165 Days Before College

[Everyday]

Hola 🌽

 

Forgot to mention that I fapped and watched porn for two days at the beginning of this week. I felt really bad about that.

 

I started practicing Duolingo for 3 days already. I got Duolingo super and I'm excited taking this seriously.

I am switching between reading psycho cybernetics, Duolingo and games of thrones. I find psycho cybernetics a hard read for me. But I learned a lot. I am already reframing my thoughts. I have so many negative ones! I said this before in this journal, several years earlier.

I also worked out 4 times this week. I forced myself hehe. I was shocked to see how I am telling myself I can't learn Spanish after mistaking one word. Wtf?!

 

I'm speaking with more girls and I am asking them for a date. We'll see what happens. I was talking about my cat with a girl and she asked me if I actually own one. What do you mean by that? Apparently other guys got with her on Instagram and they sent her pics with their dicks hahaha. Wtf. I told her I wouldn't do that since I have my mom, friends and sister and I don't want to have those pics sent to them. That's true! After that she acted like I got friend zoned. Telling me that she drank like a big a night before and other stuff lol

 

I have to keep working on my thoughts. The whole model I use is wrong. I keep imaginging the bad thing I don't want to do instead to visualize success. Interesting! For example thinking all day about watching porn and fapping on the day I did that instead of imagining what I want to actually do.

I find psycho cybernetics interesting but there it's a lot of fluff as well. Soooooooooo much talk about god. Off.

 

I contemplated the fact that I enjoy my life now. I'm working on my goals. I feel good about this.

After I got drunk and high this week I kept feeling guilty and thought about all the things I should do and other negative outcomes. I always do that. But now I see that I can think of a positive future. 

I should change my thoughts when I think of exes and other drama.  I learned my lesson there 

[Everyday]

Holla 😁

I have been practicing Duolingo for 14 days! I even started practicing at work or listening to Spanish videos on Yt on loop to learn more words and phrases. I think I can count this as a new hobby. How cool is this? I actually like to learn this language in my spare time. 

Since I started I don't feel so curious to check out tv series recaps like I've been doing for months. I feel stimulated enough by this app. That's fucking awesome!

 

I read more pages and finished the first part of the second games of thrones book. Awesome! I bought some new books as well. I'm excited to read them!

Working out is going well but I took a few days off because of forcing myself too much last Friday. I helped my friend, the guy who helps me with eMag to unload a whole container (10 tones). I ordered just 2 boxes with him. It took 3 months to arrive. I have to pay just 7 dollars for the whole 240 products.

I got inspired to work harder and much, much more. Man, I want to make a living from this side hustle. He is doing that as well!

 

Had a date and walked her to her apartment. She didn't want to go upstairs. It was a nice girl anyways. We spoke a few more days and she seen my messages. No worries.

I refremed more negative thoughts. I have so many! Left and right! I noticed that at work I picked some mistake and amplify it. Is just a mistake, it doesn't define me.

I made a new mistake at work and got upset until I remembered to distance myself from work. It's just some mistake. It doesn't mean I need to feel bad for the rest of the day. I spent the following days learning Spanish, working out, reading and so on. 

 

I feel very bored at work. I have less and less shit to do and even so I make mistake because I don't really check my handful of accounts. That difficult client noticed the mistake I did in his account. The conversions where doubled. Shit. I didn't even care. 

 

I fapped more than once a week but I didn't use porn. I used some reels of hot girls from Instagram. I also deleted Instagram again. I was wasting some time there 

 

I had some funny conversations on tinder. A girl got really upset that I didn't right her back after a few messages. I think that's how I look when I text hot girls. 

I am making a habit to think of happy things and my goals. Like the progress I'm making daily and all the goals I am making progress with each day. Man, my life is going so well!

I making fucking progress, man! I'm excited for the future 🌞

 

 

 

Edited April 4 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey 🦎

 

Spent my day doing Duolingo, reading and imaginating doing my goals and tasks. 

 

I worked a little for our business. For some reason I still feel bad even if i had such a great day. I think I feel like that because I didn't work even more on this business. Hmm.

 

I'm looking forward to keep working on myself. Im reminding myself a lot that I'm living a really good life now. I'm making so much progress. 

