165 Days Before College

[Everyday]

Hey

Went to see a friend from HS who is working part-time at a caffe. Cool place. Didnt stay for long because i wanted to study. Arrived home and studied but fell asleep soon after. =)))) I am celebrating 3 weeks without watching alone tv series, movie recaps and movies  and i can say i never slept so much and so often. =)))))

I reflected more about my shame to be seen with x or y date. Is just in my head and is toxic. It hinders me to date more and go for more second dates.

My friends and family arent models and they arent as mean as i imagine they are. Is just in my head.

 

I didnt listen to psycho-cybernetics in a few days. I am resistant to do it now. Why?

Edited January 22, 2023 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

Last week i did a pull up and felt pain in my right arm. I feel the pain in my wrist now. Not sure what happened. I took it easier. Maybe is also because work related problems? Idk. Hope it will pass. 

 

I slept a lot when i felt like watching shit online. It really helped haha. 

Did some more tasks i didnt feel like doing. I am proud of myself.

 

I am wasting time on IG but other than is all is going quite well. 

 

Worked some more on my project for uni and i am going to prepare new substrate this week. I was freaking out just waiting for that guy to do his part. I will grow them at my house and be done with it. I dont want to be in the same position one month before presentation, in June. 

 

I have been meditating, doing exercises for my back, visualization, meditating, etc each day. Some days like today i didnt feel like it. I am feeling better. Visualization really helps man.

 

Listened to psycho-cybernetics after all yesterday. Nice insights. 

 

Today i wanted to watch some episodes and porn. Almost wrote it down in the search bar lol.

 

I need to keep vigilant to not get lazy again. I am so excited to almost close a month without tv series and porn. I feel so much better like i am not feeling that constant feeling of frustration and contempt. I am even sleeping more which is a surprise. I am proud of myself. I dont feel like i am going crazy even if i am starting exams next week. 

It feels fucking good to not waste most of the day and freak out saying "i dont have time". Also, is easier to do tasks using my discipline when i didnt watch 2 episodes back to back. 

 

What else?

I am considering to read about communication. It will be very useful at work, personal life and dating. I have been saying "i dont know what to say in x situation" for many years. This would make a major difference. 

 

Meditation is also going well, i even meditated 10 minutes. I feel easier to hear myself. It was hard a few weeks ago. 

 

 

Edited January 23, 2023 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

I had a test last week and i just found out i failed. Not sure why. Everyone cheated. 

I have tomorrow an exam and this test again the day after tomorrow.

I m not happy about this shit. I need to pass this week or the other. But i also need to chill. Some of my colleagues have failed exams since last year. Isnt a big deal.

Went to bed late and woke up late. I wanted to do my visualizations but i fell asleep until 13. Did my routine and worked out after that. Studying as well.

My wrist is much better. 

 

 

What else?

Going to finish to prepare some millet for inoculation with liquid cultures for my project. Glad is finally happening. I dont know when the Martha tent will be done. I will just grow them at my house and stop waiting for this guy to get his crap together. 

I did a campaign for that dude who just started his reiki practice. I am glad to help me but felt frustrated i am not doing the same for myself. I should do my own business and stop focusing on others so much. 

I see it as unfair to care more about our client's business than themselves at work. Or that we do what our boss what us to do just to earn money. I dont think is fair. But this way i earn pocket money in college. Much better than working for my parents. Id like some more freedom by working for myself. 

I also feel a little frustrated helping this guy with the lab to make his own business work. I mean he didnt even start his own business yet. Get your project done and take more care of yourself. Is quite frustrating i helped him a lot and i still dont have my project fucking done. It will be fine in the end. 

If i finish this project by May i will have nothing to worry about lol. This is why i worked yesterday as well. 

 

So better work on this project than going on dates and meeting with your friends for now. 

[Everyday]

Hei

 

Passed another exam at uni today. I couldnt take it 2 months ago because i never went to her courses and labs. It was from 16 and i was at work. It helped a lot i studied beforehand. 

