. and smiley. (which is weird since i felt those deep negative emotions in the same time)
  • i forgot how to utter ``green tea`` like by brain shut down for a seconds.  everything was ok he wasn't rude or anything.
  • latterly i made some jokes with the barista i talked yesterday. again i couldn't tell whether she thinks that i am creepy/likes me/recognized me from yesterday or is just friendly.
  • i felt a rush of uncertainty/frustration bc  i couldn't read her behavior. (again the deep neg feelings are still there)
  •  this rush fainted quickly. i am very proud bc of it. 2 yrs ago i would have gone bonkers bc of these doubts. maybe meditation perks?
  • i kept studying.
  • i got tired and kinda bored ,i forced myself a lil bit to finish my homework at the subject in question and i left not saying her goodbye to not be seen as needy or to feel like shit tomorrow when ill go again. 
  • .
  • but all in all i feel proud of myself that i found an enjoyable way to study. 

 

how about your day?(rhetorical question) ha!

 

Edited April 26, 2018 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Quote

``If you`re not one of the chosen, then become one of the choosers``

Quote

Experiential learning through taking action -the best teacher

 

Edited April 26, 2018 by Everyday

[sarapr]

Such a funny way of writing 

[sarapr]

What's your major ?

[Everyday]

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 4.4/5

✔️no fap ( medium urges; 8th day)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

✔️  ✔️✔️Eating healthy

✔️  overeat

❌no lp course 

✔️reading 

✔️10 12+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

✔️ /30m mind powers

✔️33/30 meditation

✔️10/10 concentration

✔️studying  1.5h+

going to bed at a decent time x

How many times i checked out this forum/views? only a few times in the morning

was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? not actually

how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics?2/5

have i worried what people will think after reading this post?   1/5

 

  OTHER:

• 9th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES:  no urges
• i was so damn hungry in the morning although i eat two-going three full bowls of soup 
• i am starting to love spending time  outside,walking to the coffee house ,admiring the nature and the upcoming vibe ?
• life is getting better and better
• i feel good about myself
• i feel excited by my potential and all the things i will realize in the upcoming future
• i had a difficult time studying but i managed to  do a quarter at least. + i read from day game(tom torrero) at there  near some business people WHOM WERE talking so slow and SO LOW that i couldn't stop but wonder whether they are self-conscious,overly polite or just  WTF?
• i made small talk with a new barista and regular costumer.  i felt really good afterwards albeit i hesitated at first
•  i feel that everything is possible and that i can achieve all of my goals.
• i think that my mind makes me feel such negative emotions regarding not starting pick up exactly to push me to do it!
• OOoh  and i saw a relatively popular youtubeer  you tuber (in my country) at the subway station. i saw one of his clips a couple of months ago when i was in full ego backlash and i felt like shit browsing mindlessly on youtube.  
  • i was stunned to see that his posture it`s even more hunched than my 70-yr old grandma
  • he was reading a book(fiction obviously) and he was 1000% focused on reading it. whilst i was looking around doing nothing so i got my book from my backpack and i started reading. so mind your own business and don't waste time.
  • and his walking style was pretty peculiar too!!!  i thought that popular person have a really cool way of walking or smth. 
  • also, i was amazed to see that all the people around were not even looking at him. they were treating him like any other joe. i thought that all girls will just turn their heads and stare at her like people look at the moon.
  • also also, his presence made me aware of some of my insecurities .i contemplated this>>> i convinced myself to start working towards fixing and understanding them rather than ignoring them or distracting myself from feeling bad.
• and speaking of feeling bad i remembered an insight i had whilst watching tv series and movies till 6 in the morning:   . it`s actually pretty obvious.(lol the solutions for our problems are right in front of us sometimes)
• ok, i am out of here before i am actually  tempted to roam mindlessly through this forum. 