 

I'm excited that I don't have to go to the office this week. I can stay at home and do stuff which are more important for myself. I need to put more time into the side hustle to make it more profitable. I feel some resistance there. But I have the weekend to work on. 

 

 

[Everyday]

Hey 🛩️

 

Last week I finished psycho cybernetics. The last pages where about God and it was too much for me. I started reading the red queen. I also finished the first part for the second book from the games of thrones.

I read these books in my garden. It was amazing.

 

Worked out less because of back pain and other stuff I had to do. This week I'm back on track. 

Work was boring so when I didn't pretend to work I was doing Duolingo and listening to Spanish videos from YouTube.

I gained more XP than my friend who's also learning Spanish on the app. His 118 day  strake turns out to mean nothing. I just learned more words in 3 weeks than him in months. I also got the paid subscription. I am actually understanding some texts I'm Spanish and a few hours here and there 

I also cooked for myself smth interesting. 

 

I bought more books I found on vinted and olx with big discounts. Awesome!

I remembered several times that I'm doing very well in different areas of life

 

Had a date with a Japanese girl. She was late but it was fun and interesting. We kissed, held hands etc and walked her to her dormitory building. She didn't invite me upstairs. 

We didn't speak much before the date. So from now on I won't spam these girls with messages. I don't have to talk with them daily. 

I'm making out on girls from my area on tinder. I felt frustrated riding the Subway when some girl would flirt and I wouldn't know how to react.

 

 

I remembered to myself to enjoy life. I'm doing the work every day. I'm so proud of myself. Work is going nowhere, I don't have much to do at the office. I'm spending my free time reading, working out, learning a new language and so on. I'm leaving such am amazing life. I'm excited for the future. Right now, having a relationship with a wrong girls feels stupid. The way I use my free time is exciting.

 

I didn't watch porn but fapped a lot!

Edited April 12 by Everyday

[Everyday]

hello 🤗 🍹

 

Went to sleep at 5 am became I was searching for new products to sell. I also wasted time on social media.

I deleted Instagram once again 😞. It's cancer 

Fapped a lot as well. 

Spent the day doing Duolingo, imagining my goals, searching for new products and I went to the store to buy food too cook for next week.

While I was at the store I kept having negative thoughts stemming from the stupidest things. I felt self conscious of my body language, My achievements and other stupid shit. I calmed myself down.

 

I was invited out by a friend to get high and refused. I want to use my weekends to grow and do stuff that make me a better person. I also didn't ask the girl I was supposed to meet today if she still wants to meet this afternoon. I didn't really want to go on a 5 hours date for nothing once again. I better learn some shit at home. 

 

 

I listened to some dating advice from an interview from soft white underbelly. It opened my eyes 👀....... I need game! I suck at this the most. I'm still resisting to read again a book on dating and how to approach girls. 

I also got some insights from the red queen. The reason these girls don't call me back is because I don't have smth they want. They maybe want a guy with a car, money and his own place. I lack that so some of these girls don't see the advantage of dating me. Now I see it as well. It makes sense. 

 

What else?

I keep reminding myself that I am on the right path. Keep being patient. Even if I still think I'm not doing enough I am actually super productive! Man, I'm doing so much already! Amazing! 

The fact that I'm not watching tv series is really making my life sooooo much better. The free time I have is insane! Also, If I had a relationship I wouldn't have so much time to focus on myself. 

Mom is doing worse even if my grandma doesn't bother her. She's watching tv series all day. Therefore she doesn't have time for anything else. I behaved the same way almost a year and a half ago. I just wanted to watch tv series and be left alone. She is upset on me for trying to help her. I should give up. 

 

I was thinking to get a car as well. It's one of the skills I need and a fear for me. I wan to get that fixed as well.

I'm doing over one hour of Spanish on Duolingo. Apparently that's crazy.

I was thinking to get some courses going as well

Edited April 13 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hola 🐀

 

I was surprised that I got a new client at work. Another easy account. I hope things will be good. 

Working out is going very well. 

I didn't read as much this week because I focused more ok searching for new products. 

Learning Spanish on Duolingo is going well. I'm at section 2, unit 16. Day 28. I have harder lessons now. I find that I don't feel like doing time sometimes.