 

My sister showed me an acquaintance of her on LinkedIn. I know the guy as well. He stays at a company for like 4 months and quits. Wow. And i am here still worrying i will get fired lol and i wont get a new job. I need to trust myself much more. I have been here for almost 2 years. It's a great thing. 

Yeah, id like a bigger salary but i have to say i havent worked much lately. I am actually asking to get work. I dont bother much so is a good thing i can finish university. Just a few more months. Also, chill bro. Just like i visualized, calm down. 

 

I am anxious for tomorrow test lol. 

 

I set up to meet with 2 friends next week after exams. I got inspiration from my brothers GF. She takes a break after each exams and i should too. 

 

Yesterday and today i spent a lot of time on IG and didnt ate very healthy foods. I felt bored and worried for the test i have tomorrow.

Edited January 25, 2023 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hello

 

So i cheated again but i messed about calculus and didnt wrote all the definition for that method. I will take the test next week as well. 

I was much calmer than last time. Is just a test and i will pass it.

The professor didnt let us do calculus on our phones or calculators. He said these problems from the test are for kids but he checked my results with his calculator... Man... you cant make this up...

He started asking a colleague why he didnt study more and about his life. He didnt bother much with school last 4 years. Turns out he chose this degree because his parents and hates it. Wow. I didnt know that.

Edited January 26, 2023 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

Went to the lab yesterday. I will have mycelium in a few weeks because is colder here in winter. I am happy i asked this guy for help. He didnt feel like  working today at the lab. Predictable. Anyway, i will finish this project and everything will be fine. 

So this guy took some DMT last year and was very excited about life and very driven for a like 2 months. You could see calmness and purpose in his eyes. But i was surprised to see him yesterday being exactly like he was before. Very poor discipline. He said the same leo said. You have to work for it daily, no shortcuts. I am shocked to see how big discipline is in someones life. I think discipline is the backbone of building an amazing life.

It has been over a month since my last trip and i am still working on myself but i feel getting a little weaker. I will be careful. 

 

 

 

I did some math exercises with my mother. I failed the calculus problem from that test. I was surprised to find out that almost the same problem we had on the test. Also, that the professor doesnt know calculus either lol. Anyway, this failed test was a reason to finally start fixing this after years. Good.

Studying some more and working yesterday. Bought some junk food. I will deal with this later. The rest of the routine is very good. But i noticed i am getting weaker and harder to do it. Stay vigilant! 

 

 

 

 

A colleague from work announced us he is taking a year off to think about life. He is a nice guy. He is into self development as well but comes from a more moral standpoint. It makes me uncomfortable seeing him getting extremely upset on corrupt doctors and politicians from our country. I dont know why i feel this but it makes me feel uncomfortable when he tells us he just wants to be a better human being and so on while almost crying. 

I sent him some videos from YT because he quit working out 3 years ago when the pandemic hit. He couldnt re-think his routine and got hit very bad. Hope he will be fine. 

His GF works in the same agency but at another department. She is nice but very cold. I am shocked seeing that they dont speak with each other at work, not even leaving together home even if they live together.  IDK.

 

 

 

Edited January 28, 2023 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

I just got a warning from BitDefender when i entered actualized org.

Did it happen to you as well?

Infected web page detected

2 minutes ago

Feature:

Online Threat Prevention

We blocked this dangerous page for your protection: https://www.actualized.org/forum/uploads/javascript_core/front_front_profile.js.9e438f42c137b264a74ca2bedb278289.js?csrfKey=b465c7b60a140a1ed0dff0be6295f762&antiCache=6dcee3118d Threat name: Trojan.Script.Miner.F Dangerous pages attempt to install software that can harm the device, gather personal information or operate without your consent.

 

[Everyday]

Hello

 

So i didnt get any more warning from Bitdefender. I dont know what happened on the forum.

 

On 1/28/2023 at 1:42 PM, Everyday said:

I did some math exercises with my mother. I failed the calculus problem from that test. I was surprised to find out that almost the same problem we had on the test. Anyway, this failed test was a reason to finally start fixing this after years. Good.

Did some more exercises today. I am starting to remember. I also notice impatience. 