 

Edited April 27, 2018 by Everyday

[Everyday]

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3/5

✔️no fap ( low urges)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

Eating healthy✔️  ❌  ❌✔️

✔️  overeat

❌no lp course 

✔️reading 

✔️  10 20 seconds cold shower after worm shower

❌ /30m mind powers

✔️34\30meditation

✔️10/10 concentration

❌studying 

going to bed at a decent time ❌

How many times did  i check out this forum? just now

was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? nope!!!!!!

how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 4/5

have i worried what people will think after reading this post?  4 /5

 

  MORE:

• 10th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES:   low urges
• i cooked today! i  made:
  • a salad(soaked chick peas&black  beans,carrots, arugula, tomatoes, zucchini+ salad mix bag=valerian,radicchio rosso, regular salad+ spices oregano,pink salt)
  • fried Asparagus&Broccoli 
  • asparagus is now, my favorite vegetable ! 
•  
• this was the good part, other less pleasant things happened today as well
• my mother bought  food from some kind of fast-food . the cashier overpriced her order  and kept laying to her that the price is so high because she bought a lot of portions. latterly she calculated the price by herself and realized that the cashier actually lied to her. this made me feel resentful and upset.
• latterly i bought meat from a butchery and when i arrived home my father told me that the cashier added some un-eatable  pieces of  meat . i had no idea. she really seemed honest.  she did this just to make me to pay more 
  • why do people do this kind of sneaky schemes? she wont get rich by fooling people for a few cents.?
  •  
• i tried to talk with a girl too!
  • i went to the  supermarket to do the groceries . i arrived at the toiletries district and i was looking for a toothbrush for my father and some toothpaste .  her job was to help people at this part of the district. i wanted to start a conversation with her but i had no idea how it had to be done so i was there hesitating.
  • i gave up and i started looking for those products . i grabbed 4 tubes of toothpaste .she than approached me saying that if i buy them i will receive some magnetic photo-frames to put on the fridge. i was yea.... sure.
  •   she was visibly bored by her job.  i wanted to ask her about her major,college,age etc. but i had no structure so i didn't even tried. than i thought that maybe i can start a conversation by asking her what kind of toothbrush is the best=))))))) lol. she actually starting presenting THOSE DAMN TOOTHBRUSHES IN DEPTH . i thought she was kidding. nope she was really really serious. 
  • i said thank you and left.  also i was ashamed to be teased by my family if they so me talking with her. i know that it`s nonsense. =)))))))
  • .
  • second attempt- i bought some dried plums. this girl was tired af by her work. i asked her where do i find the tea district. lol. that was funny. obviously i knew where it is bc i go there shopping for years.  i thought that i  destroyed my change. so i  thanked her and left
• .
• when i arrived home i did not want to throw the magnetic frames i received bc i thought that my parents will make fun of me for talking with a girl or smth. like they knew .lol .
• i decided to have some fun at least so i took several miniature pictures representing baby Jesus and his mother that my parents had from Jerusalem and i put them on that frame. at least i had some good laughs.  these cards look  like the Yu-Gi-Oh  decks . 
• lol i feel better  now. 
• Yu-Gi-Jesus!
• 
• 

Edited April 29, 2018 by Everyday

[Everyday]

28/4/2018

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 4.3/5

✔️no fap ( moderate urges)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

Eating healthy✔️❌    ❌

✔️  overeat

❌no lp course 

✔️reading 

✔️  10 18 seconds cold shower after worm shower

❌ 0/30m mind powers

❌\30meditation

❌/10 concentration

✔️studying 

going to bed at a decent time ❌

How many times did  i check out this forum?twice

was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? middly

how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1/5

have i worried what people will think after reading this post?  1/5

 

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

• 11th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES:   low urges
• same Coffee house: studied for 2h, read for 1 
• small talk new brista, a stranger 

Edited April 29, 2018 by Everyday

[Everyday]

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 3,3/5

✔️no fap (  moderate urges)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

Eating healthy✔️ ❌ ❌

✔️  overeat

❌no lp course 

x reading 

✔️2110+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

❌0 /30m mind powers

✔️15m meditation

❌0/10 concentration

❌studying 

going to bed at a decent time ❌

 

How many times did  i check out this forum? twice

was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? nope

how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 4.6/5

have i worried what people will think after reading this post?  0.5/5

 

SUPPLEMENTARY:

• 12th day of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES:  Strong urges

• i hesitated to start a conversation with a stranger -don't think--act.