Since I started using this app I didn't spend time on IMDb, checking movies and recaps online. I might do it but I don't feel like doing it now. 

 

I learned more dating advice from an amazing yt channel. 

I want an amazing girlfriend but what do I have to offer to her? Girls want to date above now down. I should lower my expectations. Why would a girl want me now? I have to offer more to other people. Also, work on your game and on yourself overall.

I'm not sure what I have to offer now. I do know I had even less to offer in the last few years. Now it's much better. 

In my first relationship I offered all my time but now I don't even want to do that. What is the point in seeing a girl daily instead of working on my goals. I have it so fucking good now.

Watching tv series doesn't serve anyone. 

 

I feel a little resistant to work out today. I also missed the meditation session yesterday.

 

I realized I need to not expect so much effort from my siblings with our business. I really want to make it work so I have to put the most work here. My brother keeps throwing a negative energy on this business each time I have an idea. His girlfriend does the same. I get it. They are lazy 🦥. I mean

 

 

I'm doing great overall. The only thing I don't like is that I am fapping daily even if I don't use porn. I thought that I can text M and face sex but it's not a good choice. I fap and calm down. Its ok. 

Man, I have it sooooo good right now. I am using all my time to work on myself. I'm getting better. Now, I understand people who won't even bother much with relationships. What's the point in watching tv series together and having city dates several times a week? I grew more in the last few months and years by being mostly alone. I do know it feels right to work.

 

 

[Everyday]

Hello 😞

I wasn't very productive today. At least not as much as I wanted to be.

I went to buy some clothes and I felt so frustrated that I don't have more dates with awesome and beautiful girls. I left myself get lost in negative thoughts. That I have to wait for so long to get better girls. I need to have more to offer than now. It made me feel insecure.

But once I'm in a relationship I'm thinking that Tim wasting time and I'm more productive and better alone. So?

I arrived home and just spent my time on Instagram, tinder and YouTube shorts. Disgusting. I felt down and I still do. 

 

I got my new glasses and I think they messed up the lenses. I have to get them checked again. 

I did more Spanish units on Duolingo today. 

I read a little bit as well. Not too much this week. 

 

Woke up late and started work even later because I went to bed at 4 once again. 

Edited April 19 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey 🍄

Yesterday I was invited by a friend to hunt morel mushrooms in the forest. We found just one because it was too late. 

I got upset that our business isn't working and I was thinking to tell them I want to not divide everything in equal parts. I'm doing the most work while they enjoy life. Why would he earn the same. I barely read SMTH this week. I spent my time working finding new products. My brother spent his time with his retarded girlfriend. Man, wtf? I felt very upset but I am waiting to calm down to do more discussion this with them.

 

I spoke with more girls from tinder and the conversation lead nowhere. I'm so frustrated because I have so much to get and gain before I can actually get an awesome girlfriend. I'm really not enough. It's frustrating. I didn't drive in months. I can't move out of my parents house and so on. What is the point in having a side hustle and throwing all my money there? I can use that to grow myself.

It was hard to stop and calm myself down. I'm alright, I'm improving myself a lot. Yesterday I was able to ask my friend's girlfriend about Spanish and some mistakes I was making. She speaks french and Spanish fluently.

She made fun of her by boyfriend for still not learning new languages. Once, again this work I'm doing should pay in a few years. I wonder how they are still together if she's complaining so much about him.

 

Talking about difficult girlfriends - my brother's gf asked me to give her smth a dn i refused. I was surprised to see that she's not used to hear NO. She kept insisting. 

 

 

Overall I'm doing well but I'm not feeling well.

[Everyday]

Hey 🌞

Last week, while I was hunting my mushrooms some thorn got into my heel and I felt uncomfortable and some pain for 2 days. I skipped work for 2 days and I could have made it to 3 but I was afraid I'll get fired or smth. 

I spent the rest of the week working on my business when I didn't have to do tasks at work. I finished a whole list with new products to bring with a container on water from China. I asked for a quotation from a friend and the company we collaborate already to import by plane.

I realized I have to work harder if I really want to make this shit a full time thing. I'm already working harder. I'm tired and it shows. 

I didn't read so much and I worked out just 3 times a week. It's ok.