I am preparing for Tuesday's exam. I am organizing what i am learning to make it easier to remember.

I am not studying for hours on end like i would wish but is a begging just a few hours a day even if i am distracted. 

 

Me and mom asked my brother when he is starting to search for a job since my parents business isnt going well for some months. He keeps delaying applying for jobs for several months and my parents are getting upset and impatient. Mom said he is almost 26 and should have got his life on point by now. 

I was thinking i will get 30 in 6 years and am i supposed to have my life sort out? I am still trying to make things work. I felt pressure to get my shit together faster. But what if i am seeing life as life, without having to be at x or y by that age. Hmm. 

                 One thing i know - dont watch tv series, instagram and recap crap on YT. I wasted too much time with that crap. Keep doing your routine daily. It makes me better. 

 

               

 

My wrist is much better. I did work out with my bro today. Did some push ups. If i will feel ok i will do pull ups as well. I miss doing those. 

 

 

What else?

I spent too much time on Instagram in the discovery section. Just scrolling. 2-3 HOURS would pass this way. I logged out of the app from my laptop and my phone. As a result i checked my messages just 2 times. I didnt start scrolling. Good. 

I think i am using Instagram the way i used tv series and YT videos. Not good. 

 

So i am not sure if i should go for a 3rd date with her. We matched on Christmas and kept talking since than. It has been over a month and we met twice because of exams. I dont want to get in a serious relationship with her. Things seem that didnt go too far even if we are speaking for such a long time.

I am curious why she doesnt ask me to go out like i did. Isnt see bothered about just talking and not meeting face to face again as soon as possible. I mean it has been over a week. Hmm. I wonder when she will say let's meet again. Can it be after another month? IDK.

 

Also, i am thinking to focus more on exams and that project than to talk to girls from tinder. I mean at least to finish exams at first. I have all the time afterwards. Or at least wait until end of Feb to date again. 

I am thinking to go for several dates with each girl and see what will happen. Maybe 1 date is too little for things to happen. Wait for longer to see how the girl is like. 

 

I find it harder to escalate at a cafe or bar. It was so much easier to kiss and touch her in a park. It feels weird in a closed space. 

 

 

OR     i should keep it in my pants and just use the free time after exams to write my project instead of waiting to summer or smth like that. I should do this. 

I am calmer than i was last year. I was watching a lot of tv series last time i had exams and it was very stressful. I said to myself i dont even have time to work out or clean my room. What a lie! I would feel like shit after 2-3 hours of watching some shit. Actually i would feel exhausted. 

I am not working 24/7 on my goals my it still feels like i need down time between being productive. Just even sleeping or sitting longer in bed doing nothing. 

Edited January 29, 2023 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Just found out i have another exams this Friday, besides the exam tomorrow. Lol. 

I also have that test i failed 3 times this Friday. The professor will ask someone else to take the test with us cuz he is busy. I hope we will be able to cheat =)))

 

Is 15:40 over here and didnt use Instagram. I want to check my messages but there is no point. I will use it later and i am considering not using the app for the following 2 weeks. I want to use it now because i have been checking the app regularly for a long time.

One step at a time 

 

Today was good. I am studying and i am using a timer again. I noticed i struggle to pay attention for long periods of time. I just used 10 minutes for the start. 

 

I woke up earlier and i had a dream about my ex. I used the time before my alarm to just let go of it and all that drama. I visualized myself letting it go. 

Edited January 30, 2023 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Forgot i already wrote here today haha.

 

I found some games to practice subtractions, additions, multiplication, etc. I just didnt think it can be that easy. I would make it on a piece of paper. 

It feels weird to be Monday and not go to uni. 

I checked Insta at 21:00 and that girl didnt even write me again since i didnt replay to her messages from yesterday. Lol. I am stressing way to much. Replayed to her with one line and i will see what she said next night. 

I did feel better without checking and scrolling Instagram. But around late noon i wanted to really hard. I was bored. I found smth to do. I was spending too much time on that app. Good i am doing smth about it. It was frustrating just consuming all that content for hours on end. 

