165 Days Before College

[Everyday]

Hey 😅

 

Drove again yesterday. It was really good. I got more confident in my abilites.

I asked a colleague from work to help with with the rest for one of the agencies. I wrote it quite well. I hope they will help me advance to the next phase. I'm anxious about the result.

I had two other interviews last Thursday. Both with a schedule of 4 days on site and 1 day off. I don't want any of these jobs. 

One lasted an hour and a half. The recrutor asked a bunch of questions related and not related to that job. She announced me this week that I am going to have the last interview phase, I'd talk with the owners. I won't. I don't like the position but I wanted to practice.

 

The second interview lasted one hour. I didn't like the owner from the very first interaction. He is too serious, severe, difficult and arrogant. He asked me what am I doing when we started the meeting. I said oh, I just send some emails. He said we can speak now if you finished sending emails. Did you? Did you finish? Are we going to speak or are you going to send emails now? Bro CHILL. 

He asked me about the companies I set up ads for. What was exactly the budget they had? Just to tell me that judging by the budgets I handle I am not actually mid-senior as I think I am. He thinks I'm high junior or low mid. Wtf, this actually bothered me. That's subjective. 

He also asked me about three qualities I have and three defects. Smart move because after that he asked about my salary. He offered me less than I asked for. I felt insecure and I said it's alright, i know I have to work on some areas. He said he might actually grow my salary to what I want but if I prove him that I deserve it. (I don't want to work there anyways).

Interesting that I didn't tell to them that I don't want to actually go on with working for them. I feel uncomfortable to basically reject them. But I know I just don't want to work there. I can't tell why exactly I feel this. 

So the second interview was the type of interview I fear to take for years. Well, it wasn't as bad as I made it to be. Interesting.

 

I had the Q4 evaluation with my boss. I felt very anxious beforehand. I thought he was going to make me feel like shit for making those mistakes. He said that he knows that I'm looking for a job now. Another agency asked him for an opinion about me. 

He said he's disappointed of me and blah blah. I said it's my fault and I left it there. No point to say what I'm actually thinking.

 

It's been an intense week. I'm growing a lot. I'm proud of myself. Now, I should choose to do eMag full time. Make this move even if it's so scary. I'm thinking that if I don't get the remote job I can just do eMag sooner. 

Im looking forward to work on myself and on my business 

[Everyday]

Hello🏆

 

I went to the ophthalmologist but he told me my vision didn't get worse so I can't get new glasses on company money. What a bummer hahaha. After I left I realized I have no more excuses to be employed here. I thought about it and I was afraid to face my own thoughts and judgement later tonight and in the weekend if I didn't quit. ai wanted to quit on Monday so I will get a little more money at the end. I just couldn't let myself stay here anymore. 

 

After the consulation I had my sister called me and I told her how pissed I am I can't get those glasses haha. I told her that now I can quit. She said I shouldn't do that because I don't have another job waiting for me. I said I will do what I know it's right for me.

A colleague from work asked me why did you come back at the office after the appointment you had? You don't have accounts so .... I felt like shit. So this is how my colleagues see me. A stupid person. Fuck them

So I QUIT my job today. Finally! I'm so proud of myself. 🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️🏆

I have to stay on probation?(idk in English) until 26 of February. Man, I was so afraid to quit and I can't believe I finally did it. It feels unreal. I BROKE THE CHAIN ⛓️ haha 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 

I didn't have the balls at the beginning of the month. To quit this job  was one of my to do things on my list this year. 

 

I can't comprehend the growth I'm going to have. I feel afraid, anxious, excited and amazing. Man, i finally did it! I quit! I have no job waiting for me. I will just do eMag. 

After I left work I went to eat junk food, got a menu from KFC and a burger from burger king. Came home and took a shower, watched porn and fapped. I told myself I did to celebrate. 

Now I feel tired as fuck. I am reading the second boom of the dune series. 

 

How do I feel now? I feel happy I don't have to keep this shit going on for longer than 26th of February. I don't have to feel like shit at the office for an undetermined period of time. I finally have a date 📅 when I'll quit for good.

I feel worried that I will waste my time being unemployed. Blah blah. I believe I can come back on track. Anyways, it's not like I'm wasting most of my time by being at work weekly. 

 

Edited January 29 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey 🔱

 

Last few days I worried that I will waste my whole time once I'm unemployed. I sit in bed, didn't do much, worried and so on.

I calmed down now. I will do my best. 

I am not looking forward to going to work tomorrow. Not at all. I have around 18 days left. I feel at peace that i quit.

I'm still comprehending not having a job and having insane amounts of free time. My sister and my friends didn't do much productive since they are unemployed. But I believe I can do some productive stuff.

 

The next big thing is to go to the gym. I'm anxious and it's alright. I'm also anxious to drive. I'm also thinking to go again at BJJ or krav maga. 

 

After I quit I felt drained of energy. It was such a thing to do for me. I feel so proud of myself. 