 

I'm actually giving up tv series and Instagram to become the person I want to become. The goal is to become that person not to achieve my exact goals. I am trying to use Instagram just for messages as I was doing a while ago. I spent too much time on that retarded app. 

I didn't have any new dates. Conversations lead nowhere and the ones I was speaking with on Instagram are coming up with excuses why we can't meet. 

 

Made another mistake at work. I made literally another campaign than I was asked to do. Lol. That's quite funny.

I'm looking forward to keep working since I have the Easter break next week. 

 

I finally cleaned my room for good, after months. Now it's truly clean and it looks sooo good. 

It's getting harder to tolerate my brother's girlfriend. I can't believe how retarded is she.

Spanish is going well even if I feel like I slowed down.

 

 

[Everyday]

Hello 🤗 

Today I finally got my first shot of Harvix, a vaccine for hepatitis A. I had the vaccine since August or September 2023 but kept postponing using it. 

I also got a prescription for a vaccine against HIV. I will have to take 3 doses, second one after 2 months and the last one after 4. It's expensive but is worth it.

 

My job was ok with some exceptions. I didn't work much lately most of the time. I helped my family prepare the food for easter, spent time with them, met with friends, worked out, read, worked on our business, etc.

I was very productive even if I wasted some time here and there. 

 

I was annoyed with my brother for giving up on working more because he wants to watch YouTube and spend time with his difficult girlfriend. But I abstained to make a scene.

I managed to work out 4 times a week again.

I spent last few weeks making product lists for an important on water and another one on air. I decided to collaborate with my friend for the water import because he had better prices the the company we work with to bring products by air.

It turns out the agent from the plane imports is adding extra costs besides the product real price. He adds $0.01 and $0.03. Also, it is possible that there are no mainland shipment costs.

🤔 Hmmmm

 

I feel tired overall. I worked more than usually to make this product lists, research all those products etc. I still haven't done enough listings for all the products we got from the last import  by air

My mind blocks when I have to understand or thing something harder at my job and my business. It's frustrating.

 

My father is upset on me for some thing. It doesnt matter. I felt so embarrassed by the shit he was speaking when we have my sister's boyfriend's family over. He was speaking only negative stuff and how he tricked some people and some other shit. I'm actually doing the same with eMag. I didn't realize this until now. I'm proud of what I'm doing here

 

I'm back on tinder and I got some weird answers from some girls. I'm not replaying often enough. I find it difficult to speak with these girls.

I am frustrated with my brother not working hard enough for our business. His girlfriend is making an effort to fill his time with her shit. He's not really looking to do SMTH better with his tine either. I noticed that he spend a lot of time on Instagram.

I met with some friends and they told me how they wasted last days. Well, compared to them my brother is doing more work overall. I didn't think of this until yesterday. My friends are really lazy. But I enjoyed spending time with them.

I find it interesting how our discussions are flowing towards the our frustrations. For exemple one of them is doing Duolingo for longer than me (140days)  and he used to be very supportive when I started. But now he is envious that I'm doing on average an hour a day and I learned more than him in just 54 days. Apparently he's doing Duolingo for a minute not 15. 

Some guys in my group started playing Minecraft together again. I did that last year when I was stressed with uni. I said I'll play with them but didn't insist. I don't want to waste a few hours playing that shit.

 

Declined going to a movie to have more time tomorrow to work out, read and learn Spanish and work for our business. It's quit a lot to spend my time watching a 2.25 hours movie 🍿. It's not some dune movie anyways.

I feel motivated to work even harder! I am amazed by how much I'm achieving. it's insane! I wish I stated years ago. My discipline and tolerance to work is getting stronger 💪! I'm able to force myself even more than before.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited May 13 by Everyday

[Everyday]

hey 👋 

 

I watched some porn in the last few weeks. I also fapped daily most of the time.. I'm not proud of this. 

 

I declined hanging out with my sister's boyfriend andy brother and they got a little  upset. They didn't understand I do want to work on this business instead of getting drinks. I am very proud of working while they had fun. I finished some tasks. I'm proud of myself.🦚 

Lately, I have been focusing more on work and my own schedule. I see people getting triggered. I guess they want to do what Tim doing but are lazy. I understand that very well. 