 

I am thinking what will i do after i finish exams? I am using my time to study to not get bored. I need to find smth to do besides working out and exercises. Oh, i will have school each week so is ok. 

 

Once again i realized i can feel confident without changing anything. I have all the reason to feel amazing and do more. I checked some ppl on LinkedIn and i was surprised they never worked. Like never. Wow. And they still dont care and are confident. 

 

Meeting 2 friends tomorrow night. I need a nice break and to talk some shit. 

 

 

[Everyday]

Hey

 

I hope the exam was fine.

It was fun meeting with friends but i feel tired afterwards. I should have studied for this Friday. Next time dont stay that long. 

[Everyday]

I think i was at level 2

 

 

Edited February 1, 2023 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

I had a weird nightmare. I am not used to have them. I also had some bad dreams last month. Hmm.

So it feels good to not use Instagram at all. I feel free. No idea what other ppl are doing and this helps me mind my own business. 

 

My siblings want to go travel this year and i refused a few trips because i need to save up money. I want to start that online store maybe in May or June.

My friends also want to travel but i am quite sure nothing will be done in the end.

 

I found out how much a friend working in a store for around 2 years makes even if she works in weekends as well. I thought is much more. Hmm. 

 

I need to earn more. I am still living at home even if i am 24. Of. So save up more than just 40% of my paycheck. 

 

What else? 

I am anxious for tomorrow's test and exam. I am better at calculus and i am shocked. I improved a lot in a week. Imagine in years. Damn. 

I felt i wanted to watch some tv series and some porn. It is ok.

 

I have 3 more exams and i can work on my project for uni. Also, in 2 weeks i will fucking celebrate not watching tv series, recaps and movies while taking exams. Amazing. If i resisted during exams i can make it to the end of the year.

 

Edited February 2, 2023 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

The test yesterday was ok. It helped i did some math exercises daily. The professor said we can wait for him to tell us our grade after the test. Waited for one hour and he was "too tired" to check my test. What an asshole =)))))))))

The exam before the test was ok as well. Didnt get a higher grade because i didnt go to his lectures.

 

I finally got Google apps for my Huawei phone. I downloaded revolut and it turns out i invested $2 in BTC in 2018! I dont even remember. I got a 300% ROI. Damn!

 

I have 3 more exams left. Cant wait to be done.

 

 

 

Edited February 4, 2023 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Bonjurică! 

 

I feel bored of studying for the upcoming exam. I keep checking whatsapp, linkedin and hanging out with my siblings. 

 

I spent quite some time on linkedin. I am impressed with what others did. But also amazed some ppl i know f2f didnt have many jobs and are still very confident. Interesting. 

I feel weird to quit this job and i am thinking my colleagues and boss will think bad things about me. But i saw some people working just for a few months at each job. And here i am thinking i cant quit after 2 years. Haha

 

Even if i wasted time on other stuff i am happy i quit Instagram for already 2-3 days. I still need to spend more time studying. I need to use more discipline. Each day i do my routine i make these habits stronger. Amazing. This morning i did my whole routine even if i hesitated at the beginning. 

 

I need to spend more time learning PPC and other stuff in marketing. I like these stuff. Also, i am upset i waited for other ppl to teach me marketing, motivation and other skills. I didnt have the discipline myself so i hoped other ppl will give me all i need without me working for it. 

I feel stupid i spent time helping those ppl with their businesses instead of starting smth myself. I feel upset when someone says i will take you to work for me. I didnt learn much working for those entrepreneurs last few years. I can learn more starting my own business.

I feel i cant start that mushroom business myself but sure i can start that online store myself. 

 

I feel upset on myself waiting for the lab guy with mushrooms to start his own business and to teach me to do it myself. He still waits to feel like working and this caused him to not really put the work in to make it work. We used to have those calls last autumn. That went to shit. Nothing got done. Well, this guy is waiting for us to motivate him and do the plans even if we dont know what to do. Is just frustrating. 

I just want to finish my project for uni and we will see what happens after that. I feel i can use my time to start my own thing and stop waiting for mediocre entrepreneurs to teach me shit. 