I'm not looking forward to pretend to work next few days. It's alright. It will end afterwards. Do my colleagues probably think I'm lazy and dumb or whatever but it doesn't really matter. Especially as I am going to do my tasks and improve my life. I'm looking forward to do just that. 

 

Last night j spent time with my friends, celebrating a birthday. We watched an episode of a tv series. The whole experience felt forbidden and hollow for me. Yeah, it's interesting but still I don't want to waste hours and hours. I don't want that life. Especially now, that I will have so much free time at my disposal. Since they are unemployed 2 of them watched da bunch of tv series. I'm really not into watching those tv series for a few years once again.

 

I'm daydreaming of having a girlfriend but I'm not ready to invest the time that requires to have that. I'm not looking into spending that much time with someone else when I could read a book, work on my problems and so on. Just can't do it now. 

A friend got a girlfriend last month and they spend all their free time together. They just watch tv series and get high. I'm not looking forward to do that at all. It feels wrong.

When I had my last relationship I rolled my eyes each time I had to speak with her on the phone to listen to some drama. It was so annoying and such a waste of time. I didn't know how to end the call sooner and still date her afterwards. I just thought that I'm wasting my time. I really did. She wasn't what I wanted and vice versa. I just can't spend each day after work doing nothing but chill. It doesn't feel right. All that time... wasted .

 

 

Last few days I found it harder to work on my business. I feel resistance.

[Everyday]

Hello 🌲

Yesterday I drank with a friend. I told him my goals for this year and he said that they're really goals, just tasks. hmm.

I'm feeling anxious to go to the gym.

This weekend I was very tired. I wasn't very productive. I wasted time on social media, fapped, thought about what I have to do, worked on my business. I also read a little from dune 

I didn't drive or work out this week. I feel very bad about that. 

I am not looking forward to go to work. I freaked out today that I didn't have time to check more products to buy for our business. I felt so defeated. 

 

I'm thinking to do BJJ and go to the gym. Especially to go to the gym. I'm anxious about all of them. 

I also have to clean my room. It's super messy. 

 

I see that I used my job as an excuse to not do more challenging stuff. 

 

 

[Everyday]

Hello 🧠

 

I was going to work on Tuesday, 4th of February when the recruiter who set me up with my first interview called me. I didn't expect that at all. Apparently I passed the technical test and I got the job! What? I already decided to just do eMag full time and I made peace with the fact that I didn't get that remote job with a good pay. 

Well, I just thought they didn't want me to work for them because I'd dint get any answers from them for over a week. 

The recruiter asked me several times if I'm Happy. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to refuse the job but I didn't. I failed resisting the money and the remote schedule. I chose to get this opportunity for about a month or SMTH like that. 

 

I am basically wasting their time like I did with my exes. Well, I'm going to grow from this experience and that's what I'm after. It's a new job, I never had another job so why not? I never had this experience , quitting and moving to a new job. Let's see what's going on there 

 

I thought about saying no and sticking with eMag full time sooner but I chose to accept the job and to start next month, on March 17th. I was anxious to ask for that. 

 

So how do I feel? Disappointed of myself for not doing just doing just eMag. I'm basically taking a detour for no point. Eh. 

My sister still didn't find a job, neither my friends and here I have a job from the first interview. Crazy!

 

Last few days I watched porn and a lot of social media. I don't feel great about it. I can't believe how crazy were the last 2 months. My plans changed 50 times. Crazy. 

 

I didn't work out last week. I didn't work out this week yet. I feel tired but not as tired as last week. Last week I felt drained as fuck 

I asked my sister to help me choose new products together because I just felt overwhelmed by the amount of work that would require to do that alone. I felt frozen so I wasted time on social media. 

 

Going to work this week was very boring and tiring. I hate it. I had to find SMTH to work on because I was anxious someone is going to tell me SMTH for doing nothing. I didn't learn anything. Just did excel spreadsheets, optimizations and so on. Just did SMTH and when my supervisor left from my desk I worked on my business. 

I feel entitled for complaining about getting payed for doing very easy work but still. It drains me to feel so dumb and to not make any progress at all. 

I'm so glad that I have just 14 days left. Just around 8 I have to go to the office. The rest I'll spent at home.

A month ago quitting felt impossible. I had to think about actually resigning many times. I can't believe it's been a week since I did it. It feels like it was a long time ago. Now, after a week I have a new job just when I told everyone I'm going to focus on my business. 

 

I have no idea what's next lol. I'm excited and scared and can't believe how fast time flies. 

 

Edited February 6 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hello 🫤

 

I went driving again with my brother last weekend. I did well, even after a I didn't drive last week. I have to drive much, much more. 

Last Friday I felt upset that I have to go to work and I'm not making any progress, just finding stuff to do to make the time pass faster. I asked the HR if I can leave sooner. I thought about it afterwards and I said to myself to stay longer to get some more money. 

On Monday my supervisor told me I can leave sooner if I want to. I chose not to because of those 7 free days left from last year (I'll get the money for them). So I chose to stay..... So I went to another part of the office and I worked on my business and did little for my actual job. I made lots of progress. 