This is becoming a problem and I'm not even 5 years into becoming the man I want to be. I'm just at the beginning. What will they do when I get to be 15% that man? I don't know.

 

I can say they I feel more motivated than ever. I see where the last year and a half have brought me and I'm hungry for more. I'm not sure how I should handle their envy. All I can think about is to not talk about my progress.

I wasted some hours on Instagram and it's ok. 

I wasn't so hard on my brother about working more because I reminded myself that my friends don't do anything daily

 

I didn't manage to speak with new girls on tinder. I replay after a few days and barely put work in talking with those matches. 

 

My brother checked his girlfriend's phone so he discovered that she's been talking with some dude. She gaslighted my brother. That guy wants to date her, they met and she refused him. Bro, she's profile picture is with my brother. That dude would see that as they were talking. Honestly, I hope they break up. She's bad for him. 

 

The bar must be set soooo low. I just read 10? books this year, start learning Duolingo two months ago and working out; yet, that's enough to trigger my brother and my sister's boyfriend.

 

 

 

Edited May 19 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hello🏇

It was a very boring week at work. I kept trying to think what can I do to fill my time doing something there 

I fished today the 5th books of games of thrones ( in my language the 5 books are split in 10)

Worked out harder even if I didn't feel like it. I was so proud afterwards 🦚 

The business is going well, sold more than usually. I put more money in ads and I associated with other sellers listings. Basically I'm stealing their listings because I have a lower price. I also kicked them put of their own listings so I can sell even more. This is working very well. 

 

I did watch porn and fapped almost daily 

I played Minecraft with my friends and it was fun. They played for longer but I had to work for my business. I need to go even harder. I need to put muuuuch more work. It feels like a challenge.

I am in the obsidian league on Duolingo. The next one is dimond. I pushed myself to practice more Spanish.

 

A college form work got fired and I'll get all his accounts. Holly shit man! I'll jump from 12 accounts to 27! That's nuts! I'm anxious but also looking forward to ask for a raise. Man, I thought I'll get a client or two but not all of them 😂 

I am answering to the girls I'm talking on tinder once a day or less. I find it hard to keep conversation going. I'm trying to make conversation and it is going nowhere.

A girl even told me she doesn't want to continue the conversation on Instagram. This never happened. One girl said we spoke las year but I don't remember. Asked how her weekend with friends was like - she actually complained to me that some dude didn't want to sleep in her room but she found some fat girl there 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Again, I don't know how to make this conversations to go somewhere. I didn't have a date in a while. I want to get laid. I don't see myself in a relationship wasting all my time with her 

 

Edited May 24 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey 👌

Today my sister married her boyfriend. They have been together for 6 years I think. 

It was very nice. We had dinner together and I left around 19 to work on my business. I payed the invoice for the extra products we want to bring with this import. 

 

Did my routine. I feel tired. I don't want to go to sleep. I want to do more stuff. 

Tomorrow is finally the day I'll enter the diamond league on Duolingo. I was thinking I can't do it for some reason at the beginning of the week. 

[Everyday]

Hey 🥲

So I worked a little bit during the weekend on my tasks at work and a little bit for my business. I'm worried Im wasting my time and isn't not working as good as I want it to work. I'm anxious and I'm doubting myself over here. I'm impatient to make it profitable overnight.

I didn't manage to finish everything I had to do on time for my job. I am shocked how much that guy didn't care of his clients

 

This week was stressful. I had several calls with clients like never before. I was complaining. Turns out I had 16 new clients but that guy forgot about one of these clients. Lol. He didn't really care man. Most for them didn't even have set up reports. 

Yet, he was getting fucking $2000+ per month lol. Man, that's fucking crazy.

I asked my supervisor a lot of questions about these accounts that he got angry 💢. I should have known that bla blah blah 

 

I spent the last week working a lot on both my job and my side hustle. I worked out, read and did a little bit of Spanish. Just 1800xp. I also playe Minecraft with my friend but felt guilty for wasting my time.

 

 

I met with a friend from high school. He had some fucking rough months since we met last time in February. He got fired twice, lost a grandma and so on. Yet, he still fucked like 4 girls. 

We talked about this. Im really struggling on this side. I believe this is because I don't have much to offer to these girls. J don't have my place or a car. I'm not rich or super smart. Why would they want to date me? How am I going to make their life better? Idk. All I can offer is time but I don't want to.