• after resisting for months     - i finally planted some  seeds of : 
  • arugula/rocket
  • fennel
  • 6 mixed-surprise strains of tomatoes
  • the seeds of the tomatoes i planted a year ago.
  • the seeds of the morning glories  i planted a year ago.
  • sage (officinalis, not the cool one)
  • parsley 

Edited April 30, 2018 by Everyday

[Everyday]

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 4.7/5

✔️no fap ( VERY STRONG URGES urges)- i calmed myself down after i remembered that after masturbation i wont feel good, therefore i will feel bad in the present moment and long term benefits are not important. only the present does)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

Eating healthy✔️ ✔️ ✔️

❌  overeat

❌no lp course 

✔️reading 

✔️10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

✔️ /30 mind powers

✔️meditation

✔️/10 concentration

✔️studying ( 2,30h+1.30h reading ) 

going to bed at a decent time ✔️

 

How many times did  i check out this forum?  a few times

was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? ehhh

how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 1/5

have i worried what people will think after reading this post?  1/5

 

PLUS:

• 13th days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES:  no urges
• 155 till college
• 4143 till i turn 30 
• i went to a new coffee-shop, the one i meant to go last week. i was clumsy and confused at first but after a few hours  i calmed myself down and really enjoyed my time there.  good music and thy had the mos COMFORTABLE  chairs i have ever sit on . also, i ordered a cup of white tea+spirulia--- quite an amazing idea. i`ll try it at home
• i wanted to eat smth unhealthy after i left the cafe and after i arrived home but i resisted and i eat very healthy(salad+smoothie) 
• the more i meditate, the more i get mind-fucked by how beautiful the nature is  in spring/summer. today, i just felt happy when the sunshine was shimmering over my face,my  book and the table in front of me. it was beautiful. i get more and more moments like this. 
• i felt worries and doubts about my future last nigh but i know deep down that everything will be fine 
• i realized that is totally normal to be clueless and worried and confused when you first start smth. it`s the way you grow. 
•  this day was like a roller coaster of negative emotions . wow ( i wont mention everything that happened today but it was intense ) 

 

                                                                                         

APRIL REVIEW

 

i finished a book 

i planted some seeds 

 

i started this online journal!

i tried asparagus and liked it 

 

i started doing shamanic breathing

started a  30 days no-tv series challenge 

 

i pushed my comfort ZONE aaaaaaaaaa looooot 

• i have started reading a pickup book( which i planned initially for mid-summer)
• i discovered a new method of learning for hours on end(studying at coffeehouses)
•  
• i accepted the mastery process regarding learning  English(and that speaking broken English isn't smth to be ashamed of because this  means that you are on the right way of improving your English skills)
•  
• from now on i will review my growth/progress by the end of each month . i will use a different color for each one
• i relapsed(i masturbated a few times after over a year of nofab -but it`s fine bc i committed again to no fap+probably bc of this relapse i started reading daygame)
• /////////////////////////////////////////
• ///////////////////////////////////////
• ///////////////////////////////////////
•  

  

 

 

 

Edited April 30, 2018 by Everyday

[Everyday]

✔️pushing my comfort zone daily 1.5/5

✔️no fap ( no urges)

✔️spending time outside

✔️daily journaling 

✔️ ❌ ✔️❌Eating healthy

✔️  overeat

❌no lp course 

✔️reading 

✔️31!!!10+ seconds cold shower after worm shower

❌ /30m mind powers

✔️36\30meditation

✔️10/10 concentration

✔️studying 

 ❌going to bed at a decent time

 

EXTRA:

• 14th days of NO TV SERIES/MOVIES:  low urges
• I cant believe that is already may 1st . 
• How many times did  i check out this forum? a few
• was i obsessed over the views/popularity of this thread? nope
• how much anxiety/resistance i felt to write about these topics? 0/5
• have i worried what people will think after reading this post?  0/5
• 5th? shamanic breathing - 
  • i could concentrate better than the last time 
  • somewhat consistent breathing
  • more tingling,more light headed 
  • no emotions felt 
  • afterwards(even after 14m) my chimp- mind was  very quiet. it was pleasant 
  • i only did 14m because i had to run an errand asap.
  • i went to buy smth and there were some construction workers waiting in the queue. one of them was screaming at the other one: YOU CAN`T STAB ME HAHHAHAHAHA THE BLADE WON`T AFFECT ME AHHAAHH. i didn't think  geeeeee i am way smarter than them but  i actually laughed. lol 

 

 

 

Edited May 2, 2018 by Everyday