My supervisor wished me good luck and told me to pay attention and be serious at the new job. I didn't expect that. Especially that he took my accounts. 

After work I overated junk food. I wanted to get some more motivation in this difficult time. I felt stupid and afraid to quit sooner and not take that money. But I also feel stupid to stay for longer. I hate this situation.

 

Today I got the contract from the new agency. Honestly, I like not having accounts more than having them. I do t miss that constant stress. So I still have time to choose if I want to quit or not. But I feel anxious to leave after I got to this point. I also feel anxious to leave in less than 3 months after I start the job. Eh. I have to take accountability for my choices. I can quit anytime in the next few months and after that I can do my own thing. 

I am not looking forward to do my job at another Agency. I'm glad I'm leaving this place. 

My boss just announced that the agency made over six million euros last year. We, the employees didn't see that kind of money. We are scolded if one of our clients leaves even if the client doesn't have a future or a good business. Eh, doesn't matter now. 

 

I am tired, going tot the office and pretending to work is making me tired. I arrive home exhausted. I still push myself to work on my business. I am looking forward to make it work and put even more time into it. I can work harder. 

I'm disappointed of myself for taking the new job but I hope to get some kind of growth there. That's the point, to get a new experience. 

 

I worked out today. I feel good about it. I already skipped a week last month. 

I envy my colleagues who earn more but I don't want to be like them. I just didn't really care enough about my job to learn to do it better. This bites me in the ass now. Some new girl got hired today. Mis level after two years. I'm here for four but spent over 2 years just going to uni and didn't really cared

 I cant say I care now either. I still just want to take my paycheck and move on. I feel envy for not being a senior but I didn't put the work to be there. This is another reason why I want to quit. I'm not super good at this job. I don't want to be. It's just some ego thing 

 

Last year, in December I messaged my friend who helped me do my final year project in college. He offered me a job and I said I am interested. In December I didn't even think I can use my savings to live off after I and if I quit. I didn't even want to quit or to look for a new job. I didn't even think to do eMag full time. So it's mid February now and he didn't even call me. Classic. He isn't serious. I even worried that I have to refuse him haha. He isn't driven enough. 

 

I have 5 days left to go to the office. I will take 2 of those days off. I will just go on the 26th to leave my laptop. So I have 3 days left to go to the office. I can manage 3 days. After that I finally can do what the fuck I want to do. I can't wait. Soon it will be one month since I quit. Unreal! The days passed so fast. I can't wait to be done with my job once and for all. 

I will basically check out one of my goals from this year. To quit work. Amazing! My first time I quit a job. Good. I didn't even think I will do it do soon at the beginning of the year. It was so hard. I am counting the days until I'm free 

 

 

I'm still thinking about going to the gym. I'm still anxious.

I feel ridiculous being bothered by the fact that I got a job offer and I don't really want it. My high school friends and my sister still didn't find a good job. 

 

I have to say that I do feel more relaxed at work since I didn't have clients for almost a month. It's fucking stressful to take care of them all.

 

 

 

Edited February 12 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey 🐢

Drove again last weekend. It was ok but I have to drive more frequently. 

I thought about going to the gym and doing the hardest things for myself. I am anxious to go tot the gym and to drive. I'm thinking that I better focus on driving than doing both. Or this ți will go to the gym more than I drive.

I felt weird today going to work, the last few days at the office. I went to another part of the office and worked on my business. During the last office hour I went back with my colleagues and I listened to them complain about their clients being retarded. 

My boss told us we can work from home tomorrow and the day after tomorrow because of heavy snowing lately. I didn't expect that. I thought I'm going to force myself another 2 days to go to the office. So today it might be the last day at the office. I don't know how to feel about it. 

I thought that I'll feel great and happy. But I feel like I don't deserve to have a fully remote job and have more free time than my colleagues. I don't know what to say. Why do I get a new job and more free time while my colleagues who are better than me don't?

I'm afraid I'll waste my free time and what? that I better don't have it? that I should go to the office and waste my time there? how about just having the extra free time and take advantage of it. 

 

So I'm afraid i don't deserve so much free time but I'm also upset I didn't get more free time sooner. I wasted years going to the office and pretend to work. Interesting 🤔. I am looking down on myself for not going stronger with my goals and my business. But how can I when I wasted time at the office for such a long time?

I'm thinking that I will feel x or y when I quit the second job and just sell on eMag stuff. But in reality I don't think I'll feel any different. I will do the work and that's it. 

 

So I will figure out how to use my extra free time in the following months and weeks. I do feel a little upset and anxious on myself for taking the second job. I'm afraid to give myself all the time I have in a day to do what I want with it. I'm still giving my time to others. 

I have more discipline now than I had 6 years ago. I can do this better now. 

 

I kept daydreaming of my first ex, accepting me if I were to meet with her now, after I've grown so much. But it's ridiculous. We didn't have enough in common and I didn't like her short temper. So what do I dream of? I just want ambition. I'm building this new life by myself. 

I thought about driving and how I make it such a big obstacle. I have to focus to drive more often.