To be honest I'm not sure I'll get a girlfriend or sex anytime soon. I'm boring the shit of the girls I'm talking with on tinder. Yet, I still feel reserved to actually read a dating book again. I have to solve this thing anyways. 

I'm looking at myself how is really am and I don't like what I found. I am actually anxious around other people. I look nervous and I really am. My body language shows it as well. It's hard to admit. I have a lot of work to do in order to feel and look confident. I guess I'll get there in a few years. I'm getting better, I know it. But it takes more time

 

The fact is that I need to keep developing myself forever. I shouldn't think it will ever stop. Keep up the good work. If it was easy everyone was doing it. 

I am looking forward to read more books and keep improving myself. I'm not a good match as the evidence it shows. That's good. I have lots of time that I'm investing in myself right now. That's a good thing. I'm actually becoming the person I want to be 

 

Edited June 2 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey🍾

 

I had a full week and worked a lot for my business and also for my job. I made some mistakes with a few clients but it was ok overall. I'm proud of myself. 

I didn't work at all for my business today. I was lazy. I read until 5 am so I finished the 3rd games of thrones book. It was by far my favorite! I got a haircut and cut my beard short. 

I also went to take some pics in the park this week, SMTH I haven't done in over a year. I felt incredibly anxious. The pictures show this. Most of them look cringe 

I bought more stocks and I'm contemplating buying a car 🚗 

 

My sister is getting married tomorrow. It was SMTH she has been planning for over 2 years. I can't believe 2 years passed since. I'm proud of myself. I am really making progress in many areas.

I spent a few hours playing Minecraft with my friends but it made me feel bad for wasting time. 

I wasted time fapping to porn daily and also scrolling on Instagram. Bedsides this everything is going great 😃 

I'm working out harder.

 

I was thinking of my exes and wondering when I'll have a new girlfriend. I'm not consistent on tinder. I have to force myself now to text these girls. 

I feel frustrated not having sex in 8 months. I don't know what I'm doing wrong making these girls feel bored. I'm also resistant to do SMTH about it. 

I think that the only thing I can really offer to a girl in retur for a relationship is time - yet, it feels too expensive to do so. Giving time is what my brother is putting on the table with his difficult girlfriend. Two years ago I was alright to give it all. But now.... it doesn't feel right.

I do want to date but what's the point in watching tv series together? The growth I can have by not doing that us beyond amazing. 

 

As I am reading the 4th games of thrones book I'm thinking of the people that I know who finished it before me, many years ago. It felt such an impossible goal. I thought I didn't have time. They all made time. My first girlfriend made time years before meeting me. It will be years when I'll have as many books read under my belt. I started reading since February. Yet, I feel soooo much better overall. I'm so proud I'm just reading! So simple. 

People say to enjoy your life but they also ask what you've done once you are old. It feels right to work and read books instead of watching tv series. I feel alive. It's hard but it makes me feel good.

 

 

Oh, we had the best month selling on eMag so far. I'm very proud of that! I worked harder! 

I was thinking to not join my family and friends in Greece in order to work on my business. 

 

I have been looking at myself lately and it makes me angry not being better. I want to fucking be better. I'm not the person I want to be. I'm not that amazing person. Not even close. But I can become.

It's June and I'm still going harder and harder on my personal development. I'm very happy when I look back over all the things I've done. I never thought that I can name the year I read games of thrones. Three years ago I just thought that one day I'll do all these things. I'm actually doing it. Man, it takes time. More time than I thought. That's why I'm just starting.

I didn't even think I'll be reading books at the beginning of this year. 

 

I wonder what I'll do next year or by the end of this very year. I'm so excited! Also, anxious and it's normal.

 

Edited June 8 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hello 🤗 

My sister's wedding was awesome! We had a good time and danced our butts off. Even my parents danced. Her honeymoon was also awesome.

I made more mistakes at work and solved many problems for those clients I got from a colleague. I have 24 accounts now. Three clients left and one I gave to a colleague who is already doing fb for him. I had more calls with the new clients and it's getting frustrating to clean my old colleagues messes. 