 

Next step? 

Study for exams and finish your project as soon as possible. 

I am thinking to postpone dating as well. 

 

 

I need to keep building discipline. Most of my problems stem from not doing the stuff i need to do. I stayed with some people hoping to get their motivation and determination. Doesn't work this way. I need to build that myself. 

I feel i should keep doing my routine and absenting from some habits for the next few months and just that. Investing in a relationship feels too easy. I know be nice to a girl but taking care of myself is the real challenge. Doing this next 5 months is bigger than whatever girl i would meet. Yet, maybe a few dates wont hurt.

 

Also, i am working on showing myself i have time to develop myself even if i work and study. I cant believe how much time i actually have since i stopped watching tv series and crap online. Is amazing. I feel i build a chronic "i dont have time" because that's how i would feel after watching hours of content online.  

 

I have just a few more months of this uni and i can focus on other goals. I do have to say i am worried i will get bored at work, doing it each month without distractions. We will see. 

 

 

Met with friends last Friday and i didnt feel like i should be home working or being productive. I was productive! This was nice to realize. 

 

 

Edited February 5, 2023 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Next step into better productivity would be to study with a timer. 

I am still wasting time on my laptop even if i already removed several distractions. 

Ideally would be to work several hours without checking my phone, sites and so on. Maybe block/restrict lots of sites on my laptop in order to focus on what i have to do for x amount of time. 

 

[Everyday]

Hei

 

On 2/4/2023 at 6:16 PM, Everyday said:

The test yesterday was ok. It helped i did some math exercises daily. The professor said we can wait for him to tell us our grade after the test. Waited for one hour and he was "too tired" to check my test. What an asshole =)))))))))

I got a 6! 

The professor had as call him to ask for the grade. He mentioned how he laughed of my mistakes from the test. Lol. I said thanks, ok. I passed. Suck it rat-man! 

 

I asked one of my friends what am i doing wrong with dating. He said maybe is because i dont have more "spicy" conversations with her while on a date. I dindnt think of this. He advised me to use body language to know when to touch her while on a date. 

Thanks man.

[Everyday]

Hey

I had problems sleeping last night. I used some of that time visualizing achieving my goals month after month. It was really powerful. 

Studying is going very slow but i didnt have much to work today. All good.

Update: I had lots to work afterwards ahaha. Didnt finish yet.

 

I asked my father if he is going to buy smth for mom for Valentines Day. He said he wont. Lol. Maybe he will change his mind. Talked with my sister to get smth for her. She complained at us about him.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited February 7, 2023 by Everyday

[Everyday]

Hey

 

I had a full day at work.

I will study for tomorrow's exam now.

Went to bed earlier but took some while to fall asleep. I noticed is easier to fall asleep without listening to music or smth. I used to watch movies each night to fall asleep. I couldnt tolerate the thoughts i would have after wasting a day so that helped. Hmm. But now is much better. Already completed 15% on this month hehe.

I feel good about myself and my progress. 

 

Also, not comparing myself with ppl from Instagram makes me feel better about myself. 

 

I would like to do more besides work and studying but each time i try i feel stressed and that "i dont have time" feeling. For now i will just do these 2 things for now. I have one more week and that's it. I have all the time to do more afterwards. I dont need to rush, just to maintain my routine.

Doing these habits and abstaining from others is the backbone to do even more amazing things. Not watching tv series is fucking huuuuuge for me.

 

I felt this degree is taking forever since the start, 4 years ago. I have changed a lot. It feels it has been 10 years. It feels like last year of high school. I am waiting to finish to do more stuff. But i have to keep the discipline to do those things. 

Edited February 8, 2023 by Everyday

[Everyday]

4 hours ago, Everyday said:

I felt this degree is taking forever since the start, 4 years ago. I have changed a lot. It feels it has been 10 years. It feels like last year of high school. I am waiting to finish to do more stuff. But i have to keep the discipline to do those things. 

Hmm, it was also a mindset i dont have time for certain things. During this time i worked and a few courses. I moved out twice, etc. It was time.