 

I finally spoke with my boss about a raise. My sister helped me text him. I felt ridiculous postponing this for so long. The conversation was alright. He is waiting until the end of this month to give me a raise to see how I'm handing these accounts. I don't know what to expect. Getting a raise is based on subjective evaluations of my performance. I feel ridiculous with my low salary. I get asked at every date where I live - with my parents ...

I spoked with more girls and I got more seen messages. I tried to set up dates and make things work. Just to message a girl randomly something funny I saw on her profile. She refused to go out sooner but I asked again and we went out after talking for 5 days. Talking with her felt natural.

The date went better than I expected. I was really wondering if she'll decline last minute. I'm looking forward to meet her next week. She is a nice girl. We'll see.

She talked about me him her mom. She even asked me if I liked her and there will be another date. We talked about work, our lives and books. I wouldn't even be able to have that discussion if I didn't started reading a few months ago. Pretty cool!

I am thinking already about her as a girlfriend. I have to say I'm anxious to present her to my friends. I have never done that. 

 

June was even better than May for our business. We got the new products and started selling like crazy. We had 9 orders a day on average last month.

Me and my sister had a discussion with my brother about his involvement in this business. He was complaining about having to do some tasks. He doesn't want to work more because he's not getting paid. I want to kick him out of the business. My sister insisted I try to pay him until the end of the year to work even if we aren't taking money from this business.

Honestly, I'm not sure it will work out. I guess we'll still be lazy. His girlfriend didn't help and said the same thing, he's working for free. He left after discussing and went to run some errand for his retarded girlfriend. 

It wasn't a good idea to start a business with my siblings. I'm working more than them. what's the point if I don't have partners? It won't end well. I working for 3 people. The most upset I'm on my brother. 

 

 

Other things?

I just started part 2 from the last book of games of thrones 😁. I can't believe it! Amazing! 

I'm looking forward to read shorter books before I start reading dune. 

I'm finally organizing a barbecue at my parent's house.

A few weeks ago I felt really bad so I checked all my exes profiles. Yes, even my first girlfriend's. I stated with Teo 1 and I ended up with her. I didn't feel well at first. But I got more motivation to keep working on myself harder. 

I really making progress. I'm very proud of myself. I'm really happy with who am I becoming. 

Got a few divindets. All under $20.

I felt ridiculous at work with my little salary. I'm 25 and still struggling there. Wtf Bro. I'm trying to be a big boy there and still making mistake after mistake. I forgot to check the spend of some client on his account. Lol. After I talked with my boss I felt ridiculous. I was afraid to ask for a raise for so long while living comfortable with my parents. It's getting harder for girls to hear that I'm living with them 🙉 

I met with two friends and we had some drinks in the park. It was fun. I talked about books with one of them. It was really interesting 🤔. I thought about another friend with whom I've been trying to go out and he finds excuses. Let them be. 

 

Edited July 6 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hello 👋 👋 👋 

I cant believe I wrote here last time almost a week ago. 

So I arrive at work on Tuesday morning and my coworker asks me how one of my account is going. I'm like good, guy? Because they just messaged me to cancel their contract for Facebook and Google Ads. Also, another client said he's leaving in the same day(the guy my supervisor spoke with last week). Are you kidding me?

I waiting to speak with my boss about a raise and this shit happens. Basically 4 accounts (fb+google ads) gone in 1 day. Wtf! At both of these accounts I didn't check the tracking on Facebook since I didn't even know how it works. 

At tone of these accounts I just didn't check their spent and went over the limit with around $438. This is such a stupid mistake. I can't believe it. It's ridiculous. I keep making these stupid mistakes.

 

Later on Tuesday I went to meet with that girl I was telling you about. It was really fun. I walked her apartment and left to my home afterwards. I wasnt sure if she'll ask me to come upstairs or not. 

She asked me if she I'm free on Thursday as well. Sure, why not, even if I should be working on my business. We met on Thursday for ice cream and walked in the park afterwards. We went to a area less crowded and starting fooling around on some bench. I still can't believe that she left me finger her and she came twice hahaha. That's crazy.

I thought of the other girls I brought to the park as well in the past. Not many where so down to do this on the 3rd date. I thought about Daria1 and B2 being waaaay less open to move faster. I went out with b2 5 fucking times. Still didn't get laid. What a waste of time.

Anyways, this girl is nice but to be honest she's a little bit fat for my taste. And it's alright. I have been feeling more and more aware of my worth as a man. It's lower and lower than what I liked to think it is. I'm really akward in some social situations. I'm still a beginner at dating and so on. I have so much work to do bro. I have to be better to get better girls.

So this girl seems the best I got so far. I don't have the same strong feeling of being repulsed by her like I did with my exes. Like with M, I felt so bad just dating her while I knew I don't want to. This girl has many good things about her even if she's not Teo1. Shes good enough. And I have to be better to get better girls.

 

Work was frustrating. I feel like giving up and waiting for my boss to tell me he won't raise my salary with much more. 

 

 

I feel really weird about keeping seeing this girl. I image dating her and this makes me anxious. I don't feel worth it to get a new girlfriend. I'm not good enough. My family already asks me about her. What to say? Idk what will happen. We just met 3 times. 

 

What else?

I think I am way too tinder and affection waaaay too early. I think I'm making girls feel uncomfortable. It's not normal to react like this. 

I'm wondering how other girls see me compared with their desires. I'm wondering what my girls from work think of me. But they are single as well. I noticed they are quite difficult. Especially 3 of them.

I had so many girls ask me if I have my own place or a car. What do I have to offer for these girls? I'm not sure. I can give them time but that's not enough 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited July 13 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hello 🦅

Got 11 grams of shrooms last Saturday. I didn't feel much. I was surprised that I felt content. I didn't feel frustrated or rage. I am doing well

So I'm looking forward to find out more about my raise. I wonder what my boss will say. I felt bad for not earning more. 

 

I read over half of the last games of thrones book. 

I kept speaking with E. She's in Greece now. I kept swiping right on girls to get a date. I wasn't lucky unfortunately. I have to work more on myself.

Did more packages and told my siblings what to do more. 

Worked out as well.

I'm organizing the first BBQ at my place with my high school colleagues. They will arrive late as usually. They don't know about my side hustle. I am worried they'll feel triggered 

 

I haven't used Duolingo much lately. I feel bad about it 

Edited July 16 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey🦫

I finished the last book from the games of thrones series!😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁 It took me 4 months to read them all.

Now, I'm reading fight club

 

On Wednesday, one of the bosses complimented my physic, saying I'm betting buff. I thanked him. I didn't know they will notice so early. Hehe. I felt weird to get all that attention. A few colleagues asked me if I really go to the gym. I told them I work out at home.  Interesting 🤔. I was ashamed to make them feel bad or SMTH.

 

We the biggest payout from eMag so far; over 2000 euros. Amazing!

 

I worked a little today. Not too much.

Next week I should talk about that raise with my boss. We'll see 🙈 

I didn't manage to get a new date this week. I swiped like crazy tho. Got my messages seen. 

You remember I bought 2 books which my exes read? I finally got one of them. I'm curious what it's about.

I kept speaking with that girl. She's on vacation this week.

 

[Everyday]

Hello 🤗 

Saturday's BBQ was awesome!

I finished reading fight club. The books was actually better than the movie. And the movie was awesome!

I started reading the angel by dazieri. That's one of the books my ex recommended. I feel weird reading it. I understand why she was bored. Man, I just started reading for a few months and I already feel next level. I feel older. So much Knx! Do you understand how I feel?

I spoke more with that girl. Set up 2 dates with her. I'm wondering when I'll bang her.

Worked some more on my business. I wasted time on Instagram.

 

What else?

I tried to get more dates from tinder. I had no luck. I started checking out the girls who ghosted me. I don't like that I didn't get laid since fucking 2023. Wtf 😒. It's getting so hard to get girls man. I have so much work to do.

And it wont get easier. I see a few girls my age on this app. The leftovers. I don't like it. 

However, I'm glad I didn't date some of the girls who ghosted me. It was too much for me even. I am not looking forward to feel guilty like I felt while dating M. Nope.

I have to go tomorrow to work. To get my shit salary and do what my boss wants me to do. Pff. I should talk with him about my raise. Like last time, he postpones the discussion. Pathetic. Isn't it funny? All this work to get a few hundred dollars from him. ;)))))))